How much time do you think about love?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2007 10:02 PM GMT
    I would like to start a quick poll.

    I am curious as to how much time you spend thinking about romance or relationship. You can answer in percentages or moments per day, week, or however you'd like. Make it different from sex or hooking up. It can be thinking about a person or being in love in general. How much of your living is spent consciously thinking of, reflecting on, or pursuing this topic?

    Also say if you are presently single or dating.

    Thanks, M


    "How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." Annie Dillard
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Mar 07, 2007 11:29 PM GMT
    Sounds interesting so:

    Partnered
    Thinking of love, my partner, moments, smiles, the little things, our lives, our future, etc., about 20% (or 12 minutes of every waking hour).
  • phill

    Posts: 117

    Mar 08, 2007 12:42 AM GMT
    I like this topic thanks apollo.

    I dont do hookups. So i tend not to think of men in any other terms than friends unless they kind of make a move on me. So in the terms of love that two men can have in a non sexual way i think 5 percent of the day.

    Now if im dating someone i think i think about them for around 20 percent of the day as well. 12-15 minutes sounds about right. sometimes i get the ache pain in my stomache when i want to talk with them but i dont want to be bothersome that last for 5-10 minutes.
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    Mar 08, 2007 3:17 AM GMT
    Love, like everything else, is biological. I happen to have an enormously high level of oxytocin, the hormone that causes us to have "love" feelings. All animals produce oxytocin. It's what makes a female bond to her baby and a male want to protect his family. It's also known to be released during orgasm, which can explain the unexpected shouting of "I LOVE YOU!" as you shoot inside someone. Without oxytocin, all species would be doomed--and life would be boring. So, to answer your question, I think about love constantly--my oxytocin output is way above average.
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    Mar 08, 2007 6:12 AM GMT
    Presently single. Constantly thinking of love, every single day. Pathetic? Hmmm...
  • TallGWMvballe...

    Posts: 1925

    Mar 08, 2007 8:54 AM GMT
    Cuurently single,,, dating from time to time but no one has "clicked" yet. When I was partnered, I thought about him at least 1/4 of every hour of everyday, When we were in the same space at the same time, All others were "greyed out" and he shined in my eyes.... hopeless romantic, huh?
    Now, I think of love only after meeting someone that seems to hold possibity...unfortuanely I still think of my last love and lament.... not completely over him yet,
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    Mar 08, 2007 4:04 PM GMT
    I'd say about 5 minutes per hour per day. We've been together for 3 years. It's hard not to think about him.
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    Mar 08, 2007 7:45 PM GMT
    Thanks for the awesome responses; please keep them coming. I have a follow up question after this.

    I'm making a documentary on how we as gay people consider and then pursue our happiness in love and relationship.

    It's a fun project and all conversations with both straight and gay friends are done so as to look post-coital, just to make the documentary more intimate and grounded in our daily living.
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    Mar 08, 2007 7:50 PM GMT
    One more thing, please do not judge yourself one way or another on how much you do or do no think about love, it is not pathetic either way. Also it is interesting one would think so. I mean why is it a bad thing either way?
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    Mar 08, 2007 8:42 PM GMT
    I've been with my partner for 7 yrs. Everytime I take his feelings into consideration I would say that counts as thinking about love / relationship. So, for me, it would be several times a day.

  • phill

    Posts: 117

    Mar 08, 2007 9:56 PM GMT
    follow up response:

    I would say that truthfully i dont notice guys or think i want to be in a relationship until someone confronts me then my paradigm shifts and i see them as the attractive individuals they are. I also look for a sense of balance with in myself before embarking on a soujurn with someone. If i dont feel that balance or dont feel teh want to explore mystery rights with someone then its pretty much not going to happen.
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    Mar 08, 2007 11:10 PM GMT
    Partnered now almost 4 years and we talk on the phone about twice a day and I think of him constantly, if my mind wanders when I'm working out or running errands or working on our house, I wind up thinking of him. Sounds drippy-sappy, but it's true; I must have high levels of oxytocin too!
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    Mar 09, 2007 12:22 AM GMT
    My partner is Marllus, I think of him often but really cannot put a percentage to it but if I had to it would be at least 30% of my waking day. I have a 20 minute commute to work each way and I know I think of him the whole time. We email each other cute "I love you" notes at least once a day.

    These thoughts that I am talking about are mostly non sexual in nature (but those do exhist for sure), just pure thinking about him and how I am blessed to have such a great guy like him as a part of my life. I guess my oxytocin levels are high also.
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    Mar 09, 2007 1:35 AM GMT
    in a six month relationship.
    i think about him A LOT. like crazy...
    but it was worse before, now it's sorta occasional. but still a lot. and of course sometimes i'm thinking about something annoying he did...i mean it's life not a fairy tale.
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    Mar 09, 2007 12:35 PM GMT
    When I'm not seeing someone, I don't really think about it too much. I mean, I don't sit around thinking, "I wish I was dating someone," or anything like that. Don't get me wrong...I like dating/relationships. I just don't let myself get all down in the dumps about it if I'm not in one. If it's meant to be, it will happen again.

    I don't do hook-ups, so that's not applicable.

    When I am seeing someone though, I tend to think about them a lot. I just started seeing someone recently. We've been friends for a little while now, and now it's starting to become more than just friends. We hang out, talk, email, txt message each other a lot...it's great...he rocks!
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    Mar 14, 2007 12:22 AM GMT
    sadly...all the time! i would say it enters my mind half a dozen times an hour.
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    Mar 14, 2007 12:23 AM GMT
    by the way, i'm single.
  • blkdevil66

    Posts: 74

    Mar 14, 2007 3:04 AM GMT
    Well I guess I need to think about it more often. I have been told i'm somewhat of a emotionless bitch with the heart of a cold stone. (flattery gets people everywhere).
    oh and this mostly comes from my partner. I am not ALWAYS like that. I hope. I like romance and all that other crap just like everyone else.
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    Mar 14, 2007 3:24 AM GMT
    I'm single, and/or sort of dating...but definitely not "going steady" or partnered, or in an open relationship.

    That said, I am very close to someone...and it is great to feel love for the guy at odd moments, many times during the day. As long as you are not subsuming yourself to that feeling (meaning, making stupid decisions), I think it is a wonderful emotion, based (for me) on much more than sexual attraction, mutual respect, admiration etc.

    It's all good.
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    Mar 14, 2007 5:04 AM GMT
    (single and sorta recovering from being heartbroken... it's been a couple months, so slow learner.)

    I'd say once a day on average, but that's with me deliberately trying to avoid it.
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    Mar 16, 2007 8:26 AM GMT
    I think we need to think about love all the time. We need to nurture ourselves and everyone we meet by love. Yeah, I think about love a lot. Especially if i'm listening to good music.
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    Mar 17, 2007 3:40 PM GMT
    My first response to SaintVegetable (AWESOME USERNAME BTW) was to say, yeah, but this is about romantic love.

    But then I realized 2 things:

    1st we tend to make these lines between loves as if there are really distinct loves and they don't mix. But while loves do have distinct cores (I love my brothers and sisters desperately but don't want to get randy with them - gross), they do mix and blur together. So share away.

    The 2nd is that we should share as much love as possible. I have a couple of friends who I love so very, very much. I had been so deeply in love with each of them that I sometimes dip into that feeling even though we are quite solidly friends now and not lovers. There are these moments, not always marked, where we love on each other and bask in this glow of affection and tenderness that is more then friendship but not full on romance.

    There is something painful about love and romance, even when you are in a relationship. There is a reason we think it is bad to think about love too much and come up with reasons why. Part of it perhaps is this idiotic fear of "neediness," any sort. We don't want to need someone else or need a bf to be happy. At least this is a lot of what I hear.

    Anyway, I have a follow up question: http://www.realjock.com/l/topic/3193/
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    May 03, 2007 4:28 PM GMT
    Madapollo, I think that some people are afaraid to be in a relationship. Among other reasons, some people just don't like to make commitments. They prefer to keep their options open. Others are afriad to make a commitment becasue they are afraid to fall in love and risk a breakup. They don't want to go through that pain.

    I've seen friends establish relationships (with great guys) and just when you think they're getting serious, they break up. These friends have done this more than once and it becomes an obvious pattern.

    I guess it's also worth noting that some people prefer not to be in a relationship. They prefer the dating scene and keeping their options open.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 23, 2009 7:20 PM GMT
    I think about love all the time. I didn't really appreciate it when I had it and looking back I regret iticon_neutral.gif. Life's a learning experience though!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 23, 2009 7:25 PM GMT
    Every hour at least 2 times. I am single.

    When I need to consentrate on something less times.

    When I am in public. Constantly.