Making your intentions known

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2012 4:24 PM GMT
    I kinda had a weird experience with my almost first internet meetup. Talked to a guy who was in my area and seemed pretty chill so we exchanged numbers and then said maybe we would meet up and maybe go to his gym so he could give me some pointers on working out.

    When the topic came up "let me know when your free" I replied with a "Ya for sure I just wanna make sure you know that I'm not into hooking up. I'm not saying you were thinking that I just wanna make sure you know where I'm at ;)"

    After that I got a rapid fire slew of text messages saying I was full of myself that he's only into latino dudes and that I was insane and a freak... I thought I was just casually stating my intentions... Was I wrong? I've never met a dude over the internet and now I'm skeptical. I'm a little too relaxed for this type of extreme mood change.

    I've gotten some weird emails before so I thought it would be good to make sure everything was out on the table. I could use any kind of feedback. Thanks
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    Aug 26, 2012 4:26 PM GMT
    Well if hes hot and only into Latino dudes, send him my way!!!!


    But meeting people online is weird. You are bound to run into just as many freaks as you are to real cool possible friends. I have found both. Don't let this deter you.....
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 26, 2012 4:38 PM GMT
    Whitey89 saidI .... I thought I was just casually stating my intentions... Was I wrong?...

    You did the right thing, obviously the guy was a freak ... if he was just out to hookup the jackass should have been out front about it ... there are all sorts of nut cases on the internet ... unfortunately all you can do is be cautious and do your best to weed them out.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Aug 26, 2012 4:42 PM GMT
    Keep pressing on, hunni.

    You'll meet some keepers. There's always psychos, rapists, and weirdos out there. Most of them are public-school educated, so try and avoid them by asking some qualifying questions...

    Is there a family history of mental illness?

    How do u deal with rejection and criticism?

    Do you come from a family of means?.... etc...

    This should weed out the indesireables.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2012 4:42 PM GMT
    No doubt , you reacted very well ...
    In my book ,honesty is a must , and what you did was being honest !! This bloke was a galah , and you were smart to stay away from him .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2012 5:27 PM GMT
    It's the so-called normal guys who let you down. Sickos never scare me. At least they're committed.
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    Aug 26, 2012 5:31 PM GMT
    Aww.....so young and innocent...you still have no idea how many psychos there are....cute.
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    Aug 26, 2012 5:37 PM GMT
    Hard to say without knowing the context, but if there was no mention of anything hookup related, he could have interpreted your statement as insulting. If you were that concerned anyway, you could have made the point differently, e.g. "after working out, maybe we can get some coffee ..."
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    Aug 26, 2012 5:52 PM GMT
    OP.. was talking to a guy here..on RJ..His profile saids "looking for gym buddy..no hookups"..so i responded!

    We agreed to be work out buds..he was clear..no hookups..which for me is perfect..!!
    ....The day we were supposed to meet up ..we talked on the phone..going great..going great..
    and then out of the blue:

    Guy: "i'm lookin at your profile again".."you must be really hung!"
    Me: "Maybe but that's not really important now.. is it?"
    Guy: "I'm a bottom"
    Me: "Good for you!" ... "i thought we were going to be just workout buds?"
    Guy: "Yeah".."But you'll give me a massage right?"
    Me: "As long as it's clean"
    Guy: "Will you go to the sauna with me?"
    Me: "No!".."I will not!"
    Guy..hangs up!
    WTF!?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 26, 2012 6:02 PM GMT
    socalfitness saidHard to say without knowing the context, but if there was no mention of anything hookup related, he could have interpreted your statement as insulting. If you were that concerned anyway, you could have made the point differently, e.g. "after working out, maybe we can get some coffee ..."


    1715.gif
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    Aug 27, 2012 1:48 AM GMT
    I might be alone on this one, But if I met someone cool and we were getting along, and then he suddenly says something like, "I'm not going to hookup with you" -- I find that incredibly annoying.

    1) Thanks for assuming I'm a creep
    2) Ego is a turn-off. Maybe you're the one trying to hookup with me
    3) What kind of people are you hanging out with that you immediately assume any nice guy chatting with you is after you?

    Why can't guys just have a nice, normal conversation without mention of hooking up?
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    Aug 27, 2012 2:03 AM GMT
    Whitey89 saidI kinda had a weird experience with my almost first internet meetup. Talked to a guy who was in my area and seemed pretty chill so we exchanged numbers and then said maybe we would meet up and maybe go to his gym so he could give me some pointers on working out.

    When the topic came up "let me know when your free" I replied with a "Ya for sure I just wanna make sure you know that I'm not into hooking up. I'm not saying you were thinking that I just wanna make sure you know where I'm at ;)"

    After that I got a rapid fire slew of text messages saying I was full of myself that he's only into latino dudes and that I was insane and a freak... I thought I was just casually stating my intentions... Was I wrong? I've never met a dude over the internet and now I'm skeptical. I'm a little too relaxed for this type of extreme mood change.

    I've gotten some weird emails before so I thought it would be good to make sure everything was outi on the table. I could use any kind of feedback. Thanks


    You could have approached it better.
    Did he make any suggestions that he wanted to hookup? If he didn't, then what made you think he wanted to? If I were in that guy's position i would have been annoyed and think you were a bit full of yourself.

    Now if he hinted that he wanted to hookup then you handled it correctly.
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    Aug 27, 2012 1:40 PM GMT
    True I guess I can see what I did wrong. I just didn't want to give a wrong impression. It's hard to tell what people are really saying over font instead of verbal/face to face communication. And I thought at most it would've gone with a reply like "ya me either, I'm just looking to hang out" I just don't want anyone getting the wrong impression. And meeting a stranger over the internet can be dangerous you don't know who your really talking to. I guess this calls for a you live and you learn for me. Thanks for the feedback everyone
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    Aug 27, 2012 3:40 PM GMT
    just hint next time, like "its a relief to finally have a chat with a guy without him wanting to hookup, ive had some wierd messages" etc probably word it a little better but you get the point, its friendly, not pressumptuous and gets the point acroos well.
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    Aug 27, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    Hooked up once with a guy who only wanted me cause he knew uniforms were a turn on for me... oh wait, your post... maybe you should get to know someone better before exchanging numbers, or forget about them, instead of making posts that record stupid homo behavior to your the cost of your time and effort.
    So... what of your latest victories before and after this?
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    Aug 27, 2012 3:56 PM GMT
    huhwhat saidI might be alone on this one, But if I met someone cool and we were getting along, and then he suddenly says something like, "I'm not going to hookup with you" -- I find that incredibly annoying.

    1) Thanks for assuming I'm a creep
    2) Ego is a turn-off. Maybe you're the one trying to hookup with me
    3) What kind of people are you hanging out with that you immediately assume any nice guy chatting with you is after you?

    Why can't guys just have a nice, normal conversation without mention of hooking up?


    This.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 28, 2012 1:35 PM GMT
    Whitey89 saidI kinda had a weird experience with my almost first internet meetup. Talked to a guy who was in my area and seemed pretty chill so we exchanged numbers and then said maybe we would meet up and maybe go to his gym so he could give me some pointers on working out.

    When the topic came up "let me know when your free" I replied with a "Ya for sure I just wanna make sure you know that I'm not into hooking up. I'm not saying you were thinking that I just wanna make sure you know where I'm at ;)"

    After that I got a rapid fire slew of text messages saying I was full of myself that he's only into latino dudes and that I was insane and a freak... I thought I was just casually stating my intentions... Was I wrong? I've never met a dude over the internet and now I'm skeptical. I'm a little too relaxed for this type of extreme mood change.

    I've gotten some weird emails before so I thought it would be good to make sure everything was out on the table. I could use any kind of feedback. Thanks


    Sounds like weirdo to me, If you/anyone said that to me my reply would be something to the effect of " me neither" end of story.... I think his answer prob says a lot about what his real intentions are/ were icon_confused.gif