waiting for the first move ................it F***ing sucks, what do you do ?

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    Aug 20, 2012 11:51 PM GMT
    so i was at a pool party a few weeks ago and this amazing guy came. as soon as he pulled off his shirt i could not look away, i mean his body was amazing and he caught me a few times.
    later on we were playing volleyball with the girls and he stood next to me and said nice abs and smiled ....HA every since we have been best friends hanging out everyday and we have everything in common its like a match made in heaven , we workout together play games and wrestle around. and now he is talking about being room mates ( because we go to the same college) but really i dont know what to do.
    Every time im around him he makes me smile, my heart beats faster and i sweat uncontrollably because he makes me so nervous. i just wish i could tell him that i like him but im scared but i really want to know if he is felling the same way because it seems like it but at the same time i dont know , i never know. love is always blind to me and i wish i could just say something but my fears always get the best of me and im scared i might mess up something

    so any way my question is do you wait for the other person to say something or do you make the first move even if you dont know what there sexual preference is?
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    Aug 21, 2012 12:09 AM GMT
    Maybe try to do some light digging? Perhaps check his Facebook's "Interested In" or any statuses that could give his sexuality away. Or you could directly ask him about his sexual preference. If he says he's straight then you leave it at that. If he says he's gay/bi/whatever then you can send in the choir to rejoice to the heavens!
    Otherwise, make the first move BEFORE you guys agree to be roommates. It won't end well if you become roommates and he's repulsed by you making the first move. Then you'll have to live with him and he'll have to live with you.
    Good luck!
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    Aug 21, 2012 12:21 AM GMT
    I say just keep being friends. Gay male friends are so hard to find and keep. If you can keep close to him and without drama your friendship may turn into something unavoidable. Besides if you stay friends, you preserve the opportunities without making things awkward.

    You do have nice abs.
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    Aug 21, 2012 12:28 AM GMT
    I saw this guy at a pool party a few weeks ago. I thought he was too young so I kinda ignored him but he has kinda hot. A couple weeks later I end up sitting next to him at a restaurant since my date had disappeared ( we were waiting for a table, this was a sports club dinner) . I introduced myself and we clicked. Afterward we traded numbers and he admitted he had been crushing on me since the pool party. Lesson...just tell the guy that you are into him.
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    Aug 21, 2012 12:30 AM GMT
    Sounds like he's already in the Friend Zone. Keep it friendly. Does he know YOU are gay? If yes, and he hasn't mentioned his preference, then I'd keep it platonic and assume he's straight. If no, then tread lightly. You may not know how he will feel about it. Either way, for the time being, friendship is the best you can hope for in this situation.
    Good luck!
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    Aug 25, 2012 4:23 PM GMT
    well it took me a few days to think about it and i just sent him a really long email, because i could not say anything in persion. but im working on getting to that level and growing some bigger balls and just saying whats on my mind.
    hopefully he understands idk ... but im acutely proud of myself for saying something because im tired of always letting things go by with out saying something and always being hurt because i never expressed my feelings so now i think im just going to be truthful ..... damn that felt great to say
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    Aug 25, 2012 4:24 PM GMT
    Long e-mails usually don't turn out well.
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    Aug 25, 2012 4:26 PM GMT
    damn it :'( im scared now but at least i tried
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    Aug 25, 2012 4:45 PM GMT
    Get to know him as a friend and see if you're still interested in taking things to a different level. Some people are physically attractive, but that doesn't always mean you'd be intimately compatible.
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    Aug 25, 2012 4:51 PM GMT
    spark saidwell it took me a few days to think about it and i just sent him a really long email, because i could not say anything in persion.


    this will not end well
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    Aug 25, 2012 4:56 PM GMT
    Take what You want.

    Ask no questions.

    Make NO excuses.

    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 25, 2012 5:18 PM GMT
    Yep, you're getting the usual gamut of responses, from just staying friends to just coming out and asking him if he likes you that way. In the end, it's your responsibility to act in the manner you feel is appropriate .icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 25, 2012 5:23 PM GMT
    CuriousOne saidGet to know him as a friend and see if you're still interested in taking things to a different level. Some people are physically attractive, but that doesn't always mean you'd be intimately compatible.


    but once he gets slotted to the friend zone. more often than not - that's the end of it.
    It may be better to grab the bull by its balls and just find out the lay of the land. at least he would know once and for all if there is a chance in hell of having more than a platonic friendship.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Aug 25, 2012 7:02 PM GMT
    Dude, you're making this way too complicated. He was friendly to you in every way; you had no reason to be shy. The time to make a move is now if it isn't already too late. The email was a mistake because if you tell him in person, at least he's forced to respond, and you guys can have it out right then and there and move on. With the email, now he has to awkwardly approach you on the subject at some future time, or he can possibly pretend he never saw it. It also shows a lack of confidence on your part to talk to him.

    I'm not trying to beat on you, but it's a crying shame when nothing happens between two people just because no one will take the first step. Just a whole lotta fear and insecurity and missed opportunities. In five years' time, you either won't remember the embarrassment of getting shot down, or you'll be celebrating your fifth anniversary together.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Aug 25, 2012 7:04 PM GMT
    Ohhhh, but you don't know if he's gay! LOL, well that makes a slight difference. Yeah ... that's Step 1. My bad.