Dating a guy older than me

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    Sep 02, 2012 8:50 PM GMT
    So I've been talking to this guy and he is 31and I'm 19. He's coming to my area by the end of the month to meet me. I'm not sure what to expect since I've never messed around with a Guy. I'm also still a virgin. So can someone give me advice??icon_wink.gif
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 02, 2012 11:43 PM GMT
    Um, what do you know about this guy? Have you talked very much? Are you sure he isn't a creep? I'm not automatically against age gaps, but (a) you've never been in a gay relationship, (b) you've never had sex, and (c) this guy is coming from out of town to see you, which puts undue pressure on you. In short, there are a lot of red flags being raised.

    You are very young, and because of your inexperience, I would worry that you could be exploited. Be very careful.
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    Sep 03, 2012 1:05 AM GMT
    I see what your saying.. so what would you do in my position?
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    Sep 03, 2012 1:09 AM GMT
    I'm dating a guy in his 50's and I'm 20. I flew from Alabama to Las Vegas to meet him. I had no experience (never been kissed) and it was one of the riskiest experiences of my life.

    To make a long story short we're still dating now and he's a fantastic guy. George is right, you ARE young so be adventurous, make mistakes, and try new things. Meet in a public place first.

    Good luck,

    Josh
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 03, 2012 1:41 AM GMT
    joel093 saidI see what your saying.. so what would you do in my position?


    It all depends on the context. I have no idea how long you've been talking to this guy, what you've been talking about, or what his background is. For all I know, he's a perfectly nice, well-meaning guy; on the other hand, he could be trying to exploit you. There's simply no way for me to know. Only you can make that judgment.

    There's nothing wrong with seeing a guy much older than you if that's what you both want. If I were you, I would just keep the meeting simple. Public place, cup of coffee or a meal, no expectations. Only go somewhere more private if you feel 100% comfortable with it.
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    Sep 03, 2012 2:40 AM GMT
    JumpMan_Josh saidI'm dating a guy in his 50's and I'm 20. I flew from Alabama to Las Vegas to meet him. I had no experience (never been kissed) and it was one of the riskiest experiences of my life.

    To make a long story short we're still dating now and he's a fantastic guy. George is right, you ARE young so be adventurous, make mistakes, and try new things. Meet in a public place first.

    Good luck,

    Josh


    wow fucking wow
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    Sep 03, 2012 2:46 AM GMT
    Take notes, lots and lots of notes.
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    Sep 03, 2012 2:47 AM GMT
    FuriousGeorge said
    joel093 saidI see what your saying.. so what would you do in my position?


    It all depends on the context. I have no idea how long you've been talking to this guy, what you've been talking about, or what his background is. For all I know, he's a perfectly nice, well-meaning guy; on the other hand, he could be trying to exploit you. There's simply no way for me to know. Only you can make that judgment.

    There's nothing wrong with seeing a guy much older than you if that's what you both want. If I were you, I would just keep the meeting simple. Public place, cup of coffee or a meal, no expectations. Only go somewhere more private if you feel 100% comfortable with it.
    thanks
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    Sep 03, 2012 2:48 AM GMT
    JumpMan_Josh saidI'm dating a guy in his 50's and I'm 20. I flew from Alabama to Las Vegas to meet him. I had no experience (never been kissed) and it was one of the riskiest experiences of my life.

    To make a long story short we're still dating now and he's a fantastic guy. George is right, you ARE young so be adventurous, make mistakes, and try new things. Meet in a public place first.

    Good luck,

    Josh


    Damm Josh !! icon_eek.gif
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    Sep 03, 2012 2:55 AM GMT
    Anocxu said
    JumpMan_Josh saidI'm dating a guy in his 50's and I'm 20. I flew from Alabama to Las Vegas to meet him. I had no experience (never been kissed) and it was one of the riskiest experiences of my life.

    To make a long story short we're still dating now and he's a fantastic guy. George is right, you ARE young so be adventurous, make mistakes, and try new things. Meet in a public place first.

    Good luck,

    Josh


    Damm Josh !! icon_eek.gif


    He seems to be a nice sensible young man, I can see why his BF is with him.

    from my point of view, if a young guy is interested (online) I always make sure he understands that we will meet in public, I would not expect him to put him self in a vulnerable position in order to meet me.
    I see so many young guys throwing themselves at some older guy without thinking with their big head. icon_lol.gif

    take care and be careful, it can work just think first.
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    Sep 03, 2012 4:00 AM GMT
    joel093 saidSo I've been talking to this guy and he is 31and I'm 19. He's coming to my area by the end of the month to meet me. I'm not sure what to expect since I've never messed around with a Guy. I'm also still a virgin. So can someone give me advice??icon_wink.gif



    If you're attracted to guys his age, then that's not a big deal. If you have great communication with each other, and feel some attraction or a bond (some sparks!) between you, that matters more than age.

    It's kind of a red flag that he's driving from far away to meet you. And I would say that even if he was 22.

    Have you been talking on Skype/AIM/Google including on video chat? If yes, then I think you're probably gonna be just fine and don't have to worry, because you know what he's gonna be like. Do you feel like you're well on your way to being good friends at this point? The longer you've talked (I would say a month), the better because by that time you should have some pretty good emotional sense about him.

    If not... I would take that step before the guy spends time and money driving out to see you. If he was randomly already going to be there for a business trip, vacation, see family, etc. that's one thing. But if the dude spends hours driving there just for you, you're going to feel some pressure to give in to whatever he wants. I don't like that dynamic.

    Let's say you decide you don't want to do anything or maybe you just don't want to go through with the date for some reason. I don't think he'd do anything stupid, but, he would be disappointed I'm sure and would then have a long, lonely drive back home. I would respect your decision in that case (and he should too), but I would feel bad for the guy.

    If you just want to get some sexual experience, you can probably do that with some cute local guys in your own town or somewhere nearby. It would be a lot less pressure on you and you'd be more in control. If you meet someone local and decide not to go through with the date or with something sexual because you change your mind, its not really a burden on you or them to just say goodbye and go your separate ways. Your first guy doesn't have to be perfect. (Although its nice when it works out that way!) You just need somebody you feel you can trust, who you're attracted to, and that you have some rapport with.

    If you want to fill in the details for us, I guess we could help you better with advice. I can't speak for everyone here but if you'd rather private message somebody to talk about it (instead of writing it on the board), I'm always down to listen and try to help.
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    Sep 03, 2012 4:08 AM GMT
    I don't know how long you've been talking with this man but I'm sure some RJers can remember when they were 19 and how naive they were about relationships and expectations of others.

    First off, if you haven't already please skype with him or use some sort of video chat where you can clearly identify him. Make sure he is who he says he is.
    Then if you really want to be in a relationship, you have to form a solid foundation outside of messaging each other back in fort via the internet or on the phone. So my advice is to take it slowly. Make sure he knows you have never been with another guy in a sexual manner and if you get any bad vibes to blow your rape whistle and spray mace on his face.
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    Sep 03, 2012 4:18 AM GMT
    FuriousGeorge saidUm, what do you know about this guy? Have you talked very much? Are you sure he isn't a creep? I'm not automatically against age gaps, but (a) you've never been in a gay relationship, (b) you've never had sex, and (c) this guy is coming from out of town to see you, which puts undue pressure on you. In short, there are a lot of red flags being raised.

    You are very young, and because of your inexperience, I would worry that you could be exploited. Be very careful.


    31? A creep? Really?

    I know when I was 31 that I was just getting to the point of getting my life in order and wanting a serious love relationship.

    I, of course, don't know the guy... but his intentions may be pure. Or... he could be at the stage of bagging a different guy every night. Or... a mixture of the two... banging everyone in sight, but still looking for a special guy to be in a relationship with.

    Considering that the brain doesn't mature until 25... and that this guy is 31...maybe, just maybe, he's on the up and up.

    To label him a "creep" because he's 31 is .... mind boggling. Personally, that phrase is a huge turnoff. Everyone is capable of love and true intentions.

    That the younger guys on here continually seem to use the word "creep" is not only undeserved to label someone that way simply because of their age, but also tremendously hurtful. Tremendously.

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    Sep 03, 2012 4:20 AM GMT
    When I was 19 I dated a 38 year old and recently a 42 year old
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    Sep 03, 2012 4:30 AM GMT
    Older guys are great. BUT, the lowest age of the two is important and being 19 is crazy young man. Be cautious and don't let yourself get handcuffed or tied up.
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    Sep 03, 2012 4:49 AM GMT
    Myol saidOlder guys are great. BUT, the lowest age of the two is important and being 19 is crazy young man. Be cautious and don't let yourself get handcuffed or tied up.


    Lol I hope I don't.. handcuffs are kinky icon_razz.gif
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    Sep 03, 2012 4:55 AM GMT
    FlawedAmigo saidWhen I was 19 I dated a 38 year old and recently a 42 year old


    I'm New to all this but it seems li
    guys myy age only date guys older why is
    that?
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    Sep 03, 2012 5:00 AM GMT
    'Cause they're completely fucking awesome??? icon_razz.gif
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    Sep 03, 2012 5:01 AM GMT
    DavidDB said'Cause they're completely fucking awesome??? icon_razz.gif


    Haha youre back! What happened there were rumours lol
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    Sep 03, 2012 5:23 AM GMT
    I've never dated a guy but I've been with lots of older guys before. Good times, good times. Older guys like to bareback, don't let them if you know what's good for ya. Other than that, just have fun and see what common ground you have.
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    Sep 03, 2012 5:31 AM GMT
    northoz said
    DavidDB said'Cause they're completely fucking awesome??? icon_razz.gif


    Haha youre back! What happened there were rumours lol


    Someone on here wounded me deeply in posts and emails. I finally lost it one night here on the forums about his hateful... hurtful... comments to so many members and was frank about how I thought the issue should be corrected. He started a petition to have me banned.. and I was.

    Also... I was really devastated. I know that people may have made a judgment on posts that were made, but they're unaware of the mind-blowingly hateful, insensitive emails the guy sent to me.

    Yeah.. I lost it.

    I'm still disappointed that the members here seemed to side with the little pussy. While I've tried to be uplifting and offer insight in more than 1,000 posts, the members (mostly new, youngins') backed the little fuck and got me banned.

    This site means a lot to me. It helps me and I would like to think that I have helped others, too. To be side-railed and rallied against truly devastated me.

    There's only one guy on here that I had been "mean" to in ONE post... that I later apologized for in a personal email. (DIN) ... and that was in the "Above or Below" thread where I said in bold... "BELOW". (I was simply having a bad night and took it out on DIN, which was wrong and hurtful... but WAY out of character for me.)

    Anyway... yeah, I'm back for now. I'd like to stay, but I suppose it depends on whether the little bitch trolls decide to be nasty... again.

    I realize I was made out to be the "bad guy"... but I think that what I did was necessary to let the little shits know that they're words can truly hurt someone... and that they had done it one too many times.
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    Sep 03, 2012 5:33 AM GMT
    You got to take precaution never get yourself expose too much either! If your a Scorpio you know what mean...lol!

    ill always make sure this happens first!
    despicable-me.jpgicon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 03, 2012 5:39 AM GMT
    joel093 said
    FlawedAmigo saidWhen I was 19 I dated a 38 year old and recently a 42 year old


    I'm New to all this but it seems li
    guys myy age only date guys older why is
    that?

    Because its hard when ones is young to find a guy and older men prey on that and tend to use us. My first ex 38 year old cheated on me and I was just a piece of ass to him so be careful older guys hot or not tend to like using younger guys. But if he is legit then congrats but make sure you get to know him before sex you might regret it later.
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    Sep 03, 2012 5:44 AM GMT
    FlawedAmigo said
    joel093 said
    FlawedAmigo saidWhen I was 19 I dated a 38 year old and recently a 42 year old


    I'm New to all this but it seems li
    guys myy age only date guys older why is
    that?

    Because its hard when ones is young to find a guy and older men prey on that and tend to use us. My first ex 38 year old cheated on me and I was just a piece of ass to him so be careful older guys hot or not tend to like using younger guys. But if he is legit then congrats but make sure you get to know him before sex you might regret it later.


    You were seemingly used by some real dicks.

    Don't let that taint your heart.... it's the best part of you and what will allow you to make the rest of your life rich and fulfilled.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 03, 2012 7:13 AM GMT
    DavidDB said
    FuriousGeorge saidUm, what do you know about this guy? Have you talked very much? Are you sure he isn't a creep? I'm not automatically against age gaps, but (a) you've never been in a gay relationship, (b) you've never had sex, and (c) this guy is coming from out of town to see you, which puts undue pressure on you. In short, there are a lot of red flags being raised.

    You are very young, and because of your inexperience, I would worry that you could be exploited. Be very careful.


    31? A creep? Really?

    I know when I was 31 that I was just getting to the point of getting my life in order and wanting a serious love relationship.

    I, of course, don't know the guy... but his intentions may be pure. Or... he could be at the stage of bagging a different guy every night. Or... a mixture of the two... banging everyone in sight, but still looking for a special guy to be in a relationship with.

    Considering that the brain doesn't mature until 25... and that this guy is 31...maybe, just maybe, he's on the up and up.

    To label him a "creep" because he's 31 is .... mind boggling. Personally, that phrase is a huge turnoff. Everyone is capable of love and true intentions.

    That the younger guys on here continually seem to use the word "creep" is not only undeserved to label someone that way simply because of their age, but also tremendously hurtful. Tremendously.



    I think you read into my comment a bit too much. The "creep" remark was just supposed to be yet another question alongside the other questions I was asking. The reason the question seems relevant is because the guy is traveling a significant distance to see him after only chatting online. As I said clearly in my subsequent comments, it really depends on the context; i.e. how long they've been talking, whether or not he's actually seen this guy, etc. Without knowing these things, it stands to ask the question: is the guy a creep?

    That being said, I won't backpedal entirely on the age gap issue. However, it's NOT because the guy is 31; it's because OP is 19. That is a really young age to be meeting up with guys you met on the internet from long distances. As others have said, 12 years' difference isn't a big deal at all times in life, but 19 and 31 are significant differences in life experience. I'm not moralizing here; I've talked to 19 year-olds before, but not before some significant conversation and serious contemplating. OP can obviously do whatever he wants, but most of the people in this thread are rightly advising him to take caution.