Hey guys, I need some advice

  • Will123

    Posts: 99

    Aug 17, 2012 6:04 AM GMT
    Hey guys, so here's the short and simple back story:

    I was visiting the area looking for a place to live, started talking to this guy on grindr, and continued talking through the month before I moved here.

    --------------

    I've been here for two weeks now and we almost met once, but he canceled due to something trivial. I was talking to him on Facebook like always and asked if he was doing anything fun this weekend. He tells me he has a date. Now, being the polite guy that I am, I wish him well.

    I think it's kind of obvious by now that I am interested in going on a date with him, too. Why would he mention that he's going on a date? Am I over thinking this? Should I say F it and forget him or keep him as an option? Did he "friendzone" me by mentioning he was going on a date?


    I'm thinking I should sit back and wait for him to contact me, but not remove him as a friend. I'm interested in hearing what you guys have to say.

    Will
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 17, 2012 6:12 AM GMT
    Let's see... I think you should try to meet in real life again and see what happens. If he avoids meeting you, then he just likes you as an internet chat buddy. If he wants to meet with you, then he either (a) likes you as a friend, or (b) is interested in you and is keeping his options open.
    If he keeps on avoiding to meet with you then forget it. But if he does want to meet up then I say keep him as an option in case he's also interested.
  • Will123

    Posts: 99

    Aug 17, 2012 6:14 AM GMT
    Thanks! If he wasn't so cute I think I wouldn't have a problem -- but I've somehow turned into a teenage girl obsessing about stupid stuff.
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Aug 17, 2012 6:15 AM GMT
    He's just being candid about what he wants. My interpretation is that he's out looking for hookups. If he so nonchalantly mentioned he has another date while chatting you up for so long then he may still be into you, but with a no strings, fuck buddy sort of deal.

  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Aug 17, 2012 10:31 AM GMT
    he's not your boyfriend, so deal with it or move on
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    Aug 17, 2012 12:29 PM GMT
    He's really not worth your time. You are obviously more invested in it then he is. That's okay -- it's great to feel that way. But he's not giving back what you are putting out. However, you haven't been direct with him. There's no shame in asking for what you want -- if it's a date, then ask for it. If he dicks around and doesn't commit then you know it's not meant to be. Cut your losses and make the space for someone who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 17, 2012 12:35 PM GMT
    I kind of agree with some of what has been said above.

    He's being honest with you about what he's doing and probably isn't that interested in meeting you... its been 2 weeks. Having said that, you might make one more effort to meet him for coffee or a drink and chat. If he isn't interested in making the effort, I'd go on about your business... there are many other worthy guys out there!

    Good luck and hope all is going well with everything else in your new place!
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    Aug 17, 2012 12:50 PM GMT
    Don't do it - he doesn't sound worthy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 17, 2012 12:51 PM GMT
    Neight saidLet's see... I think you should try to meet in real life again and see what happens. If he avoids meeting you, then he just likes you as an internet chat buddy. If he wants to meet with you, then he either (a) likes you as a friend, or (b) is interested in you and is keeping his options open.
    If he keeps on avoiding to meet with you then forget it. But if he does want to meet up then I say keep him as an option in case he's also interested.


    +1

    ah to hell with it...

    +2
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    Aug 17, 2012 12:55 PM GMT
    The fact that he canceled for no good reason, and did not offer to reschedule, says a LOT. For some guys it is a HUGE ego boost to reject someone who wants him badly.

    But another possibility is that it is not obvious to him that you have the hots for him. Maybe you've been playing it too safe and have not made your intentions known? Years ago I chatted for weeks with a guy who I assumed was out of my league, so I did not make it clear how much I wanted to go after him. Later I found out that he was as hot for me as I was for him, but by then it was too late. Anyhow, with you, if this is the case, you might take the risk and make it totally clear what you want.
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    Aug 17, 2012 1:24 PM GMT
    bmman123 saidHey guys, so here's the short and simple back story:

    I was visiting the area looking for a place to live, started talking to this guy on grindr, and continued talking through the month before I moved here.

    --------------

    I've been here for two weeks now and we almost met once, but he canceled due to something trivial. I was talking to him on Facebook like always and asked if he was doing anything fun this weekend. He tells me he has a date. Now, being the polite guy that I am, I wish him well.

    I think it's kind of obvious by now that I am interested in going on a date with him, too. Why would he mention that he's going on a date? Am I over thinking this? Should I say F it and forget him or keep him as an option? Did he "friendzone" me by mentioning he was going on a date?


    I'm thinking I should sit back and wait for him to contact me, but not remove him as a friend. I'm interested in hearing what you guys have to say.

    Will


    he is not that into you and he does not think enough of you to let you know this. he is using the perfected gay mo of avoidance and silence hoping that your little annoyance will disappear.

    you may be looking for some kind of definitive/closure... you may or may not get it. it is totally up to you how you want to be played.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11819

    Aug 17, 2012 1:27 PM GMT
    You're in the friend zone...If you can handle that...cool...If ya can't...move on
  • CuriousJockAZ

    Posts: 19119

    Aug 17, 2012 1:49 PM GMT
    bmman123 saidThanks! If he wasn't so cute I think I wouldn't have a problem -- but I've somehow turned into a teenage girl obsessing about stupid stuff.


    So be more direct...ask him to do something casual. You're new in town, don't know a lot of people. Maybe ask him where the cool place are that he goes out on weekend nights, and maybe you can arrange to just meet there casually so it's not really a "date" --- and just take it from there.
  • Hammer89

    Posts: 237

    Aug 17, 2012 1:55 PM GMT
    The way I see it there are two ways you can go about it.

    One: To prevent yourself from getting hurt move on. If he gets in touch with you great! If not, oh well, his loss.

    Two: Continue to talk to him, express interest and see if that sparks anything on his end. Hopefully that leads you to a date down the road. If it does, great! If not...revert back to number one.

    Good luck!
  • Will123

    Posts: 99

    Aug 17, 2012 10:14 PM GMT
    Thanks guys, I'll definitely take your advice for the future. Time will tell with this guy though. I've extended my offer and if he's interested he'll have to come to me. icon_biggrin.gif