Ever got into Physical altercations with boyfriend/ a Pure abusive relationship?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 20, 2012 1:08 AM GMT
    I've never had one.. but i wonder who has? How long did it last? what Happened?

    I have a good friend who seemingly always has a boyfriend who hits him and they wind up in physical fits. I've observed some guys.. the kind i keep at a distance.. who seem to thrive off of violence. I never understood this.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Aug 20, 2012 10:36 AM GMT
    Most likely both of those guys came from homes where violence was commonplace and now they are in a relationship where abuse feels--as twisted as it sounds--warm and familiar. It's born out of a lot of (unexamined) childhood self-loathing and powerlessness and won't ever stop without a lot of therapy.

    In observing guys in highly dysfunctional relationships, I find that often times two people will seek each other out because on a totally subconscious level, they're looking to "resolve" their horrible past by reliving it in an abusive relationship, and they fall into roles that they observed in their parents or by witnessing other negative family dynamics.

    BTW: have never been in an abusive relationship either, but know guys who have been in them (or unfortunately, are still in them).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 21, 2012 1:45 AM GMT
    I was. Four years! So corrosive.icon_redface.gif
  • QHCAguy

    Posts: 138

    Aug 21, 2012 1:53 AM GMT
    Started off not setting off alarms but a year and a half later I was very isolated and more down on myself than ever before. I ended up getting stabbed three times in getting out of it.

    Do your friend a favor and have a really uncomfortable conversation with him: tell him he doesn't have to put up with the abuse. Try to help him get out of it. They may both be meeting deep needs but those needs are ultimately destructive.
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    Aug 21, 2012 2:10 AM GMT
    QHCAguy saidStarted off not setting off alarms but a year and a half later I was very isolated and more down on myself than ever before. I ended up getting stabbed three times in getting out of it.

    Do your friend a favor and have a really uncomfortable conversation with him: tell him he doesn't have to put up with the abuse. Try to help him get out of it. They may both be meeting deep needs but those needs are ultimately destructive.


    Glad you're out of it!..
    Hugz
  • QHCAguy

    Posts: 138

    Aug 21, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    Anocxu said


    Glad you're out of it!..
    Hugz


    Thanks bud icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 21, 2012 3:01 AM GMT
    QHCAguy said
    Anocxu said


    Glad you're out of it!..
    Hugz


    Thanks bud icon_biggrin.gif


    Anytime..
    This thread gets me very emotional..
    ** Sigh **
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    Aug 21, 2012 6:32 AM GMT
    Right on at the responses here. I appreciate the honesty and any embracing this subject with soberiety and thoughtfulness.. because it exist and IS indeed a huge problem that many have.

    My mom was a battered women consulor for all of my childhood.. and it's not as obvious as it should be that gay men can and do have volatile relationships in which the dichotomies are uneven and toxic and can lead to violence and emotional abuse. It's almost the exact same pattern for men then it is for women.. it's like the frog in the gradually boiling pot who doesn't recognize he's cooked until he is cooked. That does indeed happens alot.

    I agree with Danomatic and Macho where it concerns couples who feed off of each other negatively and bring out the worst in each other. I've been in relationships like this before.. one in particular that was always on the very edge of blowing up yet i knew better.

    My friend today told me a harrowing story about his boyfriend choking the shit out of him. I paused... and thought "well.. you like to get under peoples skin.. and you provoke men..and tend to go after guys who will get emotional... "

    Of course i didn't say that because it would have been futile to point out that prehaps he's engaging in patterns that lead him to abuse by PICKING out men which he can pick fights with easily..without sounding as if i am saying "It's your fault he choked you." Am I?

    It's not as black and white... but the truth of the matter is that we do have a lot of control over how other people treat us.. yet some guys aren't aware of their attraction to toxicity... or are and thrive off of it and never want off the ride. Some are 100% in the woods because they don't know how to be treated well because they have never ever been treated well in their life.. by family and friends so their just use to being treated like shit.

    Some men would not and can know how to be loved because they never have felt love... so yeah.. it's more familiar to just be in crisis mode always.Anyone know people like this?


    The only difference between men and women in domestic situations just would be the number ties in the relationships that are incidental.. like kids. Children involved doesn't occur that much.


    Appreciate anyone delving into this very dark subject and discussing whatever vantage point they have. It's awesome.