BULLYING, HAZING, HARASSMENT

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    Aug 19, 2012 10:56 PM GMT
    Goodbye, My friend. You were a good man. You had a good heart and a kind soul. You may have been short, you may have been small. But what you lacked in size, you more than made up for in your soul.

    They should not have bullied you, they should not have picked on you. There should have been people there to protect you and that is where your leadership failed you. Do not worry, we will take care of your family, we will make sure that these poor excuse of leaders do not escape their punishment for what they did to you. Many do not understand the stresses of combat, but your brothers and sister do.

    To all others out there, either a perpetrator, a victim or a friend of either: BULLYING MUST STOP!!

    It does not matter if you are a Youth or an Adult, Military or Civilian, Jock or Nerd, Majority or Minority, Gay or Straight; BULLYING KILLS AND BULLYING MUST STOP. In my friends case, he was a Soldier that was smaller in stature. He was a good man that cared about his friends and had an open heart. I do not know all the details but from the reports that I have heard is that he was incessantly bullied by his E6-E7 leadership. His current assignment is Afghanistan were he took his own life a couple of days ago. There are many things wrong with this picture, but one of the worst is that of those that witnessed the bulling... NO ONE HAD THE FORTITUDE TO STOP IT!!! The Army "LDRSHIP" Values were not present.
    LOYALTY; DUTY; RESPECT; SELFLESS SERVICE; HONOR; INTEGRITY; PERSONAL COURAGE. Where were these values when my Brother in Arms was being harassed and bullied by his superiors?

    If you are a VICTIM, there is help. If you Chain of Command fails you, then reach outside of your C.O.C. There are services available that are put in place to stop, prevent and investigate issues of hazing, harassment and bullying.

    If you are a WITNESS, then it is your duty to report such crimes. Not just as a fellow soldier, or classmate, or co-worker; but as a friend, as a member of society and as a HUMAN BEING.

    http://www.stopbullying.gov/
    http://www.cde.ca.gov/ls/ss/se/bullyres.asp
    http://kidpower.org/

    http://www.pacer.org/bullying/?gclid=CL7TtbLb9LECFUTrKgodnmMADA
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying
    http://www.behavioralhealth.army.mil/sprevention/index.html
    https://www.safehelpline.org/


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    Aug 20, 2012 12:22 AM GMT
    I'm really sorry about your Friend!..
    Hugz.
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    Aug 20, 2012 12:32 AM GMT
    This hits home really hard. For six months during Desert Storm, I was assigned as the Chaplain's assistant in Great Lakes IL, and counseled many potential suicide victims. Most were only pissed about this that and the other with no intention of actual suicide. The ones who were at risk were the ones I never met, because they didn't voice their thoughts.

    My heart goes out to you and your friend's family; and I truly hope he rests in peace.

    *hugs* icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 20, 2012 12:46 AM GMT
    How many people who agree here will, in their next witnessing of bullying, actually say something? It happens here all the time and we just think "glad it's not be they're harassing", and continue on. Even the occasional response saying "I don't like the way you're behaving here" helps change the impression of the victim from "they all agree" to "they might be on my side".
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    Aug 20, 2012 1:02 AM GMT
    So very sorry to hear about your friend. Suicide sucks. Bully's suck even more. I will never understand why people take pleasure in other people's pain and misery. My thoughts are with you, your friend and your friend's family.

    If you ever need to talk I am around. Just shoot me a PM.

    What is worse are those who witness the bully's and say and do nothing despite knowing they could have stopped it. icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 20, 2012 1:22 AM GMT
    Thank you, Brothers. I appreciate your support. I really do.

    @SkinnyBitch: I have to agree. go the the "VIEW ALL FORUMS" menu and look at how many people viewed and now many actually responded.

    My friends case reminds me of the story of a female that was raped in the middle of a shopping mall and everyone just stood and watched and NO ONE did anything. just look with horror and would not help her, even with her screams and pleas for help.
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    Aug 20, 2012 1:30 AM GMT
    It is truly heartbreaking. My condolences to you and your friends and family for the loss. icon_cry.gif
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    Aug 20, 2012 2:04 AM GMT
    Tanker how are you?..
    Are you still laid up..??
    Are you recovering ok?
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    Aug 20, 2012 2:08 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidHow many people who agree here will, in their next witnessing of bullying, actually say something? It happens here all the time and we just think "glad it's not be they're harassing", and continue on. Even the occasional response saying "I don't like the way you're behaving here" helps change the impression of the victim from "they all agree" to "they might be on my side".
    I haven't seen much bullying of other people but when my friends have been bullied I've said shit back to the bullies and risked getting my ass beat because of it.
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    Aug 20, 2012 2:11 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidTanker how are you?..
    Are you still laid up..??
    Are you recovering ok?


    Yeah. I have my foot propped up on a rolled blanket. streaming Torchwood on Netflix trying to bring myself to cracking open this bottle of Kettle One.
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    Aug 20, 2012 2:12 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidHow many people who agree here will, in their next witnessing of bullying, actually say something? It happens here all the time and we just think "glad it's not be they're harassing", and continue on. Even the occasional response saying "I don't like the way you're behaving here" helps change the impression of the victim from "they all agree" to "they might be on my side".


    Definitely Agreed. but I made a thread about intervening before. It's very common for people to get caught in the bystander effect. Best solution is to pretend you're the only person around when something happens. easier said than done but I guess this is how I do it
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    Aug 20, 2012 2:16 AM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidHow many people who agree here will, in their next witnessing of bullying, actually say something? It happens here all the time and we just think "glad it's not be they're harassing", and continue on. Even the occasional response saying "I don't like the way you're behaving here" helps change the impression of the victim from "they all agree" to "they might be on my side".
    The make or break moment in someone's life, when they have someone stand up for them. The first boy I developed a crush on, stood up for me in middle school when a guy was being rude to me in the lunch line in 6th grade... I was still an invisible geek boy at that point, and he stopped someone from putting me down, and made my day, week, month... the first time when someone outside of my friends the years before acknowledged me, but gained nothing for it. I was grateful, surprised and confused... the sun rose on the first day of the rest of my life. icon_biggrin.gif

    Make an effort to stop bullying, don't be a bully and remember everyone is going through just about the same bullshit you are to varying degrees... some are just starting, other have been there before... level the playing field in your mind.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4864

    Aug 20, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    I was bullied from grade 9 through grade 12. The thing that hurt most was not the bullying, but the fact that no one helped. Because my parents had a "blame the victim" attitude, I knew better than to seek help from them. My brother and sister had similar problems. As a result, the three of us avoided trusting other people.

    However, unlike some people, when I saw others bullied, I did do something about it. Interestingly, defending others never caused me any problems. For that reason, I cannot understand why most people are too cowardly to do anything when they see others mistreated. It seems that most people are gutless wonders.
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    Aug 20, 2012 4:22 AM GMT
    TankerMedic said
    Anocxu saidTanker how are you?..
    Are you still laid up..??
    Are you recovering ok?


    Yeah. I have my foot propped up on a rolled blanket. streaming Torchwood on Netflix trying to bring myself to cracking open this bottle of Kettle One.


    Damm!!.. I woke up butt naked in a kiddie pool at a house party because of that stuff..!!
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    Aug 20, 2012 4:30 AM GMT
    Anocxu said
    TankerMedic said
    Anocxu saidTanker how are you?..
    Are you still laid up..??
    Are you recovering ok?


    Yeah. I have my foot propped up on a rolled blanket. streaming Torchwood on Netflix trying to bring myself to cracking open this bottle of Kettle One.


    Damm!!.. I woke up butt naked in a kiddie pool at a house party because of that stuff..!!


    WOW!!!! I NEEDED THAT. MADE ME SMILEicon_lol.gificon_razz.gif
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    Aug 20, 2012 4:34 AM GMT
    (glad i could put a smile on your face!! icon_biggrin.gif )
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    Aug 20, 2012 4:41 AM GMT
    thank you
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    Aug 20, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    I'm sorry for your loss and amazed by how you've turned into such drive. Thank you for the anti-bullying resources.
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    Aug 20, 2012 5:15 AM GMT
    I am so sorry for your friend... I hope that you're OK. Bullying is something that shouldn't happen, ever. As I was bullied (many years ago) I know how much it hurts, and especially at a younger age just being exposed to things (teenage years) it's hard. I'm sure if there was a way to really fix it, people would have implemented it by now. If anything, I learned there's power in numbers. If one voice is ignored, many won't be. I hope this would end someday.
  • Tiller66

    Posts: 380

    Aug 20, 2012 9:49 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear about your loss and Thanks for all the links and your service to all of us.
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    Aug 20, 2012 1:25 PM GMT

    TankerMedic said, "If you are a WITNESS, then it is your duty to report such crimes. Not just as a fellow soldier, or classmate, or co-worker; but as a friend, as a member of society and as a HUMAN BEING."

    Definitely, and not done enough.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 20, 2012 1:30 PM GMT
    Thanks for sharing this and for your message. Very sorry to hear about your friend.

    These kinds of messages certainly makes the reader think.... I would hope
    I would immediately take action if I witness someone being bullied. There's not excuse for it.

    icon_mad.gif
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4864

    Aug 20, 2012 6:40 PM GMT
    MarkRoger saidI am so sorry for your friend... I hope that you're OK. Bullying is something that shouldn't happen, ever. As I was bullied (many years ago) I know how much it hurts, and especially at a younger age just being exposed to things (teenage years) it's hard. I'm sure if there was a way to really fix it, people would have implemented it by now. If anything, I learned there's power in numbers. If one voice is ignored, many won't be. I hope this would end someday.


    I'm not convinced.

    As I see it, the real reason that it hasn't been "fixed" is that its seriousness was not adequately recognized until recently, and even now, many people are unaware of how serious it actually is. Of course bullying rarely actually results in suicide, but it can influence one's entire life if it is severe and occurs for several years. People can and do recover to a considerable degree, but if the bullying is severe and prolonged, probably 75% recovery is about the best that can be expected.

    It would be unrealistic to expect that bullying would ever be 100% eliminated, but surely widespread understanding of its damage would result in action which would greatly reduce its incidence. Bullying should be made socially unacceptable and enough people should learn how to assist those who are being bullied. From my own experience, I would say that the actual bullying is less harmful than learning that other kids, sometimes even including one's own friends, will watch and do nothing. The inevitable consequence is an inability or reluctance to trust other people and that makes it difficult or impossible to form close relationships. My brother, sister, and I have all experienced that consequence.

    One of the things that has finally, finally, finally alerted the public to the problems of bullying is a few mass killings by disaffected gunmen who have entered a school or workplace and shot many people. In a number of such cases, it has been found that the gunmen had been seriously bullied. It's unfortunate that it has taken fear of death to cause action to be taken.
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    Aug 21, 2012 6:16 PM GMT
    We should be readying ourselves to deal with this on-the-spot as it happens. It's hard to think realtime about what to do, because it's kind of shocking.

    Having an idea in mind of what "over the line" looks like, and how you would go about intervening to not escalate things should make it easier to act in the moment.
  • FRE0

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    Aug 22, 2012 8:36 PM GMT
    SkinnyBitch saidWe should be readying ourselves to deal with this on-the-spot as it happens. It's hard to think realtime about what to do, because it's kind of shocking.

    Having an idea in mind of what "over the line" looks like, and how you would go about intervening to not escalate things should make it easier to act in the moment.


    Good idea. It's easier to take effective action if one has prepared in advance and has a number of canned responses available.