A rider on a down bound train

  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Aug 20, 2008 2:53 AM GMT
    I was hanging out in Adams Morgan (area of Washington DC) with a friend and his girlfriend, when at midnight(ish) we decided to head home. They live in Virgina, and I in Maryland, so we took the subway in different directions, but I dozed off as I passed the stop before mine, and when I opened my eyes, the train was at my stop, but the doors were already closed. So I went to the next stop (the end of the line), where I found out I had a 20 minute wait to take a train back.

    While I am waiting a guy gets on the train, and looks like a 5'2" version of a friend of mine. Not attractive, but the resemblance was uncanny, so I probably looked at him longer than I should have. I'm on to the next thing, pacing the train waiting for the remaining 18 minutes or so to pass. I leave the train, look at a map, I get back on the train, play a game on my cellphone- anything to kill the 20 minutes.

    With maybe 4 minutes to go he says, "You looking for something?" Great, he's trying to sell me pot. "No." He's silent for a minute. The kid is unmistakably Hispanic. "Where are you going?" "Home." "Do you live alone?" "No." "Do you drive?" "Yes." One word answers usually work, but he is clearly going to say more, so I try to change the conversation to him, so that I don't have to give away any more details of my life. Why I didn't just change cars, I don't know.

    "Where are you headed?" "To work." As he says this he gets up and comes towards me- not like I am going to be attacked, but like he was just moving closer to make it so we don't have to talk as loud. Then, without any warning, he grabs my crotch and starts kissing me. With my left hand I grab his face pull it to the left, and punch him in the temple with my right hand. He fell back, smacks the side of his head on the seats across the way on his way to the ground. I remain in my seat. He muttered in incomprehensively in Spanish as he got up grabbed his work uniform and selected a different car to take him to his job.

    The thing is, I feel bad. I make a lot of assumptions now, but if this guy is in the closet, I worry that I have pushed him further in. Either way, as far as he knows that was a gay bashing. I mean, he was way to aggressive and I have a right to use public transit without being touched, but at the same time I feel I overreacted and that what the kid needed more than a right hook, was help. I don't know. I guess I am looking to a group of gays with different backgrounds. Did I react to strongly? What do I do if I run into the guy again? We can't live far apart.

    What do you think?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 20, 2008 2:56 AM GMT
    i think you should have had some of the wine i consumed with dinner.
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    Aug 20, 2008 2:59 AM GMT
    In the closet or not. A stranger came into your space when you didnt invite him in. Furthermore, he groped you and had his mouth on you. He is lucky it was you and not someone else. He might have gotten more than a punch.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Aug 20, 2008 5:08 AM GMT
    I think you overreacted, but you were also taken way by surprise, and thought you were being attacked.

    I don't think this is really anything you can apologize for, if you're given a chance, but you can try.

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    Aug 20, 2008 7:18 AM GMT
    You're overthinking this. Guy invaded your personal space, you reacted to it. Sure, the guy might have issues (and might've misunderstood the situation) but that's his problem. If you see him again you can try to clear up things, or you can ignore him.
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    Aug 20, 2008 7:22 AM GMT
    I don't think you overreacted, quite the opposite. If someone invaded my space like that too, I would have done the same thing.
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    Aug 20, 2008 7:23 AM GMT
    yeah thanks alot asshole.


    I got fired because of that fucking black eye.
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    Aug 20, 2008 7:27 AM GMT
    Sounds like you are not used to cruising guys or being cruised and so I think your reaction is understandable if perhaps a little over the top.

    Because you didn't fancy him it obviously didn't occur to you that he might be attracted to you. Perhaps you need to be a little more street wise. You'll learn with time.

    As for seeing him again on the train? Well, you'll have to live with the consequences of lashing out at someone who made a pass at you.
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    Aug 20, 2008 7:28 AM GMT
    There are other ways of letting someone know you are attracted to them. You don't have to go right up to them, grab their junk and start putting your tongue down their throat.
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    Aug 20, 2008 7:39 AM GMT
    Dude,

    If you were a woman, the guy would be in jail and you'd be in therapy for the next 20 years . He may have been miniscule, but it's still sexual assault and I think he got what he had coming to him.

    The guy will know better next time he gets an itch to go fondle a stranger on a train.
  • Laurence

    Posts: 942

    Aug 20, 2008 10:46 AM GMT
    Tsk! Men eh, they're only after one thing.

    Sounds like you can look after yourself mate, so stop stressing about it.

    Some guys might have been turned on by the situation though.

    Lozx
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 20, 2008 12:19 PM GMT
    A pretty hard one to evaluate...

    My immediate reaction was to think you overreacted, but I live in Kansas, not in DC, but I'm sure I would have been a little put off to say the least. In the end, he has to understand you don't just grope and grab someone like that.

    I think I'd watch for him, you know what he looks like and if the opportunity presents itself again, I'd have a conversation with him. If you don't see him again, he needed to learn a basic lesson about how you do or don't treat people you don't know.
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    Aug 20, 2008 12:41 PM GMT
    While the old saying goes "you can't rape the willing," icon_rolleyes.gif he clearly crossed a line of appropriateness. Yes, you could have just shoved him away and told him that's not your thing. But in the moment of an assault, even one as mild as a grope + kiss, you defended yourself. It's admirable that you're worried about the impact of your actions on him...but frankly he's not deserving of it.

    This is the sort of story that fosters the fears of straight men and homophobia. If he'd done that to a straight man who's situation was similar to yours - he looked like a pal, the straight man stared a little longer, etc - that straight man would've beat the hell outta him and told all his buddies.
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    Aug 20, 2008 1:09 PM GMT
    fightforjustice-kittydemedici.jpg?w=366&

    OMG - I think Caslon's rubbing off on me!
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Aug 21, 2008 1:17 AM GMT
    Funkapottomous saidyeah thanks alot asshole.


    I got fired because of that fucking black eye.


    haha, at 6'3", I think you'd have a bit more of an advantage on me!
  • DCEric

    Posts: 3713

    Aug 21, 2008 1:19 AM GMT
    redheadguy saidSounds like you are not used to cruising guys or being cruised and so I think your reaction is understandable if perhaps a little over the top.

    Because you didn't fancy him it obviously didn't occur to you that he might be attracted to you. Perhaps you need to be a little more street wise. You'll learn with time.

    As for seeing him again on the train? Well, you'll have to live with the consequences of lashing out at someone who made a pass at you.


    Well, to be honest this website is my big window to the gay community. My partner has taken me to gay clubs a couple of times, but mostly I exist separate from the world of cruising and such.
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    Aug 21, 2008 1:54 AM GMT
    EricLA saidI think you overreacted, but you were also taken way by surprise, and thought you were being attacked.

    I don't think this is really anything you can apologize for, if you're given a chance, but you can try.



    Overreacted?? Dude was criminally assulted by a crotch-grabbing kisser. WTF. Of course the guy deserved punch, and there as no overreaction at all. icon_idea.gif
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    Aug 21, 2008 1:56 AM GMT
    lilmaninsc saidThere are other ways of letting someone know you are attracted to them. You don't have to go right up to them, grab their junk and start putting your tongue down their throat.


    Amen. Here in Georgia, grabbing somone's junk without their permission is friggin' Sexual Battery. I have no idea why some people have even suggested there is any overreaction on the poster's part.
  • Barricade

    Posts: 457

    Aug 21, 2008 2:00 AM GMT
    That punch would have easily been alot worse for him, had you been some homophobe straight guy. He learned a lesson on not doing that type of thing to a perfect stranger.