Assumptions.

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    Sep 02, 2012 5:15 AM GMT
    You know that quote "Don't assume, because it makes an ASS out of U and ME."
    I think it's true, except for the last part. It mostly just makes an ass out of whoever makes the assumption.

    TL;DR version at bottom of post

    This weekend my boyfriend and I have encountered a couple of people (both who were serving us as customers) who made wrong assumptions based on looking at us.
    First of all, my boyfriend is larger than I am. I took him out to dinner last night at a pub and he ordered a veggie burger while I ordered the beef burger with extra fixings on it. When the server brought the food over he put the huge beef burger in front of my boyfriend and I immediately said "uh, that's mine." We laughed a bit at how he thought since I'm young and slim that I would be eating "healthy" and that because he's bigger that he'd be pigging out on this grossly overstuffed beef burger.
    Secondly, today we went shopping and I only bought one thing (the ring I've posted in a couple of threads today). When we were in the store, I was chatting a bit with the salesperson who was clearly gay and very knowledgeable about fashion and designers, and asking him about the products. I decided on the ring and we went over to the counter to pay. Afterwards, my boyfriend said to me that he noticed the guy was chatting with me, but looking at my bf as if the conversation were to convince him of the sale. We laughed again at the idea that he probably assumed that my boyfriend is my sugar daddy, yet my bf is more broke than I am.

    I also was talking to my cousin yesterday about how I thought it was totally weird that when I was in college a few of the girls in my classes ended up telling me that they assumed that I was straight until they actually talked to me for a while. My cousin said that it's because I talk about so much stuff that straight men would never talk about LOL.

    TL;DR
    What assumptions have you experienced based on people's first impressions of you?
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    Sep 02, 2012 5:21 AM GMT
    McQueen saidYou know that quote "Don't assume, because it makes an ASS out of U and ME."
    I think it's true, except for the last part. It mostly just makes an ass out of whoever makes the assumption.

    TL;DR version at bottom of post

    This weekend my boyfriend and I have encountered a couple of people (both who were serving us as customers) who made wrong assumptions based on looking at us.
    First of all, my boyfriend is larger than I am. I took him out to dinner last night at a pub and he ordered a veggie burger while I ordered the beef burger with extra fixings on it. When the server brought the food over he put the huge beef burger in front of my boyfriend and I immediately said "uh, that's mine." We laughed a bit at how he thought since I'm young and slim that I would be eating "healthy" and that because he's bigger that he'd be pigging out on this grossly overstuffed beef burger.
    Secondly, today we went shopping and I only bought one thing (the ring I've posted in a couple of threads today). When we were in the store, I was chatting a bit with the salesperson who was clearly gay and very knowledgeable about fashion and designers, and asking him about the products. I decided on the ring and we went over to the counter to pay. Afterwards, my boyfriend said to me that he noticed the guy was chatting with me, but looking at my bf as if the conversation were to convince him of the sale. We laughed again at the idea that he probably assumed that my boyfriend is my sugar daddy, yet my bf is more broke than I am.

    I also was talking to my cousin yesterday about how I thought it was totally weird that when I was in college a few of the girls in my classes ended up telling me that they assumed that I was straight until they actually talked to me for a while. My cousin said that it's because I talk about so much stuff that straight men would never talk about LOL.

    TL;DR
    What assumptions have you experienced based on people's first impressions of you?


    Hmn... good question. icon_confused.gif

    Jihadi, Terrorist, Indian, Mexican, Power-Bottom, Wanker, Insecure, Meek, Ice Queen, Flamer.

    I think that about covers it. icon_razz.gif
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    Sep 02, 2012 5:23 AM GMT
    ^ ice queen?
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    Sep 02, 2012 5:28 AM GMT
    Madame_Pele said^ ice queen?


    Hahaha, yep! icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 02, 2012 5:47 AM GMT
    ParadiseLost saidHmn... good question. icon_confused.gif
    Jihadi, Terrorist, Indian, Mexican, Power-Bottom, Wanker, Insecure, Meek, Ice Queen, Flamer.
    I think that about covers it. icon_razz.gif
    Why did you quote the first post.
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    Sep 02, 2012 2:28 PM GMT
    I attended Midsumma Carnival, the annual gay fair in Melbourne, over two years ago with my boyfriend for the first and last time. At the time I had an issue with the political system and a friend had suggested that I go talk to the rainbow faction of the local political party. So I located their stall at the carnival to see if there was anyone I could speak to about my then-quandary. There was a single person manning the stall - twenty-ish, almost-hipster and of Caucasian appearance. I strolled directly towards him, trying to establish eye contact and my body language said "I'm interested in talking to you". Despite that, he looked beyond to my boyfriend who was a few steps behind me and engaged my boyfriend instead by shoving a flyer in his face. It was one of the many moments I had experienced the phenomenon of "invisibility while Asian". My (white) boyfriend thought it odd too.

    The likely assumption made? Asian = English as second language = Difficulty with English = Simply too much work.
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    Sep 02, 2012 2:48 PM GMT
    Hey ed - it works both ways.. I usually find when I order my favourite chinese foods that the person with the order looks confused when its little ol white me standing on the other side of the counter.

    We do make assumptions about people - I laughed when an American freind of mine visited Melbourne and was served by a person of chinese descent with a thick victorian accent - he looked shocked because he was expecting a chinese/english accent due to his travel in the region.

    I'm sorry that you've found it has marginalised or made you invisible - that sucks - and as the OP mentions, it happens from restaurants to jewelry stores for every reason under the sun.

    You look like a particular race
    You look like a particular age
    You look like a particular sexual orientation.

    Our brains are hard-wired to put things into boxes and categories one of the ways we 'cheat' having to reason is to jump to conclusions.

    eg.. the young person is less likely to have money for jewellery than the older one - therefore sell to the person who is likely to have the money.

    I went shopping for a car and at the end of a very persuasive sales pitch said to the salesman - "you just sold my partner a car, congratulations - its me with the money and he's not buying".

    I walked out - he was red faced, and hopefully learned a lesson..
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    Sep 02, 2012 2:52 PM GMT
    Girllll, he wrong you. Nah, actually, I think the restaurant one is really a harmless assumption, maybe the second one is more harmful - he should just wait till whoever presents payment and otherwise be looking at whom he's talking to, lol.

    I made a new friend once and he knew I'm a Polish immigrant, etc. So this recent friend, one time we're talking in the gym, and I just make conversation and say Oh, I have soo much homework, I hate reading in particular, these long boring passages blah, and he goes, Well, your English isn't really that good right?

    I'm a journalism major...
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    Sep 02, 2012 3:13 PM GMT
    My partner uses that "ASSume" quote all the time. And as young Army Lieutenants that was a common admonition we endured from our superiors: "Never assume, Lieutenant!"

    But it was OK when our bosses did it, because then it was "calculation" "estimation" "projection" and all kinds of elegant euphemisms for what were basically assumptions, without which we would've hadda wait for the enemy to send us an engraved invitation about what they were planning to do. Assumptions are only asinine when you get them wrong.

    Regarding wrong assumptions made about me, one is that I have AIDS. That began shortly after I arrived in South Florida, and started volunteering for an HIV/AIDS agency. A guy on vacation from my former community saw me in a gay bar wearing a T-shirt with the agency's logo, and ASSumed I was a client of theirs, rather than volunteer staff.

    A few weeks later I got a panicked call from a friend back "home" saying everyone in the gay community was talking about my dying of AIDS, that I had suddenly moved to Florida to get better medical treatment in a more favorable climate, and to hide my failing condition from my friends. I told him the truth, but said don't bother about convincing the others, I really didn't care.

    And that AIDS rumor still pops up here, again because of my HIV/AIDS work, but also because I've developed a pot-belly. And that's something guys on HIV meds can develop, so that when that's seen on a guy down here, it's often ASSumed he's poz.
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    Sep 02, 2012 3:28 PM GMT
    Nothing dramatic, but some people annoyingly assume I am straight and married. My last line manager in the service just assumed I was married (and with kids) in spite of my never having told him anything about my home life. Even a sales assistant (who may or may not have been gay) in a high end department store made some reference to 'the wife' while I was buying a polo shirt. Sexual orientation aside; given the high rates of divorce and the fact I do not wear any ring, it is still a pretty clumsy assumption .
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    Sep 02, 2012 3:46 PM GMT
    Ex_Mil8 saidEven a sales assistant (who may or may not have been gay) in a high end department store made some reference to 'the wife' while I was buying a polo shirt.

    I've had that a few times, mostly when I was buying kitchen stuff in places like Williams-Sonoma as Christmas or birthday gifts for my partner. I'd explain it was meant as a gift, and knowing nothing about cooking myself, except for a general idea of what he said he'd like, would ask for advice. Invariably they'd say: "What kind of cooking does she like to do?" or "What a thoughtful husband you are!"

    I wouldn't correct them immediately, but at some point would say: "Yes, I think he'd like that" or "No, he already has one of those" and the best being "I'm not sure we'd have room on our kitchen counter for that, he's got so much stuff already."

    I'd see the pause as the recognition sunk in. But being where we live the salesperson would continue helping me as diligently as before, no criticism direct or implied.
  • WhoDey

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    Sep 02, 2012 3:57 PM GMT
    White people complaining about assumptions lol
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    Sep 02, 2012 7:21 PM GMT
    McQueen said
    ParadiseLost saidHmn... good question. icon_confused.gif
    Jihadi, Terrorist, Indian, Mexican, Power-Bottom, Wanker, Insecure, Meek, Ice Queen, Flamer.
    I think that about covers it. icon_razz.gif
    Why did you quote the first post.


    I usually do, I suppose, out of habit.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Sep 02, 2012 7:32 PM GMT
    let's face we all have or make assumptions. i try my best not to do it but i do. i am human and not perfect. for instance, my old roommate use to listen to techno and wear skinny jeans so i figured he was gay until he told me other wise. ha ha ha my bad
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    Sep 03, 2012 1:55 AM GMT
    I'm not macho or hypermasculine but often when straight women find out I'm gay they tell me they'd never have guessed it. I typically ask back if that means they considered me asexual, which for some reason is always good for a laugh.
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    Sep 03, 2012 6:09 AM GMT
    bump for moar discussion