had unprotected sex...help


  • Aug 25, 2012 4:41 PM GMT
    Hi...please don't call me an idiot, I already know I am.

    I'm 20 years old, never had sex/blowjob/anything with a guy ever in my life until last Saturday. I'm not out of the closet at all to anyone and a few nights ago I was out with some friends. And well, I drank quite a bit and then basically I ran into someone who was gay and I guess I don't know I got desperate and just wanted to do something badly so I went with him...it was supposed to be head thats it cuz I said I wanted a condom and well, he said 'no its fine' and stupid me just went with it. Trust me, I know I'm a complete f****** idiot and I regret it so much.

    Now I was texting this person now a bit and he didn't cum in my ass (i'm a bottom) but I know that doesnt mean squat anyway cuz once its in that's it....and basically when I got to ask him if he was "clean" he said "your ok" ...but i dont know him so his answer means nothing to me..

    So now I am freaking out...what do I do? I know I shuold get tested but can someone please tell me how these things work? It was my first time ever and the biggest mistake ever I'm so scared right now please help.
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    Aug 25, 2012 6:15 PM GMT
    Worrying isn't going to help you at all, nor is asking people on the internet. Sure it was a mistake, but I guarantee you everyone has been there once and was scared to death too. Only advice anyone can give you is to go get tested in a few months.
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    Aug 25, 2012 6:36 PM GMT
    the best advice is to seek professional medical advice. see a doctor, go to a walkin clinic in the village - they will do some risk-assessment around what sexual activities you actually did, and provide you with counseling, and talk to you about your testing options. they'll ask you what kind of sexual acts you did, how long did it last, how long was he in you, was there any semen, pain or blood, were you drinking or doing drugs, what happened afterwards, why did you wait so long to come in, etc. you should try to be completely honest - they're not there to judge you. they are there to assess the risk of what happened, so that they can provide you with the right care. so much of what happens next depends on what happened that night. and you probably don't want to detail this in a public forum like RJ.

    you will probably be advised to wait 3 months for the HIV test, since it can take 3-6 months for any HIV antibodies to show in your system and for the test to be accurate. you are now past the 72hr window period for effective post-exposure prophylaxis, so thats not an option because you said the sex happened last week.

    i know how scared you are now. i'm HIV+. take this piece of advice: regret and fear don't really have a place in your life now. what counts most is your willingness to learn from your mistakes and to locate and follow the proper medical procedures to take care of your own health. you can't rely on strangers to do this for you, let alone a random hook-up. next time, you should carry your own condoms and lube, you should put it on the guy's dick, and you should lube up your own ass and his cock, and you should grab it and guide it into your ass the way you want it.

    i checked your profile and it appears that you're in Montreal. in Montreal's gay village, there's a walk-in clinic here http://www.cliniquequartierlatin.ca otherwise, try to find one that deals with sexual health, is non-judgemental about sexuality and gay stuff, and offers anonymous HIV testing.

    good luck.
  • wellwell

    Posts: 2265

    Aug 25, 2012 6:45 PM GMT
    ...The most intelligent statement in your post is where you say:

    "his answer means nothing to me.."


    Good Luck
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    Aug 25, 2012 7:18 PM GMT
    Live and learn.

    You know, I survived the first wave of HIV/AIDS in the late '80s and early '90s, but my partner didn't. It's sad (and completely stupid) that you went with it, but I'm sure you would have thought twice if you had lost over 70 friends and acquaintances from the initial onslaught. Folks back then didn't know any better, but you are certainly armed with the knowledge. Good luck and think twice next time.
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    Aug 25, 2012 9:28 PM GMT
    post exposure prophylaxis. go to urgent care, tell them what happened, you'll need to take some drugs for about a month. IF you had been infected, minutes are literally of the essence. if the virus makes its way into your lymph nodes, there's no stopping it. if it hasn't, PEP there's a chance it can prevent you from getting infected.

    GO, DON'T READ ANYMORE, JUST GO!
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    Aug 25, 2012 9:29 PM GMT
    oh wait, missed the part that it happened last saturday. yeah, nothing you can do!
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    Aug 25, 2012 9:33 PM GMT
    How getting tested works?
    You go to see a doctor, he takes a blood sample from you, you tell him what you want it to get tested for,he sends it to a lab and you go to see him again when he gets the results. No one will find out if that's what you're worried about.

    You should get tested now and get tested again in a few months (the doctor is going to tell you when). I'm not quite sure about the costs though, but it's your health.

    I hope you're fine.
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Aug 25, 2012 10:01 PM GMT
    Even if you did bb bottom with an HIv+ person, one encounter statistically speaking, is not a sure thing. You will probably be just fine.

    Don't ask a guy if he is 'clean' it is a term that means nothing, and I have had guys tell me that when I found out later they were HIV+. You need to specifically ask if he is HIV- and when he was last tested. Its' not sexy, but it leaves no wiggle room for someone to evade your questions.

    There are two kinds of HIV test. The kind that you can take and wait 20 minutes to get results. This test will show positive results from infection between 2 months and 6 months after exposure.

    The second type is a blood draw test, it can show positive results from exposure two weeks prior to the test. But this test takes 1 to 2 weeks to get back from the lab, so you have to wait. So any HIV testing won't help you until two weeks after exposure.

    There are usually free clinics around that will do these tests, and they are usually very understanding and will have all the answers you need. Look one up and head right down to it.
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    Aug 25, 2012 10:21 PM GMT
    Not another "please help... I just had unprotected sex" thread? It feels like this pops up as a brand new topic every week.
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    Aug 25, 2012 10:41 PM GMT
    Nothing you can do now, but be celibate for three months, get tested, and learn from this mistake. On the plus side, I'm sure it will be okay. But you have to be careful, bud.
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    Aug 26, 2012 5:50 AM GMT
    Take a sheet of paper. Grab a pen.

    Now write "I will never fuck while drinking" 1,000,000,000 times.

    By the time you're finished writing, you'll either be dead or happy with your new decision. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 26, 2012 6:36 AM GMT
    JackBlair69 saidCanadians sure are dumb.


    says the guy from New Jersey...
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    Aug 26, 2012 6:38 AM GMT
    oh and to the OP - don't worry it will not help.
    Everyone has pretty much given you the best advice some online randoms can. The rest is up to you. Go to a doctor.
    I recently heard about something called PEP... I forget what it stands for? But it's supposed to help you *not* contract HIV after exposure? I dunno maybe someone on here knows more about it.
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    Aug 26, 2012 8:33 AM GMT
    Oh and please do not get tested only for HIV, if the doctor is taking a blood sample and sending it to the lab you should get tested for all STDs.
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    Aug 26, 2012 9:05 AM GMT
    Trollileo said
    paulflexes saidTake a sheet of paper. Grab a pen.

    Now write "I will never fuck while drinking" 1,000,000,000 times.

    By the time you're finished writing, you'll either be dead or happy with your new decision. icon_biggrin.gif
    Who says you can't be both?

    I've been a victim of unprotected sex (because it was rape) and I can tell you there's no use worrying about it. Just don't have sex for a while if you don't want to. If you do, tell people you're not sure if you're disease-free or not. All you can do really. And go see a doctor.


    WTF? I remember Greg Louganis' biography. I wonder what the rate of reporting is......what?....0.13%?

    I'm sorry you experienced that.
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    Aug 26, 2012 9:21 AM GMT
    Mate, chill. Not point getting your panties in a bunch. What's done is done.

    As someone has mentioned, seroconversion takes a few months. So no use taking a test now. The doctor will advise you of the same.

    Let's assume worst case scenario, that he is HIV+ and has a high viral load. The highest concentration will be in the semen. Since he didn't cum in your ass, the risk is greatly reduced.

    Just because you had unsafe sex with someone of unknown or positive HIV status doesn't mean you will get the virus. Even if he did cum in your ass and he is HIV+, it's not a 100% infection rate. It's a risk, be it high or low depending on the situation, not a guarantee.

    From now on, go do your research and arm yourself with the proper information.
  • suedeheadscot

    Posts: 1130

    Aug 26, 2012 9:55 AM GMT
    GET "PEP" (POST EXPOSURE PROPHAXLYSIS) FROM THE A AND E WARD OF A HOSPITAL - NOW! YOU ONLY HAVE 72 HOURS TO OBTAIN THIS MEDICATION! GO GO GO!

    I HAVE BEEN ON IT, CONTACT ME LATER BUT GET TO THE FUCKING HOSPITAL NOW!!!
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    Aug 26, 2012 10:35 AM GMT
    JackBlair69 saidCanadians sure are dumb.


    I feel sorry for you.
  • jim_sf

    Posts: 2094

    Aug 28, 2012 6:25 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidOkay buddy....what's done is done. But I honestly think you need to lower the anxiety level now.

    Having sex without protection no more means "you have AIDS" than buying a lottery ticket means "you're a millionaire". Yes, some people win the lottery with one ticket; yes some people have contracted HIV with just one exposure. But most don't. Go to the clinic. Hear what a professional has to say. Get tested. Wait. And while you're waiting, breathe....keep calm (stressing isn't going to help here.)

    You've already beaten yourself up suitably about it....you now know what lots of experienced guys found out themselves: in the heat of the moment, a stiff prick doesn't understand consequences. All of everyone's blatherings beforehand of "when it happens to me, I'm gonna be smart and I'm gonna...." go out the window. Moving forward, you don't leave the damn house without a condom in your wallet (and some lube, too.) When you go to the clinic, if it's a gay community one, there will be a big fish bowl filled with condoms and little ketchup packs of water based lube.....take some! They're there for YOU!

    Also, don't throw out this guy just because you're really mad (at yourself) for what happened (that you let happen). Does it mean that he's done this before? Maybe....maybe not....maybe he's kicking himself, too. Was he a nice guy? Is this someone you want to play with again?

    You've stepped in shit and of course you're a little freaked. But good things CAN come from shit (like roses! icon_biggrin.gif) From the way you're beating yourself up, it sounds like you're unlikely to make this (lack of planning) mistake again.

    Do what you can to bring your stress level down....there's nothing you can do until enough time passes that you can find out definitively if you're still neg. There's no point in stressing yourself (or him) out too much until then. In the meantime, if you like this guy, and you'd like to see him again, hit the reset button...."take it back a few steps". No matter what happens, this guy is and will always be "your first". Don't automatically turn it into a bad situation....who knows, maybe he'll go from being your first sexual experience into your first BF.....if everything turns out negative (which statistically, IS the most likely thing to happen), this could be one of those crazy "how we met" stories you talk about with nervous "damn, were we ever stupid" laughter. icon_smile.gif

    Hugz, dude. Give yourself a break. Move forward with a plan.


    Reposting for great justice.

    Also: why the fuck can people not understand that the terms "clean" and "dirty" can mean many things, even within a sexual context? For instance, saying someone has a "dirty mind" is not the same as saying "his brain is riddled with HIV"; and when a bottom has finished douching, he can say his hole is "clean" without referring in any way to the presence or lack of HIV inside.
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    Aug 28, 2012 10:06 PM GMT
    From what I understand you have to wait 3 months before any test can detect the HIV/AIDS strand. But like the cutie under you stated worrying isn't gonna help you at all.
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    Aug 29, 2012 1:10 AM GMT
    credo said
    JackBlair69 saidCanadians sure are dumb.


    I feel sorry for you.
    Why?icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 29, 2012 1:21 AM GMT
    Meh. This isn't the last time this is going to happen. Just wait until you actually do come out of the closet. HIV isn't the death sentence it used to be. It is just a pill a day and that's it. No sides. No problems. Get tested and get meds if you need them. Keep going.
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    Aug 29, 2012 7:32 AM GMT
    The chances of getting HIV are rather slim if he didn't cum in you and stuff. It's not automatic that just because you had unprotected sex you'll get HIV . It's not actually an easy virus to get . I think the chances are good that you're absolutely fine somehow. Get tested etc. ps. The above poster is right: IF you contract the virus, your life is by no means over. In the uk a lot of guys are on Meds and they are undetectable because they are so healthy. You could still live a very full life and live until you're 70!!!!

    As for unprotected sex- you made a mistake !!! That's very different from the dumb asses who only insist on bareback sex and don't care that they could be hurting others, let alone themselves

    In a way- use this time as a lesson- let it serve as a time to educate yourself fully on HIV and when you do finally come out , act responsibly by not drinking and having sex if intoxicated, and staying drug free and always insisting on condom use. Learn how HIV is and isn't transmitted . You'll be surprised how hard it is catch . Watch movies made in the 80s on aids and how many of us were aware that you'd die if you got it. The reason people are so chilled about it is because they don't really understand what a shit storm people in the 80s went through- health and stigma wise.

    I very very much doubt you have it, somehow but use this time as a strong learning curve.
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    Aug 29, 2012 7:47 AM GMT
    You said it yourself: "Stupid me". Yes indeed.

    In other words, you are saying that you knew better and basically threw caution to the wind. In a case like this you couldn't and shouldn't be surprised if you did catch something simply because of your lack of judgement and common sense on the issue.

    You were basically a virgin who hooked up with some random stranger who claimed to be "clean" and safety clearly was not a priority of yours while having sex. You're inexperience and lack of common sense (or rather the dismissal of it) is what has you freaking out. Basically, this was your bad simply because you knew better and disregarded your own safety. This is not a mistake. Mistakes generally tend to be accidental. This was just blatant stupidity and I daresay intentional since you purposely ignored your better judgement of the situation.

    OP, do yourself a favor and just go and get tested and set your mind at ease. For future reference, follow this simple rule: Don't be a fool and wrap your tool (and theirs) and know who the hell you're fucking before doing it. The applying of Common Sense can and will save your life or at least prolong it.