Dear GAMRican,

A fellow RJ'er hurting from abuse wroteThe one thing I want before I die is to have my stepfather apologize for the abuse he did to me. I just want to feel real happiness. Thank you for your post icon_smile.gif

P.S. You're sexy icon_smile.gif



GAMRICAN

Thanks for the props! You put a smile on my face first thing this morning! :-)

In regards to wanting your stepfather's apology, I'm sad to say, "don't hold your breath". My grandfather was an abusive man who treated his children, well, with abuse. I don't know if he ever apologized to my Mom, even when Mom and my Aunt took care of my grandfather in his final, cantankerous years. But, they did it anyway. And, in hindsight, I know that they not only took care of grandpa because it was "the right thing to do", but because they were doing it for themselves.

I'm not sure if there is something you can do in order to achieve your own personal peace with your stepfather's transgressions towards you (and perhaps others in your family). However, if there is something which you can do to put yourself at peace...even if there is no reciprocation, then you will be free.

We cannot have any expectation that others will see their shortcomings, acknowledge their shortcomings, and make amends.

All we can do is choose to heal ourselves and leave as much of the baggage of the past behind.

Perhaps writing a long letter really telling your stepfather exactly how he was wrong, how he hurt you, how it made you feel, and how you're striving to forgive, let go, personally grow and move on...maybe that will help. Once you have the letter, and when you have made the inner decision that you want to move beyond for your own sake. Then go to some spot that you find tranquil. A mountain top. The ocean. A children's playground. Make it as special trip to a special place for YOU. When you are there and with your thoughts for how much you love yourself in mind...set fire to the letter and scatter the ashes. Walk away with a thought of rebirth! Walk away with a thought that your life has begun afresh and anew.


You will be in my prayers.

Aloha and Be Well!
Alan