Very lonely and depressed, could use some support

  • FitGwynedd

    Posts: 1468

    Sep 02, 2012 4:59 AM GMT
    I'll start off by saying that I read the forums a lot and I think some of you guys have some really great advice that cheers me up. I've been having a lot of trouble getting a serious date in a very long time, and I really want a relationship. I am lonely to the point where it pains me and depresses me night and day, and I really just want someone to love and spend my time with. I have moved around so much over the past few years that many of my friends are now scattered throughout the UK, US and Ireland, and the loneliness is becoming totally overwhelming. Being gay has always been really hard on me, sadly at times, I can honestly confess to wishing there was a way I could become straight. I've also been having a lot of trouble getting any sort of a sustainable job, I only work about 20 hours a week, if i'm lucky. I'm a graduate from a very good university, and I always worked really hard at academics, and now I am having such a difficult time barely making it. And I absolutely hate where I live. Its a very poor, depressed area, and the people aren't very nice and the gays are vicious. All these things, but mainly my lack of a relationship or even a date, are making me depressed beyond belief. I'm sorry to take up everyone's time with this, but if anyone has been a situation like this, or anyone could share a few words of support, it would really mean a lot to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 02, 2012 7:10 AM GMT
    I know how you feel, and I can relate. Most of my friends moved away or gotten too busy to meet up regularly, but I've learned two things through it. One, you can make new friends, and two, you can grow to be strong enough to find solace in being alone.

    Of course, there's the issue of wanting to be with someone. Just be patient. Sometimes I know it can be quite unbearable, but just tell yourself that you'll find someone someday. You're young. You've got a whole life ahead of you!

    Also, is there any way you can move elsewhere with better prospects? Can your stay with your family while you look for a more stable job?

    And on a completely unrelated note, Wales is cool!
  • beaujangle

    Posts: 1701

    Sep 02, 2012 11:23 AM GMT
    You're young and attractive. I'm pretty sure that this will pass.

    Have you thought of relocating to a bigger city, say NYC?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 02, 2012 11:44 AM GMT
    Don't worry, buddy. I know you're going through a lot now, but it'll be OK. You're very young, a whole world awaits you. Don't be too concerned about the present.

    Just figure out a way to move someplace else, somewhere you like -- because where you are now doesn't sounds so great. And believe me, you will have NO PROBLEM finding guys to date. You're extremely good looking -- great face, great body, and you seem to be very industrious, bright and a really good guy too. Just give it time, circumstance, put yourself out there and it'll happen.

    Like someone once told me: Exposure is everything. That's true for work and relationships. The more you're out there, the more opportunities you get. In the meantime, take heart and don't worry.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 02, 2012 11:59 AM GMT
    icon_sad.gif
    (((FitGwynedd)))
    I agree LittleDude, this will not last forever. Keep putting yourself out there for people to notice you and stay hopeful that things willl get better for you. Rellocation is also a good idea. You may need to get more exposure from a larger city. IDK the cities in the UK that well, but I'm sure there are cities over there (as well as here) where you can get what you need. Also, for me, I always made use of online meet-up groups. I made a few friends that way, but at least you will be knowing ppl from around or within your area.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 02, 2012 12:07 PM GMT
    It sounds like you have a lot of passion, which is great. Maybe you could try to put that passion into a positive alternative while Mr., Right hasn't made his grand entrance yet.

    I grew up in a very small town before I moved to Los Angeles where the few people I did know that were openly gay ( i wasn't yet ) were not my type let’s just say :p

    I found that when i had something to take my mind off of a boyfriend I felt better, happier, and made a lot of great friends. I would volunteer all of my free time to a youth center, and habitat for humanity. It was a great experience and I met a guy who introduced me to his brother, who happened to later become my first boyfriend.

    Though if fate seems like it's taking too long, there are some great gay novels, movies, and TV storylines to entertain in the meantime, There's nothing quite like a good fairytale or happy ending
    icon_wink.gif

  • Aodhan

    Posts: 3828

    Sep 02, 2012 12:23 PM GMT
    In pretty similar to this, dispite the fact I'm not out yet. This itself leads me to get lonely and just come out already!

    It's impossible to get a job here for me as well, just looking forward to head back to uni and see all my friends again!

    But I think that by being positive and working at your job and relationships everything should work out in the end.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 02, 2012 12:38 PM GMT
    1. Therapy
    2. Medication.

    Hope that helps.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Sep 02, 2012 12:41 PM GMT
    As the song goes "you can't hurry love"

    Try and relocate maybe to a bigger city?

    You have the world at your feet at 21.

  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Sep 02, 2012 1:00 PM GMT
    1. you're 21. you have have no idea how immature and dumb you are until ten years after the fact.
    2. anyone who needs as relationship as you describe is exactly the sort of person who shouldn't be in one. you're clearly not in a healthy place to love another person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 02, 2012 1:04 PM GMT
    50yuyu29839.gif
  • GREEKy

    Posts: 50

    Sep 02, 2012 1:11 PM GMT
    Buffalo is a really depressed city. Most cities in new york state are. If I were you Id move.to nyc area. Way more opportunities. I couldnt get a job for 1.5 years after graduating. Now im living in the city and working for a good institution. I am pretty lonely but at least i meet people. I like to stay positive.that I'll make a.friend.or.two. and, mate, I have a few years on you and im doing just fine icon_razz.gif

    Ps sorry for.the horrible punctuation. Im on my phone
  • Aodhan

    Posts: 3828

    Sep 02, 2012 1:12 PM GMT
    Anocxu said50yuyu29839.gif


    Haha always good to lighten the mood! icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 02, 2012 1:18 PM GMT
    FitGwynedd saidI'll start off by saying that I read the forums a lot and I think some of you guys have some really great advice that cheers me up. I've been having a lot of trouble getting a serious date in a very long time, and I really want a relationship. I am lonely to the point where it pains me and depresses me night and day, and I really just want someone to love and spend my time with. I have moved around so much over the past few years that many of my friends are now scattered throughout the UK, US and Ireland, and the loneliness is becoming totally overwhelming. Being gay has always been really hard on me, sadly at times, I can honestly confess to wishing there was a way I could become straight. I've also been having a lot of trouble getting any sort of a sustainable job, I only work about 20 hours a week, if i'm lucky. I'm a graduate from a very good university, and I always worked really hard at academics, and now I am having such a difficult time barely making it. And I absolutely hate where I live. Its a very poor, depressed area, and the people aren't very nice and the gays are vicious. All these things, but mainly my lack of a relationship or even a date, are making me depressed beyond belief. I'm sorry to take up everyone's time with this, but if anyone has been a situation like this, or anyone could share a few words of support, it would really mean a lot to me.


    A few things...

    1. I grew up near Buffalo, and you're right. It's economically depressed and perpetually cloudy. There's a reason I left. I would work on moving some place better as soon as you have the means to do so.

    2. You're young. I know you want a relationship, but don't rush into anything. People grow a lot in their 20s. I'm not saying to have a bunch of random sex, but make sure you get into a relationship with the right guy for the right reasons. It's so much more rewarding to have an LTR than a series of six month relationships.

    3. Don't define yourself by who you're with. Trust me on this one. Focus on making yourself happy, and everything else will follow.

    4. You're really cute. If you can find a way to boost your confidence, the guys will make themselves available to you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 02, 2012 1:20 PM GMT
    Nedd ..you are too young and ..Waaaaayyyyyy to handsome to be 'stuffing yourself in black box'...
    ..Work out more..
    ..try to get a second job..maybe something fun..maybe the pay might be crappy but you have to "get out of your head" more..

    Mr Nedd..just curious..why do you think a relationship will solve all or most of your problems... ??

    You have your entire life ahead of you..please don't spend your days thinking about "A relationship"
    ..A relationship is what most of us seek...but you cannot stop your emotional growth dead in it's tracks because you don't have one!!

    Cheer up man..!!
    Get a puppy or a cat?.. icon_biggrin.gif
    HUgz
  • FitGwynedd

    Posts: 1468

    Sep 02, 2012 1:38 PM GMT
    Thank you all so much for your kindness. It means a lot to me that you guys are willing to take the time to offer advice, it really does.
  • FitGwynedd

    Posts: 1468

    Sep 02, 2012 1:40 PM GMT
    aodhan saidIn pretty similar to this, dispite the fact I'm not out yet. This itself leads me to get lonely and just come out already!

    It's impossible to get a job here for me as well, just looking forward to head back to uni and see all my friends again!

    But I think that by being positive and working at your job and relationships everything should work out in the end.


    Ya but Belfast is good craic!
  • Aodhan

    Posts: 3828

    Sep 02, 2012 2:40 PM GMT
    FitGwynedd said
    aodhan saidIn pretty similar to this, dispite the fact I'm not out yet. This itself leads me to get lonely and just come out already!

    It's impossible to get a job here for me as well, just looking forward to head back to uni and see all my friends again!

    But I think that by being positive and working at your job and relationships everything should work out in the end.


    Ya but Belfast is good craic!



    Yeah it's lethal craic! Happy that the word is known outside of Ireland haha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 02, 2012 2:47 PM GMT
    Sorry to hear you're feeling sad. Well, relationships IMO are about quality over quantity. Good news is that you're handsome, young, and have good spelling. You're bound to find someone nice. I agree with a few of the other guys. You need to move to a bigger city. Maybe focus on your career and other interests as well - it's not healthy to be too focused on a finding a guy b/c then once you do, you'll overwhelm him with your pent up feelings.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 02, 2012 2:56 PM GMT
    http://www.pridecenterwny.org/site/resources.asp
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 02, 2012 3:02 PM GMT
    zen52 saidI found that when i had something to take my mind off of a boyfriend I felt better, happier, and made a lot of great friends. I would volunteer all of my free time to a youth center, and habitat for humanity. It was a great experience

    What he said! It's easy to get so caught up in what we want life to give us that we lose sight of all that we have to give to life.

    Hang in there, man. Loneliness happens to most of us at some point -- whatever our age and level of experience with relationships. In the wake of my recently ended 10-year LTR, I am dealing with some of it now myself.

    While you're asking yourself the important questions about how to end the loneliness, how to find a partner, how to get a good job, etc., try also asking of life what you can learn from this experience. Accept the here and now as it is, and DON'T BE AFRAID OF IT. That's not saying to give up on working to change things. In fact, just the opposite. Only by embracing your life as it is can you be effective in bringing about real change.

    You can do it! icon_smile.gif
  • irishkcguy

    Posts: 780

    Sep 02, 2012 3:05 PM GMT
    "All these things, but mainly my lack of a relationship or even a date, are making me depressed beyond belief."

    I think we've all of us (gay and straight) been fed a line of bullshit that being single is some kind of a curse while being in a relationship is the and-all be-all of human existence. A co-worker of mine is 27 years old and he's going through a divorce after being married for 3 years. And there isn't a week that goes by where the shenanigans of couples I know don't cause me to say, "Thank God I don't have that nonsense to put up with right now." I think people often wind up in bad relationships because they were so desperate for a bf or gf that they would take anybody that came along.

    Think about it like this: if you'd like to relocate from where you currently live you can. If you weren't single you'd have somebody else who might not want to move.

    Being single is a blessing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 02, 2012 3:13 PM GMT
    irishkcguy said"All these things, but mainly my lack of a relationship or even a date, are making me depressed beyond belief."

    I think we've all of us (gay and straight) been fed a line of bullshit that being single is some kind of a curse while being in a relationship is the and-all be-all of human existence. A co-worker of mine is 27 years old and he's going through a divorce after being married for 3 years. And there isn't a week that goes by where the shenanigans of couples I know don't cause me to say, "Thank God I don't have that nonsense to put up with right now." I think people often wind up in bad relationships because they were so desperate for a bf or gf that they would take anybody that came along.

    Think about it like this: if you'd like to relocate from where you currently live you can. If you weren't single you'd have somebody else who might not want to move.

    Being single is a blessing.



    Agree. Also ask an MD about Wellbutrin for depression.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 02, 2012 3:13 PM GMT
    irishkcguy said"All these things, but mainly my lack of a relationship or even a date, are making me depressed beyond belief."

    I think we've all of us (gay and straight) been fed a line of bullshit that being single is some kind of a curse while being in a relationship is the and-all be-all of human existence. A co-worker of mine is 27 years old and he's going through a divorce after being married for 3 years. And there isn't a week that goes by where the shenanigans of couples I know don't cause me to say, "Thank God I don't have that nonsense to put up with right now." I think people often wind up in bad relationships because they were so desperate for a bf or gf that they would take anybody that came along.

    Think about it like this: if you'd like to relocate from where you currently live you can. If you weren't single you'd have somebody else who might not want to move.

    Being single is a blessing.


    I agree 100%.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 02, 2012 3:15 PM GMT