incomplete feeling

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2012 3:38 AM GMT
    So other then just being single and not having a man in my life. I noticed that I have a huge empty feeling in my life and I think I just figured it out I want to be a dad. I tas thinkig today at what I want in life I already know I want to be a husband and have a house/apartment and live with that one special guy but that thought seemed somewhat incomplete thats when I realized I also want to have a kid one day as well. Does anyone else here on RJ ever have that same feeling of being incomplete?
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    Sep 05, 2012 3:39 AM GMT
    I always wanted to have a little girl like the girl in this video. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 05, 2012 4:17 AM GMT
    Seriously, yes - until I come to my senses.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 05, 2012 5:07 AM GMT
    I've been ready for kids for a couple of years now. It kills me that I'll never be able to have a biological child with the man I settle down with (barring some changes in science policies ...). Still, I want lots of kids!
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    Sep 05, 2012 5:21 AM GMT
    I went through a wanting kids stage in my mid 30's it almost happened, thank god that phase came and went.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Sep 05, 2012 10:29 AM GMT
    you're also 20
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    Sep 05, 2012 11:51 AM GMT
    Yeah, it happened to me in my 20s - the wanting to have a child.

    For a lot of reasons, including my partner not wanting to adopt. It never happened.
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    Sep 05, 2012 12:03 PM GMT
    Hard to say, I'm not really interested in having kids to be honest.
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Sep 05, 2012 12:21 PM GMT
    Children do fill up your life..... you must be prepared and ready in every way before making the commitment (I have three and was 34 when the first was born).

    When I was your age I volunteered in an after school weekly mentoring program. That was a big commitment as these young men had no other mentoring men in their life .... mostly mothers, aunts, and grandmothers were raising them .... there was one uncle but absolutely no fathers.

    I recommend this type of fulfillment first. Find out if the comittment is something you can handle .... it's ok if it's not .... but it's not ok to adopt children and then decide.

    Then if that goes well you can make a more personal commitment through big brothers or similar program. Take on an older child that others for some reason do not want and if after the 3 to 5 years you have stayed with the commitment of that then you will be ready my friend.

    It's a big deal and there's no reason you can't have parent hood. I would say that parenting a child that is not biologically yours is a far bigger commitment and some say more important to the child than parenting done by biological parents.
  • FireDoor211

    Posts: 1030

    Sep 05, 2012 12:32 PM GMT
    I would love to have a kid, maybe 2. Maybe by the time I'm 40. We've got too many irons in the fire to have kids at the moment. After life settles down a bit I'm sure we'll get to work on it.
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    Sep 05, 2012 12:53 PM GMT
    ..I have a few theories on your opening post...here goes..!
    If these are your goals for the future...The husband, the home, the kid... Awesome!!

    ...Now my concern is your reasoning behind these goals.
    Attaining the things above will probably not fill that “Void” or “Emptiness” you are feeling!

    ...That void has to be filled by “You” with new dimensions of “You”…
    At the end of the day you have to ask yourself…
    Am I needy...? Or do I have a lot to offer?

    ..Think these things through carefully, be honest about your feelings, make the necessary changes...And go get your dreams! You have my blessings!
    Hugz
    Anocxu
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    Sep 05, 2012 2:06 PM GMT
    I prefer kids of the four-legged variety.
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    Sep 05, 2012 2:37 PM GMT
    I definitely want to have kids, but I will not have any until I have the means to do so. Kids are a lot of time and money! icon_lol.gif
  • in_this_corne...

    Posts: 704

    Sep 05, 2012 2:44 PM GMT
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Sep 05, 2012 4:24 PM GMT
    So, not to sound like a dick.

    Basically, you're saying u want a kid to help fill a void in your own life.
    Selfish much?

    U want a kid because it will make u feel wanted and valued. U want someone that has to depend on you, because it validates you.

    again, not trying to be a dick, but this is how I read you.
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    Sep 05, 2012 4:27 PM GMT
    Import saidSo, not to sound like a dick.

    Basically, you're saying u want a kid to help fill a void in your own life.
    Selfish much?

    U want a kid because it will make u feel wanted and valued. U want someone that has to depend on you, because it validates you.

    again, not trying to be a dick, but this is how I read you.

    Umm no I want a kid because I want to be a father you dumbass
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Sep 05, 2012 4:36 PM GMT
    FlawedAmigo said
    Import saidSo, not to sound like a dick.

    Basically, you're saying u want a kid to help fill a void in your own life.
    Selfish much?

    U want a kid because it will make u feel wanted and valued. U want someone that has to depend on you, because it validates you.

    again, not trying to be a dick, but this is how I read you.

    Umm no I want a kid because I want to be a father you dumbass



    riiiight. yet u say it under the guise of "incomplete feeling" ..... so u think being a father will fulfill this incomplete feeling, do u?

    That's cute. Really.


  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    Sep 05, 2012 6:33 PM GMT
    FlawedAmigo saidSo other then just being single and not having a man in my life. I noticed that I have a huge empty feeling in my life and I think I just figured it out I want to be a dad. I tas thinkig today at what I want in life I already know I want to be a husband and have a house/apartment and live with that one special guy but that thought seemed somewhat incomplete thats when I realized I also want to have a kid one day as well. Does anyone else here on RJ ever have that same feeling of being incomplete?


    Never seriously wanted kids, though sometimes it's pretty tempting.

    I felt incomplete for years, until I met my partner. he died, but for nine and a half years I was whole. Keep looking- you'll find it.
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    Sep 05, 2012 6:37 PM GMT
    You'll get that feeling washed away when you start to surround yourself with good people, work a lot, and pursue your passions... dating isn't the magic bullet to cure all ills. Relationships complicate more than anything... you have to learn to give and take... the best thing to do is date here and there, but not get in over your head, or too distant from guys. Be happy with yourself first, then go ahead and open up again. Its difficult and complex, sometimes, but well worth getting through sooner than later. Like right now, I can't see myself dating for a few reasons... bottom line is that I'm not content with myself. Even if I was, let the situation unfold, and go with the flow. Can't stop the world from turning. icon_wink.gificon_idea.gif
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    Sep 05, 2012 6:40 PM GMT
    JR_RJ saidYou'll get that feeling washed away when you start to surround yourself with good people, work a lot, and pursue your passions... dating isn't the magic bullet to cure all ills. Relationships complicate more than anything... you have to learn to give and take... the best thing to do is date here and there, but not get in over your head, or too distant from guys. Be happy with yourself first, then go ahead and open up again. Its difficult and complex, sometimes, but well worth getting through sooner than later. Like right now, I can't see myself dating for a few reasons... bottom line is that I'm not content with myself. Even if I was, let the situation unfold, and go with the flow. Can't stop the world from turning. icon_wink.gificon_idea.gif

    Oh trust me I have done the whole dating thing already have had five boyfriends in the past two years all very dispointing but I have always been the type of guy who wants to settle down and have a family it might not be anytime soon but I'm hoping it will be like that one day for me.
  • Import

    Posts: 7193

    Sep 05, 2012 6:44 PM GMT
    you're 20, u dont know what the fuck u want. sit down!
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    Sep 05, 2012 6:46 PM GMT
    Import saidyou're 20, u dont know what the fuck u want. sit down!

    NICE STORY BRO!
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    Sep 05, 2012 7:06 PM GMT
    FlawedAmigo said
    Oh trust me I have done the whole dating thing already have had five boyfriends in the past two years all very dispointing but I have always been the type of guy who wants to settle down and have a family it might not be anytime soon but I'm hoping it will be like that one day for me.

    That's a good way to be, but don't go putting the cart before the horse. You should look into sowing some wild oats and getting to know how you function dating and out in the gay community's watering hole. Never know you'll be all committed and get those second thoughts... then go off and cheat... no no no, please don't do that. Do wild and crazy first! icon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2012 7:43 PM GMT
    Kids sound easier than they are. I have 3, great kids, love them to death, wouldn't give them away (rent them out perhaps but never give away). There's a lot of joy in having kids but there's also a TON of work, worry, frustration and shuttling all over hell!

    If you have any desire to do what YOU want to do, then forget the kids because if you have any sense of responsibility, you will quickly learn that you come last! Kids always take priority and all those dreams of yours will be put on the back burner.

    Kids will make you laugh, cry, spit milk through nose and tear your hair out but in the end, there's nothing like sitting down with someone that you've molded, who's now an adult, and having a real conversation about something meaningful. Or to enjoy their child and seeing the excitement as they begin the role of being a parent, totally unaware that their life is now over...FOREVER! LOL
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Sep 06, 2012 1:12 AM GMT
    Cranky_No_More said
    calibro saidyou're also 20

    Which means what, exactly? I knew I wanted kids at that age. I had my first at 25, my second at 27.


    knowing you want kids and knowing your life is incomplete at 20 are two different things