Shittiest break ups?

  • IAmTheOneWhoK...

    Posts: 154

    Aug 29, 2012 3:16 AM GMT
    The guy I seriously considered trying a long term relationship with, just wants to be friends now. And we've been friends for about 2 years now. And I hide the fact that I still want to be with him every day considering we talk or hang at least every other day.

    The only reason he didn't want to be with me anymore was because he wanted to get back in touch with God and so he started doing the whole youth group thing and going to Church and obsessing about the Bible. I've brought up with him once when our guards were down that if he didn't believe in God, would he still be with me, and he answered yes. But now he just refers to his past as when "he used to be gay", and now he says he just fights those temptations and he's straight now. Which I can tell by the way he looks at me sometimes is bullshit, but I don't want to push him.

    I've tried so hard to get him to see that just because he believes in God, doesn't mean he can't try to make us work. I bring up other quotes from the bible, stating that slavery is allowed and shellfish is a sin, so why does he just focus on the gay aspect. He always just tells me that those are different since they're not physical or as significant as something as natural as a man being with a woman. I remind him that God states that no sin is greater or lesser than any other, but he ignores that.

    Lately he's got this weird agenda where I think he's trying to make me straight. He tells me to try dating girls, and I say I prefer he doesn't try changing me, then he'll say he only wants best for me, and I'll respond "You make it sound like there's something wrong with me." Then the conversation ends.

    I'm slowly getting over him, and he really is one of my best friends, but the fact that I literally did nothing wrong, and that there's nothing in my power to fix it...it's frustrating.

    So anyway. I always find tough break-ups really interesting to read about. If you wanna vent over an ex or an impossible love, I'd want to hear it.

  • jvcs

    Posts: 4

    Aug 29, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    There was this guy last year who joined the same club as me in school. So pretty soon he starts texting me about club-related things and before you know it we are hanging out and always texting each other about everything. He started getting more and more close to me but I tried not to think too much of it since he had a girlfriend and I didn't want to assume he was closeted.

    So a couple of months roll by and I start dating this nice guy and now my friend is pissed and obviously jealous and he finally admits to me that he has really liked me. Eventually things kind of fall through with the guy I was dating and so I tell my friend that I've really liked him as well and next thing I know I'm basically asking him out to which he implies he doesn't want to date only to have sex and my dumb ass gives in.

    In the end I finally realized that he never wanted a relationship and I was just ignoring that fact. It was so humiliating for me and I felt so crappy and sad about the whole situation for a while. Even though it wasn't an actual relationship it hurt just the same, the only good thing was that I was able to say no the next time he wanted to hook up so it felt like I gained some of my inner strength and confidence back.

    So there's the little soap opera that was my sophomore year in college
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    Aug 29, 2012 1:30 PM GMT
    When he went to the bathroom at a restaurant and never came back. You called him on his cell phone but it's disconnected and when you go to his house he moved icon_cry.gif
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    Aug 29, 2012 1:33 PM GMT
    My birth mother was left standing at the alter, literally. My birth father flaked on the wedding and she hasn't heard from him since.
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    Aug 29, 2012 2:08 PM GMT
    I've learned that the truly shittiest of breakups warrant no recognition, and usually cut both ways when brought up.

    My shittiest breakups however, have made me a better person.
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    Aug 29, 2012 2:14 PM GMT

    "Lately he's got this weird agenda where I think he's trying to make me straight. He tells me to try dating girls, and I say I prefer he doesn't try changing me, then he'll say he only wants best for me,.."

    ....or, misery loves company. You might tell him that to be true to his born again Christianity, he has to tell any girl he dates that he is/was gay and is/was praying it away.

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    Aug 29, 2012 3:42 PM GMT
    IAmTheOneWhoKnocks saidThe guy I seriously considered trying a long term relationship with, just wants to be friends now. And we've been friends for about 2 years now. And I hide the fact that I still want to be with him every day considering we talk or hang at least every other day.

    icon_eek.gif

    I'm shocked that you hung on for 2 years!
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Aug 29, 2012 3:53 PM GMT
    The hardest ones are the disappearing acts.

    Though intellectually you know it's because they've chickened out, have attachment issues,are otherwise dysfunctional, or are maybe just plain cruel, on an emotional level they can be devastating.

    There isn't the drama or slow disintegration that characterize normal breakups, rather they are more insidious in nature: you never know why they disappeared, and the not knowing leaves you hanging on an emotional hook way longer than with breakups in which you had a chance to actually have a bearing on.
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    Aug 29, 2012 4:14 PM GMT
    Egro_Nadley said
    JR_RJ saidI've learned that the truly shittiest of breakups warrant no recognition, and usually cut both ways when brought up.

    My shittiest breakups however, have made me a better person.



    I agree. For me, it would be revealing how much of a doormat I once allowed myself to be. Such is life....

    For me the hardest part was fighting to overwhelming urge to take a couple steps back and walk all over them... but, that's what karma's does, not me. The best part was being able to let go off prior offenders grudges as soon as I got over the most profound recent one.

    I'll stop there.
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    Aug 29, 2012 5:44 PM GMT
    IAmTheOneWhoKnocks said... we've been friends for about 2 years now. And I hide the fact that I still want to be with him every day...


    Stop punishing yourself and move on.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Aug 29, 2012 6:17 PM GMT
    turbobilly said
    IAmTheOneWhoKnocks said... we've been friends for about 2 years now. And I hide the fact that I still want to be with him every day...


    Stop punishing yourself and move on.

    Best answer you will hear- It's your choice if you heed it!!!
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    Aug 29, 2012 7:01 PM GMT
    jvcs said There was this guy last year who joined the same club as me in school. So pretty soon he starts texting me about club-related things and before you know it we are hanging out and always texting each other about everything. He started getting more and more close to me but I tried not to think too much of it since he had a girlfriend and I didn't want to assume he was closeted.

    So a couple of months roll by and I start dating this nice guy and now my friend is pissed and obviously jealous and he finally admits to me that he has really liked me. Eventually things kind of fall through with the guy I was dating and so I tell my friend that I've really liked him as well and next thing I know I'm basically asking him out to which he implies he doesn't want to date only to have sex and my dumb ass gives in.

    In the end I finally realized that he never wanted a relationship and I was just ignoring that fact. It was so humiliating for me and I felt so crappy and sad about the whole situation for a while. Even though it wasn't an actual relationship it hurt just the same, the only good thing was that I was able to say no the next time he wanted to hook up so it felt like I gained some of my inner strength and confidence back.

    So there's the little soap opera that was my sophomore year in college


    Awww so sorry. Shhhhh it's okay. It's in the past now. Come here.

    eastenders_3793_04.jpg
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    Aug 29, 2012 7:02 PM GMT
    DanOmatic saidThe hardest ones are the disappearing acts.

    Though intellectually you know it's because they've chickened out, have attachment issues,are otherwise dysfunctional, or are maybe just plain cruel, on an emotional level they can be devastating.

    There isn't the drama or slow disintegration that characterize normal breakups, rather they are more insidious in nature: you never know why they disappeared, and the not knowing leaves you hanging on an emotional hook way longer than with breakups in which you had a chance to actually have a bearing on.


    agreed. my ex was like this. he was super passive and didn't know how to break-up, so he started to make life difficult and confusing. when asked what was going on, he was silent. literally could/would not articulate what was in his head. in the end we broke up, but because he just evaporated.

    he later apologised for what he did to me. it was still unclear exactly what that was. i kept thinking it was something i did wrong. it took a couple of years to figure out. i later learned that he was dating someone else at the same time that he was doing the disappearing trick.
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    Aug 29, 2012 7:24 PM GMT
    Had to check your location, fearing His name was Mike and he was still pulling the same shit...yeah, been there.

    You can stay friendly, but start cutting ties, because he will back slide and mess your mind up all over again and again and again till he finally excepts who he is or checks out all together.
    Hard, I know, but he has his god now for comfort. Who do you have?

    Some guy out there is dreaming of you, but you won't find him wasting time on this loser.
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    Aug 29, 2012 11:41 PM GMT
    OP be careful..he's about to go throuh a HELL of a rollercoaster..and i don't think you wan't to be on that ride..
    ..Be careful..
    Anocxu
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    Aug 29, 2012 11:52 PM GMT
    I was partnered for four years until he came to me one night and told me he never loved me. He kept the house, I kept the company we built together. Then I got so depressed I lost everything and had to move into my parents' basement until I went to law school. That was a three year time period. I haven't been on a date since.
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    Aug 30, 2012 12:13 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidMy birth mother was left standing at the alter, literally. My birth father flaked on the wedding and she hasn't heard from him since.


    Damn, that's really harsh.
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    Aug 30, 2012 12:54 AM GMT
    Holy shit! That's awful, bud.

    I'm actually glad you think so. My family weren't supportive in the least, they believed I got what was coming to me (that good old Southern Baptist compassion), and furthermore they don't believe in depression so I was told I was only being dramatic for attention.

    Now when prodded, I simply tell people I don't have any family.
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    Aug 30, 2012 12:58 AM GMT
    HeartoftheWest saidHoly shit! That's awful, bud.

    I'm actually glad you think so. My family weren't supportive in the least, they believed I got what was coming to me (that good old Southern Baptist compassion), and furthermore they don't believe in depression so I was told I was only being dramatic for attention.

    Now when prodded, I simply tell people I don't have any family.


    Sorry to hear man, my family doesn't believe in depression either, very old fashioned. I hope now that you're able to live independently of them and on your own terms.

    I love my family, but sometimes family are the ones you choose.
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    Aug 30, 2012 1:00 AM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said
    DanOmatic saidThe hardest ones are the disappearing acts.

    Though intellectually you know it's because they've chickened out, have attachment issues,are otherwise dysfunctional, or are maybe just plain cruel, on an emotional level they can be devastating.

    There isn't the drama or slow disintegration that characterize normal breakups, rather they are more insidious in nature: you never know why they disappeared, and the not knowing leaves you hanging on an emotional hook way longer than with breakups in which you had a chance to actually have a bearing on.


    It's terrible that people do this to one another. I haven't had this happen to me but I know of people who have had to deal with this. It's probably the worst passive-aggressive act a person can do to another.

    Judging by the tone and how you compose your contributions in the forums I have a feeling not many people have the emotional development and maturity to match yours. Perhaps try and remember that and know that if you would never abandon someone that these clowns don't deserve you in the first place.



    Agreed. Its very hurtful.
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    Aug 30, 2012 1:07 AM GMT
    Holy shit! That's awful, bud.

    I'm actually glad you think so. My family weren't supportive in the least, they believed I got what was coming to me (that good old Southern Baptist compassion), and furthermore they don't believe in depression so I was told I was only being dramatic for attention.

    Now when prodded, I simply tell people I don't have any family.


    ^ Well, not to dismiss your pain. I can completely understand.

    But since you were able to move back home and go back to school it sounds like you turned turmoil into personal growth so kudos to you for making what sounds like an incredible transformation. Law school? That's impressive.



    Thank you very much, it took some time but I got there.
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    Aug 30, 2012 1:08 AM GMT
    Sorry to hear man, my family doesn't believe in depression either, very old fashioned. I hope now that you're able to live independently of them and on your own terms.

    I love my family, but sometimes family are the ones you choose.


    Thanks, sorry to hear your family's stuck in the dark ages, too. And I couldn't agree more, family truly are the ones you choose.
  • IAmTheOneWhoK...

    Posts: 154

    Aug 30, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    Wow, reading some of your guys' stories makes my shit look so miniscule. Damn. I don't even know what to say, some of this stuff sounds so rough. But in a way, it's nice knowing you're not the only one in the world who gets fucked over by ex's, and you're far from being the one with the worst experience. Sorry for all that drama you guys have had to deal with.
  • FLMatman

    Posts: 15

    Dec 07, 2012 1:01 PM GMT
    Heart of the West ... Real crappy ... You deserve better!

    In my seven relationships in 18 years since going to my first gay bar and coming out in 1994, I have had two crappy breakups. At first, I suffered in the breakups but they ended up in the raw deal. Plus, I got all of his friends in the 1st breakup including two of my closest friends, Kin W and his partner RIP Louis C, as they showed me that a loving and long term relationship can last over 19 years.
  • FLMatman

    Posts: 15

    Dec 07, 2012 1:17 PM GMT
    I will agree with 'I am one who knocks' that your life lessons are harder than mine ... especially KingMo and Heart of the West

    My lesson is dealt with a daily basis with my 2nd shittiest breakup as he did not have the courage to tell me the truth ... My ex, Mark M, started arguing with me because he was cheating on me ... Lets just say that he gave me something special as he knew about his condition right before our breakup in March 2001.

    I did not find out until two years ago which explains his irrational behavior on his part. During last 9 years since our breakup in March 2001. I thought that Mark had issues on dealing & committing to a long-term relationship. If he only came to me with the truth, I will forgave him because we all make mistakes in life as we will have dealt with this together.

    Now, I am starting a relationship with someone special who has been damaged in a severe way than me; however, I am willing to take it slow and showed him that I respect, care, and love him!