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Whudduuuup, bitchuuuuzz!?

Those of you that have been around the RJ block and that are so tired of my shit know that I take my spiritual development very serious.

What I wanted to cover here is not so much a spiritual matter but has more to do with energy, at least I believe it does. Since I live in Chicago it can be cramped, crowded and the gyms in this town are by far no exception. Lots of times in the past it put me in a foul mood and I could tell how my mood affected others (negatively, of course).

So one day not too long ago I was at the gym and it was insanely crowded. I swear the number of people in that place makes me think it's a health hazard. Prior to going to the gym that day I did a meditation and really felt centered. But later at the gym I was really losing that feeling. I was getting frustrated with myself but for some reason I started to silently comment on other people in a very positive manner. And from my observation it really created a shift in how other people reacted to me.

We all can be judgmental for a variety of reasons. And we all know that gay men can be harsh with one another. So what I started to say in my head (but to other people) was, "You're perfect as you are." And, as we all know, gym environments can get crowded so instead of getting irritated when people had no choice but to brush up against me in order to move around, I kept saying in my head, "You're perfect as you are." Whoever passed me I did it.

I did my best not to have any expression on my face and to appear aloof externally but on the inside I was being genuine with what I was saying to others in my mind. I didn't expect any reaction of course, I was more less doing this for me to not get irritated. But I think it created a shift and I caught a lot of people checking me out. People I've seen repeatedly in the past who never gave me the time of day were looking at me. And some hotties too, which was also very nice.

After the experience I really felt as though my thoughts had an effect on the people in my environment in a positive manner. It was nice to experience a more fluid cohesive atmosphere. You should give it a try in an environment where you typically observe a similar ambiance. What have you got to lose?

You just described how I act on a daily basis without even giving it a conscious thought.

...and I've never meditated.

People really are perfect in their own way. Even the most fucked up ones are.

But I also have no delusions of grandeur (ie. not naive and not jaded, just somewhere in the middle).

That said, being in a large elbow2elbow crowd comforts me. I have no thought whatsoever when brushing up against people. It's just a way to move through a crowd. As long as I don't feel threatened I could care less about the other people...totally oblivious. I'm doing what I'm doing, and assume they're doing what they're doing. As long as they're not interfering with what I'm doing, they're perfect in my eyes.

paulflexes saidYou just described how I act on a daily basis without even giving it a conscious thought.

...and I've never meditated.

People really are perfect in their own way. Even the most fucked up ones are.

^ This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

"Oh yeah, you're the most fucked up person I know, but you're perfect!"

That is one oxymoronic statement if I ever did read one.

Step away from computer and enjoy your dry martini without sending oddly mixed messages over the internet, m'kay?

MuchMoreThanMuscle said

paulflexes saidYou just described how I act on a daily basis without even giving it a conscious thought.

...and I've never meditated.

People really are perfect in their own way. Even the most fucked up ones are.

^ This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

"Oh yeah, you're the most fucked up person I know, but you're perfect!"

That is one oxymoronic statement if I ever did read one.

Step away from computer and enjoy your dry martini without sending oddly mixed messages over the internet, m'kay?

The only martinis I drink are dark chocolate and espresso.

The whole point is I don't know whether or not the people are fucked up. I don't care to know. I'm completely indifferent (which can be even worse than actually caring in some cases).

As long as they don't bother me, I could care less whether or not they're good people. This is the attitude I have before taking the first drink. After my last drink, the sentiment is the same.

If more people felt that way, everyone would have equal rights; and the only people in jail would be the ones who truly are fucked up.

^ You're more chatty than normal. What prompted this change?

This isn't about me being judgmental it's about all of us that judge people. How many threads have we all seen to the tune of, "What Do You Hate About Your Body?"

"What Would You Change About Your Body?"

"What Is Your Worst Body Part?"

Everyone is consumed with pulling each other and themselves down.

Also, thanks for pointing out how you were able enjoy this benefit and iterating how you didn't have to meditate to get there.

And just to be clear I don't have delusions of grandeur. Just because I prefer not to be in crowds doesn't mean I think I'm better or more important that other people. If you're insinuating that this is how I am then you are grossly mistaken.

My intent with this thread was to possibly share an idea with people who go around judging themselves and others. We all know people have negative thoughts about obese people. That's just one example and it's a judgment. Weren't you fat at one point? You can relate can't you? People judging you for your obesity. Imagine if people judged you for being perfect as you were.

And your definition of "being bothered" is subjective for all of us. I vaguely remember how in the past you justified violent reactive behavior toward someone for blurting out homosexual slurs. I guess for you that bothers you, but in my case unless the person threatens my physical person I couldn't care less. Cuz being called a fag doesn't "bother me."

I guess the only reason you contributed to this thread was to gloat and show how perfect you already are.

I'm going to try this today, thanks so much!

Acceptance of ourselves and others is one of the things we seem to struggle with.

Not to say we cant strive to improve, but sometimes we need a little quiet, an opportunity to take stock and be thankful for the blessings we have, reflect on the things we have learned from in life, and to allow the negative to just "be".

Not judging others is a great way to accept the universe's plan unfolds as it should.

As Paul remarks, even the people that seem the most messed up are perfect in their own way - all things occur as they were intended to.

We dont have to like it, but the sooner we can accept it, the sooner we can move on.

MMTM, your exercise is perfect - you aren't taking on the negative, but sending positive energy toward others - something we should all try to do every day.

*hugs*

MuchMoreThanMuscle saidSo what I started to say in my head (but to other people) was, "You're perfect as you are." [snip] After the experience I really felt as though my thoughts had an effect on the people in my environment in a positive manner.

Very cool. I do believe that a person innately senses when they're being judged -- and when they're being regarded with kindness and acceptance. The former costs both parties a bit of their spirit, whereas the latter adds to same.

P.S. My late dad used to say that when he was meeting with a client, even if the guy's behavior was annoying, my dad would find SOMETHING that he liked about him -- maybe just the way he tied his tie -- and focus on that. And this practice would transform the whole tenor of their interaction.

True..true..true..
You know me..Dr Feelgood..i'll do anything to make me a better person..
Thanks MMTC...

MuchMoreThanMuscle said
I did my best not to have any expression on my face and to appear aloof externally but on the inside I was being genuine with what I was saying to others in my mind. I didn't expect any reaction of course, I was more less doing this for me to not get irritated. But I think it created a shift and I caught a lot of people checking me out. People I've seen repeatedly in the past who never gave me the time of day were looking at me.

Actually I think there would have been subtle changes in your expression which others picked up on unconsciously. As much as 'positive thinking' sounds hokey, it actually works. A persons mindset and mental chatter will show in his expression and demeanor.

Or maybe your fly was unzipped and they were looking at you because of that!

Bravo! Nice technique . . .

I've been working (mostly succeeding) on eviscerating judgementalism from my being, for several decades; oddly enough, just like
genuine-forgiveness, it pays a health dividend-

...in the extreme !

For this reason, I have little doubt that I will enjoy an additional 4 decades of exceptionally-good health . . .
...Which is as it should be; because, good health begins-in-the-Mind.
Yours is a technique quite good for "anytime" one is tempted to find people irritating.

If any of you wish to know quite-a-bit more about the subject, contact or study: Roy Masters

FHU.com
(that's Foundation Of Human Understanding)

I remember once starting a thread on what really big muscles get a person. I wasn't asking what the benefits of exercise were though many people sited that, I was talking about the idea of trying to achieve body perfection. You gave one of the most interesting responses based on actual experience.

We wills naturally judge others but it is what with do with these judgements that matter. The same holds true for how others judge us.

Do we really know how attractive or unactractive we are? How can we, since we are inside ourselves looking out. Our attractiveness changes with our mood and as we age. If we depend on the judgement of others to bring us happiness we will eventually become miserable old comongerons. But there are so many sources of beauty we can find in the world to feed our soles and to bring us peace and comfort. When I lived a stressful NYC life I remember how the site if a child interacting with a dog on a street corner was such a mood changer. When I see dolphins while surfing on a beautiful day I feel such a rush of euphoria you'd think I had taken a drug.

What I see on rj is that too often people based most of theIr selfworth on how others perceive them and these people are often the most judgmental of others. But it is truly about our inner relationship with ourselves. How we nurture ourselves and how we love ourselves. The better we get at this the easier it is to share this feeling with a stranger.

But humans are the most inconsistent form of energy. I love a nice compliment but I know I can't depend on such feedback. I once told a friend I liked my adventure sports more than sex. I wasn't talking about making love or other forms of iintimacy, I was referring to the sport of trying to get laid. When I embark on an adventure sport I risk injury or death but it is all physical and mother nature while threatening to hurt me is also allowing capture her beautiful energy if I learn to follow some rules. And when I am with a group we all get in such a great mood we just feed off of each other. It matters not how good looking the person you're with is we are all sharing a special moment.

But go out and try to get a date or just a good lay and you will notice how others looking for the same thing have no trouble throwing emotional punches that could bruise the sentive guys who haven't developped the kind of thick skin that comes with age. I don't want to contribute to this emotional brawl in any way. So I try to wall off those with a negative vibe and it matters nothing to me how hot they are. I want to keep myself feeling good for the one guy I find hot who is willing to share a positive moment with me. And if I don't find him I'll go home alone and try to think about something I really love.

I wanted to reply just so this could be in my profile and I could remember to re-read it from time to time. Thanks MMTM!

Anocxu saidTrue..true..true..
You know me..Dr Feelgood..i'll do anything to make me a better person..
Thanks MMTC...

another way we're similar

MuchMoreThanMuscle said^ You're more chatty than normal. What prompted this change?

Boredom + alcohol

TellMeMoar said
Actually I think there would have been subtle changes in your expression which others picked up on unconsciously. As much as 'positive thinking' sounds hokey, it actually works. A persons mindset and mental chatter will show in his expression and demeanor.

Actually, I think you're right. Thinking what I posted I recall how I used to always draw confrontational men in the past. This had nothing to do with my true intention of challenging other men but I think my head was inundated with negative thoughts which had to do completely with what I was experiencing between my ears.

Because I was in a darker place awhile ago I think my face showed my less than ideal feelings. But this was interpreted by others (especially men) that I was a jerk. And the reaction I got from most other people was a lot of disrespect, even though I never actually meant any harm toward others.

So I agree with you.

Wonder why I didn't read this thread earlier?

how do you meditate?

ChilaxinJOCK09 saidhow do you meditate?

Walking, listening to music, dancing, singing, or cooking. They all set my mind in the kind of mindset that allows me to meditate.

I'm going to try this tomorrow with my patients, thanks!

Makes sense. Will it work on myself?

paulflexes saidYou just described how I act on a daily basis without even giving it a conscious thought.

...and I've never meditated.

People really are perfect in their own way. Even the most fucked up ones are.

But I also have no delusions of grandeur (ie. not naive and not jaded, just somewhere in the middle).

That said, being in a large elbow2elbow crowd comforts me. I have no thought whatsoever when brushing up against people. It's just a way to move through a crowd. As long as I don't feel threatened I could care less about the other people...totally oblivious. I'm doing what I'm doing, and assume they're doing what they're doing. As long as they're not interfering with what I'm doing, they're perfect in my eyes.

I agree with the original post and this as well... i think you guys are both agreeing.

For me, everything is an oxymoron, because we live in a world in which the axis it is swings on is seemingly built on perception.. and you know what Aldous Huxley (and Jim Morrison) says about the doors of perception..... (?)

If they were cleansed eveything would appear as it is... infinite. So indeed no matter how "fucked up" you might appear to wide audience... you are indeed a perfect mess because you are exactly as you are.. perfect. Your function is function... and your place in the universe is fixed because you are here. Negetive or positive.. it's all up for debate anyways.. but your personal spot on this planet and in this reality is absolutely no accident and it is meaningful... due to your butterfly effect by just existing. So yes. You are perfect and doing whatever it is you are suppose to do. Even if to most your presence is undesirable or has ill-effects. Good and evil are subjective. Beauty and ugliness are interchangable and subjective. To create you must destroy. So really you're always walking back and fourth between two opposing forces. Everything basically is perception.

So back up to the post... i think what you're doing is a bit "reprogramming"... or "deprogramming" so to speak. Sometime it is totally necessary to remind yourself of the things you forget.. like your usefulness... or that your individuality is far more than priceless can express ... The fact you can not control how anyone ultimately views you.. you can bend and manipulate but not control... and that you don't even have to. Sometimes you have to remind yourself to... just... be. Meditation comes in handy for that.. and co-opting it in your daily gym routine is genius and much needed.. because even if you believe in mediatation it can be difficult to really work it in.

wellwell said

For this reason, I have little doubt that I will enjoy an additional 4 decades of exceptionally-good health . . .
...Which is as it should be; because, good health begins-in-the-Mind.
Yours is a technique quite good for "anytime" one is tempted to find people irritating.

If any of you wish to know quite-a-bit more about the subject, contact or study: Roy Masters

FHU.com
(that's Foundation Of Human Understanding)

You're right about employing this exercise at any time.

I didn't mention this other aspect in the original post but thought I would post it now since wellwell brought up some great points. It's another benefit I gleaned from my own little exercise which I think will have a positive impact on me. In fact I already believe it has:

This may not resonate for many other people here but hopefully it will for at least someone. Another personal area of struggle I have noticed about myself is my inability to put myself first. I think we should all put ourselves first in order to harness our true selves and to self-actualize. I believe we can only be of true service to others if we make sure we put ourselves first. But so many influences like religion can make this difficult to accept and instead promote suffering, poverty, etc. as a 'good attributes.' Maybe I can't provide good examples regarding the general public and can only speak for myself. But growing up in Catholic school from first grade to senior year of high school and seeing that heinous lifelike statue of Jesus bleeding and nailed to a cross and being told that he died for us pretty much contributed to my difficulty in being able to put myself first. It's an image that tells us that some pure son of God died for us. And if you want to be a good person you'll to be like Jesus. Or at least that is how I interpreted it, sadly. So suffer like him and be responsible for others, just like he did by "dying for our sins." Hogwash!

Additionally, I come from a very dysfunctional family background and I was the youngest sibling of five. As a way to deal with this type of atmosphere I over empathized all that pain to the point of compromising myself (severely I might add) by absorbing/taking on the pain experienced by all my older family members. Needless to say, when children are born into this environment they tend to be affected with friendships/relationships throughout life.

So, getting back to wellwell's "your technique is good for anytime." I couldn't agree more with that statement. For people who have trouble putting themselves first (like I used to and sometimes still do) it's great to 'reprogram the mind' to see the perfection in others. Because this implies that nothing is wrong nor does anything need to be fixed and therefore it frees that person from directing attention onto others (e.g. heal, fix, etc.) and allows the person to redirect attention onto him or herself.

By the way, after I do this mental exercise a few times I then conclude by saying, "I'm perfect as I am too." This helps to put my attention back on me and allows me the same grace. Try this part too.

MuchMoreThanMuscle said

paulflexes saidYou just described how I act on a daily basis without even giving it a conscious thought.

...and I've never meditated.

People really are perfect in their own way. Even the most fucked up ones are.

^ This makes absolutely no sense whatsoever.

"Oh yeah, you're the most fucked up person I know, but you're perfect!"

That is one oxymoronic statement if I ever did read one.

Step away from computer and enjoy your dry martini without sending oddly mixed messages over the internet, m'kay?

Makes perfect sense to me. The reality of this moment is what it is, and if you wallow in the idea that now should be different, all you're doing is waging a pointless, unwinnable war against reality that does nothing but create needless suffering. Which is not to say that one should just give up and passively accept everything as it is; definitely keep striving for an improved future, but do it while resting in the inner peace of acceptance of now as it is.