Have I missed my chance with this guy..?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 31, 2012 2:40 PM GMT
    I apologize for the length of this, and commend anyone who is able to get through it.. thank you! I’m 21, a guy, bisexual and currently not out. In April 2011 (when i was 19) I met an incredible guy (who I will refer to as - M) when I was away at school, we had amazing chemistry and spent some really great time together. When I say amazing chemistry - i’m talking something that i’ve never experienced before - emotionally, sexually, everything, it was.. unreal. So M asked me way back then, if there was any way I thought we could take things in the direction of a relationship, I told him that though i did really liked him, i wasn’t ready for a relationship with a guy (biggest mistake of my life). In my mind there were just to many obstacles facing me and the idea of being in a relationship with him, though in retrospect - that was what i wanted more than anything.

    After that, we drifted apart, I really missed him but figured i’d eventually get over him. Truth be told, I couldn’t stop thinking about him, everyday. In late August 2011, I bumped into him on campus, and he suggested we hangout sometime soon - and said that he’d be leaving at the end of the month to move to another city for grad school. We met a few days later and spent an amazing night together. One of the things he told me was “you’re a great, great guy.. when you’re ready, you’re going to have no problem finding someone. I can see myself with someone like you.” I wanted so badly for that person to be me, but at the time it still seemed so impossible. (what was i thinking?!)

    A few days later he moved away, to a city about 1.5 hrs away. He invited me to come visit him and go to a concert together in the fall, but I wasn’t able to make it. I spent a long, long time trying to forget about him, but was never able to. In the meantime I got into a relationship with a girl. M and I would still text occasionally, but that dwindled away by winter.

    In late June 2012, I was coming home from work and randomly decided to go into a grocery store that I never go to, believe it or not - M was inside the front door. He was in town for a few days, It was so wonderful to see him after so long, but at the same time so painful as well. In my head I started thinking that he must not have wanted to see me - since he was in town and didn’t bother telling me. He suggested though that we meet up the next day, so we did. He bought us coffee and we went for a walk, he told me that he was seeing someone, and I told him that I was too. It was horrible. However, since that run in, M and I started texting again, and he’d text me telling me about things like a song that reminded him of me, and in one text told me that i’d looked “really good last time” he saw me.

    A few weeks ago, I broke up with girl I was seeing - it really wasn’t working for various reasons. This came up in a text convo with M, and he told me that he was also now single. I was ecstatic at the fact that he was single.. i’ve reached a point where I can’t believe how much time I wasted when I could have been with someone that I love. If he would take me now, I would be with him in a heartbeat. However, i’m not sure if he still feels the same about me. I have felt so sick lately trying to figure out what to do about this. He’s been away on a trip with friends, I’ve been working, but come sept. we’ll just be 1.5 hrs away again. I did text him one day and said “it’d be great to see you again M, I’d really like to talk sometime. Maybe we could meet up when you’re back in Ottawa.” He replied and said - “yeah that’d be nice, maybe we could combine with a concert.” That was about a week ago. Since that conversation, I haven’t heard much from him.

    So this is what i’m trying to figure out - Does he still like me?

    What if he meets someone before I have a chance to see him and tell him exactly how I feel? (I know i’m biased, but he seriously is one of the most amazing guy’s i’ve ever met/seen)

    This is all driving me crazy, and I feel a really strong compulsion to tell him how I feel. I want to do this face to face. I’ve even been thinking of texting him and asking if he’d be free on such and such a day, tell him that i really need to talk to him, and that i’ll take a bus to come meet up, even just for a coffee. Any opinions on this idea? I don’t want him to think i’m crazy either though.

    I guess my options are:
    wait until some concert comes up in Ottawa and he invites me down
    tell him that i need to come see him to talk about things (and tell him how i feel about him)
    ask him if we can skype/phone sometime to talk, but maybe that would feel impersonal..

    PLEASE let me know what you think about this whole situation, I am beating myself up so bad over the fact that I may have let such a good thing go. I recognize that I might have a chance at it now, and I really really don’t want to lose it. Thank you so much!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 31, 2012 3:50 PM GMT
    Tell HIM what you've told us

    Ask HIM what you've asked us.

  • ggst82

    Posts: 83

    Aug 31, 2012 4:08 PM GMT
    Agreed! The only way you'll know for sure is if you express it to him. sometimes it's not too late, but if you feel the way you do I'd get moving quickly. Life is all about the timing. (Trust me I've been on the opposite side of this type of scenario...)
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    Aug 31, 2012 4:57 PM GMT
    thanks so much for your responses guys.. i really do want to tell him how i feel, logistically its just a little difficult to do in person since we're in different cities. and I would totally travel to go see him and tell him, do you think he'd think i was crazy if i did that though? like if i took a bus just to go see him and tell him this?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 31, 2012 4:59 PM GMT
    OP..There are some things embeded in your opening post you have to "put into deep thought"...
    .. I think the fact that you are closeted is affecting your decision making process and delaying your moments of clarity!
    ...Your opening post also reveals that you moved faster in getting with a girl as opposed to the guy that has your heart!

    OP..Is M gay or bi?..is he out?
    ..There is 1/2of my brain that wants to scream..GO GET HIM NOW!!
    But then 1/2of it saids.."If they get together".."Then what?"
    or "What took you so long in the first place?"

    ..If "M" is gay and out and you are closeted and bi..you'll have issues..see where i'm going! Think about making the necessary changes you and M
    would need to make to Really, Really make this work...

    Now what my heart is saying is..Go get M.. have your talks and walks..lay everything out in the open..work on coming out..build a solid foundation to a relationship....
    Keep us posted!! icon_biggrin.gif
    Young love..ahhhh!!! icon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 31, 2012 6:18 PM GMT
    Go for it. Let him know what you just let us know. Tell him you did like him, but wasn't sure about a relationship at the time, and that you regret it now.

    He either doesn't appear as interested now because he's moved on, or because he's trying to respect your decision to not want a relationship whether it's with him or not.

    I'd say it's worth the risk if you have more to gain than lose.

    Keep us updated. Even if it doesn't work out, the guys here can be pretty supportive as long as they know you aren't a 'troll', and writing about it can be quite cathartic.

    All the best, and of course...

    Welcome to RealJock!
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    Aug 31, 2012 6:24 PM GMT
    I would say go for it. If anything, the reason why he hasn't been so much in contact with you recently is because the memory of you 'rejecting' him is still fresh in his mind. Ask him to meet up and then tell him what you told us.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 31, 2012 6:29 PM GMT
    I say you go to him this time. Make sure he's available, of course. Tell him how you feel, and you be the one to buy him a cup of coffee or a meal or whatever.
    This was a good read & best of luck. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 31, 2012 6:37 PM GMT
    Maybe. Maybe not. You won't know until you tell him what you've been feeling. If he accepts, great. If he rejects, well, at least you tried. I wish you good luck
  • IAmTheOneWhoK...

    Posts: 154

    Aug 31, 2012 7:32 PM GMT
    I agree with everyone else's stance so far.

    However, keep in mind. If you want an actual real thing with this guy and you think he's special - is he out or is he closeted too? Cause if one of you is closeted and the other is out, sooner or later, someone's going to get sick of it.
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    Aug 31, 2012 9:47 PM GMT
    thank you again to everyone who has replied, it means alot to me to have so many people reading my post. to those asking about whether M or myself are out - M is out (bisexual) and currently i am not (have only told one friend). That being said, I'm planning on being open about it with my close friends once everyone is back in town for school in sept., and would be 100% willing to come out as being in a relationship with M if that ended up.. happening, i'd never try to hide that.

    do you think me coming out is something that I should address when/(if?) i do go to tell M how i feel?

    thank you!

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 31, 2012 9:58 PM GMT
    "do you think me coming out is something that I should address when/(if?) i do go to tell M how i feel?"

    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^

    ..You two should definately talk about this..Coming out to some degree will help level the field for both of you.. Remember you want the least amount of complications when building a long lasting relationship..That way "The Honeymoon period" lasts much much longer....!
    Hugz???
    Anocxu icon_biggrin.gif

  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Aug 31, 2012 10:51 PM GMT
    This is a slam dunk. It seems obvious to me that he still cares about you a great deal. He already put himself out there once; now it's your turn. Think about all the time you guys have lost because your fears of coming out prohibited you from taking the next step. Are your fears of him no longer feeling the same way going to win the day this time? See, fear keeps us from a lot of wonderful things we could otherwise experience. It's time to stop worrying about what-ifs and start focusing on what you could gain.

    As far as how, that really depends on your relationship. I would think that a phone call would be just fine if you want to get it off your chest right away. It is not obsessive or crazy to tell someone how you feel, especially when you're such good friends.

    Please please please don't let this pass you by. Even if it doesn't work out the way you hope, you'll never feel right about it until you put all your cards on the table. At least then you'll have closure. And please let us all know how it works out!
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    Sep 08, 2012 1:28 PM GMT
    hey everyone.. just wanted to let you all know that i'm taking a bus to see him tomorrow. thanks all for your advice and support, i'll let you know how it goes.

    any final suggestions?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2012 1:43 PM GMT
    Dude! If you're not going to take action now you're gonna hate yourself for the rest of your life. Please text him him! Please!

    Keep us updated icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 08, 2012 1:45 PM GMT
    rootlesstree saidhey everyone.. just wanted to let you all know that i'm taking a bus to see him tomorrow. thanks all for your advice and support, i'll let you know how it goes.

    any final suggestions?


    Erm.. Try not and be awkward. Take it slow and naturally. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2012 1:48 PM GMT
    Wazzup Root!
    Relax..remember you have a friendship with this guy..
    Don't work yourself into a frenzy..
    meet..talk it out..have fun..!!
    I'm very excited for you..!!
    Keep us posted !! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2012 2:02 PM GMT
    TELL HIM LIKE, NOW
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2012 2:13 PM GMT
    Consider yourself lucky dude....

    My boyfriend passed away from cancer; we regret being able to take things even further in life and in hindsight, wished we spent more time together.

    We all, at some point, take life for granted.

    Grab life by the balls!

    Don't procrastinate and just go for it.

    Better to have pursued love, than to not have loved at all.
  • JosephC

    Posts: 92

    Sep 08, 2012 2:44 PM GMT
    I must say I am a little nervous for you. You've had such a big and obvious window and have yet to use it. Get on that bus and go over there. He's made so many bold attempts to try and make it work with you it's your turn to do the same. When you get there call him don't text. Tell him you're in the area and wanted to talk. I really hope it works out because what it sounds to me you've found love and that is something we would do anything to have. Good luck man, do NOT waste time anymore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 08, 2012 2:52 PM GMT
    Its something that unfortunately a lot of guys don't find out until they're older - looks like you got a head start on it though.

    Dont waste any more of your todays - before you know it, they will be yesterdays and filled with the regrets of "what if"

    The universe will keep spinning, and you will face many obstacles along the way, deal with them if and when they occur, dont let the fear of obstacles stop you.. ever.
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    Sep 08, 2012 3:02 PM GMT
    mileshelvetica saidTell HIM what you've told us

    Ask HIM what you've asked us.



    This.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 08, 2012 5:46 PM GMT
    rootlesstree saidhey everyone.. just wanted to let you all know that i'm taking a bus to see him tomorrow. thanks all for your advice and support, i'll let you know how it goes.

    any final suggestions?


    icon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gificon_biggrin.gif

    You know what to do. Hold nothing back.
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    Sep 08, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    just to clarify, he does know that i'm going to be in his city tomorrow and we're planning on meeting up, he suggested we try to catch some of the folk festival that's in Ottawa right now.. so we'll see what happens there. either way, yes - i'm planning on telling him everything, how i feel etc.. i'm feeling really stupid for having wasted so much time and potentially having ruined the opportunity..
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 08, 2012 7:49 PM GMT
    rootlesstree saidjust to clarify, he does know that i'm going to be in his city tomorrow and we're planning on meeting up, he suggested we try to catch some of the folk festival that's in Ottawa right now.. so we'll see what happens there. either way, yes - i'm planning on telling him everything, how i feel etc.. i'm feeling really stupid for having wasted so much time and potentially having ruined the opportunity..


    Feel just stupid enough to make sure you right the wrong, but no more stupid than that. Beating yourself up is wasted energy.

    And again, let us know what happens! This has become one of my favorite threads to follow.