Second date with a "straight" guy

  • RollDontWalk

    Posts: 187

    Sep 10, 2012 11:47 PM GMT
    I met a guy on the weekend who says he is "straight". We went for a couple of drinks and some food and had great conversation going. We have common interests, which is a good sign. There was definite attraction and chemistry. After dinner we stopped by my place (I wanted to change into jeans to go on a walk, as Seattle's summer pretty much ended on the weekend) but we never ended up leaving my place... lol. He basically asked to stay the night, which I acquiesced. The next day I told him I would like to hang out again and he indicated he would like that too.

    He has been responsive and friendly in the few text messages since then, and a second "date" is on the cards for tonight. (Of course I haven't called it a "date" in front of him yet because I don't want him to get the wrong idea - I'm not looking for a relationship with him, just yet)

    However the whole claiming to be "straight" thing throws me off. In his first message he said he was "new to the whole guy thing" but still "gotta be discreet". I told him that I am new-ish to guys (which I am) and just want to see what develops naturally. He told me he's fooled around with a couple of guys in high school, but that's been it. I'm not sure if he's worth waiting for. I'm guessing some people are going to tell me to RUN but I am trying to take this slow and not fuck it up because I don't want to scare him away. At the same time I don't want to become too invested until it shows signs of promise.

    So I'm just seeing where it goes. Here's hoping. Any advices or experience welcome icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 1:25 AM GMT
    Dude why are you doing this to yourself??..
    You are this guy's experiment!!..

    Answer this question...in your own words..
    Where do you 'think' you stand with this gentleman??...



  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Sep 11, 2012 1:34 AM GMT
    Spaghetti is straight until you boil it.
  • RollDontWalk

    Posts: 187

    Sep 11, 2012 4:29 AM GMT
    Well, he hasn't replied to my last text, nor answered his phone when I called a few hours later. Next!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 5:05 AM GMT
    oh good lord.

    Have fun, enjoy it, see what happens. The likely chance of a long fore-filing relationship is slim to none. The chance of having some fun sex is still pretty good and you'll both be helping each other.

    Your new, he's new, experiment, enough, have fun.

    And stop over thinking it, you two aren't having a relationship, it's called dating.. it's not a relationship it's a precursor to a relationship or a friendship or even a crash as burn.

    But that's life, never have a guarantee to it
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Sep 11, 2012 6:25 PM GMT
    This guy isn't totally straight - he's fooled around with guys and told you he has - he say's he's "new to the guy thing" and wants to be discreet.
    He wants to play around - he just isn't sure he wants to.
    Hey, if you're into him see where it goes, he won't be relationship material (mostly likely he won't be) but could be fun to have some fun with - if you're ready to deal with his acceptance of himself.
    Every guy needs a guy to help them take those first steps - but if he doesn't respond to you he's stepping back into the closet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 6:30 PM GMT
    It seems that he has attraction to guys, making him not completely straight, whether it's a personality attraction or a physical one. Just be careful and have fun! icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 6:33 PM GMT
    Sexuality evolves. It could be fun to explore with him. Sounds like you are taking it slow emotionally, which you are smart to do.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 6:45 PM GMT
    The older I get (and I'm pretty old), the more I realize that sometimes, when dealing with human sexuality, the rules just do not apply. A straight guy fell madly in love with me back in college. He's married with five grown kids. Several years back, my husband and I were at a gay resort in Palm Springs, where we met a couple of guys who were there together. They were dating, they were very much in love with one another; but neither one was gay. They were two straight guys who'd been good friends for several years, who fell in love. It seemed unlikely to me, but who was I to argue?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 6:48 PM GMT
    what do I think? hmm
    I think you must have some pretty low self esteem if you are willing to date a sexually confused guy. It's gotta correlate to some sort of confusion in yourself as well.
    I say forget about this guy - he's self-involved at the moment because he is trying to come to terms with being gay. That's dangerous territory to be in and since when has anyone's first gay relationship ever worked out?
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    Sep 11, 2012 6:50 PM GMT
    ChoklitDaddy saidThe older I get (and I'm pretty old), the more I realize that sometimes, when dealing with human sexuality, the rules just do not apply. A straight guy fell madly in love with me back in college. He's married with five grown kids. Several years back, my husband and I were at a gay resort in Palm Springs, where we met a couple of guys who were there together. They were dating, they were very much in love with one another; but neither one was gay. They were two straight guys who'd been good friends for several years, who fell in love. It seemed unlikely to me, but who was I to argue?


    are you serious... you whole-heartedly, 100% believe that those two guys you met in Palm Springs were straight? Oh come on... really?!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 6:56 PM GMT
    "Straight" guys are trouble and it will never have a fairytale ending.
    Tread lightly, take it for what it is, don't get emotionally attached, and have fun with it.

    Best case: you end up with a friend (with benefits?)
    Worst case: you ignore each other and move on with your lives.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 6:57 PM GMT
    If there is a trace of gay in this guy, its probably sizing you and seeing how he can use you or keep you in his back pocket... Go for what works...not ifs and maybes.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 7:12 PM GMT
    why can't gay guys just leave straight guys alone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 7:23 PM GMT
    I think you are just in love with the idea of dating a "straight" guy. More than likely, he is gay but is just now coming to terms with his sexuality.

    Do you even like this guy? Has he hinted in wanting a romantic relationship with you? If not, then just the crap and just jump on his dick.


    No need trying to fool yourself that this is love..
  • unicoman1

    Posts: 822

    Sep 11, 2012 7:41 PM GMT
    I see nothing but heartache and bad fortune with this. Hear me once and hear me loudly .... You are better than this and find somebody who shares more important deals with you.. Like men!

    guest20120911154104.jpg
  • Hothouse

    Posts: 2204

    Sep 11, 2012 7:43 PM GMT
    k3l3k0 saidwhat do I think? hmm
    I think you must have some pretty low self esteem if you are willing to date a sexually confused guy. It's gotta correlate to some sort of confusion in yourself as well.
    I say forget about this guy - he's self-involved at the moment because he is trying to come to terms with being gay. That's dangerous territory to be in and since when has anyone's first gay relationship ever worked out?


    We've all been sexually confused at some point in our lives. Some guys figure it out sooner than others. If the guys wants to get to know this "sexually confused" guy and hang out with him, then why not?
    Are we supposed to avoid every guy that's having issues coming to terms with his sexuality? I say be friends with the guy and see where it goes, you can bail anytime it becomes too weird to handle.
  • RollDontWalk

    Posts: 187

    Sep 12, 2012 2:23 PM GMT
    Update, he sent an apologising text the next day for not getting back to me because his phone crapped out and wouldn't let him do anything (this would normally ping by bullshit meter but he showed me his phone the first time we met and it was genuinely on the blink). He's been responding to a couple texts since then, but we have not rescheduled yet as I am pretty busy this week. I like him enough to want to see him again.

    I'm continuing to take it slow and am under no illusions, jmuscmc, that this is love. I'm looking at it for the fun / experimentation that it is and what is meant to happen will happen.
  • easterndude69

    Posts: 632

    Sep 15, 2012 11:16 PM GMT
    I'd say give it a try. He sounds like he wants to try a few things, so I'd say why not try and have some fun with him a little? You can never really tell if it'll work or not. True, the odds are against you, but many deemed gay men were once sexually confused men before they determined that they were gay. Don't fall for him just yet, though. Get to know him, try a few things, and see where things go. Careful not to cross lines though. One wrong move and you might scare him away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 15, 2012 11:37 PM GMT
    lilTanker saidoh good lord.

    Have fun, enjoy it, see what happens. The likely chance of a long fore-filing relationship is slim to none. The chance of having some fun sex is still pretty good and you'll both be helping each other.

    Your new, he's new, experiment, enough, have fun.

    And stop over thinking it, you two aren't having a relationship, it's called dating.. it's not a relationship it's a precursor to a relationship or a friendship or even a crash as burn.

    But that's life, never have a guarantee to it


    Listen to the wise thread killer here (lol) he knows his stufficon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 15, 2012 11:46 PM GMT
    RollDontWalk saidWell, he hasn't replied to my last text, nor answered his phone when I called a few hours later. Next!!

    To me this is what's most disturbing - this expectation re turnaround time. This is how technology enslaves us - we want what we want now.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 15, 2012 11:58 PM GMT
    northoz saidListen to the wise thread killer here (lol) he knows his stufficon_cool.gif

    hahahah shush you!!! I seriously thought I'd killed both of your threads hahaha
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Sep 16, 2012 9:31 PM GMT
    Personally, I don't think I could ever date a "straight" guy. As if things aren't hard enough already. I mean, if you are discreet and don't like people to know that you are gay right off the bat (i.e: If you had a boyfriend but you wouldn't want people to get the impression you two are actually a couple) then I say go for it if you really like him. I try not to judge and if he makes you happy then give it a chance if you want. Who knows? Maybe something might happen?

    From what you said, I don't think he is 100% straight. I kind of follow the whole if you claim you are straght but like playing/having intimate playtime with guys, then you aren't straight and you are just in denial but eh, that's just me. lol

    The only advice I can give is watch for any strange behavior signs. And try not to fall head over heels for him because what if he ends up not wanting you or gets bored with the guy on guy action and throws you aside for a girl and later on get married? Would you still be willing to play with a married guy?

    But yeah anyway, I'm not saying don't. Just be careful, have fun, and get to know yourself since you say you are newish to the guy thing. Good luck!