Why do people feel the need to be disrespectful on the boards when it comes to difference of opinion?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 1:56 PM GMT
    I think there is nothing more unattractive as a man who has to show disrespect to someone who clearly has different views than them.

    I see a nice double standard in the gay community. You have to be nice to us and respect our decisions without hurtful and hateful comments. However I am finding that the reverse is not true as people feel the need to show disrespect to those that see things differently. It is almost as bad as those that have been mentally abused by family members and the like for being gay.

    Is it a backlash of emotion over being in a community that finally accepts them that they now feel like it is okay to be discriminate towards those in the gay community that have a difference of opinion?

    I guess I was brought up different. I was taught to hold to you own beliefs and do not disrespect others. Also don't feel compelled to change other people's opinions by talk. Act appropriately and those that want to change will and those that won't will stay firm to what they believe.

    I just read the boards for the most part and I feel a bit shameful to be here. How am I to meet people and discuss things in my life when I feel as though people are set to pounce on me because of how I feel as a person?

    Does anyone else in here feel as though some of the posters just are here to put you down and not lift you up?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 2:48 PM GMT
    Zoxuss saidHow am I to meet people and discuss things in my life when I feel as though people are set to pounce on me because of how I feel as a person?


    Maybe try using the email feature here on RJ to contact the guys you want to meet. That way your conversations won't be exposed to general comments.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 3:13 PM GMT
    It's the water I tell ya!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 3:53 PM GMT
    Opinions, preferences, and prejudices are not at all equivalent to being gay. There have never been laws making it a crime to not being "into fats, fems, or Asians". Most people who are voting for McCain can get married, donate blood, and serve in the military. Most U.S. states don't legally sanction the firing of employees just because they're evangelicals. Vegans have never needed a hate crime law to protect them from targeted violence and murder.

    Being gay is hardwired into who we are. Views and opinions are a choice, and they develop and change because of experience, talk, and debate. Which, of course, is one of the purposes of these discussion boards.

    I certainly agree that too many forum posts are nasty, rude, and disrespectful. Some are just plain stupid. Others provide health, diet, or exercise advice that is downright counterproductive, if not dangerous. But our political, economic, scientific, and social system depends on people sharing, defending, and, yes, changing their views and beliefs. Comparing disagreements over opinions, no matter how strongly we feel them, with the systematic discrimination we cannot escape as gay men is weak.
  • groundcombat

    Posts: 945

    Aug 18, 2008 4:49 PM GMT
    I think the topic would be better suited as "Why do IMMATURE people feel the need to be disrespectful on the boards when it comes to difference of opinion?"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 5:17 PM GMT
    There's nothing unattractive in true passion.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 5:26 PM GMT
    Yes but I doubt true passion is when you have to call the other person derogatory names because they can't back up the things that they say.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 5:33 PM GMT
    John43620 saidThere's nothing unattractive in true passion.



    Passion is important but that does not mean a person cannot show respect to others and argue in a logical and informed manner.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 5:36 PM GMT
    groundcombat saidI think the topic would be better suited as "Why do IMMATURE people feel the need to be disrespectful on the boards when it comes to difference of opinion?"


    Yes that word is a good one to use. Some people dislike their view of the world being questioned so much they will resort to attack tactics to try and bully others.

    There is nothing wrong with disagreeing, even passionately, but it does not excuse disrespectful behaviour.

    If you feel yourself getting really angry just say "we agree to disagree" and leave it at that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 5:40 PM GMT
    John43620 saidThere's nothing unattractive in true passion.

    If you're truly passionate about something you articulate your point by addressing the topic at hand. Insulting the person posing an alternate point of view doesn't make you more right. I always know I've failed to express myself properly when I start slinging insults. Which I do all too oftenicon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 5:47 PM GMT
    (my level of) disrespect = (their level of) ignorance * (their level of) confidence

    simple equation!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 5:57 PM GMT
    Yep...it is unfortunate that lots of guys here (and in general) get offended by a diference of opinion.

    Having a difference of opinion is not an attck on someone who disagrees with you.

    I think folks nowdays are overly defensive and feel the need to protect themselves from imagined danger.

    People who do that I think have a lot to learn about themselves.

    It also has something to do with selfishness...the need to feel important and idiotic pride.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 6:41 PM GMT
    I think it also has to do with how people view the forums. It's hard out there for a homo, so I think a lot of people come to this site (and others) to find comfort in others who are similar to themselves.

    Others, on the other hand, don't think this place should be considered a support group. Which I don't disagree with completely. But I think the problem lies when people take the idea of "freedom of speech" too far. People sometimes equate being rude with speaking your mind or being direct. I don't understand why.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 6:44 PM GMT
    Ahhh good to see im not the only one complaining for a friendlier board atmosphere! Kudos, Zoxuss! icon_biggrin.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 18, 2008 6:46 PM GMT
    Usually when someone stoops to becoming disrespectful
    thats when I know I've won the argument

    But on the whole I think most people here aren't too bad when it comes to listening to others point of view
    You're never going to get unanymous agreement on anything you say but I wouldn't let a comment or two bother you
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 7:19 PM GMT
    I saw that post you deleted ya punk.

    (punk now gone)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 7:22 PM GMT
    Some of them get out of hand yea. I think when someone stoops to the level of name calling, they are just as bad as the names they are using. Grow up and learn to respect each other. If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say it at all. Treat other they way you want to be treated. Etc. Etc.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 7:23 PM GMT
    XRuggerATX saidI saw that post you deleted ya punk.

    (punk now gone)


    I seen it too, I was trying to quote it, but it had disappeared lol.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 7:26 PM GMT
    XRuggerATX saidI saw that post you deleted ya punk.

    (punk now gone)
    The only appropriate response to the now deleted post.

    Photobucket

    followed quickly by...
    Photobucket
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 7:27 PM GMT
    RBY71 said
    XRuggerATX saidI saw that post you deleted ya punk.

    (punk now gone)
    The only appropriate response to the now deleted post.

    Photobucket


    In keeping with the theme of this thread, I was going to reply with a simple "Fuck off." :-P
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 7:32 PM GMT
    BoarderX - well said.

    Sometimes a little juicy drama is fun. We can all make a choice to get involved or stay out. Occaionally I get invloved, sometimes I regret it, sometimes I have been ignorant and had some light shed on me, or on others. We can all use some light here and there on various topics. Many great discoveries and changes happened during some heated arguments and perhaps some name calling was involved at the heat of the moment. Still, I think holding back on really hurtful comments is the best approach, even if the person really is wrong, crazy, or whatever.

    If people are upset with dramatic or obviously heated threads, then I say dont read them and start/read ones on only nice topics - "what kinds of flowers and veggies do you grow in your garden". You have the freedom to make that choice, as opposed to reading ones that might upset you. Humans are dynamic and passionate and someone who seems an idiot or rude in one thread can be totally different in another.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 7:38 PM GMT
    Zoxuss saidYes but I doubt true passion is when you have to call the other person derogatory names because they can't back up the things that they say.

    May I respectfully question this.

    I think it may depend on the situation. That is, if someone has just caused a big brouhaha or is carrying on a big brouhaha and it turns out they are full of hot air and can't back up their vociferously expressed opinion, I think that may be a time when a name or two may slip out and it not be overly held against the name caller.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 7:39 PM GMT
    what can i say...it's an imperfect world.
    icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 8:09 PM GMT
    Food for thought:

    Discourse: Civil
    human discourse that stays within the realm of rational decency. For a discourse to stay within the realm of rational decency, the people involved must follow the requirements of sound rational thinking enough to fit the occasion - even when conforming is inconvenient. Civil discourse is a non-totalitarian approach to mutual problem solving. It is a looser term than 'sound rational thinking' but presupposes enough commitment to sound reasoning to resolve the problem at hand in a cordial manner. Civil discourse can accommodate minor infractions and still be civil. Civil discourse is a moral interaction because it presupposes ethical standards that those involved should follow.


    http://plusroot.com/term.html?term_id=288
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Aug 18, 2008 8:16 PM GMT
    you know...that sounded absolutely wonderful.
    icon_smile.gif