Confidence during Dating

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2012 2:53 AM GMT
    A query of mine based off of personal experience.

    Confidence-- it something that people who you date look for but what is confidence?

    What does it mean for your partner to have confidence? Is it the way he looks at you? The way he engages you?

    Furthermore can you be confident yet nervous and shy all at the same time?

    Is shyness something that turns you off or on about your partner?
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    Aug 30, 2012 2:55 AM GMT
    I always interpreted confidence as experience.

    the more you do something the better you end up doing it.

    if you are shy and awkward, it's most likely you are uncomfortable in your own skin, and if you're not comfortable being you, people pick up on that - i suppose its a turn off to most people.
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    Aug 30, 2012 2:57 AM GMT
    Do cookies taste better with milk?

    Does pizza taste better with beer?

    Does cheese taste better with wine?

    Do brains taste better with garlic and Italian herbs?
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    Aug 30, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidDo cookies taste better with milk?

    Does pizza taste better with beer?

    Does cheese taste better with wine?

    Do brains taste better with garlic and Italian herbs?


    Yes, Sometimes. Not really. And Definitely Yes.

    ChangeofName[QUOTE]I always interpreted confidence as experience.

    the more you do something the better you end up doing it.

    if you are shy and awkward, it's most likely you are uncomfortable in your own skin, and if you're not comfortable being you, people pick up on that - i suppose its a turn off to most people.
    [/quote]

    Hmn.. I suppose that's what it is, perhaps. :/ I can come off as being confident as all balls here, apparently, even though I don't think that's true. icon_razz.gif Around actual face-to-face interactions, I seem to get nervous. Not entirely sure why.
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    Aug 30, 2012 3:06 AM GMT
    ParadiseLost saidWhat does it mean for your partner to have confidence? Is it the way he looks at you? The way he engages you?

    To be sure of one's self. Faith. Trust. Not to be confused with egotism, arrogance, or rigidity. Could be.

    ParadiseLost saidFurthermore can you be confident yet nervous and shy all at the same time?

    Yes. You could be confident and still be nervous. Yes, confident doesn't mean outgoing.

    ParadiseLost saidIs shyness something that turns you off or on about your partner?

    I generally prefer an outgoing guy, but shyness can be endearing.


    Then there's this
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    Aug 30, 2012 3:13 AM GMT
    MolaMola said
    ParadiseLost saidWhat does it mean for your partner to have confidence? Is it the way he looks at you? The way he engages you?

    To be sure of one's self. Faith. Trust. Not to be confused with egotism, arrogance, or rigidity. Could be.

    ParadiseLost saidFurthermore can you be confident yet nervous and shy all at the same time?

    Yes. You could be confident and still be nervous. Yes, confident doesn't mean outgoing.

    ParadiseLost saidIs shyness something that turns you off or on about your partner?

    I generally prefer an outgoing guy, but shyness can be endearing.


    Then there's this


    Hmn.. interesting thoughts on the subject matter. icon_surprised.gif *Scratches head.*

    But some people see me as being either confident or shy. I don't know what I am feeling or conveying to others so I can't tell. Maybe someone needs to video cam me to see which one I am.

    Paul, if you're done trolling, do you think you can help me out? icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 30, 2012 1:41 PM GMT
    I don't equate shyness with confidence. Someone can be shy but still very confident in himself. The most outgoing people can also be the most insecure and unconfident people. However, shyness often does go hand-in-hand with a lack of confidence.

    The reason I seek confidence is because I want a guy that is secure in himself. If a guy lacks confidence in himself, he may never think he is good enough which will lead to jealousy and other relationship killing feelings. Also, when you lack confidence you have a constant little voice in the back of your head reading too far into situations and convincing yourself something happened because something is wrong with you. Never a good thing.
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    Aug 30, 2012 5:19 PM GMT
    It's easy.

    Look like this:
    channing-tatum-gi-joe-losangeles-premier

    Have plenty of this:
    saving-money-tips-stacks-of-dollars-cash

    Lose this:
    gag.jpg

    Hope that helps.
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    Aug 30, 2012 5:22 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidDo cookies taste better with milk?

    Does pizza taste better with beer?

    Does cheese taste better with wine?

    Do brains taste better with garlic and Italian herbs?


    i thought brains were better with a nice chianti
  • FRIVER

    Posts: 71

    Aug 30, 2012 5:23 PM GMT
    I think is the way he engages me, but also I find some level of shyness very attractive as well

  • joncfernan

    Posts: 216

    Aug 30, 2012 5:26 PM GMT
    i think its just knowing what you want and not being agressive or an asshole about it - but just knowing that a guy takes charge of his own life and mind and decisions is a turn-on for me.
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    Aug 30, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    KSUOWL saidI don't equate shyness with confidence. Someone can be shy but still very confident in himself. The most outgoing people can also be the most insecure and unconfident people. However, shyness often does go hand-in-hand with a lack of confidence.

    The reason I seek confidence is because I want a guy that is secure in himself. If a guy lacks confidence in himself, he may never think he is good enough which will lead to jealousy and other relationship killing feelings. Also, when you lack confidence you have a constant little voice in the back of your head reading too far into situations and convincing yourself something happened because something is wrong with you. Never a good thing.


    Hmn... Interesting. I think there are parts of what you say which are true and relevant. Personally, I can get really anxious about what the guy thinks or feel which is why I feel communication is just important as having confidence. I got a lot of shit from one of my exes about my insecurities but he never told me what was going through his mind. I would always find out the hard way which is probably why I am insecure, to an extent, when dating. Plus other things that are more/less unresolved inside. :/

    LIEV saidIt's easy.

    Look like this:
    channing-tatum-gi-joe-losangeles-premier

    Have plenty of this:
    saving-money-tips-stacks-of-dollars-cash

    Lose this:
    gag.jpg

    Hope that helps.


    Da-fuq? icon_confused.gif I need to lose a tongue depressor?


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2012 5:59 PM GMT
    ParadiseLost saidDa-fuq? icon_confused.gif I need to lose a tongue depressor?
    Gag reflex, honey.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 30, 2012 6:07 PM GMT
    shy + confident = quiet confidence. this can be sexy.

    loud + confident = confident and loud about it. this can be sexy too.

    just depends on the guy, the situation, etc.

    for me, it's things like looking me in the eye for an extended period of time while talking, being decisive ("let's meet thursday at restaurant X at 6:30pm"), being honest, unafraid to take worthwhile risks. icon_smile.gif these are all great characteristics.
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    Aug 30, 2012 6:41 PM GMT
    McQueen said
    ParadiseLost saidDa-fuq? icon_confused.gif I need to lose a tongue depressor?
    Gag reflex, honey.


    Oh.. icon_confused.gif *Sigh* Damn my naivety sometimes. icon_mad.gif

    homastj saidshy + confident = quiet confidence. this can be sexy.

    loud + confident = confident and loud about it. this can be sexy too.

    just depends on the guy, the situation, etc.

    for me, it's things like looking me in the eye for an extended period of time while talking, being decisive ("let's meet thursday at restaurant X at 6:30pm"), being honest, unafraid to take worthwhile risks. icon_smile.gif these are all great characteristics.


    I see. icon_smile.gif I think it just depends on the person then. It seems like confidence seems to be self-assurance, across the board, but one's mannerisms don't always have to coincide with this idea. I am really shy at first, face to face, but when I warm up, I warm up. icon_smile.gif

    Thanks for that. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 30, 2012 9:56 PM GMT
    To me confidence is all about how they act, but also how they speak. He has to look at you for the majority of a date, sometimes even in the eyes. If he keeps averting his eyes even after you've been seeing him multiple times, you know he won't warm up to you, and he doesn't have confidence in himself. If he speaks in a timid voice at first thats fine, but eventually he's gotta be himself and act normal. Body language is also importat. Will he lean forward and try to engage in a conversation, or sit back and be silent unless spoken to. Mysterious types have a bit of intrigue, but that doesn't last forever.
    And yes you can be confident, yet nervous and shy at the same time. This happens to me all the time. Its a combination or being nervous and having the resolve to try anyways. Eventually when most people get comfortable though, the nerves go away, and their confidence seems more appealing. Personally shyness is a bit of a turnoff for me, but only if it persists. You can be shy for the first couple weeks, but after that you really don't have a reason to be and it just gets old and annoying.
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    Aug 30, 2012 9:59 PM GMT
    Confidence... I seem to have it in strong doses every aspect of my life, except when it comes guys I like and dating them... my brain does a cognition fail, and I turn into a ditsy airhead. Think of it going from Daria to Quinn in... "did you see that guy?" icon_eek.gif
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    Aug 30, 2012 10:00 PM GMT
    Truthfully, I've found that more shy people have more confidence then people who are more outwardly outgoing. The "confident" people I've met anyway have always attempted to cover something else up because of their own insecurities. If they didn't have insecurities, they were just douchbags that acted like they didn't have any.

    More shy people have more healthy dose of confidence then outgoing people. Thats not to say all shy people are confident...dear God they aren't....icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 30, 2012 10:01 PM GMT
    IceBucket saidTruthfully, I've found that more shy people have more confidence then people who are more outwardly outgoing. The "confident" people I've met anyway have always attempted to cover something else up because of their own insecurities. If they didn't have insecurities, they were just douchbags that acted like they didn't have any.

    More shy people have more healthy dose of confidence then outgoing people. Thats not to say all shy people are confident...dear God they aren't....icon_neutral.gif

    So you're saying theres a chance? icon_razz.gif
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    Aug 31, 2012 12:46 AM GMT
    IceBucket saidTruthfully, I've found that more shy people have more confidence then people who are more outwardly outgoing. The "confident" people I've met anyway have always attempted to cover something else up because of their own insecurities. If they didn't have insecurities, they were just douchbags that acted like they didn't have any.

    More shy people have more healthy dose of confidence then outgoing people. Thats not to say all shy people are confident...dear God they aren't....icon_neutral.gif


    Hmnn... icon_surprised.gif I wonder what I'd be then? Thanks for the feed back. icon_smile.gif
  • BuggEyedSprit...

    Posts: 920

    Aug 31, 2012 12:54 AM GMT
    paulflexes saidDo cookies taste better with milk?

    Does pizza taste better with beer?

    Does cheese taste better with wine?

    Do brains taste better with garlic and Italian herbs?



    Pizza tastes better with milk. icon_idea.gif
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Aug 31, 2012 1:25 AM GMT
    Confidence is simply being comfortable existing and interacting. That means being able to stand on your own, being able to say things with conviction, and being able to share yourself with others.

    It does NOT require feeling superior to others. It does NOT require bravado. It does NOT require having all the answers.

    I'm surprised that many of you say shyness can overlap with confidence. Those seem mutually exclusive to me. Quiet or stoic, sure, but 'shy' almost by definition means not being confident. Obviously someone can be shy with people but confident in their abilities, but now we're talking about two different things.
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    Aug 31, 2012 3:08 AM GMT
    FuriousGeorge saidConfidence is simply being comfortable existing and interacting. That means being able to stand on your own, being able to say things with conviction, and being able to share yourself with others.

    It does NOT require feeling superior to others. It does NOT require bravado. It does NOT require having all the answers.

    I'm surprised that many of you say shyness can overlap with confidence. Those seem mutually exclusive to me. Quiet or stoic, sure, but 'shy' almost by definition means not being confident. Obviously someone can be shy with people but confident in their abilities, but now we're talking about two different things.


    Hmn.. I Guess you have a point there. Having confidence in oneself but being shy when it comes to a public forum is paradoxical. I don't seem to mind people when I am in a position of office and know it's my job to be social and bubbly. But when I date, I get the hibby jibbies. D:
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Aug 31, 2012 3:17 AM GMT
    ParadiseLost said
    FuriousGeorge saidConfidence is simply being comfortable existing and interacting. That means being able to stand on your own, being able to say things with conviction, and being able to share yourself with others.

    It does NOT require feeling superior to others. It does NOT require bravado. It does NOT require having all the answers.

    I'm surprised that many of you say shyness can overlap with confidence. Those seem mutually exclusive to me. Quiet or stoic, sure, but 'shy' almost by definition means not being confident. Obviously someone can be shy with people but confident in their abilities, but now we're talking about two different things.


    Hmn.. I Guess you have a point there. Having confidence in oneself but being shy when it comes to a public forum is paradoxical. I don't seem to mind people when I am in a position of office and know it's my job to be social and bubbly. But when I date, I get the hibby jibbies. D:


    Makes sense to me. Sounds like you're completely confident living and breathing as the person you are, but you're less confident sharing that person with others. It's easier in a professional setting because you're not really sharing yourself; you're performing a function you were trained to do, and you likely have confidence in your ability to do that as well. On a date, you have to say, "This is me. You may like some parts and dislike others. I'm willing to work on some things, but other things are really important to me. This may or may not work out." Perhaps confidence in sharing with others is more harrowing because there are so many unknowns. You are, after all, dealing with two independent psyches now, and you can't read the other person's mind.
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    Aug 31, 2012 3:59 AM GMT
    FuriousGeorge said
    ParadiseLost said
    FuriousGeorge saidConfidence is simply being comfortable existing and interacting. That means being able to stand on your own, being able to say things with conviction, and being able to share yourself with others.

    It does NOT require feeling superior to others. It does NOT require bravado. It does NOT require having all the answers.

    I'm surprised that many of you say shyness can overlap with confidence. Those seem mutually exclusive to me. Quiet or stoic, sure, but 'shy' almost by definition means not being confident. Obviously someone can be shy with people but confident in their abilities, but now we're talking about two different things.


    Hmn.. I Guess you have a point there. Having confidence in oneself but being shy when it comes to a public forum is paradoxical. I don't seem to mind people when I am in a position of office and know it's my job to be social and bubbly. But when I date, I get the hibby jibbies. D:


    Makes sense to me. Sounds like you're completely confident living and breathing as the person you are, but you're less confident sharing that person with others. It's easier in a professional setting because you're not really sharing yourself; you're performing a function you were trained to do, and you likely have confidence in your ability to do that as well. On a date, you have to say, "This is me. You may like some parts and dislike others. I'm willing to work on some things, but other things are really important to me. This may or may not work out." Perhaps confidence in sharing with others is more harrowing because there are so many unknowns. You are, after all, dealing with two independent psyches now, and you can't read the other person's mind.


    Damn, you're good. ;D Hit the nail on the head.

    I'm actually quite good at reading other people. They are my books, my past time bed time stories. The more I know about a person, the better I feel. To an extent, I can read the other person's mind, actually. icon_smile.gif

    However, sharing myself? It's tricky when... you don't know if a person is or is not going to like you. I become the hooded and cloaked man who speaks behind from the darkness of the shawls. I suppose it makes me look like a ghost or a reaper or something.

    *Le sigh* I dunno... icon_cry.gif I feel like most gay guys can't like me because they don't see me. They're only interested in their ideas of me. When I share, they don't seem to listen or care. icon_sad.gif

    But.. you're right, I have to... learn how to just stand my ground, put my foot down and show them I am who I am. Just to... be myself and let myself be out and free. It's hard but I gotta do it. I just gotta.