He's 10 years OLDER than his profile age

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2008 11:24 AM GMT
    So, I've been seeing this guy for a few months. We're starting to get serious and have been talking about where our relationship is heading. However, the other night he casually told me that he was not 46 as it says on his profile but 56, soon to be 57.

    Yes, he looks good for his age and all that but I was a bit surprised to say the least. I tried to pretend I was not freaked out but I'm not sure I want to continue seeing him. It's not so much the age factor but the lie. His take on it was I shouldn't be bothered by age.

    I'm honest about my age on my profile(s) - 42 - and have not given other guys' age much thought when it comes to dating. If you look good and are happy in yourself then fine and I don't rule out guys because of it. But this lie is troubling me.
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    Aug 19, 2008 12:24 PM GMT
    True, age is nothing but a number. However if he thought it wasnt a major issue....why did he feel the need to lie about it? And why did it take so long for him to tell you?
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    Aug 19, 2008 12:30 PM GMT
    I would be upset too. If a man starts off lying about his age, he's likely to lie about other things as well. I'm sure in his defense he's encountered a lot of ageism, but he should have come cleaner much sooner.
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    Aug 19, 2008 12:34 PM GMT
    IMO, it's damn stupid to lie about your age, when you can just as easily be rejected for being a liar as being too old.
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    Aug 19, 2008 2:24 PM GMT
    I would drop the guy, not because of his age, but because he lied and did not have enough self-esteem to be honest about himself. Dishonesty and neuroses about getting older are big turnoffs.
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    Aug 19, 2008 2:44 PM GMT
    I would drop the guy, not because of his age, but because he lied and did not have enough self-esteem to be honest about himself.

    Initially I thought you were being a bit harsh but on reflection I tend to think you are right.

    But it's upsetting when you've found yourself developing feelings for someone and then they casually throw in their real age and then make you feel guilty for being freaked out. He made out that everyone does it with their online profiles but we have been seeing each other for three or four months now.
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    Aug 19, 2008 2:49 PM GMT
    Are you f'ing kidding me with this crap.
    ohh some one "lied" about their age... icon_mad.gif

    Half the guys in this site are not 100% truthful about something and or are LYING!
    For example, I love the guys who post "NO HOOK-UPS"
    and then email a stranger to say "hey, I'm in your town next week, you wanna..."
    Not to mention how many men LIE about the size of their dick!! icon_eek.gif Now that's something to break-up over icon_wink.gif

    Yes please break up with this guy...

    Of course if all men did this, more than half of us would never have been born for the amount of women who have lied about their age! Divorce would be rampant!

    Drama, get over it.


    Sorry, but life is full of much bigger issues...
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    Aug 19, 2008 3:17 PM GMT
    redheadguy saidBut it's upsetting when you've found yourself developing feelings for someone and then they casually throw in their real age and then make you feel guilty for being freaked out. He made out that everyone does it with their online profiles but we have been seeing each other for three or four months now.


    You should definitely talk to him about it, and I hope you already have. He should not have waited so long to tell you and it's deceitful. However, he may have been developing feelings for you as well and was scared of how you'd react. He may have regretted not telling you sooner.

    I'm sure you wouldn't have cared if he came clean right away, like within the first few dates. He could have easily explained that no one would talk to him when he posted his real age but that he liked you and wanted to be honest with you.

    Give him a chance, but proceed with caution.

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    Aug 19, 2008 4:00 PM GMT
    I think the bigger question is would you honestly have given him the time of day had you known his real age
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    Aug 19, 2008 4:07 PM GMT
    I disagree, lying about your age is very common on all these sites. I use to do it and when you get into your late 40s and 50s you start to see a difference as to how people react to you when you post your real age. I've been told for a long time I don't look as old as I am but when I post my actual age, it's like I have the plague. I wouldn't give up the ship yet, if he nice and he's someone you enjoy, don't dump him. Let him know how you feel, I wouldn't say he lied, just that he did what MOST other gay guys do on Internet web sites.
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    Aug 19, 2008 4:13 PM GMT
    I'm not telling anybody how to run their lives, but my experience with people who lie is, if he'll lie about one thing, he'll lie about anything.

    I don't think shaving 10 years off your age is a federal crime, but I do think it's indicative of someone with issues -- why be ashamed of your age?. I'm told I look younger than my age (I'm 51), but I prefer to tell the truth and be told I look younger. Of course, the people who tell me I look younger may all be lying. icon_smile.gif
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    Aug 19, 2008 4:14 PM GMT
    redheadguy said
    But it's upsetting when you've found yourself developing feelings for someone and then they casually throw in their real age and then make you feel guilty for being freaked out. He made out that everyone does it with their online profiles but we have been seeing each other for three or four months now.


    Making you feel guilty for being disturbed by his dishonesty and lack of integrity is adding insult to injury. And, just because "everyone does it" doesn't mean everyone who does it isn't a dishonest creep for doing it. I gotta side with the harsh voices here. The guy's got issues, and deceit is probably not a good foundation for a healthy relationship.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Aug 19, 2008 4:24 PM GMT
    I'd rather have someone omit their age than lie about it, especially by such a wide gap. I could forgive a couple of years. I just don't respect people who do that. Because, yes, I think they're more likely to lie about other things, too.
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Aug 19, 2008 4:29 PM GMT
    JohnnieRayRousseau saidI'm not telling anybody how to run their lives, but my experience with people who lie is, if he'll lie about one thing, he'll lie about anything.

    I don't think shaving 10 years off your age is a federal crime, but I do think it's indicative of someone with issues -- why be ashamed of your age?. I'm told I look younger than my age (I'm 51), but I prefer to tell the truth and be told I look younger. Of course, the people who tell me I look younger may all be lying. icon_smile.gif


    It's because "good black don't crack" that you're able to get away with not having to lie about your age. icon_smile.gif I know several good looking older men that won't be given the time of day if they don't mention their ages. It's sad, and probably a reason why I don't focus on age so much; I see their fears and know that that's the only thing they're lying about.

    I don't agree that they should have to lie, I just understand it. What's worse is when there are guys their age that won't pay them any attention and lament that they can't find guys their age so they have to go younger.

    Life is weird sometimes.

    Redheadguy, tell him how you feel. Since you guys are getting closer, he probably felt that he needed to disclose the truth and give you the option to leave if either the lie or the age bothered you. It happens.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2008 4:30 PM GMT
    Here's how I see it, if it REALLY bothered you, you would have cut him off already and not even asked us our opinion.

    But since you did, ask him what his reasoning was for lying on his profile and to you. Maybe he's having a hard time dealing with his age. I'm not too fond of getting older either and quite honestly, I'll probably lie about my age soon enough too.
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    Aug 19, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    Our society practically promotes lying about your age. While I agree that I'd prefer to be honest up front about my age, I understand some who prefer to 'slide' their age. I don't necessarily think that if someone lies about their age that they will lie about anything. If they'd lied about being single, or never having committed a felony then that would be a different story.
  • art_smass

    Posts: 960

    Aug 19, 2008 4:38 PM GMT
    redheadguyBut this lie is troubling me.

    I've been in exactly the same situation. I just washed my hands clean rather than pursuing a relationship that would have been tainted with paranoia.
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    Aug 19, 2008 4:44 PM GMT
    One small lie is usually lying atop several additional larger lies.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2008 4:54 PM GMT
    well I saw a guy who is 10 years YOUNGER than his real profile. he is under 18..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2008 5:00 PM GMT
    Either beat him up for lying or be magnanimous and tell him that the lie bothered you but you forgive him, and if you catch him in another lie he'll be sleepin' with the fishes, see. He has a one dinner grace period then it's off to the docks. icon_razz.gif
  • auryn

    Posts: 2061

    Aug 19, 2008 5:01 PM GMT
    king2139 saidwell I saw a guy who is 10 years YOUNGER than his real profile. he is under 18..


    That's a person that you report since this site is 18+.
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    Aug 19, 2008 5:02 PM GMT
    RunintheCity saidOne small lie is usually lying atop several additional larger lies.


    2008-01-27-Fib.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2008 5:05 PM GMT
    well I am putting my 2 cents in... I started seeing this guy a while ago, his profile said 36. But when i met him I knew he was no where near 36, the thing that drove me to start to dislike him. Was to him it was a game, he would never tell me his age, he would play these stupid riddles like, well, sometime in the 80s I graduated high school. So finally he admitted he was 41. I believed it, then a week or so goes by and he made a comment that would make him older than he said he was...so he showed me his lisense and he was 46. I dont have a problem with age, but this whole fiasco of the lies was too much. I would say talk with him, tell him how ridiculous it was to hide the truth from you, and take it from there. But if he can lie or hide truth about age, there may be some other down the road as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 19, 2008 5:10 PM GMT
    OMG!!!! GET REAL! EVERYONE lies! EVERYONE. Be it a white lie or a black lie - it's a lie. Get over yourselves if you think you'll never be lied to... EVER.

    Lying about his age isn't the sure sign that he's lying about some more serious. UGH!

    frustrated.gif
  • CAtoFL

    Posts: 834

    Aug 19, 2008 5:13 PM GMT
    Reading these posts, you'd think that honesty is dead and buried in the gay community.

    Another thread is rife with folks twisting and turning to justify stealing gym towels. This post, we're trying to justify lying about our age.

    Guess what? A thief is a THIEF and a liar is a LIAR.

    If he doesn't have the balls or self-esteem to face increased rejection because of his age, he also has a tragically weak personality. We've become unbelievably blase about tossing out our integrity to get laid!

    And no, EVERYONE DOES NOT DO IT. The people who do it are trying to fool you into liking them. If you stay with him after this, you can bet he'll NEVER post his actual age because his lying has worked before.

    To the liars: Have some self-respect and self-esteem. You are what you are. Deal with it.

    My vote is to drop this loser and move on to someone you can trust.