4 years on...

  • aldss

    Posts: 70

    Sep 02, 2012 6:25 PM GMT
    Ill get str8 to the point, four years ago on the 22/08/2008 i meet a guy that I thought would be around for the rest of my life, cutting a long story short he left me. His reason, he feel out of love me with and today as i sit around trying to move on with life my heart bleeds with pain while his already in another relationship.

    Ive had no contact with him for about a month now and its so painful to think of him being with someone else when he don't even pick up the phone to me, every question under the sun rolls around my head, every thought every emotion has become non stop, I hate that i feel like this, I hate that Ive become so independent on my friends, that being alone is so hard....... I cant even bring myself to finish this story off, too painful. please guys need as much support as u can.



  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 02, 2012 6:33 PM GMT
    First of all -- *HUG* icon_smile.gif

    The silver lining to a breakup is that it's the perfect time to focus on yourself. Try not to occupy your time with what your ex is doing, who he's with, etc. This is time for you. Think about ways you'd like to improve yourself -- physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Now that you don't need to consult with someone else, take up a new interest you didn't have time for before. Finding self-worth and building new qualities in yourself is essential to getting over a breakup, in my opinion.
  • aldss

    Posts: 70

    Sep 06, 2012 2:03 PM GMT
    thanks a lot man, very kind words. and mostly thanks for replaying to such a small post
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    Sep 06, 2012 2:05 PM GMT
    it just takes time
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    Sep 06, 2012 2:10 PM GMT
    aldss saidthanks a lot man, very kind words. and mostly thanks for replaying to such a small post

    For what you post lacks in detail and length, it makes up for with depth and honesty. Take Furious George's advice, its the simplest and best advice you have at the moment... you're not alone being lonely. Many broken hearts are in the forums.
    I recommend taking time to get to know yourself in your introspect. Know your fears, joys, angers, happinesses and everything that makes you who you are... and be proud of all that. Hugs*
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Sep 06, 2012 2:27 PM GMT
    Hey aldss, sorry to hear about your breakup. It's especially hard if he's already transitioned into another relationship so soon, leaving you to wonder whether your own relationship with him was real or just a mirage.

    I found that in the moments of heartache like that, that as painful as they are, they can provide some crystal-clear moments of insight into one's own soul. As you work through this, focus on you and the emotions you feel and actively befriend yourself at the very core of who you are.

    I also found healing in finding some way to trust that in working through this disappointment, I will find myself on a truer path to fulfillment with someone better down the road.
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    Sep 06, 2012 2:31 PM GMT
    FuriousGeorge saidFirst of all -- *HUG* icon_smile.gif

    The silver lining to a breakup is that it's the perfect time to focus on yourself. Try not to occupy your time with what your ex is doing, who he's with, etc. This is time for you. Think about ways you'd like to improve yourself -- physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Now that you don't need to consult with someone else, take up a new interest you didn't have time for before. Finding self-worth and building new qualities in yourself is essential to getting over a breakup, in my opinion.


    This! This this this. Move forward, your life is about YOU not about HIM. It'll be okay, you're still breathing right? icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 06, 2012 5:57 PM GMT
    OP.. I just peeked in on your profile ..Considering you are so active in the forums .. i will make an extra special post for you !!...

    ... If your ex wanted to work things out with you..he would have been patient!..
    ..... A guy that truly loves you will NEVER fall out of love with you easily..!

    ....If you were so special to him.. you would not have been replaced so quickly or easily!..

    ..3 1/2 years is more than enough time to turn a relationship around!
    ...So ..i know you still love him but ..It's his loss...

    He was not in for the long haul.. he did you a favor!

    Now you are 26.. Hot as Hell..And free..!!?????
    .. Take your time , heal...And go out there and get your prince!!

    GIANT BiG OL' King Kong HUG...
    (i think i broke him folks..shit ! ) icon_biggrin.gif

  • aldss

    Posts: 70

    Sep 16, 2012 9:32 PM GMT
    hey guys, just a quick thank you to everyone, to the support and beautiful words that you have all taken the time to write down for me.

    An update :

    Its been killing me inside everyday, its been about a month now and his still in my head every moment of every day, the second I wake to the moment I go sleep.

    I must admit Ive started seeing my own strength coming out of the dark, I'm getting on with my life and even though everyday is a struggle I'm moving on, I'm getting on with everything I need to do, I guess even though I gave 100% to him I never lost my independence, my own life so I can look at that as a good thing, only 50% of my life changed rather then 100% I only just wish that i didn't miss him or miss what we had, I cant wait to get to the day when I just don't care about his life, and stop comparing it to mine. Besides all that I no that time will allow me to heal and deal with all my pain, and one day (only gods knows when) the pain will stop. Ive decided to go the gym and sort myself out get a real move on making myself feel good.

    I guess I have my friends to thank, who have been supporting me so much, everyday seeing me crying and going crazy, never leaving me alone and just being able to say all the rite things to me.

    If anyone's interested ill update in a month or so again and let you guys know how im doing. I only hope I haven't gone crazy by then.

    Thank you guys again that took the time to read and respond, really means a lot.
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    Sep 16, 2012 10:51 PM GMT
    i'm glad you are doing much better!!
    Taking life by the horns and moving forward!..icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 16, 2012 10:56 PM GMT
    Great to hear. Post break up period is a great way to rekindle other relationships with friends and family. It lets you aware that people do care for you
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    Sep 16, 2012 10:57 PM GMT
    It's odd that most of the men that get dumped are in the UK.......icon_cry.gif

    My condolences.....

    If you ever feel the need to move on, I am here for you....icon_wink.gif
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    Sep 16, 2012 10:59 PM GMT
    Hang in there buddy, I know exactly how you are feeling. It will suck for the next few months, but you will learn to deal with it.

    I broke up with my ex of 6 years in January and had similar thoughts as you. But I've moved on and realize that this gives me a chance to start anew. Hold you head up and don't let him see you sweat!!!
  • sydnick

    Posts: 16

    Sep 20, 2012 1:49 PM GMT
    jmusmc85Hang in there buddy, I know exactly how you are feeling. It will suck for the next few months, but you will learn to deal with it.

    I broke up with my ex of 6 years in January and had similar thoughts as you. But I've moved on and realize that this gives me a chance to start anew. Hold you head up and don't let him see you sweat!!!


    I hear ya. I myself broke up with my ex of 5 years last May and I have since taken that time to think, learn and grow to hopefully be a better boyfriend/partner to the next special guy.

    To the OP, I can, and others here will agree that you'll be alright. icon_smile.gif A broken heart will take time to mend itself and heal. How I was able to eventually genuinely moved on is not wanting to know or hear how he is doing.

    Big hugs for you. icon_smile.gif

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    Sep 20, 2012 2:14 PM GMT
    Hang in there! Grieving takes time, especially when you lose someone you love. Don't rush it. If you think it's just too tough, make a visit to a therapist, they can really be helpful in getting you to change your thinking to the positive aspects of who you are and where you're going. Good luck!!!
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    Sep 20, 2012 2:22 PM GMT


    This, " Its been killing me inside everyday, its been about a month now and his still in my head every moment of every day, the second I wake to the moment I go sleep."

    ...and this,

    "I only just wish that i didn't miss him or miss what we had,"

    ...are two things that show the scope of how much you love, and the depth, height and magnificence of your love. Try to keep that in mind while going through this grieving process. Never forget how much you can love, and please consider that out there, there are at least several who will not only cherish it, but reciprocate it equally.

    -warmly with a couple of hugs for good measure,

    -Doug of meninlove

  • aldss

    Posts: 70

    Feb 12, 2013 10:10 PM GMT
    Another update :

    So the last time I posted was in September, again I would like to thank everyone for taking the time to respond to my post, I hope that all that have posted before will see this update.

    It's now 2013 it's been around 5 months since we last spoke or saw each other, it's been hard, but as this journey continues I'm finding it more and more rewarding, I only wish I could put into words the emotions and feelings along side all the positive change that has been slowly happening.

    Of course life is still hard and at times (I wish to emphasise at times) I do have down days or down moments where my mind will drift into what once was, or thinking about how he is, where he is, but as time passes I'm finding myself again, I'm realising that things that where said to me in the begging from very close friends were infact true, I really did lose myself while being with him, I did change and I did become very weak, only 5 months down the line I can see that I stopped loving myself and rather than focusing on me I gave him my all and totally forgot about me. His loneliness and lack of self confidence became so over wheeling that I become him, while he striped away the person he feel in love with, I become his career his keeper, rather than a boyfriend who Needed to be treated with respect and love.


    With all that said, I'm doing a lot better, I've started getting my life on track and am slowly starting to make choices in my life that will (hopefully) have positive changes. If all goes to plan ill be going to back to uni for a masters course while saving to buy my second property. I've learnt that happiness comes within and love should come along side that. I'm still looking forward to the day that he is 100% out of my mind and I can't say that I don't miss him at times, but as I change back to the person I was (confident, forward thinking, driven) I no ill find love again and I no ill be more happy and less likely to be hurt so bad by anyone again, I've learnt a lot and still have so much Healing/learning to do and with that only positive things can happen.


    Ill update again some time and this time lets hope I can truly say I'm over him. Again thank you to everyone for your kind words.
  • aldss

    Posts: 70

    Feb 12, 2013 10:12 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    This, " Its been killing me inside everyday, its been about a month now and his still in my head every moment of every day, the second I wake to the moment I go sleep."

    ...and this,

    "I only just wish that i didn't miss him or miss what we had,"

    ...are two things that show the scope of how much you love, and the depth, height and magnificence of your love. Try to keep that in mind while going through this grieving process. Never forget how much you can love, and please consider that out there, there are at least several who will not only cherish it, but reciprocate it equally.

    -warmly with a couple of hugs for good measure,

    -Doug of meninlove



    Just wanted to say this msg was so nice, thank you. I really did love him.
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    Feb 12, 2013 10:17 PM GMT
    aldss saidIll get str8 ...
    I couldn't read any further cause I was too busy LOL'ing.
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    Feb 12, 2013 10:29 PM GMT
    Shawnathan saidSorry, but I don't understand.
    You met him on August 22, 2012 and posted this on September 2, 2012?



    I think he just wrote it awkwardly, and meant four years previous to the cited date...
  • aldss

    Posts: 70

    Feb 12, 2013 10:31 PM GMT
    Shawnathan saidSorry, but I don't understand.
    You met him on August 22, 2012 and posted this on September 2, 2012?


    Meet in 2008 , posted in 2012 September and again today
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    Feb 12, 2013 10:34 PM GMT
    Shawnathan saidSorry, but I don't understand.
    You met him on August 22, 2012 and posted this on September 2, 2012?


    Pretty sure he meant August 22, 2012 was the 4 year anniversary of when they met... so they met August 22, 2008.
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    Feb 12, 2013 10:42 PM GMT
    This scares me about my current relationship, just because the fact that it happens to people, nothing due to the stability of my own relationship!
  • TheBizMan

    Posts: 4091

    Feb 13, 2013 1:27 AM GMT
    Do people really get this attached to one another? I'd imagine I would be able to move on the next day.
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    Feb 13, 2013 1:38 AM GMT
    TheBizMan saidDo people really get this attached to one another? I'd imagine I would be able to move on the next day.


    Now that's what I'd call resilient! icon_lol.gif

    Me - when I was dumped - I felt like crap for weeks.