Gay Men who don't have female friends

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 6:20 AM GMT
    Where are you at? I'm not alone am I?


    Now, i'm not anti-female or a woman hater. I just don't get along with them in long term friendships.. i have one female friend who is somewhat distant who isn't anywhere near your average female.. she doesn't even consider herself female.. (complex story) and dates gay men.(don't ask)... all other women in my life are family members. i was never the type of gay male who found instant splice in a straight female.. i seem to actually attract them but then disappoint them.. especially those who are seeking out the kind of gay who will listen to their man problems, go shopping with them, talk about sex graphically with them and make them feel better. I'm just not that kind of guy and i find that repellant sometimes. Like why the hell do i want to listen to your sex problems with straight husband? I don't want to go to the mall with you and if you look fat in that dress i am going to tell you look fat and not offer up any alternatives to help look less fat other than maybe should stop eating. Which is wrong.. so i avoid "women women" ..and the women i've been friendly with are usually older lesbians who are intellectual and kind of manly. I also abhor the idea of straight women viewing us as pets to collect.

    Lets discuss your relationships with women.. specifically gay men who don't have female friends and why you think you do not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 6:26 AM GMT
    I don't understand people who don't have friends of all walks of life.
    I have had or do have heterosexual male friends, heterosexual female friends, homosexual male friends, homosexual female friends, bisexual male friends, bisexual female friends, Caucasian friends, Asian friends, middle eastern friends, native friends, black friends, you name it.
    I avoid all people who think that my race, gender, age, or sexuality defines me as a person.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 6:49 AM GMT
    JackKash saidWhere are you at? I'm not alone am I?


    Now, i'm not anti-female or a woman hater. I just don't get along with them in long term friendships.. i have one female friend who is somewhat distant who isn't anywhere near your average female.. she doesn't even consider herself female.. (complex story) and dates gay men.(don't ask)... all other women in my life are family members. i was never the type of gay male who found instant splice in a straight female.. i seem to actually attract them but then disappoint them.. especially those who are seeking out the kind of gay who will listen to their man problems, go shopping with them, talk about sex graphically with them and make them feel better. I'm just not that kind of guy and i find that repellant sometimes. Like why the hell do i want to listen to your sex problems with straight husband? I don't want to go to the mall with you and if you look fat in that dress i am going to tell you look fat and not offer up any alternatives to help look less fat other than maybe should stop eating. Which is wrong.. so i avoid "women women" ..and the women i've been friendly with are usually older lesbians who are intellectual and kind of manly. I also abhor the idea of straight women viewing us as pets to collect.

    Lets discuss your relationships with women.. specifically gay men who don't have female friends and why you think you do not.


    Hrmn.. I have a few good female friends. I used to have a shit load of them. I dunno. Something me and ladies seemed to, in the past, go very well together. After I turned 18, not so much. Then again, I never made any effort to really maintain my relationship with any of the female friends I did acquire from school.

    *Shrugs* Then again, I'm somewhat of a loner I suppose.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 03, 2012 7:42 AM GMT
    JackKash saidWhere are you at? I'm not alone am I?


    Now, i'm not anti-female or a woman hater. I just don't get along with them in long term friendships.. i have one female friend who is somewhat distant who isn't anywhere near your average female.. she doesn't even consider herself female.. (complex story) and dates gay men.(don't ask)... all other women in my life are family members. i was never the type of gay male who found instant splice in a straight female.. i seem to actually attract them but then disappoint them.. especially those who are seeking out the kind of gay who will listen to their man problems, go shopping with them, talk about sex graphically with them and make them feel better. I'm just not that kind of guy and i find that repellant sometimes. Like why the hell do i want to listen to your sex problems with straight husband? I don't want to go to the mall with you and if you look fat in that dress i am going to tell you look fat and not offer up any alternatives to help look less fat other than maybe should stop eating. Which is wrong.. so i avoid "women women" ..and the women i've been friendly with are usually older lesbians who are intellectual and kind of manly. I also abhor the idea of straight women viewing us as pets to collect.

    Lets discuss your relationships with women.. specifically gay men who don't have female friends and why you think you do not.


    A lack of overlapping personality traits, in a nutshell. I tend to favor Spartan-like mentalities, ones that make people enjoy hiking, competition, self-reliance, etc. Women who have these traits are terrific, but they are not common. Many women (in Western societies, I should clarify) go out of their way to avoid discomfort, and they like to seek sympathy. Is this all women? Of course not. I'm speaking about the generalizations here which statistically lead me to have fewer women friends. Most of my friends end up being straight men.

    I think in a different place or time we could have more egalitarian values, and both genders would be held to the same standard of behavior. I actually think I would get along with hardcore feminists great, lol. But since most women accept a traditional gender role, I find them less appealing as friends.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 03, 2012 7:52 AM GMT
    McQueen saidI don't understand people who don't have friends of all walks of life.
    I have had or do have heterosexual male friends, heterosexual female friends, homosexual male friends, homosexual female friends, bisexual male friends, bisexual female friends, Caucasian friends, Asian friends, middle eastern friends, native friends, black friends, you name it.
    I avoid all people who think that my race, gender, age, or sexuality defines me as a person.


    It's not that we set out to only find certain types of people; our preferences are a non-random correlation that pops up after the fact. For example, if for one year I put you in a large room full of people who all speak different languages and follow different customs, you are likely to call your closest friends the people with whom you have the most in common. Why? It's not like you made a beeline for the people who look and act just like you. It's not like you saw everyone else and said, "Eww, no." It's just that relate-ability leads to stronger, faster bonding. Can you honestly say that you have equal numbers of friends completely in statistical agreement with the demographic of the place you live in? Most of my friends tend to be straight men because that's who I relate to the most easily.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 7:54 AM GMT
    FuriousGeorge said
    JackKash saidWhere are you at? I'm not alone am I?


    Now, i'm not anti-female or a woman hater. I just don't get along with them in long term friendships.. i have one female friend who is somewhat distant who isn't anywhere near your average female.. she doesn't even consider herself female.. (complex story) and dates gay men.(don't ask)... all other women in my life are family members. i was never the type of gay male who found instant splice in a straight female.. i seem to actually attract them but then disappoint them.. especially those who are seeking out the kind of gay who will listen to their man problems, go shopping with them, talk about sex graphically with them and make them feel better. I'm just not that kind of guy and i find that repellant sometimes. Like why the hell do i want to listen to your sex problems with straight husband? I don't want to go to the mall with you and if you look fat in that dress i am going to tell you look fat and not offer up any alternatives to help look less fat other than maybe should stop eating. Which is wrong.. so i avoid "women women" ..and the women i've been friendly with are usually older lesbians who are intellectual and kind of manly. I also abhor the idea of straight women viewing us as pets to collect.

    Lets discuss your relationships with women.. specifically gay men who don't have female friends and why you think you do not.


    A lack of overlapping personality traits, in a nutshell. I tend to favor Spartan-like mentalities, ones that make people enjoy hiking, competition, self-reliance, etc. Women who have these traits are terrific, but they are not common. Many women (in Western societies, I should clarify) go out of their way to avoid discomfort, and they like to seek sympathy. Is this all women? Of course not. I'm speaking about the generalizations here which statistically lead me to have fewer women friends. Most of my friends end up being straight men.

    I think in a different place or time we could have more egalitarian values, and both genders would be held to the same standard of behavior. I actually think I would get along with hardcore feminists great, lol. But since most women accept a traditional gender role, I find them less appealing as friends.


    This! Completely my kind of train of thought and how i would express it.

    Yeah, not all women are like the kind to sit on their ass and collect their mans check and seek sympathy and fashion advice.. however those women do not end up getting any comfort in me. While in Texas i would meet day to day while working at GNC the female housewife who would come is and suss out whether i was gay and then tell me all of this personal bullshit which i could not reply... about husbands..and sex..and colors and patterns.. and i'm like "wrong gay. I can't do that for you. I do not really care about your husband not fucking you." They would read that in me and then the disconnect. The kind of girl who goes to gay bars to have fun and flirt with the boys (in the past every once in awhile i'll have fun with fun straight girl like that.. but increasingly it gets tired and especially not for long term.) Is the type of girl that i can not accommodate. My personality can not give what they want from me to them. Acquaintance wise i can have anyone around me. Friend wise... no... a person you know and chit chat with and very rarely go to the same events and bump into and have friendly chit chat. yes. A developed friendship? no. There are differences.

    at times i will think to myself'' "geez i should have more female friends.. but organically it just doesn't occur that way.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 8:34 AM GMT
    Where dem gurls at?


    I have plenty of friends from different walks of life. Male female black white asian hispanic human alien, you name it. My female friends don't treat me like a "token gay" that judges outfits/feels their bras/whatever. I don't put myself out there as a token. I just be me and me is not the kind of person who wants to do those things.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 8:39 AM GMT
    I don't have any female friends as hang-out buddies, but I do know a few as acquaintances.

    Then again, that could be said for the majority of people I know, regardless of gender.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 9:26 AM GMT
    I have a few good female friends that I've known since high school and stIll keep In touch wIth. But I haven't really met any new ones. On the other hand, I'm not specifically looking for xx type of friends.

    I'm sort of in the same boat as McQueen.. I was very fortunate to grow up with people from all walks of life. This is something that's been challenging for me lately. It seems the older you get, the more people are set in their ways and are less inclined to be open minded about meeting others outside of their clique. icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 9:45 AM GMT
    I think the key is to have friends of all the colours and shades of the human race.
    Doesn't matter to me if a friend is a guy or a girl. If I get along with someone and share common interests, to me, that seems to be what life is all about.

    People come through life for varying lengths of time and depth, enjoy it while you can no matter who they are.

    I also know from experience that the vast majority of women shit me with their feminine wiles.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 10:22 AM GMT
    Most of the girls i'm friends with are pretty kick ass. Either I train with them at the dojo or they're into some of the same stuff that I am which is rare since i'm all about the criminal justice world and being a detective lol.

    I was never a fan of huge girly girls but i'm very attracted to girls who have their feminine traits yet can roll with the guys as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 11:01 AM GMT
    McQueen saidI have had or do have heterosexual male friends, heterosexual female friends, homosexual male friends, homosexual female friends, bisexual male friends, bisexual female friends, Caucasian friends, Asian friends, middle eastern friends, native friends, black friends, you name it.

    I didn't think I'd quote or +1 Anduru, but here we are.

    I like a variety of points of view. As long as your respectful and have a positive attitude, then we're good.

    I count straight women, lesbians, and bisexual women among my good friends.

    I do agree with JackKash that shoe shopping with women is torture. Quit looking at a pair of shoes that look just like the last 50 pairs. I don't care, and the straight guys wouldn't even notice.

    FuriousGeorge saidA lack of overlapping personality traits, in a nutshell. I tend to favor Spartan-like mentalities, ones that make people enjoy hiking, competition, self-reliance, etc. Women who have these traits are terrific, but they are not common

    This may be part of it. The majority of best female friends are/were athletes and enjoy being outdoors. We'll go hiking, skiing, kayaking, mountain biking, etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 7:22 PM GMT
    I believe in having friends of all walks in life.. but i think we need to define what a friend is... from acquaintance... A friend is some you bond with and spend time with frequently or communicate with frequently.. and acquaintance is someone who you know and enjoy or a very casual level..


    We all pick our friends based on shared interest and personalities. There are women who can't be friends with other women and hwne you get them in the room with another woman they are clashing.


    I find it hard to relate to women..and oddly i was raised by nothing but women and spent so much time with them growing up. In high school and college, i would start friendships with women howevr they would go sour, i'd end up annoyed slightly or something else would get in the way. I find certain type of women hard to have in my life long term- especially those women who want to make a gay man "one of the girls".. now as acquaintances it's easy for me to organically build up a relationship that way.. but an actually friendship... it just never happens.. and the women in my life are horrible .. lol... they are hypocritical.. they want their freedom yet they want men to do the dirty work..they browbeat their men or are terribly needy...or bi-polarish... and i'm tight with my mother so much so.. but if she weren't my mother, i'm pretty sure i'd keep her at a distance too.

    Straight women can relate to gay men in these stereotypical fashions.. they think every gay man they meet is going to shop, gossip, be catty and sassy with the and talk about sex and tell they are pretty.. they don't get that from me... and thus my relationship with those types of women fail. I'm honest and blunt with everyone and i don't stroke egos... if you ask me if you look fat i'm going to tell you in a neutral fashion what i think and i expect you to do the same.. and i like my people to tell me what they want and not hint at something. The moment that i sense you are fishing for something out of me, i'm going to cut you out. And previously with women in the past i mostly run into this kind of passive aggressiveness in the,. Like some women who will have a thought about something and expect you to pick up on her passive aggressive clues as to what she wants and when you do not she will grow quiet resent towards you (men can do this too- but it's more accepted in women as typical behavior).. This.. i can not operate with. I will most likely bulldoze right through you if you don't speak up. So for those reasons my relationships with women falter on that.

    It's not because they are women i choose not to like them.. it occurs naturally that there isn't click and thus i don't go out of my way to have female friendships... there is always a possibility i might find a female with whom i do enjoy can be close with,
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 7:47 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle saidI used to have female friends in my twenties and thirties but there was a bit of an attraction on their part which made things a bit inappropriate and uncomfortable for me. We drifted apart and I no longer see them.

    Nowadays I'm going through a phase in my life where I have to keep women at a distance. In my current living situation I reside in a building with over 900 units and there are all these single bitches that are miserable and clannish. They're rude and obnoxious. I've actually become a bit of a misogynist by being exposed to this type of woman.

    I find that woman can be either needy or bossy. Or, when they try to be the boss and you make it clear to them that you're not in the mood to take their shit they swiftly pull out the victim card.

    I see all these straight guys with their wives or girlfriends when I go grocery shopping (places like Costco) and more often than not these guys look so whipped and like puppies trying to please their women. I see so many men give their power away to women and it's pathetic.



    You said it! They've been pussy-whipped!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 8:04 PM GMT
    JackKash saidStraight women can relate to gay men in these stereotypical fashions.. they think every gay man they meet is going to shop, gossip, be catty and sassy with the and talk about sex and tell they are pretty.
    I do none of those things with my female friends. Okay I shop occassionally but who doesn't.
    I think you've been meeting the wrong women.
  • allatonce

    Posts: 904

    Sep 03, 2012 8:17 PM GMT
    My standard is when I make friends with a girl she will try to have sex with me. I have been "jumped" many times by female friends who think we are getting a connection and they just have to make the first move.

    Once we get through the awkward "you're shoving your tongue down the wrong throat" conversation, we make pretty good friends. But in the last year or two I've noticed myself connecting with guy friends a lot more and girl friends a lot less.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 8:28 PM GMT
    I have female friends, and when I tire of their drama and need less I turn to RJ.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 03, 2012 8:31 PM GMT
    eagermuscle saidI have female friends, and when I tire of their drama and need less I turn to RJ.


    And you find LESS drama??????


    We must be on different threads.icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 8:43 PM GMT
    Girls are the easiest friends to make. You just talk about yours and their feelings and experiences and pay attention to what they say. They're always fascinated by the ability of a guy who listens to them, and tries to understand them. Straight guys are usually horrible at this. With straight guys you usually do stuff together, like a project. In genereal, girls bond over talking about feelings and listening to each other. Straight guys bond by doing stuff together. Like workout buds, sports activities, projects, etc.

    I dunno how gay guys bond. Still trying to figure that out. Over sex perhaps?
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Sep 03, 2012 8:56 PM GMT
    I agree with furiousgeorge, there are just a lack of personality traits, so I have very few female friends. I have one very good friend, but her main interests are football and beer, just like mine.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 9:05 PM GMT

    I think having a lot of female friends would make the man picking up after them, or like act like them. am I wrong ?

    I don't have any female friends. not that I have a problem being friends with them. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 9:35 PM GMT
    I don't have the female friends like some guys have. I know a couple that I'm friends with but we don't hang out, don't go out to clubs or anything like that. Perhaps I'm jaded because of being married but I honestly prefer to have guy friends, my whole married life I related more to women than guys and I'm over it. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Sep 03, 2012 9:39 PM GMT
    I like women.
    I just don't like hanging out with them.
    I'd rather work with women, than men.

    My friends are all male.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 03, 2012 10:11 PM GMT
    I must of collected all the women friends because I don't have any guy friends never have and after a while it gets really tiring. Hahaha the bitching and gossip gets old plus when it come to that time they yell at me! I'm like wooooooooww back up haha.
  • studflyboy87

    Posts: 194

    Sep 03, 2012 10:24 PM GMT
    I grew up in a family of almost all guys (My step-dad, brother, and 2 step brothers with my mom). I was on all guys sports teams in high school. I enrolled in a major dominated by guys in college. I lived on an all guys floor freshman year of college. I was an RA on all guys floors sophomore, junior, and senior year of college. My top hobbies and interests are enjoyed mostly by guys (sports and flying airplanes). I date guys. I work in a career field that is dominated by guys...

    I don't have anything against females, I just don't happen to have that many female friends for the reasons listed above. I often wonder if this is why I started liking guys.