Guy keeps bailing on me when we try to meet up.

  • BlueMoose

    Posts: 237

    Aug 27, 2012 10:18 PM GMT
    I have been talking to this guy I met on OkCupid for about a month now and really like the guy. We have had many strong conversations and I feel a real connection with this guy. The issue is though that every time I try to set up a meet it ends up with him having to bail at the last second. It is getting really frustrating and discouraging. I was talking to him just yesterday to meet up on Thursday but now he can't because he's getting a tattoo. All of his reasons seem legitimate, but it's frustrating that he can't free up one day in his not so busy schedule. He isn't in school or working so what can be taking up all his time. Any ideas on how to pursue or should I just call it quits and move on? Serious replies would be greatly appreciated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2012 10:28 PM GMT
    He's a flake.
    Call it quits and cut off all communication.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2012 10:40 PM GMT
    (What's up Blue?..icon_biggrin.gif )
    This one is kinda vague..i'm very interested to see the collective feedback!..
    So i think you are a little like me when you interact with one guy he becomes the focus..No one else matters but him!

    1)..Are you being pushy about meeting this guy?
    ..maybe he want's to take it slow..
    2) Maybe you are being misled one way or another!

    This one is going to be harsh..i'm sorry (happened to me)
    3) maybe he is interested in your conversations..but not your company?
    (Guys use the internet to pass the time till the BF gets home..but they won't tell you they're attatched)

    Blue you are young and full of life..it's very simple.. You can Date/ Solicit more than one guy till you find a worthy contender..

    START moving on to the next guy.. If "Mr Sketchy" contacts you..take it for what it is..good conversatin'..RIGHT NOW... he is not looking too good as a future investment..keep your ball rolling!

    Hugz Blue!!..


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2012 10:41 PM GMT
    Ask him to set the time to meet next time?


    then I would bail on his ass at the last second and

    1) see how he likes it

    2) see his reaction


    Honestly, I dont think he is worth your time. Breaking appointments is serious in my book. I might tolerate it once...things do come up in life. But not a second time.

    I would still do what I said above. He needs to see what it's like.
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    Aug 27, 2012 10:41 PM GMT
    Neight saidHe's a flake.
    Call it quits and cut off all communication.


    The universal gay answer to every guy problem!
    WTF?
  • BlueMoose

    Posts: 237

    Aug 27, 2012 10:49 PM GMT
    Anocxu said(What's up Blue?..icon_biggrin.gif )
    This one is kinda vague..i'm very interested to see the collective feedback!..
    So i think you are a little like me when you interact with one guy he becomes the focus..No one else matters but him!

    1)..Are you being pushy about meeting this guy?
    ..maybe he want's to take it slow..
    2) Maybe you are being misled one way or another!

    This one is going to be harsh..i'm sorry (happened to me)
    3) maybe he is interested in your conversations..but not your company?
    (Guys use the internet to pass the time till the BF gets home..but they won't tell you they're attatched)

    Blue you are young and full of life..it's very simple.. You can Date/ Solicit more than one guy till you find a worthy contender..

    START moving on to the next guy.. If "Mr Sketchy" contacts you..take it for what it is..good conversatin'..RIGHT NOW... he is not looking too good as a future investment..keep your ball rolling!

    Hugz Blue!!..




    1) I haven't been pushy about meeting. I even put it in his hands to set a day and time.

    2) He flirts with me a lot calling me stud and handsome.

    3) he keeps telling me how much he wants to meet me.

    I do talk to a bunch of guys but most don't hold any interested. When I find one that interests me a lot I do tend to focus on just them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2012 11:00 PM GMT
    Ahh!..these details ..He keeps telling YOU he want's to meet you too and then he sells out...!

    .. Well this is not good.. If he brings it up again..You have to let him know it's not right..

    Well you have to come to a conclusion to put your mind at ease...
    He Is Not Serious or Ready..!
  • BlueMoose

    Posts: 237

    Aug 27, 2012 11:03 PM GMT
    Yea apparently not. His loss I guess. Hate guys who play games. So frustrating.
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    Aug 27, 2012 11:47 PM GMT
    BlueMoose saidI have been talking to this guy I met on OkCupid for about a month now and really like the guy. We have had many strong conversations and I feel a real connection with this guy. The issue is though that every time I try to set up a meet it ends up with him having to bail at the last second. It is getting really frustrating and discouraging. I was talking to him just yesterday to meet up on Thursday but now he can't because he's getting a tattoo. All of his reasons seem legitimate, but it's frustrating that he can't free up one day in his not so busy schedule. He isn't in school or working so what can be taking up all his time. Any ideas on how to pursue or should I just call it quits and move on? Serious replies would be greatly appreciated.


    30 days of on-line chat isn't enough to evaluate much of anything.

    DON'T be one of those guys who thinks a Dude should drop His ENTIRE life to meet you.

    2 months --- 3 months -- and still no meet-up???? YEAH, there's a problem. But the space of 4 weeks is not an accurate measure. (assuming yer not 3,000 miles away).

    Ask HIM what You are asking Us...You will get a more accurate answer.

    icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 27, 2012 11:49 PM GMT
    Simple solution: Ask him when he wants to meet. If he has a problem with a day/time.. take it that you aren't a priority and move along.

    Don't continue to bug him... put it on him and if he doesn't respond, you have your answer.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 27, 2012 11:51 PM GMT
    I think it's understandable to have some conflicts, especially if he's working and/or in school. Don't think too much of it for now, and give him the benefit of the doubt. Be persistent though.
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    Aug 27, 2012 11:52 PM GMT
    BlueMoose saidYea apparently not. His loss I guess. Hate guys who play games. So frustrating.


    This game playing is truly an epidemic amongst gay men. I am amazed that everyone claims to hate it, yet it is so rampant. Who the hell is doing it then?

    If I were you, I would start looking at other guys. It seems to me that you have put yourself on the line and he's not returning the same level of attraction to you that you have offered to him.

    Set a standard that is important to you in your interpersonal relationships. If he doesn't meet the standard, move on. Do not sell yourself short.

    Good Luck.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 27, 2012 11:54 PM GMT
    huhwhat saidI . Be persistent though.


    There is diligence and then there is "bugging". I'd make it clear you want to meet, but clearly the OP hasn't been successful. Rather than continuing on the same course.. change it and ask when the dude wants to meet.
    Persistance is good, but in this case, I think the OP is about done.
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    Aug 28, 2012 12:04 AM GMT
    Cash said
    BlueMoose saidI have been talking to this guy I met on OkCupid for about a month now and really like the guy. We have had many strong conversations and I feel a real connection with this guy. The issue is though that every time I try to set up a meet it ends up with him having to bail at the last second. It is getting really frustrating and discouraging. I was talking to him just yesterday to meet up on Thursday but now he can't because he's getting a tattoo. All of his reasons seem legitimate, but it's frustrating that he can't free up one day in his not so busy schedule. He isn't in school or working so what can be taking up all his time. Any ideas on how to pursue or should I just call it quits and move on? Serious replies would be greatly appreciated.


    30 days of on-line chat isn't enough to evaluate much of anything.

    DON'T be one of those guys who thinks a Dude should drop His ENTIRE life to meet you.

    2 months --- 3 months -- and still no meet-up???? YEAH, there's a problem. But the space of 4 weeks is not an accurate measure. (assuming yer not 3,000 miles away).

    Ask HIM what You are asking Us...You will get a more accurate answer.

    icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif


    Cash you are overlooking one valid point..
    The guy keeps Initiating a meetup then he bails!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 28, 2012 12:06 AM GMT
    Actions speak louder than words. Its really easy to say "I want to meet you" and make up all sorts of excuses as to why you can't next time but the truth is, people will put forth the effort (through action) if it's something they want, and say all sorts of things to come across as decent and likeable. It helps to judge people by their actions, only then will you get an accurate depiction of who they really are.
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    Aug 28, 2012 12:07 AM GMT
    Blue there comes to a point when this behavior can be deemed as disrespectful...
    Take care of yourself..and i truly wish you the best!
    Anocxu...Giant Hug?
    HUUUUGGGGGGGGZZZZ!! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 28, 2012 12:12 AM GMT
    BlueMoose saidI have been talking to this guy I met on OkCupid for about a month now and really like the guy. We have had many strong conversations and I feel a real connection with this guy. The issue is though that every time I try to set up a meet it ends up with him having to bail at the last second. It is getting really frustrating and discouraging. I was talking to him just yesterday to meet up on Thursday but now he can't because he's getting a tattoo. All of his reasons seem legitimate, but it's frustrating that he can't free up one day in his not so busy schedule. He isn't in school or working so what can be taking up all his time. Any ideas on how to pursue or should I just call it quits and move on? Serious replies would be greatly appreciated.


    I think it's time to drop him.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Aug 28, 2012 12:13 AM GMT
    I dunno, you guys are being a lot more forgiving than I would be. I think that any kind of first social meeting is a lot like a professional meeting in that there are standards of common courtesy. I can only get flaked out on once or twice before I MAJORLY start to lose interest. I do not need flaky people in my life. By the way, a tattoo?! A tattoo is not a good excuse to break a date. Either (a) it was planned way in advance, so he should've known it was coming up, or (b) he decided on it last-minute and thus made it more important than you, which is ridiculous.

    He owes you big time at this point. I wouldn't be so cold as to drop him, but I wouldn't go out of my way to engage him either. No one consistently drops appointments with people they actually care about and respect.
  • jayatl56

    Posts: 463

    Aug 28, 2012 12:31 AM GMT
    Something is up. I think I'd just tell him the balls in his court, when he's ready he can call. Then stop contacting him. Period.
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    Aug 28, 2012 12:34 AM GMT
    jayatl56 saidSomething is up. I think I'd just tell him the balls in his court, when he's ready he can call. Then stop contacting him. Period.


    told a guy this about 6 years ago. ball still ain't returned.
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    Aug 28, 2012 12:36 AM GMT
    Blackguy4you said
    jayatl56 saidSomething is up. I think I'd just tell him the balls in his court, when he's ready he can call. Then stop contacting him. Period.


    told a guy this about 6 years ago. ball still ain't returned.


    What idiot could do that to you? His loss
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    Aug 28, 2012 12:40 AM GMT
    BlueMoose saidI have been talking to this guy I met on OkCupid for about a month now and really like the guy. We have had many strong conversations and I feel a real connection with this guy. The issue is though that every time I try to set up a meet it ends up with him having to bail at the last second. It is getting really frustrating and discouraging.[...]


    BlueMoose said
    Anocxu said[...]

    1) I haven't been pushy about meeting. I even put it in his hands to set a day and time.

    2) He flirts with me a lot calling me stud and handsome.

    3) he keeps telling me how much he wants to meet me.

    I do talk to a bunch of guys but most don't hold any interested. When I find one that interests me a lot I do tend to focus on just them.


    He sounds like he may be a fake and is just trolling you. Perhaps he has lied to you about something basic about himself and is embarrassed (age, disability, etc.) to actually meet you.
    If you really enjoy the conversations, definitely continue the dialogue but don't expect a meeting to come of it. Friends that you can speak WITH are very important for one's own happiness and satisfaction.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Aug 28, 2012 12:43 AM GMT
    Sounds fishy. It it doesn't feel right, it usually isn't. He can't even commit to just meeting up, which tells you everything you need to know right there. Find someone who will jump at the chance to meet you.
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    Aug 28, 2012 12:45 AM GMT
    dudes got no job and is not in school...

    keep it movin, dude. U aint missing anything.
  • Midas426

    Posts: 965

    Aug 28, 2012 1:04 AM GMT
    Blackguy4you said
    jayatl56 saidSomething is up. I think I'd just tell him the balls in his court, when he's ready he can call. Then stop contacting him. Period.


    told a guy this about 6 years ago. ball still ain't returned.
    LOL.. I have a few missing balls myself.