Lack of racial diversity in my local gay community really bringing me down

  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Aug 28, 2012 2:30 AM GMT
    So I'm back in Michigan, which has a very divisive racial history and am down about the prospect to meet guys of every race in this area. In terms of dating I consider myself like a united nations with no main prejudices in my attraction to guys. But since I've been back here from Toronto the racial disparity amoung gay guys here has been amplified in my consciousness. I have been called a nigger (unprovoked, honestly) online and when my white friends asks other guys (who ARE in my league with no dilusional expectation of mine, hefty, balding)why the lack of interest they say "I'm not into black guys".

    Cut to a month ago when I was in Toronto men from all different cultures were into me and I was into them. Muscular, handsome, guys from different races who would have shunned me here at home were suprisingly interested and they were suprised at my situation back home. Due to the lack of employment prospects in my field it is very difficult to move to a more culturall diverse town and its killing me.

    Don't get me wrong I am attracted to AA men as well but I'm not exclusive to one race. But here it seems like black fro black and white for white. A saturday night at a gay bar or club looks like a high school cafeteria where all the races have segregated themselves. This is especially sad to me because the out gay population is relatively small.

    Does anyone notice the same thing where they live? How does it make you feel? Not looking for a pity party just some discourse on the subject.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 28, 2012 2:33 AM GMT
    That's like code rule 2b.69 of the gay agenda ... recruit straight guys ... it's your duty as a gay man icon_lol.gif
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Aug 28, 2012 2:38 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidThat's like code rule 2b.69 of the gay agenda ... recruit straight guys ... it's your duty as a gay man icon_lol.gif


    So what's code rule 2b.70? Get your ass whooped? LOL
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    Aug 28, 2012 2:41 AM GMT
    I think you'll probably be flamed by others for posting this since so many are annoyed of seeing these types of threads posted by other members. Beware of the trolls!

    That said, I believe I can relate except I'm not black and no one can really say, "I'm just not into hybrids" unless they're referring to cars-- or at least, no one has ever said that to me before. Even so, I've dealt with people who would look at me and shy away for some reason. I have no problem attracting "AAs/Blacks" as it were, but other "races" seem to go poof.

    *Shrugs* I don't think I can relate to hardly anyone that's gay or bi. I'm all kinds of mixed up. Being one who was born in the East yet raised in the West but can't belong with either or. I kinda feel like a Liger or something. icon_confused.gif

    Ultimately though, I'm learning not to give a damn. I don't mind if a guy doesn't find me to be his cup of tea. I find many people who aren't mine either so it's only fair I wouldn't be held in the same regards as I see him. Plus gays here in Dallas aren't very cultured, pretty snobbish, shady, whor-ish, and are legitimate jack-asses. Maybe though, that's just most gay/bi men in general. icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 28, 2012 2:42 AM GMT
    This is gonna be great! popcorn.jpg
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    Aug 28, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    Michigan is a heavy GOP state.icon_wink.gif
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Aug 28, 2012 2:49 AM GMT
    ParadiseLost,
    Thanks for the warning and intelligent insight you provided. Don't worry I've already got my mouse on the "Ignore His Post" button. I am brave and am not affraid of what others have to say.

    Although it is a culture shock experiencing this change I think you're right about learning not to give a damn about what others think. I just don't want to get caught up in the narrowmindedness of my environment.
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Aug 28, 2012 2:51 AM GMT
    TropicalMark saidMichigan is a heavy GOP state.icon_wink.gif


    Yeah. But it also has its own segregated history. One not worth going into but there are some residual traces of seperatism that is gradually dissipating.
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    Aug 28, 2012 2:54 AM GMT
    MadeinMich said
    TropicalMark saidMichigan is a heavy GOP state.icon_wink.gif


    Yeah. But it also has its own segregated history. One not worth going into but there are some residual traces of seperatism that is gradually dissipating.
    Lets hope it happens fast!
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    Aug 28, 2012 2:56 AM GMT
    I don't think you will so long as you find others who can relate to you and be close to you. icon_smile.gif The question becomes: Are they what you into/looking for in a guy? Based on my experiences and stories that I've gathered from other Black Gay men sticking to their guns and dating within their population, they seem to run into the kind of problems they themselves are trying to avoid in their own lives. For you, I see the trouble of not being into AA who are "thugged out", "campy", or hide behind some sort of stereotype markup. Just my hypothesis of course. What is your experience?
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Aug 28, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    ParadiseLost saidI don't think you will so long as you find others who can relate to you and be close to you. icon_smile.gif The question becomes: Are they what you into/looking for in a guy? Based on my experiences and stories that I've gathered from other Black Gay men sticking to their guns and dating within their population, they seem to run into the kind of problems they themselves are trying to avoid in their own lives. For you, I see the trouble of not being into AA who are "thugged out", "campy", or hide behind some sort of stereotype markup. Just my hypothesis of course. What is your experience?


    I don't want to generalize but I do run into a lot of homothugs that turns me off. so you have to sift through them. and after that i'm left with an even smaller dating pool. its not that i'm not into AA. its that i very rarely find the kinds i'm into around me. i understand i do have hang ups i need to get over and am working on.

    but my mind isn't limited to one group,thats a problem of mine maybe. i mean i have AA friends who are soley into AA and i think to myself "wow, that would be so much easier if i were like that cuz i would only be attracted to a group that are more naturally attracted to me". not sure if that makes sense.
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    Aug 28, 2012 3:10 AM GMT
    Whereabouts back in Mich are you?
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Aug 28, 2012 3:11 AM GMT
    beneful1 saidWhereabouts back in Mich are you?


    S.E. Michigan. Metro Detroit area. Why?
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    Aug 28, 2012 3:12 AM GMT
    beneful1 saidWhereabouts back in Mich are you?
    You sassy guy! You're making a pass at him right here in public!icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Aug 28, 2012 3:13 AM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    beneful1 saidWhereabouts back in Mich are you?
    You sassy guy! You're making a pass at him right here in public!icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif


    Oh shit...Duh see, so much rejection here I didn't even see it happening...lol
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    Aug 28, 2012 3:19 AM GMT
    MadeinMich said
    beneful1 saidWhereabouts back in Mich are you?


    S.E. Michigan. Metro Detroit area. Why?


    Well I was just wondering if you were in small-town nowhere or metro D

    I'm just wondering if the stark differences between "gay-life" between the two might play into it.. T.O has a pretty well defined downtown gay centric neighborhood full of bars/clubs/stores etc. Detroit doesn't really have that other than a little bit in RoyalOak. Everything as you know is spread out all over the place, miles and miles apart which totally obliterates any real sense of community. Even if you don't live "downtown" Toronto it's still easier to get downtown, get home if your drunk or don't drive on transit.. you can't do that in Detroit.. Everywhere is so isolated from each other.. I'm wondering if that has any play in it.
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    Aug 28, 2012 3:20 AM GMT
    MadeinMich said
    TropicalMark said
    beneful1 saidWhereabouts back in Mich are you?
    You sassy guy! You're making a pass at him right here in public!icon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gificon_lol.gif


    Oh shit...Duh see, so much rejection here I didn't even see it happening...lol
    I'll give ya all the tips ya need!icon_wink.gif
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    Aug 28, 2012 3:24 AM GMT
    MadeinMich said
    ParadiseLost saidI don't think you will so long as you find others who can relate to you and be close to you. icon_smile.gif The question becomes: Are they what you into/looking for in a guy? Based on my experiences and stories that I've gathered from other Black Gay men sticking to their guns and dating within their population, they seem to run into the kind of problems they themselves are trying to avoid in their own lives. For you, I see the trouble of not being into AA who are "thugged out", "campy", or hide behind some sort of stereotype markup. Just my hypothesis of course. What is your experience?


    I don't want to generalize but I do run into a lot of homothugs that turns me off. so you have to sift through them. and after that i'm left with an even smaller dating pool. its not that i'm not into AA. its that i very rarely find the kinds i'm into around me. i understand i do have hang ups i need to get over and am working on.

    but my mind isn't limited to one group,thats a problem of mine maybe. i mean i have AA friends who are soley into AA and i think to myself "wow, that would be so much easier if i were like that cuz i would only be attracted to a group that are more naturally attracted to me". not sure if that makes sense.


    I think I can understand. icon_smile.gif I don't date within my people because most of them are assholes. The Persians and Arabs both have huge machismo egos (you want to talk about patriarchal...) and live in a world far too polarized for my taste. I don't know much about Turkish gay men because, well, I don't know of any! Same with Greek. The ancient Egyptians are long gone. The current people of Egyptian are Arabs mostly and, well, I don't know of any Egyptian gay men. I'm not interested in Eastern Indian gay men. Jewish gay men mostly fear me and think I'm a terrorist icon_lol.gif. +D

    Yeah, see? I don't date within my own pool either. icon_razz.gif
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Aug 28, 2012 3:26 AM GMT
    beneful1 said
    MadeinMich said
    beneful1 saidWhereabouts back in Mich are you?


    S.E. Michigan. Metro Detroit area. Why?


    Well I was just wondering if you were in small-town nowhere or metro D

    I'm just wondering if the stark differences between "gay-life" between the two might play into it.. T.O has a pretty well defined downtown gay centric neighborhood full of bars/clubs/stores etc. Detroit doesn't really have that other than a little bit in RoyalOak. Everything as you know is spread out all over the place, miles and miles apart which totally obliterates any real sense of community. Even if you don't live "downtown" Toronto it's still easier to get downtown, get home if your drunk or don't drive on transit.. you can't do that in Detroit.. Everywhere is so isolated from each other.. I'm wondering if that has any play in it.


    I agree. Public transportation forves greater interaction between different people for extended amounts of time. Other than get in your car and leave.

    Again, I'd hate to generalize. I do see some lines breaking down with younger generations. But in Toronto I was able to enjoy the company of beautifup middle eastern, african, asian men. Its true there's a little multiculturalism in RO and A2 but not as much as I experienced in TO
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    Aug 28, 2012 3:28 AM GMT
    ParadiseLost said
    MadeinMich said
    ParadiseLost saidI don't think you will so long as you find others who can relate to you and be close to you. icon_smile.gif The question becomes: Are they what you into/looking for in a guy? Based on my experiences and stories that I've gathered from other Black Gay men sticking to their guns and dating within their population, they seem to run into the kind of problems they themselves are trying to avoid in their own lives. For you, I see the trouble of not being into AA who are "thugged out", "campy", or hide behind some sort of stereotype markup. Just my hypothesis of course. What is your experience?


    I don't want to generalize but I do run into a lot of homothugs that turns me off. so you have to sift through them. and after that i'm left with an even smaller dating pool. its not that i'm not into AA. its that i very rarely find the kinds i'm into around me. i understand i do have hang ups i need to get over and am working on.

    but my mind isn't limited to one group,thats a problem of mine maybe. i mean i have AA friends who are soley into AA and i think to myself "wow, that would be so much easier if i were like that cuz i would only be attracted to a group that are more naturally attracted to me". not sure if that makes sense.


    I think I can understand. icon_smile.gif I don't date within my people because most of them are assholes. The Persians and Arabs both have huge machismo egos (you want to talk about patriarchal...) and live in a world far too polarized for my taste. I don't know much about Turkish gay men because, well, I don't know of any! Same with Greek. The ancient Egyptians are long gone. The current people of Egyptian are Arabs mostly and, well, I don't know of any Egyptian gay men. I'm not interested in Eastern Indian gay men. Jewish gay men mostly fear me and think I'm a terrorist icon_lol.gif. +D

    Yeah, see? I don't date within my own pool either. icon_razz.gif
    You a terrorist? LMAO.. that's something the conservaposse would say!
    Come on down here and 'terrorize' me!icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Aug 28, 2012 3:32 AM GMT
    ParadiseLost said
    MadeinMich said
    ParadiseLost saidI don't think you will so long as you find others who can relate to you and be close to you. icon_smile.gif The question becomes: Are they what you into/looking for in a guy? Based on my experiences and stories that I've gathered from other Black Gay men sticking to their guns and dating within their population, they seem to run into the kind of problems they themselves are trying to avoid in their own lives. For you, I see the trouble of not being into AA who are "thugged out", "campy", or hide behind some sort of stereotype markup. Just my hypothesis of course. What is your experience?


    I don't want to generalize but I do run into a lot of homothugs that turns me off. so you have to sift through them. and after that i'm left with an even smaller dating pool. its not that i'm not into AA. its that i very rarely find the kinds i'm into around me. i understand i do have hang ups i need to get over and am working on.

    but my mind isn't limited to one group,thats a problem of mine maybe. i mean i have AA friends who are soley into AA and i think to myself "wow, that would be so much easier if i were like that cuz i would only be attracted to a group that are more naturally attracted to me". not sure if that makes sense.


    I think I can understand. icon_smile.gif I don't date within my people because most of them are assholes. The Persians and Arabs both have huge machismo egos (you want to talk about patriarchal...) and live in a world far too polarized for my taste. I don't know much about Turkish gay men because, well, I don't know of any! Same with Greek. The ancient Egyptians are long gone. The current people of Egyptian are Arabs mostly and, well, I don't know of any Egyptian gay men. I'm not interested in Eastern Indian gay men. Jewish gay men mostly fear me and think I'm a terrorist icon_lol.gif. +D

    Yeah, see? I don't date within my own pool either. icon_razz.gif


    Sorry man but I love middle eastern men....lol. That hole possesive thing kind of turns me on in a weird way.....lol. Being beholdent to someone and having someone being beholdent exclusively to you I find to be rare in the gay community, thus very exotic and desirable. weird i know.
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    Aug 28, 2012 3:35 AM GMT
    MadeinMich said
    beneful1 said
    MadeinMich said
    beneful1 saidWhereabouts back in Mich are you?


    S.E. Michigan. Metro Detroit area. Why?


    Well I was just wondering if you were in small-town nowhere or metro D

    I'm just wondering if the stark differences between "gay-life" between the two might play into it.. T.O has a pretty well defined downtown gay centric neighborhood full of bars/clubs/stores etc. Detroit doesn't really have that other than a little bit in RoyalOak. Everything as you know is spread out all over the place, miles and miles apart which totally obliterates any real sense of community. Even if you don't live "downtown" Toronto it's still easier to get downtown, get home if your drunk or don't drive on transit.. you can't do that in Detroit.. Everywhere is so isolated from each other.. I'm wondering if that has any play in it.


    I agree. Public transportation forves greater interaction between different people for extended amounts of time. Other than get in your car and leave.

    Again, I'd hate to generalize. I do see some lines breaking down with younger generations. But in Toronto I was able to enjoy the company of beautifup middle eastern, african, asian men. Its true there's a little multiculturalism in RO and A2 but not as much as I experienced in TO


    Well it's definitely not as multicultural as Toronto by a long shot and just that fact that Detroit is so un-cohesive may be making matters worse. Attraction between to people of two different backgrounds or races doesn't stop at man made boundaries.
  • MadeinMich

    Posts: 1624

    Aug 28, 2012 3:46 AM GMT
    beneful1 said
    MadeinMich said
    beneful1 said
    MadeinMich said
    beneful1 saidWhereabouts back in Mich are you?


    S.E. Michigan. Metro Detroit area. Why?


    Well I was just wondering if you were in small-town nowhere or metro D

    I'm just wondering if the stark differences between "gay-life" between the two might play into it.. T.O has a pretty well defined downtown gay centric neighborhood full of bars/clubs/stores etc. Detroit doesn't really have that other than a little bit in RoyalOak. Everything as you know is spread out all over the place, miles and miles apart which totally obliterates any real sense of community. Even if you don't live "downtown" Toronto it's still easier to get downtown, get home if your drunk or don't drive on transit.. you can't do that in Detroit.. Everywhere is so isolated from each other.. I'm wondering if that has any play in it.


    I agree. Public transportation forves greater interaction between different people for extended amounts of time. Other than get in your car and leave.

    Again, I'd hate to generalize. I do see some lines breaking down with younger generations. But in Toronto I was able to enjoy the company of beautifup middle eastern, african, asian men. Its true there's a little multiculturalism in RO and A2 but not as much as I experienced in TO


    Well it's definitely not as multicultural as Toronto by a long shot and just that fact that Detroit is so un-cohesive may be making matters worse. Attraction between to people of two different backgrounds or races doesn't stop at man made boundaries.


    But I find that those man made boundaries help in preventing cross pollenization of cultures that can lead to more inter cultural romantic interests. my theory is that right now races grow up too seperated to appreciate what the others have to offer when they grow up.

    for instance adults who are attracted to solely they're own race most likely didnt experience different cultures as much growing up. just a theory, could be wrong.
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    Aug 28, 2012 4:01 AM GMT
    TropicalMark said
    ParadiseLost said
    MadeinMich said
    ParadiseLost saidI don't think you will so long as you find others who can relate to you and be close to you. icon_smile.gif The question becomes: Are they what you into/looking for in a guy? Based on my experiences and stories that I've gathered from other Black Gay men sticking to their guns and dating within their population, they seem to run into the kind of problems they themselves are trying to avoid in their own lives. For you, I see the trouble of not being into AA who are "thugged out", "campy", or hide behind some sort of stereotype markup. Just my hypothesis of course. What is your experience?


    I don't want to generalize but I do run into a lot of homothugs that turns me off. so you have to sift through them. and after that i'm left with an even smaller dating pool. its not that i'm not into AA. its that i very rarely find the kinds i'm into around me. i understand i do have hang ups i need to get over and am working on.

    but my mind isn't limited to one group,thats a problem of mine maybe. i mean i have AA friends who are soley into AA and i think to myself "wow, that would be so much easier if i were like that cuz i would only be attracted to a group that are more naturally attracted to me". not sure if that makes sense.


    I think I can understand. icon_smile.gif I don't date within my people because most of them are assholes. The Persians and Arabs both have huge machismo egos (you want to talk about patriarchal...) and live in a world far too polarized for my taste. I don't know much about Turkish gay men because, well, I don't know of any! Same with Greek. The ancient Egyptians are long gone. The current people of Egyptian are Arabs mostly and, well, I don't know of any Egyptian gay men. I'm not interested in Eastern Indian gay men. Jewish gay men mostly fear me and think I'm a terrorist icon_lol.gif. +D

    Yeah, see? I don't date within my own pool either. icon_razz.gif
    You a terrorist? LMAO.. that's something the conservaposse would say!
    Come on down here and 'terrorize' me!icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif


    Lol, okay! +D Shall I bring my Hand Grenades or do you prefer 'ra-ta-ta-ta's'? icon_smile.gif Also, where is "down here"? I mean... I thought Texas was as low as one could go (in so many ways -_-)?

    QUOTE AUTHOR GOES HERESorry man but I love middle eastern men....lol. That hole possesive thing kind of turns me on in a weird way.....lol. Being beholdent to someone and having someone being beholdent exclusively to you I find to be rare in the gay community, thus very exotic and desirable. weird i know.


    Lol, well, feel free to date my people as you please. icon_smile.gif I'm an exclusive lover but no one will make me their bitch. icon_razz.gif

    Not unless it's some sort of kinky BDSM fantasy or something.. icon_redface.gif
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    Aug 28, 2012 4:02 AM GMT
    MadeinMich saidSo I'm back in Michigan, which has a very divisive racial history and am down about the prospect to meet guys of every race in this area. In terms of dating I consider myself like a united nations with no main prejudices in my attraction to guys. But since I've been back here from Toronto the racial disparity amoung gay guys here has been amplified in my consciousness. I have been called a nigger (unprovoked, honestly) online and when my white friends asks other guys (who ARE in my league with no dilusional expectation of mine, hefty, balding)why the lack of interest they say "I'm not into black guys".

    Cut to a month ago when I was in Toronto men from all different cultures were into me and I was into them. Muscular, handsome, guys from different races who would have shunned me here at home were suprisingly interested and they were suprised at my situation back home. Due to the lack of employment prospects in my field it is very difficult to move to a more culturall diverse town and its killing me.

    Don't get me wrong I am attracted to AA men as well but I'm not exclusive to one race. But here it seems like black fro black and white for white. A saturday night at a gay bar or club looks like a high school cafeteria where all the races have segregated themselves. This is especially sad to me because the out gay population is relatively small.

    Does anyone notice the same thing where they live? How does it make you feel? Not looking for a pity party just some discourse on the subject.





    Wow, I could not agree you you more! I moved to Michigan four years ago, and the non black guys here won't even LOOK at a black guy. Its TERRIBLE! Its also kinda hard to find a decent black friends. Ive NEVER been into the thug type. Dont get me wrong, I love my brothers, but realistically Detroit guys are a trip.icon_neutral.gif Unbelievable! SO, perhaps I'll just move back home next month. Its getting boring here. Maybe you should try Windsor(Canada). They are much more open, and friendlier.