swimmer8671 saidI have been fighting to get up the courage to my father while i am home visiting before school starts... but there is the never ending dread of him reacting like the worst possible outcome ever.
I honestly don't really know how he feels about gay people, he never talks about it.
I'm just wondering if there is a better time or place or something that would benefit, like trapped in a car, or when we are home alone and sitting him down to talk about it, or writing a letter, or what would you guys recommend.
This has been one of my biggest struggles and i feel i'm ready I might just need a good PUSH.
It's hard to offer advice not knowing your family dynamics and your economic situation as a college student who is presumably relying on his parents to pay tuition, etc. (please forgive me if that's assuming too much). Your father could have many reactions to your coming out to him - he could be happy for your honesty and confirm his love and support, or he could be an intolerant a-hole and throw you out of the house and stop supporting you financially.
Only you can gauge your father's/family's love and support of you and your happiness. I knew my parents loved me unconditionally and only wanted me to be happy, so while I was nervous about their reaction when I came out to them, I didn't fear complete rejection. But I was also financially independent at the time, so there wasn't much risk if they were to turn their backs on me financially.
I always encourage honesty and openness, and if I knew that your dad genuinely loved you, I'd tell you to go ahead and do it. There are many avenues you can choose to raise the topic with him to get a sense of his overall feelings about gay people. The topic of gay marriage is in the press so much these days (particularly in CA with Prop 8 and with the looming elections where this is a topic of much debate), and you could find some alone time to ask him how he feels about it. Depending on his reaction, you can leave it to discussion only about gay marriage. For instance, if his reaction is clearly negative on the entire topic and expresses a hostile stance on gay people in general, I would leave it at that. But if, for instance, he doesn't have a completely intolerant reaction (saying perhaps that he doesn't have any problems with gay people, but still doesn't support gay marriage), you could then ask him if his opinion would change if YOU were gay and wanted to get married some day. That could naturally evolve into an opportunity for you to come out to him.
Sorry for the long response, but it's not a simple subject. Good luck to you in whatever you choose to do and how and when you choose to do it.