Is Intelligence Intimidating?

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    Aug 31, 2012 9:11 PM GMT
    I have a wonder, Alistair...

    No, never mind. Anyway, my real question is whether guys find intelligence in a guy intimidating. More or less so than say, being what my friend refers to as "amnesia" hot? Any opinions on that, gents? I'm just curious about it, because I've been told before that people feel that I talk down to them when I use large words and speak eloquently. Ergo, I wonder if I scare away potential dates when I come off as being intelligent or condescending by speaking in the manner that I am accustomed to.

    Thanks for the input, friends! icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 31, 2012 10:24 PM GMT
    It's not so much intimidating as much as it is troublesome to those of us with lower self-esteem.

    I know I'm not un-attracted to intelligent guys - I'm a little afraid of being in a relationship with them since they're smart enough to be with anybody and any day they could realize that they are smarter then you and want someone just as smart as they are.

    Kind of like someone's physical appearance: you won't find many buff, muscular men dating flabby or skinny guys. And those flabby and skinny guys might be afraid to date an insanely attractive person since they could get up and leave and find someone within an hour.
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    Aug 31, 2012 10:26 PM GMT
    There's a chance you may be intimidating or off putting to some guy. To me when it comes to communication, the best way to keep someone interested is when there is a good flow. So big words would be a waste of time if the person you're speaking to can't comprehend. It might be the way you present yourself or maybe their insecurities. I don't know lol.
  • FitGwynedd

    Posts: 1468

    Aug 31, 2012 10:27 PM GMT
    I don't think its intimidating, but sometimes it can pose a challenge in relationships with people in general. I think its all about communicating yourself in a manner than doesn't intimidate.
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    Aug 31, 2012 10:30 PM GMT
    Okami_Shiranui saidI have a wonder, Alistair...

    No, never mind. Anyway, my real question is whether guys find intelligence in a guy intimidating. More or less so than say, being what my friend refers to as "amnesia" hot? Any opinions on that, gents? I'm just curious about it, because I've been told before that people feel that I talk down to them when I use large words and speak eloquently. Ergo, I wonder if I scare away potential dates when I come off as being intelligent or condescending by speaking in the manner that I am accustomed to.

    Thanks for the input, friends! icon_smile.gif


    Nope. Intellect is not intimidating to me. Psychotic behavior, however, is. icon_smile.gif

    Everything else is a turn off including arrogance, lack of self-awareness, skeptics, cynics, bitchiness, jadedness, etc. icon_smile.gif

    But your intellect and looks go well together. icon_biggrin.gif
  • FuriousGeorge

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    Aug 31, 2012 10:37 PM GMT
    Intelligence is fine. The pitfall you may run into is how you present yourself. It's really easy for intelligent people to get carried away with making a point. If you ever find yourself saying, "Well actually ...", stop and consider what you're about to say. If you ever find yourself getting animated or bug-eyed over a topic, you're probably going overboard. As a lifelong nerd who works with nerds, I know these behaviors when I see them, lol. They're insufferable.
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    Aug 31, 2012 10:42 PM GMT
    Almost everyone likes and admires intelligence.

    If intelligence disintegrates into arrogance, pomposity or simply showing off -- no one likes that.
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    Aug 31, 2012 10:54 PM GMT
    Op very interesting thread !..
    I have learned the differences between diplomacy, hyper eccentricity and being truly relatable..
    ..I know quite a few people who constantly have to remind you how intelligent they are by being Overly eloquent..And they look really awkward doing it..

    ..I know quite a few that were brought up this way and they do it flawlessly ..and yet they are completely relatable!

    ...I employ a time place and person strategy..if i'm hanging with my buds..i do not want to sound as if i'm in presentation!..Ya' feel me?

    ..The goal is to be completely relatable without "dumbing yourself down" or sounding like you just gave an "Oxford Dictionary" a blowjob!
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    Aug 31, 2012 11:39 PM GMT
    Anocxu saidOp very interesting thread !..
    I have learned the differences between diplomacy, hyper eccentricity and being truly relatable..
    ..I know quite a few people who constantly have to remind you how intelligent they are by being Overly eloquent..And they look really awkward doing it..

    ..I know quite a few that were brought up this way and they do it flawlessly ..and yet they are completely relatable!

    ...I employ a time place and person strategy..if i'm hanging with my buds..i do not want to sound as if i'm in presentation!..Ya' feel me?

    ..The goal is to be completely relatable without "dumbing yourself down" or sounding like you just gave an "Oxford Dictionary" a blowjob!


    See? Intelligence isn't intimidating. It's quite damn sexy to me, isn't that right Anocxu? ;) *Raps caveman club in hand.*
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    Sep 01, 2012 2:23 AM GMT
    I've been told this too actually icon_rolleyes.gif, I've found its best alter my vocabulary, depending on who im talking too. I recommend u do the same?
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    Sep 01, 2012 2:42 AM GMT
    Well, just go with the flow of the conversation.. I like to be able to speak to a variety of people.. from slang to proper english and other languages too. However.. I would never "dumb it down". If you are purposely trying to flex those intellectual skills then it might be problematic.. But if you are just speaking normally and he feels threatened or intimidated then that's more so an issue with himself... not you. If anything those kind of people should feel inspired and motivated to step up their vocabulary and intellectual skills. I would. Jus tlike muscles.. when you see a muscled dude you could be intimidated.. but you could also be inspired and motiated to workout more too. I love brainy dudes.. even if they are 100 times more intelligent than i am.
  • onefortified

    Posts: 1630

    Sep 01, 2012 2:43 AM GMT
    It depends on how you are portraying the intelligence and whether or not it is even warranted. Are you doing it to compensate for other things that would otherwise make yourself easier to communicate with? It is easy for one to divulge into subject matter that they are passionate about; however, this pendantism can come off as overwhelming and prevent someone from wanting to get to know you better. Being concise and genuine is much more attractive. Save the big words for your colleagues.
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    Sep 01, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    Intelligence can be VERY hot!
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    Sep 01, 2012 2:56 AM GMT
    LittleDudeWithMuscles saidAlmost everyone likes and admires intelligence.

    If intelligence disintegrates into arrogance, pomposity or simply showing off -- no one likes that.


    +shhhhh....icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 01, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    Intelligence when used in a condescending way is an instant turnoff.
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    Sep 01, 2012 3:05 AM GMT
    Depends if I catch them picking their nose or not. Then, no handshakes, and it's not that I'm avoiding eye contact; I want to see where their hand goes next.
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    Sep 01, 2012 3:06 AM GMT
    Eh, yes and no. I think I'm more interested in humor and wit than intelligence per se.
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    Sep 01, 2012 4:02 AM GMT
    Okami_Shiranui saidIs Intelligence Intimidating?

    I don't think so, and I hope not. icon_eek.gif But what defines intelligence really
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    Sep 01, 2012 4:21 AM GMT
    A guy dumped me once because he said he was afraid I'd end up quoting Sartre while we had sex.
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    Sep 01, 2012 4:23 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidA guy dumped me once because he said he was afraid I'd end up quoting Sartre while we had sex.


    You're lucky, it could have been Camus.
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    Sep 01, 2012 4:29 AM GMT
    I don't find intelligence intimidating, whatsoever... looks are ephemeral: once they fade, what else is there (if not wit)?
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    Sep 01, 2012 4:32 AM GMT
    I think in general a guy with brain is sexy and hot as hell as long as he doesn't used it in a condescending way or think that *I'm the shit and I'm so better than you kind of way !!!

    I mean there are topics that I'm pretty dumb and know nothing about like car/auto-mechanics, chemistry is like a foreign language to me or thermodynamic/physics or even Calculus (yep, I flunk that in HS). icon_lol.gif Am I the only Asian in the forum who's bad in Math in HS and College? I feel so ashamed hahahaha.icon_lol.gif

    But there are other topics I know so much about like Impressionism, French language/cultures/Monet, English Writers/Romantic poets, the American revolutionary/US/World History, Fashion/Music/Movie/Labels.

    I'd say as long as he can hold a conversation and have a positive outlook, that's all that matter. I mean, I went to a great college in Cali but some of the guys I dated and been in serious ltr with have been college/hs drop outs. So what, I still like them and don't consider myself superior or anything. icon_cool.gificon_smile.gif Through them, I learned to be more street-smart in life.
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    Sep 01, 2012 4:42 AM GMT
    turbobilly said
    Ariodante saidA guy dumped me once because he said he was afraid I'd end up quoting Sartre while we had sex.


    You're lucky, it could have been Camus.


    lucky me icon_confused.gif actually yeah he was an asshole.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Sep 01, 2012 4:46 AM GMT
    Ariodante saidA guy dumped me once because he said he was afraid I'd end up quoting Sartre while we had sex.


    camus can do, but sarte is smartre
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    Sep 01, 2012 4:48 AM GMT
    Being intelligent shouldn't be intimidating unless the people in question are being elitist about it, and those who wanted to learn are being made to feel less about themselves because of their lack of knowledge about the subject discussed.
    I've met a few people like that, intellectual snobs who make everyone else feel inferior because they can.
    Screw them.