Did I go wrong?

  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Aug 26, 2012 5:52 AM GMT
    In April, I met a guy who lived around the area my college was in. We met and walked the streets of Willimantic that night. Everything seemed to be going well. He held me and we held hands and chatted. We both seemed to be having a really good time. He was alot of fun to be around and seemed very sweet. When the night was over, we kissed and made plans to see each other the next day.

    We never met the next day though. He found out he had to babysit for the day so we didn't get to hang out that day. He also had work the next few days so we couldn't plan anything those days either.

    Within the course of a few weeks, we talked less and he became less responsive. Whenever I asked if he wanted to chill, he said he already had plans with his family or his friends. In fact, this was his usual response or he had work over the next few weeks. Then I posted a status on facebook indirectly complaining about how he never made time for me. I said like "If you can't make time for me, it won't work out" or something along those lines. I'm not sure if he ever saw the status, but around that time he ceased all conversation for him. I'm not sure if it struck a nerve in him or he found someone else or maybe he lost interest in me I don't know.

    I have kept trying every now and then to talk to him but he never responds. I'm not sure if this could be the reason or maybe he started to think too much that I'm a douche(he initially thought I talked like one and by my pics he thought i was a douchey jock).

    Do you think I was wrong to complain about him never making time for me? Idk I felt neglected by him that I couldn't come between his friends and family as if he valued my time less than theirs.
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    Aug 26, 2012 6:18 AM GMT
    easterndude69 saidI felt neglected by him that I couldn't come between his friends and family as if he valued time with his family more than time with a dude he met for one day.

    That is what you just said. Read it again.

    I think he doesn't want to see you. Back to square one.
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    Aug 26, 2012 7:25 AM GMT
    easterndude69 said

    Do you think I was wrong to complain about him never making time for me? Idk I felt neglected by him that I couldn't come between his friends and family as if he valued my time less than theirs.


    So...you think he valued his family more than you, eh?
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    Aug 26, 2012 1:55 PM GMT
    easterndude69 saidIn April, I met a guy who lived around the area my college was in. We met and walked the streets of Willimantic that night. Everything seemed to be going well. He held me and we held hands and chatted. We both seemed to be having a really good time. He was alot of fun to be around and seemed very sweet. When the night was over, we kissed and made plans to see each other the next day.


    Do you think I was wrong to complain about him never making time for me? Idk I felt neglected by him that I couldn't come between his friends and family as if he valued my time less than theirs.


    Yes you were wrong to complain about him on face book
    You really expected him to put you first - over his family? Were you married to him? Come on now!!!

    It is over - stop contacting him. In his view you are becoming a desperate annoyance.

    STOP! You lost! move on
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    Aug 26, 2012 1:58 PM GMT
    You guys are harsh. In the future, I wouldn't play the passive-aggressive social media game. But lesson learned, and now you can move on and find the guy you're meant to be with.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 26, 2012 2:06 PM GMT
    I think you need to approach this a little more logically. In the days after your great get together, he may have had to work, but he started telling you he isn't into you. If he isn't, he isn't... "It is what it is" (terminology I hated when I first heard it, but it certainly is true) and can be applied here.
    Forget personal FB postings, not what you want to do with personal feelings about a certain individual.

    In this case, he quit talking to you or he quit being responsive. Take it for what it is and move along to someone who is.
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    Aug 26, 2012 2:14 PM GMT
    You didn't do anything wrong - he's just not that in to you. Happens to everyone. Take it for what it was - a fun night out (sounds like you enjoyed it). Open yourself up to having more fun nights with other guys. Maybe you'll have more than one with them, maybe some you won't.

    Oh... And I'm not saying that you are, but FB posts like the one you describe really just make you sound like a whiny bitch. icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 26, 2012 2:24 PM GMT
    OP..I think you two had a moment..and now it's over..

    ...I think you like this gentleman way more than he likes you..
    Somewhere along the line he made a decision to no longer engage you.
    ..It's sad to see you here pulling hairs about the unknown..but it's time to move on..

    Now besides the facebook incident..is there anything else you are neglecting to tell us?..
    Just curious..

    If you think you need an attitude adjustment..get to work before the next guy!

    Eithere way..move on..lighten up!
    Hugz...icon_smile.gif

  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Aug 26, 2012 2:26 PM GMT
    Why do some guys get so emotionally attached after just one date? icon_eek.gif
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    Aug 26, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    Some guys are twats and have no clue on what it is to date. Forget him, he's forgotten you.
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    Aug 26, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    masculumpedes saidWhy do some guys get so emotionally attached after just one date? icon_eek.gif


    pheromones perhaps.

    or perhaps one guy was not clear with his likes or dislikes leading the other party to assume something existed that didn't. it takes two to tango, you know.

    i remember a first meet with a guy when i was younger . prior to meeting him i was not really interested, but i thouhgt nothing ventured...

    we met over drinks... chatted for over 2 hours. he was charming and quite sexy. on parting we kissed... well he initiated the kiss actually... and we kissed 3 times before parting. i rember telling him that i will contact him. i did that the very next day telling him that i enjoyed our date, the kisses and would like to see him again to get to know him better. immediately he started with the distancing thing. now i'm an up front sort of guy, have always been, will always will be. after about two weeks i asked him if he was busy or just not interested. he said he was terribly busy but will set aside sometime to meet the following week. i told him fine that they ball is in his court let me know when.

    oh let's see now that was about 25 years or so ago... i guess he's still playing with the ball.

    too many gay men are cowards - having no balls or the spine to be men.

    i actually think many gay men are also bi-polar....
  • masculumpedes

    Posts: 5549

    Aug 26, 2012 3:07 PM GMT
    Blondizgd said I actually think many gay men are also bi-polar....


    I think you're right! icon_wink.gif
  • aznduderocks

    Posts: 67

    Aug 26, 2012 3:33 PM GMT
    I don't think that guy is putting family over the creator of this thread. Life goes on, you've already done your part by trying to ask him out. His excuses suck but you are still young and look at this as a lesson for future dates.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Aug 26, 2012 3:51 PM GMT
    Blondizgd said
    masculumpedes saidWhy do some guys get so emotionally attached after just one date? icon_eek.gif


    pheromones perhaps.

    or perhaps one guy was not clear with his likes or dislikes leading the other party to assume something existed that didn't. it takes two to tango, you know.

    i remember a first meet with a guy when i was younger . prior to meeting him i was not really interested, but i thouhgt nothing ventured...

    we met over drinks... chatted for over 2 hours. he was charming and quite sexy. on parting we kissed... well he initiated the kiss actually... and we kissed 3 times before parting. i rember telling him that i will contact him. i did that the very next day telling him that i enjoyed our date, the kisses and would like to see him again to get to know him better. immediately he started with the distancing thing. now i'm an up front sort of guy, have always been, will always will be. after about two weeks i asked him if he was busy or just not interested. he said he was terribly busy but will set aside sometime to meet the following week. i told him fine that they ball is in his court let me know when.

    oh let's see now that was about 25 years or so ago... i guess he's still playing with the ball.

    too many gay men are cowards - having no balls or the spine to be men.

    i actually think many gay men are also bi-polar....


    But then we get badmouthed for saying we're not interested. You really can't please anyone.icon_lol.gif But I lose interest in a guy or no longer want to meet up, I tell him I'm not interested upfront. Because otherwise, I just know he's going to persist. But whatever, I guess sometimes I do get too attached to some guys. It's hard to explain how you fall in love with one so quickly. If they really make you happy around them, they just seem like the one. Well whatever I've been trying to meet new guys maybe I'll come across someone better.
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    Aug 26, 2012 3:57 PM GMT
    easterndude69 said
    Blondizgd said
    masculumpedes saidWhy do some guys get so emotionally attached after just one date? icon_eek.gif


    pheromones perhaps.

    or perhaps one guy was not clear with his likes or dislikes leading the other party to assume something existed that didn't. it takes two to tango, you know.

    i remember a first meet with a guy when i was younger . prior to meeting him i was not really interested, but i thouhgt nothing ventured...

    we met over drinks... chatted for over 2 hours. he was charming and quite sexy. on parting we kissed... well he initiated the kiss actually... and we kissed 3 times before parting. i rember telling him that i will contact him. i did that the very next day telling him that i enjoyed our date, the kisses and would like to see him again to get to know him better. immediately he started with the distancing thing. now i'm an up front sort of guy, have always been, will always will be. after about two weeks i asked him if he was busy or just not interested. he said he was terribly busy but will set aside sometime to meet the following week. i told him fine that they ball is in his court let me know when.

    oh let's see now that was about 25 years or so ago... i guess he's still playing with the ball.

    too many gay men are cowards - having no balls or the spine to be men.

    i actually think many gay men are also bi-polar....


    But then we get badmouthed for saying we're not interested. You really can't please anyone.icon_lol.gif But I lose interest in a guy or no longer want to meet up, I tell him I'm not interested upfront. Because otherwise, I just know he's going to persist. But whatever, I guess sometimes I do get too attached to some guys. It's hard to explain how you fall in love with one so quickly. If they really make you happy around them, they just seem like the one. Well whatever I've been trying to meet new guys maybe I'll come across someone better.


    there's no way to explain it. one of the mystery of gay dating. the heart likes who it likes and there's nothing to be done. i too am pretty up front with guys so that they know where they stand with me. many gay men however do not have the balls to do this.
    sometimes when you express an interest they run. when you don't express an interest they fall apart.... you sometimes just can't win... only fate can get you and your intended on the same wave length at the same time.

    good luck
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Aug 26, 2012 4:39 PM GMT
    Blondizgd said
    easterndude69 said
    Blondizgd said
    masculumpedes saidWhy do some guys get so emotionally attached after just one date? icon_eek.gif


    pheromones perhaps.

    or perhaps one guy was not clear with his likes or dislikes leading the other party to assume something existed that didn't. it takes two to tango, you know.

    i remember a first meet with a guy when i was younger . prior to meeting him i was not really interested, but i thouhgt nothing ventured...

    we met over drinks... chatted for over 2 hours. he was charming and quite sexy. on parting we kissed... well he initiated the kiss actually... and we kissed 3 times before parting. i rember telling him that i will contact him. i did that the very next day telling him that i enjoyed our date, the kisses and would like to see him again to get to know him better. immediately he started with the distancing thing. now i'm an up front sort of guy, have always been, will always will be. after about two weeks i asked him if he was busy or just not interested. he said he was terribly busy but will set aside sometime to meet the following week. i told him fine that they ball is in his court let me know when.

    oh let's see now that was about 25 years or so ago... i guess he's still playing with the ball.

    too many gay men are cowards - having no balls or the spine to be men.

    i actually think many gay men are also bi-polar....


    But then we get badmouthed for saying we're not interested. You really can't please anyone.icon_lol.gif But I lose interest in a guy or no longer want to meet up, I tell him I'm not interested upfront. Because otherwise, I just know he's going to persist. But whatever, I guess sometimes I do get too attached to some guys. It's hard to explain how you fall in love with one so quickly. If they really make you happy around them, they just seem like the one. Well whatever I've been trying to meet new guys maybe I'll come across someone better.


    there's no way to explain it. one of the mystery of gay dating. the heart likes who it likes and there's nothing to be done. i too am pretty up front with guys so that they know where they stand with me. many gay men however do not have the balls to do this.
    sometimes when you express an interest they run. when you don't express an interest they fall apart.... you sometimes just can't win... only fate can get you and your intended on the same wave length at the same time.

    good luck


    Yeah, that's true. You can't really help who you get attached to though it is better to detach yourself from them if they don't feel the same way or are being unresponsive. And yeah, I've met a bunch of gay guys online who are barely responsive which usually prevents us from meeting up in person. I don't really like the internet for dating, but sometimes, it's hard to find a gay guy around your area.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Aug 26, 2012 5:30 PM GMT
    I guess I shouldn't have posted that status on facebook. Either way, he shouldn't have just started ignoring me never coming forward to me about his problem with me if he had one or his lack of interest in me. I haven't always come upfront to people who I'm not interested in afraid to hurt their feelings, but now I think I'm going to come forward to them and say it whether they like what they hear or not. I did make some mistakes, but overall, I should've picked up that he just wasn't interested when he became less responsive and always came up with plans with his friends and family. If a guy is interested, they will make time for the other guy. At the same time, I guess I fall for always being the one who tries to set things up. I guess I'm just too cynical always questioning someone's trust. It's good to take the initiative, but it's not good to be the only one doing all the work to try to get us together. Well, I've de-friended him on facebook he might notice that and take the hint that I've moved on or something.

    To those who would think this is a sneaky way to get him out of my life, trying to get through to him hasn't been successful so I believe this is the only way. I'm tired of seeing facebook updates of people I no longer talk with anyway.
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    Aug 26, 2012 5:35 PM GMT
    easterndude69 saidI . Well, I've de-friended him on facebook he might notice that and take the hint that I've moved on or something.


    what you mean is that you hope that he notices and is somehow affected in some way.

    here's some advice - he will not notice and even if he does - he will not be moved by it. he is not into you and doesn't care what you say or do. you are the one that is agonizing over it.

    do you care what people who you are not interested in do? he's the same way. he moved on from day one - if he didn't he and you would be in a relationship now.

    you need to move on too.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Aug 26, 2012 5:42 PM GMT
    Blondizgd said
    easterndude69 saidI . Well, I've de-friended him on facebook he might notice that and take the hint that I've moved on or something.


    what you mean is that you hope that he notices and is somehow affected in some way.

    here's some advice - he will not notice and even if he does - he will not be moved by it. he is not into you and doesn't care what you say or do. you are the one that is agonizing over it.

    do you care what people who you are not interested in do? he's the same way. he moved on from day one - if he didn't he and you would be in a relationship now.

    you need to move on too.


    Yeah, I'm moving on now. I don't really care what he thinks of me at this point. I just hope he isn't spreading shit about me with other guys around the area but whatever not much I can do about it now. I'm still trying to meet with other guys. If by some slim chance I do see him again, I won't ignore him though. Still, if he sounds excited to see me, I'd ask him what his deal is then cause that would make no sense. I've had that happen with people who I once knew and talked with before too then we just cut ties with each other. But yeah, I'm already looking for someone else. I'm just going to have to let him go like the other crushes I've had in my life.
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    Aug 26, 2012 5:54 PM GMT
    easterndude69 said
    Blondizgd said
    easterndude69 saidI . Well, I've de-friended him on facebook he might notice that and take the hint that I've moved on or something.


    .


    Yeah, I'm moving on now. I don't really care what he thinks of me at this point. I just hope he isn't spreading shit about me with other guys around the area but whatever not much I can do about it now. I'm still trying to meet with other guys. If by some slim chance I do see him again, I won't ignore him though. Still, if he sounds excited to see me, I'd ask him what his deal is then cause that would make no sense. I've had that happen with people who I once knew and talked with before too then we just cut ties with each other. But yeah, I'm already looking for someone else. I'm just going to have to let him go like the other crushes I've had in my life.


    So if by some chance you saw him.. then what? You go up to him and say, " hi how are you doing"? And then you expect him to do what, start up a conversation with you so that you have an opportunity to start dating?

    Getting one's heart broken is a rite of passage. This is not the last time it will happen to you. Learn from it and move on
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    Aug 26, 2012 6:07 PM GMT
    I hope I helped last night... the guy is a flake Ev, You deserve better.
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    Aug 26, 2012 9:20 PM GMT
    You didn't do anything "wrong". You had a little crush, you both seemed to really connect and then bam. Chemistry is a weird thing. We've all been there man so don't sweat it. Besides this will happen again, I promise. It's how straight and gay guys are.

    We flake out sometimes and honestly, I think each of us has had a moment where we gave a guy who liked us mixed signals. Sometimes our mood changes, or our options change, or a guy feels too clingy or we just want some space. Just remember that the person who wants the relationship the most has the least power so don't be so quick to forfeit yours. Take some time to get to know each other as potential friends instead of counting down the time for your next date. Get back out there....
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    Aug 26, 2012 9:28 PM GMT
    He's just like the 2009 movie "He's Just Not That Into You". Time to move on and find someone who is.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4863

    Aug 26, 2012 9:33 PM GMT
    These posts explain why I'd prefer to get to know a guy reasonably well before becoming sexually involved. Unfortunately, it's not that easy. Many guys seem to thing that one should have sex first then get to know a guy, but that carries emotional and other risks which, in my opinion, are best avoided.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Aug 26, 2012 10:19 PM GMT
    FRE0 saidThese posts explain why I'd prefer to get to know a guy reasonably well before becoming sexually involved. Unfortunately, it's not that easy. Many guys seem to thing that one should have sex first then get to know a guy, but that carries emotional and other risks which, in my opinion, are best avoided.


    We didn't have sex though. Idk whatever I'm over him on to the next one. I've been beating around this bush for too long now. Now, it's not the first time I've tried to get over a guy that I had a crush on though before it was with straight guys(at least I think they were), but I just have to get over it.

    And Blondizgd, no prob not but it would prob be better and more respectful of me to acknowledge him if I do see him. Even though he's hurt me, it's better to see that I'm still forgiving and at least friendly. Idk I'm just like that with ppl I've stopped talking to then see again in public or something and they seem pretty friendly then too. No, I wouldn't date him unless he was interested again, and he'd have to come forward to me about that. Could we be friends? I wanted that at least, but he won't even talk to me so that seems less possible unless we happen to run into each and start talking a little again. But whatever, I guess I'll try to let go. Even if I do see him, bringing up how I was hurt isn't going to solve anything. But for now, I'm done with him. And that's a big IF I do run into him. I think it's good to still be friendly though. If he doesn't acknowledge me, then fine, he wants nothing to do with me. But I'm not really going to keep thinking about this. It is what it is.