What should I do?

  • Will123

    Posts: 99

    Aug 24, 2012 3:13 AM GMT
    Ok, so I really like this guy Pete. We're both grad students in the same field and I've been hanging out with him and his friend Stephanie for the past couple of weeks getting to know both of them.

    Pete is gay and we have so much in common, except I'm not sure if he likes me or not. Because we are going to be colleagues together this year, I don't want to make things awkward by asking him out and him saying no and being weird about it.

    My question is: Should I shoot a text to Stephanie and ask her if it would be a good idea to ask Pete out on a date? They're really close - so on one hand, she would probably be able to give me an answer, but on the other hand, she might tell Pete and things would still be awkward.

    Or should I just grow a pair of damn balls and ask him? I just don't want to cut ties so early on if he responds badly to it.


    (Pete and Stephanie are fictional names given to real life people)

    Thanks guys,

    Will
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    Aug 24, 2012 4:15 AM GMT
    I say just go and ask him out. I highly doubt he's going to create armageddon if he wants to say no.
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Aug 24, 2012 5:02 AM GMT
    Just ask him directly. He will most likely give a straight answer.
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    Aug 24, 2012 5:08 AM GMT
    ask him out and get to know him. doesnt have to be a date. see where it goes.
  • swimmer8671

    Posts: 429

    Aug 24, 2012 5:09 AM GMT
    I would ask the fruit fly personally haha

    Then even if she tells him you can act like it never happened if he responds negatively.

    But also she would know better than anyone, just make her think it is her idea to set you guys up and she will be all over that shit haha.
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    Aug 24, 2012 5:09 AM GMT
    Ask him directly. It's okay, plus he may appreciate it coming from you just in case if he hears it from the girl first. Be confident man! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 24, 2012 5:10 AM GMT
    Does he know you're gay?
  • Will123

    Posts: 99

    Aug 24, 2012 5:13 AM GMT
    swimmer8671 saidI would ask the fruit fly personally haha

    Then even if she tells him you can act like it never happened if he responds negatively.

    But also she would know better than anyone, just make her think it is her idea to set you guys up and she will be all over that shit haha.



    I think we're on the same page haha. I just don't understand taking the risk of making things awkward between us if it doesn't have to be that way.


    And yeah, he knows I'm gay.
  • Will123

    Posts: 99

    Aug 24, 2012 5:16 AM GMT
    RocknMike saidAsk him directly. It's okay, plus he may appreciate it coming from you just in case if he hears it from the girl first. Be confident man! icon_biggrin.gif


    Yeah, I know I just need to suck it up and ask, but I feel like I could just as easily get a hint from the girl as to if he would even be willing or not. I think she's a pretty intuitive person, so I don't think she would turn it into more than it is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2012 11:24 AM GMT
    Will Pete be more valuable as a friend...or as a boyfriend?
    Do you have to have Pete?

    I've had guy guys in my circle for years..we are clearly attracted to each other..but we will not take the risk...

    ..How about this..wait till you get to know Pete better ...keep hanging out ..build a better friendship..and then make your move!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2012 1:08 PM GMT
    Yeah, the balls thing.

    seriously; awkward: maybe, but think it would only make your friendship stronger. Go all in now or a life time of wonder--LIFETIME.
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    Aug 24, 2012 1:09 PM GMT
    bmman123 saidOk, so I really like this guy Pete. We're both grad students in the same field and I've been hanging out with him and his friend Stephanie for the past couple of weeks getting to know both of them.

    Pete is gay and we have so much in common, except I'm not sure if he likes me or not. Because we are going to be colleagues together this year, I don't want to make things awkward by asking him out and him saying no and being weird about it.

    My question is: Should I shoot a text to Stephanie and ask her if it would be a good idea to ask Pete out on a date? They're really close - so on one hand, she would probably be able to give me an answer, but on the other hand, she might tell Pete and things would still be awkward.

    Or should I just grow a pair of damn balls and ask him? I just don't want to cut ties so early on if he responds badly to it.


    (Pete and Stephanie are fictional names given to real life people)

    Thanks guys,

    Will


    grow a pair of balls and ask him. a bit scary perhaps, but confidence is key. you are no longer in highschool.

    good luck.
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 463

    Aug 24, 2012 1:27 PM GMT
    You'll be working together? How so? How close? Personally, regardless of how attracted to the guy I am, I'd avoid it. You can still go out together and maybe something will happen naturally but if you ask and you're rejected, how will the work relationship be then?
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    Aug 24, 2012 1:38 PM GMT
    This. This. This. All the way.


    Anocxu saidWill Pete be more valuable as a friend...or as a boyfriend?
    Do you have to have Pete?

    I've had guy guys in my circle for years..we are clearly attracted to each other..but we will not take the risk...

    ..How about this..wait till you get to know Pete better ...keep hanging out ..build a better friendship..and then make your move!
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Aug 24, 2012 1:45 PM GMT
    Grow nuts bud...This isn't high school...
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    Aug 24, 2012 1:53 PM GMT
    Myol saidThis. This. This. All the way.


    Anocxu saidWill Pete be more valuable as a friend...or as a boyfriend?
    Do you have to have Pete?

    I've had guy guys in my circle for years..we are clearly attracted to each other..but we will not take the risk...

    ..How about this..wait till you get to know Pete better ...keep hanging out ..build a better friendship..and then make your move!


    Have to agree.
    Not to be a pessimist but when it comes to things that mix work with personal life, I generally think it's a bad idea.

    When I assess whether something is worth doing or not, I try to see what's the worst case scenario. If there's a good contigency plan then fine try it, if there's isn't then you have to consider if it is worth doing if the end result happens to be the worst case scenario.
    To each their own though, some people really dislike that approach.
    I assume you guys are working together because you said "colleague".

    If by colleague you just meant that you'd be studying together then as long as you have other friends I don't think it's that much of a worry.
    If he turns out to be a jerk, you have other friends to hang with.

    Hope this helps.
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    Aug 24, 2012 2:00 PM GMT
    bmman123 said
    RocknMike saidAsk him directly. It's okay, plus he may appreciate it coming from you just in case if he hears it from the girl first. Be confident man! icon_biggrin.gif


    Yeah, I know I just need to suck it up and ask, but I feel like I could just as easily get a hint from the girl as to if he would even be willing or not. I think she's a pretty intuitive person, so I don't think she would turn it into more than it is.


    Even if they are pretty close the real answer can only come from him.
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    Aug 24, 2012 2:04 PM GMT
    Why not tell him you heard about this movie that's supposed to be pretty good, and if he is free on ______...
    That way it's not a formal date, and if he's interested he will accept.
    Or a game of squash.. or other activity

    The trick is to give an easy out to the other person, and then it's not ackward. I m sure the other person will realize you are 'interested".

    Maybe they want to take it slow but will appreciate you taking the first move, even if they refuse.. and as they get to know you more.. maybe something will develop, and he will ask you out later on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2012 2:07 PM GMT
    bmman123 saidOk, so I really like this guy Pete. We're both grad students in the same field and I've been hanging out with him and his friend Stephanie for the past couple of weeks getting to know both of them.

    Pete is gay and we have so much in common, except I'm not sure if he likes me or not. Because we are going to be colleagues together this year, I don't want to make things awkward by asking him out and him saying no and being weird about it.

    My question is: Should I shoot a text to Stephanie and ask her if it would be a good idea to ask Pete out on a date? They're really close - so on one hand, she would probably be able to give me an answer, but on the other hand, she might tell Pete and things would still be awkward.

    Or should I just grow a pair of damn balls and ask him? I just don't want to cut ties so early on if he responds badly to it.


    (Pete and Stephanie are fictional names given to real life people)

    Thanks guys,

    Will


    Never text someone else! Either grow some balls and do it yourself or keep the relationship professional considering that he will be a colleague. Sorry for the tough love, but…
  • Latenight30

    Posts: 1525

    Aug 24, 2012 2:47 PM GMT
    just ask him to hang out. Just 1 on 1. Have a beer, watch a movie.
    "DATE" means so many things. Dinner, the kiss, ect and so forth.
    Just go do something with him and see where it goes. It will either be smooth or awkward and then you will know, without putting yourself in an awkward position.
  • aznduderocks

    Posts: 67

    Aug 25, 2012 1:57 AM GMT
    You sure it's not fear of rejection vs. fear of awkwardness in friendship? Being asked out by guys appear to be very flattering even you have to decline the offer. So I don't think he would un-friend you if he's as cool as in your mind icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif Just be prepared to move on yet remain friends with him.

    Just go out 1 on 1 and see how it goes. Observe his body language to see if he feels the same you do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 25, 2012 2:03 AM GMT
    Ask him. It's lame when a friend asks me if I like another friend. Lame.
  • Will123

    Posts: 99

    Aug 25, 2012 3:04 AM GMT
    Thanks guys, I took the plunge and asked him. Waiting on a reply. I'll let you know how things go. icon_biggrin.gif