Confess the worst things you've done in relationships

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    Sep 05, 2012 6:57 AM GMT
    I've never been perfect when it comes to men..which why i am slow roller on the relationship department. It take me months to decide whether i want to go there and some guys want to move in a week or less.

    With my current theme of honesty in dating in my created threads, i want to continue that with confession thread for the brave.

    What are the dumbest things YOU HAVE done in relationships.. or things you didn't think were dumb but could be seen as just plain mean or wrong as moves you felt you had to make or accidentally did?

    For example i'll go first: I dated this guy i half liked TWICE and left him TWICE without warning to move to another city. First time we dated for 2 months. He was aggressive and mean spirited to other people, I liked him because he was fun and maybe i thought at age 23 i could "change" him from being pompous. I had too much of him.. i got the call to goto Louisiana to work on houses for charity and my granddad had a stroke and instead of tell him i was leaving the next day .. i spent the night with him and left town. He texted me that evening and was like "i have us reservation at this spot... take a cab to meet me in 30 minutes." and i texted him.. i flew to Louisiana. and then he was like "when are you coming back." and i said "never".

    2 years later i'm back in Sf and we somehow ended up dating again. This go around he had a psycho ex.. his partner in Salon was his fag hag who had a drug problem...and his best friend hated me and tried to sleep with me one night while drunk.. it was insanity.. Oh and he was suddenly a drug dealer on the side using his place of business..a salon..as a front and involved me without knowing in it... i needed to leave town again for similar purposes... and had grew to kind of hate him... so i left town without warning and he was like "Where are you? You haven't called in two days." i was like.. Texas... I got a job at GNC and transferred my school." He's like "Not again!! You freak asshole." i typed back "Lulz" That time it was malicious.

    I'm now half dreading running into him. He was one of those guys who you have no clue why you dated.. because you really dislike them after an extended period of time.

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    Sep 05, 2012 7:22 AM GMT
    Why couldn't you just send him at the very least an email or call him and tell him you didn't want to see him again? Sounds like cowardice to me and to do it twice !!!! What happens when the next guy you date doesn't meet your expectations ?will you do the same thing again? I'd definitely not date you.
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    Sep 05, 2012 8:02 AM GMT
    There were a lot of other smaller things going on. He was super carefree.. very self obsessed.. his signature line was "Do you know who i am?" so at the time i DID NOT want to deal with him and him make it all about himself..and i sort of forgot about his flaws the second time and it became more about the ex boyfriend who was causing weird shit to happen... by that time i was intentioned. Not proud of the second time but the first time i felt sewn into the corner...this guy IS all about himself..and i was merely "his hot black boyfriend" to parade around. I hated the fact he would introduce me as black too all the time. I was "My hot black boyfriend" seriously. With a Mr.Slave lisp. It was such a mistake.

    I dread him because he'll suddenly make it all about himself and will make the entire run in about how i hurt him and not how he was an ass... or the crazy shit he would say or people he would bring into the fold...I did not want to hear him go on and on about what other people would think and that voice he made when concerned which was whiney and would irritate me.. "Oh Jaaaaack. Baby...whyyyy? We were THE couple?" as he would say... he was all about the look.. "we look cute together." he would say often. So yeah.. it was cowardice. i would not out of nowhere do that to the guy unless the situation was pressed. And i felt at the time in corner..second time.. i just wanted him to burn. He never asked me about my dying grandfather. even after i told him. He was like "Owwwwww... honey... let us get some drinks... I'm sorry you feel that wayyyyy babes.... Oh my friend ____ works at the bar she'll get us free drinks... honeyyyyy." So i built up a bit of resentment which caused me not to care how he felt.

    None of my friends like him either. I was dumb. Never again. Nightmare.
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    Sep 05, 2012 8:23 AM GMT
    So as an almost 30 year old man.. i think spending more time getting to know what you are possibly committing too is wonderful.. moreso than dating someone who you will learn you haven't much in common.. going on passion... and then ending up doing things you would not ordinarily want to do.. like cheating.. or.. like me.. breaking up via text having left town twice.
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    Sep 05, 2012 12:31 PM GMT
    The worst thing?
    I was dating a guy who was (a) very bright, charming, and so VGL my friends were in awe; but (b) he was also an irresponsible self-involved trust-fund baby. For many reasons the relationship wasn't working but I couldn't make myself break up with him because of (a).
    So I slept with someone else and made sure he found out about it. Then I was able to blame him for breaking up with me.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Sep 05, 2012 12:39 PM GMT
    I think the number one thing to remember is that you cannot change anyone, no matter how deeply you may have fallen in love with someone. I dated (and deeply loved) two guys, one longer term and one shorter term, who clearly had issues (one involving the whole party drug scene and the other who most likely has a personality disorder). In both instances, they turned out to be--SURPRISE!--exactly as they really were, deep down, and unable/unwilling to change their own negative and self-defeating behaviors.

    The lesson I learned was to trust my gut and pay attention to the yellow flags at the outset--because they can become big red ones pretty quickly.

    The number two thing is to always be honest with yourself and with the other person about who you are and what you want. I've been guilty in my past of convincing myself that I liked some guys I was dating, when clearly I was just killing time by being with them, hedging my bets until someone I really liked came along. That in and of itself isn't a cardinal sin, but it wasn't fun to realize that these guys had really invested a lot of emotion in me, and I was either blind to that or not being fair to them. I hate now that I was so immature and caused unnecessary heartache.
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    Sep 05, 2012 1:54 PM GMT
    Keep going guys...I'm taking notes here on these red flags
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    Sep 05, 2012 2:32 PM GMT
    Trusting someome who was filled with lies...
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    Sep 05, 2012 2:40 PM GMT
    ohboy saidKeep going guys...I'm taking notes here on these red flags


    (SSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!)
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    Sep 05, 2012 2:49 PM GMT
    blactor saidWhy couldn't you just send him at the very least an email or call him and tell him you didn't want to see him again? Sounds like cowardice to me and to do it twice !!!! What happens when the next guy you date doesn't meet your expectations ?will you do the same thing again? I'd definitely not date you.




    No emails... My ex broke up with me with an email and still hurts till this day (it's been a week). He should've man up and have the decency to tell him face to face.
  • inuman

    Posts: 733

    Sep 05, 2012 3:15 PM GMT
    JackKash saidWhat are the dumbest things YOU HAVE done in relationships.. or things you didn't think were dumb but could be seen as just plain mean or wrong as moves you felt you had to make or accidentally did?



    Loved to much too soon, cared too much too soon, I don't know I'm sort of old fashioned when it comes to relationships. I also assumed that every guy I have dated in the past had grown up but age is just a number it seems cause these guys were older then I. So that being the case I assumed they have had gone through enough in life to have an idea of who they were, sadly they were all children on the inside.

    I don't mind holding your hand for major things in life that you haven't faced before and also stand behind you and hold you so you feel secure in what you have done or are doing and or going through, when it becomes me holding and guiding ALL THE TIME, I will start to question where the relationship is going and if its worth it in the long run to stay.

    I have in the past left 3 such guys, one was a lier and addicted to various drugs, another was a lier and never told the truth except when he talked about his life when his parents were in the room & lastly another guy who said he was okay with taking things slow *he I thought could be the one, hence going slow* only to find out he had a friend keep dibs on my door and who came and went from it, which was a total of 3 people, 2 were business, 1 was my close friend, that was enough for him to come knocking on my door @ 9pm, which is when I asked him how he knew this and to which he confessed he asked his good friend who just happened to live down the hall from my apartment, to keep an eye on my door...that's when I closed the door and yelled fuck off!

    Now before you say anything I don't regret any of it, I don't care if it was mean or harsh or any of that crap, I'm responding because I haven't posted in a LONG TIME! that's all really, that and to show you it can go both ways, not just you *reading this* as doing bad things, heck even the OP wasn't a mean person, I bet if all the variables in their lives were exposed we would see he wasn't a bad person at all.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 05, 2012 3:20 PM GMT
    From my only two relationships?

    Um...

    Gave them my time. That is all.
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    Sep 05, 2012 3:38 PM GMT
    Inuman.. i hope you are in a better place..!
    Choose your guys wisely!

    <----- Got stalked for a whole year !! (Nightmare) icon_eek.gif
  • hartfan

    Posts: 1037

    Sep 05, 2012 3:44 PM GMT
    Dear Charles,

    You probably aren't reading this, but just in case you are, I just want to say that I know there's nothing I can do to make it up to you and for that, I am truly sorry. I sincerely hope that you are well and have moved on because you deserve much better.

    (It is a long story that I do not feel appropriate to delve into. Suffice to say that I was immature with relationships, did not consider another's feelings enough, did not do enough of some things and yet did too much of some other things. In short, I was a jerk.)
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    Sep 05, 2012 4:46 PM GMT
    My two LongestTRs went smoothly, with very few fights and even those over stupid things: a loud, badly timed water sprinkler, washing the dog, nothing major, no hard feelings. My third LongishTR, the first one, only two years, was also no problems that I was made aware of until the guy found someone he thought he liked better, dumped me, then tried to befriend me again after that didn't work out for him. Sorry, no take backs. You've already revealed your lack of loyalties.

    The worst thing I did in relationships were in friendships when I'd let a few people get away with treating me like shit. Now, of course, if I even smell just a whiff of it online I'll quickly click the asshole onto ignore. But for most of my life, in real time, I tolerated a lot of bullshit for the sake of the relationship, because I loved the person. And because I thought I was stronger than that person, because I could see they had some perverted need to hurt others, because I thought that given enough love, they'd figure it out and become the better for it.

    I didn't think I was out to change anyone into being anything that they were not. I just thought they were better than they are but that they were having trouble reaching what was already inside them on their own. Even when my brother treated me--and the rest of our family--like shit when we were kids and into adulthood, I could see how well he treated his many friends. So I knew he had it in him to be as good a person. I never gave up on him. It took him 40 years, but I finally have the brother, more or less, who I always knew was in there.

    On the other hand I had two relationships with two hugely flawed people who used me like a fucking welcome mat. One a cousin put in my crib by our mothers, another a friend I met in college. The cousin treated people like toilet paper but she could also be extremely kind and wonderful. The college friend didn't have another friend in the world. She went through life destroying all her relationships. One lasted 50 years, the latter, 20 before they went the opposite direction as my brother and became the worst part of themselves.

    The worst thing I did in relationships, I did to myself. I think the very worst thing I did is something I might not be able to control at a gut level but I'm trying now to at least intellectualize it: that other people don't feel about me the way I feel about them. I'm hypersensitive and I do not want thick skin just so the other person can justify treating others like shit. I have no choice but to feel.

    So if you do things to other people that you know are wrong. Please, stay the fuck away from me.
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    Sep 05, 2012 5:29 PM GMT
    DanOmatic saidThe lesson I learned was to trust my gut and pay attention to the yellow flags at the outset-

    Thats a lesson I've learn't as well. I almost always found that my first impressions of someone were the right ones. I've always found that taking a step back and thinking clearly as to what were my first impressions and feelings about that person helped a lot in coming to a conclusion about that person.
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    Sep 05, 2012 5:39 PM GMT
    Idk... I did whatever I could... my longest one I think I may have smothered him... its the only thing that makes sense... most every guy I've dated cheats on me; or break up with me cause I'm not good enough... idkwtf that is supposed to mean... I'm tired of hearing it. Even recently, just ignored by one guy I was encouraged to pursue cause we were "compatible", and another who blatantly told me I "couldn't afford" him. I swear, I'm not growing bitter, at the cost of growing withdrawn.
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    Sep 05, 2012 5:45 PM GMT
    AleksandrD said
    blactor saidWhy couldn't you just send him at the very least an email or call him and tell him you didn't want to see him again? Sounds like cowardice to me and to do it twice !!!! What happens when the next guy you date doesn't meet your expectations ?will you do the same thing again? I'd definitely not date you.




    No emails... My ex broke up with me with an email and still hurts till this day (it's been a week). He should've man up and have the decency to tell him face to face.


    Yes you're right
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    Sep 05, 2012 6:03 PM GMT
    In romantic relationships I don't have a list of worst things I've done. I try to be amazing and perfect at all times in those relationships!

    In a few personal relationships in my undergrad years I made some major mistakes in two cases. I befriended a couple of guys (cousins) I thought were clean living, friendly, athletic minded, etc. I found out they were from Hayward - and had been raised without many of the advantages I'd taken for granted all my life. (Hayward is a blue collar - nothing wrong with that - town with more than its share of born-again homophobes - across the bay from San Francisco).

    I spent a lot of time and money on these two guys and what I got back was a lot of bullshit about my sexuality, my life, my family - etc. Here I was doing all kinds of things for these guys, getting them jobs after graduation at H.P. and getting them into an apartment building - bypassing the year long waiting list; and treating them to the best of the best places in the Bay Area - from the Napa Valley to Carmel, Tahoe, Hillsborough, Woodside - parties - gatherings, and what did I get back? A lot of ungrateful born-again finger wagging after they got brave enough to vent their spleens on me. Lesson learned: Have nothing to do with religious zealots and homophobes. Money and time wasted.
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    Sep 05, 2012 6:05 PM GMT
    blactor said
    AleksandrD said
    blactor saidWhy couldn't you just send him at the very least an email or call him and tell him you didn't want to see him again? Sounds like cowardice to me and to do it twice !!!! What happens when the next guy you date doesn't meet your expectations ?will you do the same thing again? I'd definitely not date you.




    No emails... My ex broke up with me with an email and still hurts till this day (it's been a week). He should've man up and have the decency to tell him face to face.


    Yes you're right

    This is where you have to tell yourself, that it is all right that you loved them, but cause of how they Acted, they don't Deserve you.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Sep 05, 2012 6:12 PM GMT
    JackKash saidI've never been perfect when it comes to men..which why i am slow roller on the relationship department. It take me months to decide whether i want to go there and some guys want to move in a week or less.




    It can be much worse than that. Many guys want to hop into bed within minutes after meeting and just get off as quickly as possible.
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    Sep 05, 2012 6:27 PM GMT
    Trollileo saidPretend to be straight for a girl.

    "Whaaat!??!! icon_confused.gif
    tumblr_lyxqn0K2Nu1qgw2t5.gif
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    Sep 05, 2012 7:01 PM GMT
    Jockbod48 saidIn romantic relationships I don't have a list of worst things I've done. I try to be amazing and perfect at all times in those relationships!

    In a few personal relationships in my undergrad years I made some major mistakes in two cases. I befriended a couple of guys (cousins) I thought were clean living, friendly, athletic minded, etc. I found out they were from Hayward - and had been raised without many of the advantages I'd taken for granted all my life. (Hayward is a blue collar - nothing wrong with that - town with more than its share of born-again homophobes - across the bay from San Francisco).

    I spent a lot of time and money on these two guys and what I got back was a lot of bullshit about my sexuality, my life, my family - etc. Here I was doing all kinds of things for these guys, getting them jobs after graduation at H.P. and getting them into an apartment building - bypassing the year long waiting list; and treating them to the best of the best places in the Bay Area - from the Napa Valley to Carmel, Tahoe, Hillsborough, Woodside - parties - gatherings, and what did I get back? A lot of ungrateful born-again finger wagging after they got brave enough to vent their spleens on me. Lesson learned: Have nothing to do with religious zealots and homophobes. Money and time wasted.


    You're a nice guy. Didn't know someone like that still exists.
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    Sep 05, 2012 7:12 PM GMT
    You mean I've actually been in a relationship?