I feel like I let "the one" go

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2012 9:42 PM GMT
    I ended my on again off again relationship of 4 years about 4 months ago. This is the longest that we have ever stayed separated and that is because I told him that if it didn't work the last time we decided to try again, then I was done for good. Well obviously it didn't work. I have not dated anyone since because basically im not ready to and it wouldn't be fair to the guy im dating if im still hung up on my ex. When we broke up I was SO SURE that it was the right thing to do considering our history, but now im having a huge case of the "what if's". The main two "what if's" that have been plaguing me recently are what if I never find someone as compatible with me as he was and what if I let go of the one for me.... I just dont wanna end up like Katy Parry in her "the one that got away" video icon_sad.gif

    If you have ever been in this situation give some input. Tell us your story and how everything turned out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2012 9:46 PM GMT
    First, I doubt your ex is going to be driving alongside a cliff, see a boulder 100 yards away magically appear out of nowhere, and and still manage to drive off said cliff.
    There's a reason why you guys were "off and on." Remember why you two were so frequently "off."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2012 11:33 PM GMT
    Neight saidFirst, I doubt your ex is going to be driving alongside a cliff, see a boulder 100 yards away magically appear out of nowhere, and and still manage to drive off said cliff.
    There's a reason why you guys were "off and on." Remember why you two were so frequently "off."


    Everything seems like a big deal when your with them... but when its over, everything that pissed you off so much doesn't seem to matter anymore.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Aug 19, 2012 11:37 PM GMT
    Oh, christ.
    YES, THERE IS ONLY ONE MAN FOR YOU, IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, AND THAT LOSER IS THE ONE.

    CALL HIM UP AND BEG HIM TO TAKE YOU BACK.
    MAYBE IT WILL BE WEDDED BLISS, THE 3RD, 4TH, OR 5TH TIME AROUND.

    Instead of sitting around, moping, at home, wake up and move on.
    Go out there and find someone who deserves you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2012 11:38 PM GMT
    Dante_101 said
    Neight saidFirst, I doubt your ex is going to be driving alongside a cliff, see a boulder 100 yards away magically appear out of nowhere, and and still manage to drive off said cliff.
    There's a reason why you guys were "off and on." Remember why you two were so frequently "off."


    Everything seems like a big deal when your with them... but when its over, everything that pissed you off so much doesn't seem to matter anymore.


    Then if you wanna make it work, let the stuff that doesn't matter go. My last relationship was strained because we both had an ego and never let the little stuff go. I'm in a great relationship right now and I don't let the little things get to me. You just gotta have some faith in yourself and your bf.

    Either get back together or try to move on. It is gonna take awhile if it was a 4 year relationship.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 19, 2012 11:48 PM GMT
    There is only one way to get over being thrown from a horse
    Get back on

    You won't get over him if you don't start dating ... they don't have to last, but you do have to put yourself out there
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 19, 2012 11:59 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidThere is only one way to get over being thrown from a horse
    Get back on

    You won't get over him if you don't start dating ... they don't have to last, but you do have to put yourself out there


    So your saying dont take a break?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2012 12:05 AM GMT
    You should take a break..!!
    Like you said..

    "I have not dated anyone since because basically im not ready to and it wouldn't be fair to the guy im dating if im still hung up on my ex"..

    Personally i think you should take the time to clear your head..
    Focus on you for a bit!..Work on tossing the baggage from your last relationship!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2012 12:43 AM GMT
    Guess what? I let him go. Long time ago. I met him when I was 8 years old. We were best friends. Then our emerging sexuality kind of manifested and I lost my virginity to him. We dated all through H.S. Then he broke up with me when we went to college. I found out he dated women in college.

    Then, when me and my bf broke up, he was there to pick up the pieces and help me through it. He was the only one who visited me in the hospital when my bf beat the shit out of me. We got into a relationship again.

    Then, behind my back, while he was living in my house, he got MARRIED to a woman and broke up with me the day before his wedding.

    A year ago he tried to contact me again and started showing up in places he knew I'd be. I had to rearrange my whole damn life to stay away from his stupid ass, THEN about two months ago he tried to pick up my husband in a bar. Fuck that.

    I see him and still have all these conflicted weird feelings and it kills me inside and I cry for an hour or so until by brain takes over and tells me that I am in LOVE with my husband and he's all I ever need or want.

    Rant over. I wish my ex would move away, die, or leave me the fuck alone and stop fucking with my brain the way he does. Would someone please just beat the shit out of him or something?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2012 1:18 AM GMT
    Daas saidGuess what? I let him go. Long time ago. I met him when I was 8 years old. We were best friends. Then our emerging sexuality kind of manifested and I lost my virginity to him. We dated all through H.S. Then he broke up with me when we went to college. I found out he dated women in college.

    Then, when me and my bf broke up, he was there to pick up the pieces and help me through it. He was the only one who visited me in the hospital when my bf beat the shit out of me. We got into a relationship again.

    Then, behind my back, while he was living in my house, he got MARRIED to a woman and broke up with me the day before his wedding.

    A year ago he tried to contact me again and started showing up in places he knew I'd be. I had to rearrange my whole damn life to stay away from his stupid ass, THEN about two months ago he tried to pick up my husband in a bar. Fuck that.

    I see him and still have all these conflicted weird feelings and it kills me inside and I cry for an hour or so until by brain takes over and tells me that I am in LOVE with my husband and he's all I ever need or want.

    Rant over. I wish my ex would move away, die, or leave me the fuck alone and stop fucking with my brain the way he does. Would someone please just beat the shit out of him or something?




    You know....if there's anything good that can come out of that. it's that I'm grateful that my worst ex is not that traumatic to me. So thanks. I feel better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2012 1:20 AM GMT
    I don't understand how you can say you two were "so compatible" when you tried to be together so many times and it has never worked. That doesn't sound compatible to me icon_confused.gif
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Aug 20, 2012 1:32 AM GMT
    I think that rocky relationships, while passionate, are fundamentally more about the drama than a real, grounded, healthy one. And some couples are addicted to that intensity and the cycle of breaking up and making up.

    If you've broken up that many times with him before, maybe you should do some deep examination about whether you're tempted to jump back in with him because that's what's familiar (even if it's unhealthy), or because the sturm and drang of it all is just a big adrenaline rush.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2012 1:38 AM GMT
    For a while I thought my partner of 3 years was going to be the only One for me... then I met another guy who swept me off my feet, before this that and the other... but now I'm ready to date again, well my emotions are ready to open up; though other aspects catch up. I've got cracks in my porcelain veneer, but I hope that doesn't stop a guy from seeing my potential.
    I hope they don't let their own cracked shells stop them from trying either. A broken heart knows how to love... it knows the price of vulnerability, and still tries... when you're ready, you'll know you're ready.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 20, 2012 3:02 AM GMT
    Dante_101 said
    AMoonHawk saidThere is only one way to get over being thrown from a horse
    Get back on

    You won't get over him if you don't start dating ... they don't have to last, but you do have to put yourself out there


    So your saying dont take a break?

    From what you were saying, you've already had your cooling off period several times ... obviously that is not working for you ... start dating other guys .. you don't have to sleep with every one of them, but start going out on dates so you can start getting over the past.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2012 3:32 AM GMT
    El_Crankodor saidYou did let "the one" go and now you'll die alone. Have a nice day!


    Thank you I feel so much better now icon_confused.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2012 3:33 AM GMT
    I was in a similar situation as you with my ex of 6 years. Similar feelings as you, I thought that I would never find someone as compatible but as it turns out, 2 years later, I found someone I enjoy being with more now.

    You will find someone. I think it's time to move on.
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Aug 20, 2012 3:39 AM GMT
    You deserve better..... it's ok to want the security of a relationship .... it's not ok to want it with a jerk .... that is self destructive.

    What you are missing can be found in a good man ... but you aren't going to find him alone at home pining over an ass.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2012 3:39 AM GMT
    how do you know he was "the one"? something told you the first 4 times that it wasnt going to work. whats different? Maybe youre used to being with someone and this feeling of being alone is making you feel like he should be the one only to fill that void you have inside. i think you will definitely know when the right one comes along. maybe im your "one" icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 20, 2012 3:52 AM GMT
    HowHotKC saidYou deserve better..... it's ok to want the security of a relationship .... it's not ok to want it with a jerk .... that is self destructive.

    What you are missing can be found in a good man ... but you aren't going to find him alone at home pining over an ass.



    icon_lol.gif I go out a lot... just don't ever let anyone in