How do you make GOOD gay friends?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 31, 2012 1:23 AM GMT
    Recently I had a heartbreaking conversation with a dear RJer that I truly care about a lot. He seems very upset and that he seems to have a hard time making gay friends. Let me re-phrase that...he has difficulty making genuine gay friends. I find this to be somewhat of my problem as well. I know I seem to be a real easygoing gal and all sassy with a lot of social grace, and I while I have a lot of straight friends in the RL, I struggle to make gay friends in RL. All of the gay "friends" I have made in my past ended up either stabbing me in the back, used me for sex, or stole my boyfriend. It seems that this confused gay sex tension always gets in the middle.

    Let's discuss.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Aug 31, 2012 1:39 AM GMT
    I think it's more difficult because we are HOMOsexuals, i.e. the other people who are like us and whom we might befriend are also the people we date. This isn't the case for straight guys, who often befriend other guys but have no sexual interest in them, so it's easy for them to keep boundaries. I think things would be equally complicated for a straight guy looking to make REALLY good straight girl friends, but honestly I don't know of that happening much. With gay friends, it's hard to maintain boundaries because it seems like we run out of excuses not to fuck each other and make things more complicated, lol.

    Other than that, I dare say there's a sociological problem in the community as a whole. Perhaps it's because we weren't allowed to practice building strong relationships in the open; perhaps it's because we're too used to being alone after years of being ostracized; perhaps the "culture" is just too hypersexualized and doesn't value platonic relationships. Whatever it is, I think one can pick out some systemic problems.

    I was in a social fraternity, and there are various other members who all came out at different times, and we're all still just friends like we were before. Maybe it was because we had the structure of our organization to build our friendship before we met with a sexual pretense. I sympathize with you; I'm trying to build a similar social circle of gay friends, and it's tough.
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    Aug 31, 2012 1:46 AM GMT
    FuriousGeorge saidI think it's more difficult because we are HOMOsexuals, i.e. the other people who are like us and whom we might befriend are also the people we date. This isn't the case for straight guys, who often befriend other guys but have no sexual interest in them, so it's easy for them to keep boundaries. I think things would be equally complicated for a straight guy looking to make REALLY good straight girl friends, but honestly I don't know of that happening much. With gay friends, it's hard to maintain boundaries because it seems like we run out of excuses not to fuck each other and make things more complicated, lol.

    Other than that, I dare say there's a sociological problem in the community as a whole. Perhaps it's because we weren't allowed to practice building strong relationships in the open; perhaps it's because we're too used to being alone after years of being ostracized; perhaps the "culture" is just too hypersexualized and doesn't value platonic relationships. Whatever it is, I think one can pick out some systemic problems.

    I was in a social fraternity, and there are various other members who all came out at different times, and we're all still just friends like we were before. Maybe it was because we had the structure of our organization to build our friendship before we met with a sexual pretense. I sympathize with you; I'm trying to build a similar social circle of gay friends, and it's tough.


    So we should be friends with lesbians. If we befriend guys, gay or straight, we get sexually attracted to them

    If we befriend women, they'll fall in love with us.

    Lesbians are the only clan left.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Aug 31, 2012 1:51 AM GMT
    [quote]So we should be friends with lesbians. If we befriend guys, gay or straight, we get sexually attracted to them

    If we befriend women, they'll fall in love with us.

    Lesbians are the only clan left.
    [/quote]

    I'm ... actually for that plan, hahaha. As long as they don't in turn resent men. Of course I DO think it's possible to have close gay male friends, haha. It just takes some boundary-setting and a mature attitude.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Aug 31, 2012 1:57 AM GMT

    This sounds like one of those stories that drug addicts tell and blame their friends for the world they put themselves in ... are you looking for some sort commonality between your 'friend's' predicament as it relates to being homosexual and the homosexual community? icon_neutral.gif
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    Aug 31, 2012 2:02 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk said
    This sounds like one of those stories that drug addicts tell and blame their friends for the world they put themselves in ... are you looking for some sort commonality between your 'friend's' predicament as it relates to being homosexual and the homosexual community? icon_neutral.gif


    Horrible analogy to put being gay and and drug addiction.
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    Aug 31, 2012 2:10 AM GMT
    I have a few close friends thatare gay. We are very different in age so I suppose that helps, but mostly we became friends before I even knew they were gay. A couple have made advances, one I accepted, but I realized I didn't like them sexually and they respect that. Just make sure you make friendships with honest guys and that your intentions are clear and you don't lead them on. Just be patient, find someone you know you wont want to have sex with, and you can have a new friend who is there just to be your friend. And remember, a friend is just a person who loves having you in their life as much as you do them. Don't expect them to be your bff or your world, because that is something that takes time.
  • IAmTheOneWhoK...

    Posts: 154

    Aug 31, 2012 2:13 AM GMT
    Q: "How do you make GOOD gay friends? "

    A: Make an RJ account lawlz
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    Aug 31, 2012 2:24 AM GMT
    IAmTheOneWhoKnocks saidQ: "How do you make GOOD gay friends? "

    A: Make an RJ account lawlz


    Stop being so fucking adorable.

    thanks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 02, 2012 1:17 AM GMT
    In order to make good friends...Fist you have to be a good friend !
    There is a saying..
    "A good friend is not something you should be".."A good friend is something that you are!"
    (think).. icon_biggrin.gif