Troubled by the dynamic in the gay scene

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    Aug 29, 2012 9:26 PM GMT
    Hi all

    Ive been thinking about this for a while and just sharing some thoughts I have - the more I've been out with friends entrenched in the gay scene the more troubled I've become by it . It seems that there is first a staggering lack of empathy or compassion for others , everything seems to be graded that you are a successful person by your looks, build and job , and the more men you fuck the more acceptable and virile you are.

    I know I'm not Mr Adonis but I'm a good looking, well built athletic guy with a good and caring heart and certainly not shallow . I've even seen guys mock the athletes in the Paralympics and laugh ! I find that excreble because those athletes show more courage and achievement than anyone else .

    Anyone have thoughts? It's scaring me because the amount of dysfunction and backward thinking really upsets me and I'm not sure what the alternative is.

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    Aug 29, 2012 9:30 PM GMT
    It does seem like a lot of the gay scene does act towards a lack of compassion and empathy towards others sometimes. However, it's important not to generalize the whole gay community with a few bad apples.

    You will find good and bad gay people out there much like you will find good and bad straight people. I rode with my boyfriends motorcycle group (a gay motorcycle group) and they were the greatest bunch of people you would ever meet. Even straight people tagged along for a ride. The whole vibe was great and everyone got along. I began to think that if a small motorcyle group could represent such compassion, maturity, and understanding towards others then there had to be other people just like that somewhere.

    Stray away from the negativity. Set an example for others.
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    Aug 29, 2012 9:31 PM GMT
    blactor said everything seems to be graded that you are a successful person by your looks, build and job , and the more men you fuck the more acceptable and virile you are.

    Similar thing can be seen among straight people as well.

    blactor said I've even seen guys mock the athletes in the Paralympics and laugh !

    I haven't experienced that. I'd be uncomfortable associating myself such such people.
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    Aug 29, 2012 9:36 PM GMT
    blactor saidHi all

    Ive been thinking about this for a while and just sharing some thoughts I have - the more I've been out with friends entrenched in the gay scene the more troubled I've become by it . It seems that there is first a staggering lack of empathy or compassion for others , everything seems to be graded that you are a successful person by your looks, build and job , and the more men you fuck the more acceptable and virile you are.

    I know I'm not Mr Adonis but I'm a good looking, well built athletic guy with a good and caring heart and certainly not shallow . I've even seen guys mock the athletes in the Paralympics and laugh ! I find that excreble because those athletes show more courage and achievement than anyone else .

    Anyone have thoughts? It's scaring me because the amount of dysfunction and backward thinking really upsets me and I'm not sure what the alternative is.



    Empathy is no shape or form short for me. I give this to you free and unconditionally, as long as the same is returned. icon_smile.gif

    And, mister man, you do NOT have to be Mr. Adonis. The Adonis factor is a lame brain's game. You are quite attractive as you are. Wolf like face, cold eyes, deep and heavy with emotions and thought. I'd totally like to get to know you better for what stories are concealed behind those eyes of yours. I feel something inside them, stirring, wanting...needing someone to pull out that part of you.

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    Aug 29, 2012 9:39 PM GMT
    You need nicer friends who aren't bitchy bar queens. That is all.
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Aug 29, 2012 9:46 PM GMT
    The gay scene is a facade. There's really no such thing. What? A bunch of queens get together at a bar and thats what we call the gay scene? lol puhh-lease icon_rolleyes.gif


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    Aug 29, 2012 10:06 PM GMT
    Where can I meet these non shallow gay guys you're telling me about?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 29, 2012 10:33 PM GMT
    blactor saidWhere can I meet these non shallow gay guys you're telling me about?


    You have to start by "starting with the man in the mirror."
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    Aug 29, 2012 10:35 PM GMT
    blactor saidAnyone have thoughts? It's scaring me because the amount of dysfunction and backward thinking really upsets me and I'm not sure what the alternative is.

    You're looking at the wrong side of the scene. There are good people out there.
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    Aug 29, 2012 10:38 PM GMT
    blactor saidWhere can I meet these non shallow gay guys you're telling me about?


    good luck with that
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    Aug 29, 2012 10:40 PM GMT
    I dont go out on the gay scene at all. which is probably why I have 2 gay friends and that's it. Dont feel like im missin much though
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 29, 2012 10:40 PM GMT
    klassik saidI dont go out on the gay scene at all. which is probably why I have 2 gay friends and that's it. Dont feel like im missin much though


    You're missing out on meeting new people.
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    Aug 29, 2012 10:42 PM GMT
    The gay population extends far beyond the people you see in bars and clubs.
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    Aug 29, 2012 10:44 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    klassik saidI dont go out on the gay scene at all. which is probably why I have 2 gay friends and that's it. Dont feel like im missin much though


    You're missing out on meeting new people.

    thats fine. I meet new people all the time, everyday just by livin life.

    whether they're gay or straight really isnt my concern.
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    Aug 29, 2012 10:46 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    blactor saidWhere can I meet these non shallow gay guys you're telling me about?


    You have to start by "starting with the man in the mirror."


    Hmn! Poignant! ;o

    But in all seriousness, there are plenty of us types who seek out traditional relationships with other men. It's on you to determine whether or not you want that or not.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 29, 2012 10:47 PM GMT
    You're hanging around with the wrong crowd
    Are you basing your judgments on the bar scene, this is a whole different dynamic where people are drinking an blowing off steam, so it is going to take real life to its extremes, and generally not in a good way.
    If you want to meet more real people, trying being a bit more particular about where you are going out to. Try to include things that are routing for some cause. Politics is big now. AIDS dinners, runs and bike-a-thons will also bring you around more quality people. Maybe even the Gay rodeo or your local gay community center may also have something to offer. There are gay focus groups, gay yoga classes, gay reading groups, gay investors groups and the list goes on and on. Try discovering all aspects of what your community has to offer you and if it doesn't exist, start a gay group of your own of something you have an interest in (other than clubbing) and advertise.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 29, 2012 10:47 PM GMT
    Blactor.. Good kind hearted gay peeps are everywhere..
    you just need to do a little bit of detective work and realize smoke and mirrors when you see them...

    .. Just like any other community or social group..your experience is mostly what you make of it..
    ..If you look for negative experiences...you'll find them..
    If you look for positive experiences..you'll find them..
    Good luck on quest..
    HUGZ,,Anocxu
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Aug 29, 2012 10:59 PM GMT
    klassik said
    HottJoe said
    klassik saidI dont go out on the gay scene at all. which is probably why I have 2 gay friends and that's it. Dont feel like im missin much though


    You're missing out on meeting new people.

    thats fine. I meet new people all the time, everyday just by livin life.

    whether they're gay or straight really isnt my concern.


    Ok, well the "gay scene" is nothing to be afraid of... You're in good company on RJ though. A LOT of guys on here will tell you they are above the gay scene.icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Aug 30, 2012 12:00 AM GMT
    Yep what the others have said. the "gay scene" is really only about the people who go to bars and clubs. gay life extends way beyond that. Thats where guys are nicer and more friendly.
    Think about it this way, do you really think all those straight kids dress, act and carry on like they do ? like they do when clubbing? No, no they dont.
    Same with gay kids clubbing, and the older ones.
    I think this is a major issue for queens. They feel it necessary to go bar and club hopping way beyond the age that this behaviour can be seen as appropriate.
    Im not talking about all queens here just those ones we have all met on that odd night out. The ones that are over 40, dress like Beiber and have worked in the same shop all their adult lives. They are broke yet wear expensive clothes and live a vacuous life. Nothing wrong with being older and going clubbing once in a while either, just not everyday and its definately (the scene) not a place to take seriously or stress over.

    I meet gay guys all the time, just by being me and doing what I want.
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    Aug 30, 2012 12:40 AM GMT
    You need a new "seen" if you're not comfortable the least you could do is find a new bar.
    So tiring to me when it's called the "Gay Seen" when it's really only your perception of the one or two places you go or worse, the same guys you're hanging with.

    I can't stand the "whole" gym "seen" bunch of muscle heads all pumping iron and making jokes of the fat people. (btw all straight or g0y) don't hang with those guys anymore.
    Can't stand the "whole" Marine "seen," bunch of Jar-heads all doing pushups making jokes about killing people. (btw, again all straight or acting) don't hang with those guys anymore either.
    Can't stand the "whole" Country club "seen," bunch of rich people getting plastered and making fun of poor people. (btw, yep all straight or closet swingers) still hang with some of them...free booz.

    Don't like the "seen" you're currently in do something about it.
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    Aug 30, 2012 2:33 AM GMT
    not-this-again.jpg
  • daveindenver

    Posts: 314

    Aug 30, 2012 3:23 AM GMT
    He you don't like the scene or don't feel a part of the scene.... why why WHY are you involved in the scene?
    It's not rocket science! Ha ha
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    Aug 30, 2012 3:24 AM GMT
  • waccamatt

    Posts: 1918

    Aug 30, 2012 3:31 AM GMT
    There are a thousand "gay scenes" - you can't assign one characteristic to all gay people other than the fact they're all attracted to members of the same sex.
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    Aug 30, 2012 3:50 AM GMT
    One doesn't have to look very far to see the deep vein of hypocrisy in the gay community. Just look at the thread "What is it about feminity that turns you off so much?". Gays want equality and yet practice segregation and ridicule of some subsets of the community such as effeminate gays and gays of racial minorities.
    Those who can't treat members of their own community with respect aren't deserving of the same from straight people. How can they expect straight people to accept their differences when they themselves can't even accept differences of others within their community?