First break up.

  • Trepeat

    Posts: 546

    Sep 08, 2012 8:59 AM GMT
    Need to sort out my feelings, which I do best through expressing them in writing, so here I am.

    Tonight, less than an hour ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. It was a long distance relationship, and we've only actually spent two weekends together over the month we've known each other, which I'm realizing sounds pretty lame as I write this. Still, we had a strong, instantaneous bond. He moved us into "boyfriend" territory much more quickly than I was ready for, but I thought that I would take a chance and let it develop because I liked the guy, and I'm inherently someone who likes to please and would rather take the option with less immediate drama or discomfort. He dropped the "I love you"s fast, and I just reciprocated because it seemed alright in the moment. I went into this expecting a hook up, but bit off more than I should have known I could chew.

    We texted and called each other a lot, exchanging lots of intimate phrases. For the most part, I did so because I was too cowardly to break up with him, and I did really like him. I realized pretty quickly that we weren't on the same page. I was planning weekend trips to visit, he was planning our wedding. The guy is twenty years older than me, and wanted for us to settle down together. I wasnt even comfortable with the idea of introducing him to my parents. And I knew that I wasn't as into him as he was into me. Even if we did stay together, I knew he wasn't the guy I'd be falling madly in love with and wanting nothing more than to share my life with.

    So when he texted me tonight being incredibly sweet and full of all-consuming devotion, I bit a really shitty bullet that I should have bit sooner and expressed my feelings to him. The whole exchange was very straight forward and without meanness or drama, but it still -understandably and justifiably- ended with him severing all contact. I feel shitty about losing a friend and hurting someone I really do care about, especially because I know better than to let this relationship develop and snowball the way it did. I knew that there were no happy endings here, but I still let it happen and actively participated in creating this mess.

    I know that this development is pretty much entirely my fault, and that I'm a pretty crappy person for causing it. I'm mad and disappointed in myself, and feel bad for the wonderful guy that I hurt. It was the right decision, and it would only become shittier if I waited longer, but it still sucks, and it makes me feel like I suck, which I do.

    Don't need criticism or validation, really just posted this for my own sake. Hearing some of your guys' break up stories might give me some different perspective, though, so please feel free to share.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Sep 08, 2012 2:34 PM GMT
    Trepeat said
    Don't need criticism or validation, really just posted this for my own sake. Hearing some of your guys' break up stories might give me some different perspective, though, so please feel free to share.


    so use the search button
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Sep 08, 2012 3:11 PM GMT
    I think you should cut yourself some slack because it's clear that you didn't maliciously lead him on or intentionally abuse the fact that he made himself open and emotionally available (maybe too much so, too soon). Yeah, he's hurt, and you have to respect that, but you also can't waste energy feeling guilty about it.

    But, what you can do is learn from the experience and cut things off at the pass sooner if you ever find yourself in a similar situation. Usually if you just communicate honestly with whomever you're dating about where you are emotionally keeps things from snowballing and building up to a point where it's impossible to avoid causing pain.