Friend and drugs.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2012 3:02 AM GMT
    So I have a really good friend a mine tell me he has done cocaine, MDMH and , G. I've never done anything passed weed and never plan on it. I think people who do hard drugs are disgusting and I make a point to not associate myself with them.

    When I asked him if he ever plans on doing hard drugs again he said: "yes! Of course, drugs are great, they make me feel really good"

    How should i deal with this? Is it ok for me to just unfriend him now that I know this? We are really close and hes one of my only friends in the city.... I don't know what to do. I really care about him and I thought I knew what kind of guy he was.

    Also, for people who've done these drugs should I be worried? How much do they alter your personality after say binge doping for a weekend?

    Granted he claims to not have done some in a while. Thoughts?
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    Sep 04, 2012 3:52 AM GMT
    We become like those with whom we associate.

    Also, from my experience, those who are "addicted" to anything will chose the object of their addiction over the people in their lives 100% of the time.
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    Sep 04, 2012 4:16 AM GMT
    I don't know anything about your friend or his situation, but Toronto's gay scene is a cesspool of substance abuse. If that's what he's involved with, walk away unless you really feel committed enough to try and help him.
  • ThatSwimmerGu...

    Posts: 3755

    Sep 04, 2012 4:44 AM GMT
    I haven't had any friends who do drugs but in my opinion I'd stay away from him. Do you know when he is on drugs or how he truly acts as a person or is it just the drugs that cover who he is.
  • metta

    Posts: 39133

    Sep 04, 2012 5:56 AM GMT
    I have never tried any drugs...with the exception of a couple alcoholic drinks. I don't do any drugs, drink alcohol, soda or eat meat. But I would not call someone that does drugs disgusting. I don't think that any of my friends do drugs, with the exception of 1 that smokes, some do alcohol, and a few do marijuana.

    One thing I do know is that my friends are really friends. icon_smile.gif
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Sep 04, 2012 6:05 AM GMT
    "Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are" That is to say, it's better to try to help him now than later. If he can't see it, then move on.
  • handsoffire

    Posts: 178

    Sep 04, 2012 6:22 AM GMT
    Wow, interesting lack of exploration there guys. I guess if you always believe what they told you at church then you'll all get to go to heaven.

    I've explored the wrold a bit, I don't do any drugs now and I've tried a few things. Mostly hallucinogens. G once, never again icon_razz.gif

    My reasons were to find my own answers. I did, I enjoyed the journey, and yes it is possbile to explore and not be an addict or destroy your life. Education being the key.

    It's up to you. sounds like you're already a pretty isolated individual.
  • metta

    Posts: 39133

    Sep 04, 2012 6:40 AM GMT
    I'm content with my decisions. And yes, considering I live in Los Angeles County, I do tend to live a somewhat isolated life. And I like it like that.

    I have never had any desire to even try any drugs. It just does not interest me...never has. I don't care that other people do it. Even if everyone did it....I still would not want to do it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2012 11:44 AM GMT
    Also, for people who've done these drugs should I be worried? How much do they alter your personality after say binge doping for a weekend

    You should be worried that he's not thinking about the harm these drugs cause. MDMA and GHB are neurotoxic. They cause long-term memory problems and a dementia like effect in those who use them chronically. They are not "addictive" in the same way that cocaine is though.

    Cocaine carries a risk of mood swings, memory loss, brain damage and a 20% increase in cardiac problems (conservatively). That is not to say he could not die from a sudden cardiac event related to cocaine or exacerbate a preexisting condition.

    It is addictive and expensive.

    It sounds like he does them in the context of partying.. I'm not going to say that's good but I will say many people have done that and ended up just fine. Whether he is going to be someone who can party hard for a few years and calm down or end up on the street, homeless and friendless is anyone's guess.

    I think you should deal with who you have in front of you now and not who he could become. Not everyone who has ever done drugs qualifies as a drug addict or someone with a "problem."

    I think given your opinion of people who do drugs you need to tell him that it's not okay with you and you don't' want to be around him when he is going to do drugs.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2012 2:11 PM GMT
    For myself I am anti-drug. OP do you think people who drink 3 or 4 beers are disgusting? If not, then it makes no sense thinking that someone who does other drugs is disgusting.

    I do not do drugs (including booze), coffee, soda pop, energy drinks, candy, junk food, to name a few. Its all disgusting to me. But have always had plenty of friends and family who do all these things. For 30 years I have been the sober person in the room. But I also realize that I am just as flawed as everyone else, and flaws are not a reason to abandon my friends and family.

    The only reason to break off your friendship with your "really good friend" to whom you are "really close" and who is "one of my only friends in the city" is if he is a bad friend, if you have nothing in common, if you are not there for each other in moments of need. If you need a reason to take action, make sure it is a real reason and not an excuse.

    The fact of the matter is that the vast majority of people who drink booze, smoke pot, and dabble in party drugs, is that they lead productive lives like everybody else, and they are just as kind and just as selfish as those who stay squeaky clean.

    I would encourage you to at least put your big toe into a world you are apparently quite afraid of, to be the sober person in the room, and to enjoy the company if you can.
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    Sep 04, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    You have to remember that just become some one does drugs doesn't mean they are addicted to them. I've known people who recreationally do hard drugs for over a decade here and there and have no addictive tendencies whatsoever.

    I would suggest letting your friend know that it makes you a little uncomfortable with this and would rather not be around him when he's using but I don't see a need to completely remove him from your life.

    P.S. If and when he becomes addicted... you'll know.
  • camfer

    Posts: 892

    Sep 04, 2012 2:42 PM GMT
    Well there are plenty of people who might find the OP "disgusting" for having smoked weed. Do you want people to judge you based on that?

    There is an enormous spectrum between the rare occasional recreational drug user and the daily addict. There are also people who explore altered states of consciousness in order to better understand themselves and their place in the spirit world. There are shamans who take mind altering plant medicines for the good of their fellow tribe members. There's coke-snorting attorneys living miserable lives. There's muscle queens doing the latest letter of the alphabet and dancing all night. There's crack heads who will come over to your house and start unscrewing the electrical outlets looking for a rock. Huge spectrum.

    Black and white thinking can look like, "Drugs are bad and anyone who does it disgusts me." It can also look like, "Gay sex is bad and anyone who does it disgusts me." How does this type of thinking help anyone?

    As to your friend and whether you should drop him, you haven't really given much information to go on. I'd hope you'd try to be discerning rather than judging. Is this an occasional thing that he does when he's not around you? Does it directly affect his relationship to you? Is he on some path of self destruction from which you cannot save him? Or is he exploring things with honest intention or youthful curiosity?

    It should come clear quickly whether he is an addict or not. Having a circle of friends that are a carbon copy of yourself is pretty damn boring. Look at how your friend interacts with you and the other people he is close to.
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    Sep 04, 2012 3:00 PM GMT
    camfer saidWell there are plenty of people who might find the OP "disgusting" for having smoked weed. Do you want people to judge you based on that?

    There is an enormous spectrum between the rare occasional recreational drug user and the daily addict. There are also people who explore altered states of consciousness in order to better understand themselves and their place in the spirit world. There are shamans who take mind altering plant medicines for the good of their fellow tribe members. There's coke-snorting attorneys living miserable lives. There's muscle queens doing the latest letter of the alphabet and dancing all night. There's crack heads who will come over to your house and start unscrewing the electrical outlets looking for a rock. Huge spectrum.

    Black and white thinking can look like, "Drugs are bad and anyone who does it disgusts me." It can also look like, "Gay sex is bad and anyone who does it disgusts me." How does this type of thinking help anyone?

    As to your friend and whether you should drop him, you haven't really given much information to go on. I'd hope you'd try to be discerning rather than judging. Is this an occasional thing that he does when he's not around you? Does it directly affect his relationship to you? Is he on some path of self destruction from which you cannot save him? Or is he exploring things with honest intention or youthful curiosity?

    It should come clear quickly whether he is an addict or not. Having a circle of friends that are a carbon copy of yourself is pretty damn boring. Look at how your friend interacts with you and the other people he is close to.


    THIS
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    Sep 04, 2012 3:03 PM GMT
    i say this as someone who loves his caffeine and melatonin:

    tangent:

    ever explore the economic reasons why weed is illegal but alcohol is not?

    why do people say "i don't do drugs" while sipping alcohol?

    what they mean verbally is that they don't do illegal drugs

    but that assumes there is a valid moral reason why one drug is better than another. then, because it's not a vacuum, you can't isolate out the economic reasons from the medical ones.....

    my take on it: make some new friends. he will choose his compulsions over you. you'd need to share a compulsion to hang on to him as a friend. why do i see my straight buddy several times a week, because we both compulsively hit the gym. that's the only reason. and we prioritize on it, not because we even like each other, but we like the endorphin high from the workout and we'd both find new workout buddies to push harder if the other was not around. it's compulsion....like addiction...

    your buddy will choose his compulsion over you even if you share it,, since you don't, you are effectively already a write-off



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    Sep 04, 2012 4:41 PM GMT
    I thought I would just leave this here. IMO alcohol is the absolute worst drug you can take. Ask anyone who has experimented with illicit drugs and they will tell you that alcohol really does fuck with you more than almost any other drug while under it's influence. You really don't need to unfriend him if he is responsible and smart about his usage. You've been friends with someone who drinks right? That could very easily be worse than any drug he's going to take.
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    Sep 04, 2012 6:59 PM GMT
    Egro_Nadley said

    my take on it: make some new friends. he will choose his compulsions over you. you'd need to share a compulsion to hang on to him as a friend. why do i see my straight buddy several times a week, because we both compulsively hit the gym. that's the only reason. and we prioritize on it, not because we even like each other, but we like the endorphin high from the workout and we'd both find new workout buddies to push harder if the other was not around. it's compulsion....like addiction...

    your buddy will choose his compulsion over you even if you share it,, since you don't, you are effectively already a write-off

    A well written post, but confusing. I think you are saying that whether your compulsion is going to the gym or taking LSD we ultimately write off those who lack our compulsions. I disagree. While we think we want friends with similar interests, it does not totally work out that way. We really don't want copies of ourselves, unless we really are that narcissistic. We need to be challenged and intrigued by one another's differences. It keeps life interesting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 04, 2012 7:04 PM GMT
    thanks. i'm generally posting at work when i don't have time to be super articulate.


    i think it was chris rock who had a routine about bobby and whitney and one couldn't get sober and stay in the relationship. it was something like "2 crackheads can stay together, but if one gets clean for good...it's over"

    if you have a compulsion that is really important to you, those people are like your family. and people will prioritize their "in group" over everyone else.

    your point is valid. we don't clean clones of each other. still, if he doesn't have any other friends, he shouldn't be so dependent on one person that it even occurs to him to ask. esp. one person with discordant values. i LOVE my friends who are not like me at all, because it's like getting to tour in some foreign land...but when it comes down to regular interaction....i go to my own "in group"....
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    Sep 04, 2012 7:37 PM GMT
    Having grown up around a couple of drug addicts (both of whom are now dead because of drugs) and three casual users who never "fell into" addiction, I find that you really don't know the outcome of drug use with most people, unless it is already obvious they are an addictive type/mind. (For example, the always depressed person who tried heroin or meth and frankly it's over for them.)

    I know people who've used cocaine "socially" since the 80s and NEVER become addicted. And I've known students of mine who used it and other drugs once and melted into an oblivion of mental illness. (Our entire department watched one of our prize students disintegrate over a week's time after she experimented with ecstasy at a party.)

    So while I personally am not interested in using drugs - too much mental illness in my family, I'd be afraid of unlocking something! - and I try to avoid people who use them copiously, I wouldn't leap to immediate judgment of someone using them socially, so long as they are being mindful of the safety and wishes of others.

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    Sep 04, 2012 8:01 PM GMT
    Dear RJ,

    I was friends with this guy, seemed cool we hung out and had a great time until I told him I partied a bit in my time, popped the occasional pill. Not a big deal, I'm not a junkie, I've never done so out of compulsion, never blacked out and missed a days work etc. It's just something I enjoyed the effect of, that enhances the experience of a party you know?

    Then the little douchebag got on a moral high ground, and demanded would I do it again. I told him yes. I wasn't going to let someone dictate what I do with my life and my body, lets face it unless it effects our friendship, which I don't see it doing it's not really any of his concern.

    I certainly wasn't offering him drugs or attempting to pressure him into anything or implying that our friendship would be anything less if it was as aspect of my life that he wasn't involved in .

    Also he's clearly naive, I mean I've known the guy a few months and he didn't even notice and now he's questioning if my personality is going to change because of it... I mean get a grip... As if I'm going to show up tomorrow a completely different person from the guy he's know all these months because of it.

    Anyway the judgmental prick treated me like dirt for having done so, looked on me as if because of this any friendship we had built and everything I had done for him was irrelevant and acted like associating with me was something that was beneath someone of his moral calibre.

    Advise please? What do I do? Is he worth my time and friendship?
  • O5vx

    Posts: 3154

    Sep 04, 2012 8:24 PM GMT
    SkittleGangsta saidI thought I would just leave this here. IMO alcohol is the absolute worst drug you can take. Ask anyone who has experimented with illicit drugs and they will tell you that alcohol really does fuck with you more than almost any other drug while under it's influence. You really don't need to unfriend him if he is responsible and smart about his usage. You've been friends with someone who drinks right? That could very easily be worse than any drug he's going to take.
    harmful_drugs_to_user_others.gif


    I did not know alcohol is the worst drug a man could ever get involve with.
  • thatonedude21

    Posts: 223

    Sep 04, 2012 8:25 PM GMT
    A lot of the advice given with regards to not writing your friend off is the best...
    That's some negative energy and personally I find it not very health to write someone off so quickly.

    If you let drugs consume you, you have a problem.. if you experiment occasionally and safely then go for it.

    Different strokes for different folks....
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    Sep 04, 2012 8:45 PM GMT
    SkittleGangsta saidI thought I would just leave this here. ....

    Interesting results. I wonder what parameters they used to conclude 'harm'. Couldn't get that info from that site as it is down.

    Some items on that list are far more addictive than alcohol. IMO one could drink every weekend for several weekends in a row and may not get addicted. But if one did, say, meth every weekend for several weeks in a row I would assume the results of being addicted would be very different.
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    Sep 04, 2012 9:12 PM GMT
    O5vx said
    I did not know alcohol is the worst drug a man could ever get involve with.


    It's the result of social stigma and misinformation. Alcohol being legal but weed not is one of the greatest hypocricies I can think of.