Things You Should Never Say Before Sex

  • aiko14

    Posts: 332

    Aug 28, 2012 5:21 PM GMT
    What are the worst things you can say before ???????


    You kiss much better than your brother

    Sorry, that is as big as it gets.

    Don't mind that rash. I am pretty sure it is only jock itch.

    So which star trek character do you want to be?
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    Aug 28, 2012 5:36 PM GMT
    "Feels Rough in there ?" "i'll just pick the scabs and let the pus run"icon_eek.gif
  • aiko14

    Posts: 332

    Aug 28, 2012 5:39 PM GMT
    Anocxu said"Feels Rough in there ?" "i'll just pick the scabs and let the pus run"icon_eek.gif

    uhmmm yeahhhhhh LMAOOOOOOOOOOO
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    Aug 28, 2012 5:56 PM GMT
    "Have you gotten checked lately? Last time I got checked they said I had a bowel that was going to rupture in my rectum. It's okay, it ruptured already."

    icon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gif
  • aiko14

    Posts: 332

    Aug 28, 2012 6:31 PM GMT
    do you have health insurance????
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    Aug 28, 2012 6:34 PM GMT
    JR_RJ said"Have you gotten checked lately? Last time I got checked they said I had a bowel that was going to rupture in my rectum. It's okay, it ruptured already."

    icon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gif


    Where do you people get these things from? icon_confused.gif *Terrified*

    Um.. How about, "Oh, I hope you don't mind, I think I got bloody diarrhea again."

    Or when asked how they are STD wise, "Oh, yeah, all my tests scores came back positive."

    icon_sad.gif
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    Aug 28, 2012 6:36 PM GMT
    "Please tell your mom to leave the room, and take her camcorder with her."
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    Aug 28, 2012 8:10 PM GMT
    Things You Should Never Say Before Sex

    Actually said by me or the other guy, when we were already stripped and ready for action:

    Him: "I should have told you last week when we first started having sex: I have hepatitis C." icon_eek.gif

    Me: "Do you ever get hard with other guys?"

    Him: "Whoa! No way I'm taking that! You're way too big!" (Said 12 years ago; nobody would say that today. icon_sad.gif )

    Me: "This is a really nice headboard you have for your bed."

    Him, during our first encounter right after I entered him: "I love you! Move in with me! You can rent a U-Haul tomorrow and bring your stuff over! I already know where your computer can go." (I went soft in under 30 seconds)

    Me, to a fanatical dog lover: "Your dog is really a distraction. Are you sure you can't put him in another room?"

    Him: "I like your big dick, but your balls are really small." icon_redface.gif

    Me: "I gag on too much hair. Would you consider shaving your balls?"
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    Aug 28, 2012 8:30 PM GMT
    See my inline comments in GREEN.
    aiko14 saidWhat are the worst things you can say before ???????


    You kiss much better than your brother
    You kiss much better than your father and your brother...alone or together.

    Sorry, that is as big as it gets.
    Yes, it really is 11 inches long and 6 inches around. No, I never top. I get soft just thinking about sticking it IN THERE.

    Don't mind that rash. I am pretty sure it is only jock itch.
    Don't mind the flies. I'm pretty sure t's only been festering for a few weeks.


    So which star trek character do you want to be?
    So which "One lunatic, one icepick" character do you want to be?


    It is best to say nothing and fuck. THEN pillow talk afterwards.
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    Aug 28, 2012 8:43 PM GMT
    NEXT!
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    Aug 28, 2012 8:51 PM GMT
    Coach_Mike saidNEXT!


    You say that after sex (not b4).
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    Aug 28, 2012 8:57 PM GMT
    I have to take a dump!
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    Aug 28, 2012 9:01 PM GMT
    Damn, I shouldn't have had that Grande Burrito from Taco Bell a half hour ago... icon_redface.gif
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    Aug 28, 2012 9:02 PM GMT
    Him, during our first encounter right after I entered him: "I love you! Move in with me! You can rent a U-Haul tomorrow and bring your stuff over! I already know where your computer can go." (I went soft in under 30 seconds)

    icon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gif

    Hahahaha this!!! Never do it!
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    Aug 28, 2012 9:21 PM GMT
    philly829 saidHim, during our first encounter right after I entered him: "I love you! Move in with me! You can rent a U-Haul tomorrow and bring your stuff over! I already know where your computer can go." (I went soft in under 30 seconds)

    icon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gif

    Hahahaha this!!! Never do it!

    That really did happen to me. I promptly withdrew after pretending I had cum, because I knew he'd feel me going soft, and I was unlikely to get hard again. I ducked into the bathroom to remove the condom, covering it so he couldn't see I hadn't made a deposit, and saying I needed to clean up.

    When I returned he took his own turn in the bathroom, and that's when I threw my clothes on like lightning. When he came out he found me almost to the front door, and I gave some lame excuse about remembering a dinner engagement that required I leave immediately.

    I literally ran down the sidewalk, him calling after me while standing naked inside the screen door. I leapt onto my motorcycle at the curb like it was a horse from a cowboy movie, and rode out of town as quickly as I could. I never spoke with him again.
  • aiko14

    Posts: 332

    Aug 28, 2012 9:27 PM GMT
    philly829 saidHim, during our first encounter right after I entered him: "I love you! Move in with me! You can rent a U-Haul tomorrow and bring your stuff over! I already know where your computer can go." (I went soft in under 30 seconds)

    icon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gif

    Hahahaha this!!! Never do it!


    LOL
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    Aug 28, 2012 9:32 PM GMT
    Are you clean?
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    Aug 28, 2012 9:43 PM GMT
    We have to hurry. My Husband will be home in an hour!
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    Aug 28, 2012 9:54 PM GMT
    have you ever considered liposuction?
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    Aug 28, 2012 10:07 PM GMT
    Do you have health insurance? lol I'm allergic to latex!!!
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    Aug 28, 2012 10:13 PM GMT
    bri_66 saidWe have to hurry. My Husband will be home in an hour!

    Gawd, I had that happen, too. Chatted online with him for a few weeks, before we decided to trick. His profile said he was single, and I was too innocent to question him (my very first adult gay encounter!).

    I arrived at his place, and we made out on the sofa. Finally he invited me to the bedroom, and as I shuffled down a hallway behind him, holding up my unfastened pants with my hardon bobbing freely, I saw these impressive double doors open ahead of me, framing a sumptuous bed.

    "What a lovely bedroom!" I remarked. "Not in there," he replied in a somewhat stern tone. "That's only for my partner and me. He won't be home for a while yet. In here." He gestured at a another door along the hallway, opening to a much smaller guest room.

    I wasn't sure what to do. My first concern was the risk of the partner returning home early, and what ugly scene I might find myself in. My second was the insult of having been misled, and being made part of cheating. He assured me that it was OK, they had an "arrangement".

    But my hardon didn't droop, and I'd been anticipating this for days, as horny as I'd ever been. If my dick still said "yes" I'd go along, and have my first adult gay sex despite this deception. (I'd only had some boyhood play decades earlier, not amounting to much)

    The sex, BTW, was the best of my life. I was surprised how naturally I took to it. But our time was limited, so although I would have stayed for more & more I had to leave before too long. And thus was I tricked into having my first gay trick.
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    Aug 28, 2012 10:14 PM GMT
    I think I hit a homeless man with my car on the way over here.
  • aiko14

    Posts: 332

    Aug 28, 2012 10:19 PM GMT
    CymruRusski saidDo you have health insurance? lol I'm allergic to latex!!!


    that is way too awesome! icon_razz.gif
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    Aug 28, 2012 10:27 PM GMT
    Why is there a drain in your living room floor and everything is plastic?? icon_eek.gif
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    Aug 28, 2012 10:43 PM GMT
    this thread is hilarious!!!!icon_lol.gif


    do you have health insurance?!?! wtf LOL. Art has some of the funniest ones.