The "Friends" Spot

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    Aug 18, 2008 10:45 PM GMT
    No, this has nothing to do with the TV show.

    Anywho, I have a problem. By the title of this post you might've deduced it already. So far there's been 2 guys who I've liked (as in REALLY liked) and... well... I started talking to the both of them. I had at least a couple of dates... and in both cases I ended up in the "friends" spot.

    Now, we're great friends, and I love them (as friends, since I never fell in love with them, I was just crushing) but it's frustrating and it makes me want to not meet new guys. Specially since the guys who I date and seem actually interested in a relationship with me are guys I'm not interested in.

    I tried it with a couple of those guys, but there was no spark.

    So, have you ever end up in the "friend" spot? Any advice on how to avoid it? It's stupid but I'm afraid of meeting guys I actually like because it seems like I'm setting myself up for another disappointment.
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    Aug 20, 2008 2:21 AM GMT
    I haven't been in your situation, and I'm not sure if it's because I do things differently, or because I have a different idea of friendship. Probably both.

    Over time, I have realized that my friends are the people with whom I have a history. What that means is that it takes time (for me) to realize the significance that someone has for me as a friend, that is, what they mean to me.

    So, when either a boyfriend situation ends, or someone I'm pursuing isn't interested in sex and/or romance, there is no "default" friend position available. Only if an independent basis of interest is forthcoming, will the association continue long enough to even get on the path of a possible friend-to-be.

    Sorry for the underlining, but I wanted to emphasize that.

    Charlie
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    Aug 20, 2008 2:04 PM GMT
    Hey AshLeon,

    Just be patient and kind with yourself and above all, keep on trying. There's a part of yourself that obviously desires Big Love and all that goes with it, so take up that part of you when you get times like this and give it a great big hug (and a pat on the back for trying), dust yourself off, and continue.

    You're learning what does it for you and what doesn't as you go along. How else do we learn when the method is one of experience? As long as you conduct yourself with respect for others and behave in a classy and noble way when letting a guy down, you grow as a person and so does that big ol' heart of yours.


    You'll see.
    icon_wink.gif

    PS When I went through times like this I'd often get down about it because I myself wouldn't want to be dropped once I stated my love for another. I began thinking heavily about what I would want if someone dropped me. I made a point of hanging with the guys I dropped as long as possible, after all, I'd felt something for them, which meant I should respect that feeling and acknowledge the validity of it, even though it faded into a friendship only. Surprise, surprise, I found respecting my feelings this way was good for my self-esteem.
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    Aug 20, 2008 2:10 PM GMT
    Sleep with them on the first date - problem solved. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Aug 21, 2008 5:33 PM GMT
    jaydub - Yeah, maybe I should rethink my "no kiss on first date" rule.

    meninlove - I try to be nice with the guys I drop, but sometimes they make it difficult. And I don't like to give false hopes. I still chat with them from time to time, and I help them when I can, but I just hate it when a guy just pops up to say "so, how about now? do you like me now?"

    CarlosGringo - I kinda get what you're saying, and I think both guys I'm friends with now share your train of thought somewhat.

    Thanks for your advice guys =D
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 21, 2008 10:20 PM GMT
    I keep trying for the friends spot and end smack dab in the seduction zone
    ... and that SUX when you don't wanna be there!! icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 21, 2008 10:51 PM GMT
    That happened to me all the time when I was dating women.
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    Aug 21, 2008 11:07 PM GMT
    You need a fuck buddy. I have my best luck with firemen. I have this one fb that comes over every 3 weeks....omg and he is a bottom, but I rim him from time to time. icon_biggrin.gif