How do you cope?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 1:17 AM GMT
    I know I've posted about my recent break up and how heartbroken it's left me. I feel like I'm going crazy tho... I fucken loved this guy and would have given anything to make him happy and satisfied; in other words, I would have given him the world! I hate that I haven't been able to eat in 2 weeks (I try, but then I vomit right after), I've only gotten 2-3 hours of sleep the past 2 weeks, and I can't stop crying (I wake up crying). I am really hurt and want it to stop.

    I went out on a date this weekend. He is such a great guy, attractive, lives on his own, really good job and set for life (only 24 years old), I mean, how many guys at that age are already set. Shit, my ex was living off disability from his motorcycle accident and is a fabricator. For some reason tho, I couldn't get my ex out of my head the entire date. I felt really bad because this guy was really into me and we actually had a good time, at the end of the night, he leaned in to kiss me and I pulled away. He apologized for being too forward and asked me out on a second date. I told him I'd let him know.

    I want to be like my ex on how he had no feelings afterwards. How he's managed to get over me so quickly and started dating (a4a, okcupid)... and yes, I realize if 2 days after the break up he was already looking, then that means he was already over me or was never into me at all. The break up email confirmed that.

    I really am trying with all my might to forget him, but a part of me still wants him back and pray/hopes he comes back... that he'll realize what a big mistake he did and will come back running. This isn't a movie tho and that will NEVER happen.

    I just want him out of my head and heart.. I'm sorry if I sound annoying or childish, but I'm sure many if not all of you have gone through a really bad break up where it left you heartbroken..

    Any advice would be helpful!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 1:20 AM GMT
    I dunno dude. Go fuck a pornstar.

    Or realize that you are very young and have a lot of life to live. If you arent over your ex you shouldnt date, it isnt fair to the other person. Otherwise you realize that he wasnt the one and you go live your life.

    Start doing things you enjoy, take up a hobby or a sport. Meet people. Volunteer, get busy, etc etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 1:32 AM GMT
    I know it is a "cliche" , but time will help to heal your heart .
    As Chainers said , find something to occupy your mind .
    Hugs
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 1:38 AM GMT
    Try to stay busy to keep your mind off the situation your going through.

    I also agree with what Chainers said.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 1:39 AM GMT
    Chainers saidI dunno dude. Go fuck a pornstar.

    Or realize that you are very young and have a lot of life to live. If you arent over your ex you shouldnt date, it isnt fair to the other person. Otherwise you realize that he wasnt the one and you go live your life.

    Start doing things you enjoy, take up a hobby or a sport. Meet people. Volunteer, get busy, etc etc.


    Dude, I'm thinking of fucking doing porn to get it out of my head.. I did hook up with some guy recently and I came home feeling worthless. I did join up a gay softball league and I'm back hitting the weights, and school started, so I am trying to get busy, but out of no where I just get really depressed. I fucken hate that shit. I don't want to feel any hurt or pain anymore.
  • ParkerDLamb

    Posts: 129

    Sep 11, 2012 1:56 AM GMT
    I don't have much experience with breakups, but I do know that regardless, it'll be a long process of development and transformation.

    Breaking up and going along with change in any form is difficult.
    We're haunted by nostalgia, memories, social media connections, mutual friends, etc.. It's nearly impossible to say "out of sight, out of mind."

    In my case, sometimes even the smell of Loreal after shave brings me back to a bitter sweet time in my life when I was 17, deeply troubled, and head over heels in love with a guy. Back then, everything in my life and mind revolved around him. Then a year later, everything ended overnight.

    I know I was young, but I really loved him, and when everything ended overnight, everything in my life changed rapidly. The first few months were filled with waking up in cold sweats, nightmares, constant Facebook stalkings, thoughts about him that went in circles, etc.
    Then slowly but surely I began to establish a relationship with myself again. I developed new hobbies by myself, and with different people that took me out of my previous comfort zone, and allowed my to physically change the setting of my life, even if emotionally I still struggled to move on.
    Then I began to make peace with the struggle. I knew that what I was feeling was real, and I allowed myself to feel it. Don't stress and panic about how you're still in love and your life is turning in a scary direction, or how you're unhappy, newly lonely, etc., etc.. Embrace the temporary discomfort and allow yourself to cry, feel the pain, grieve, and process what's happening.
    Slowly start to live your life for YOU. Find a new interest, try a new recipe, learn a new language, take a trip, etc., ANYTHING that is a physical representation of growth and development.

    It's not easy and there's no way to sugar coat it. Two and a half years later and I still find myself listening to songs that remind me of who I once had close to me, having an occasional dream about him, etc.
    Once a love terminates, it can remain a ghost in your life.
    But with time, patience, and persistence, the ghost becomes less and less bothersome.

    Everything will be okay, and you are definitely not alone!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 2:01 AM GMT
    Sorry you're feeling so rotten. I know the feeling well and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

    I don't think forcing yourself to have casual sex is the answer, and in fact will probably just make you feel worse. It's not the sex you're missing...it's the love. I wouldn't have sex OR date until you're feeling better because until he's out of your system, no one is going to compare to him. In fact, you could screw up a date with a great guy by dating too soon. Catch up on your reading and keep to yourself if that's what you feel like doing, and eventually you'll get sick of it. And when you get that feeling that your sick of crying over this guy, you'll know you're getting over him.
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    Sep 11, 2012 2:03 AM GMT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 2:20 AM GMT
    Hey AleksandrD,
    I am sorry for your loss, I truely am.icon_sad.gif I've never loved anyone (other than family) but I know what its like to be depressed. During my early childhood I suffered severe depression, like told my teacher I was going to commit suicide depression (of course I was just venting, but then she told my mom, and then came the therapy, yadda, yadda icon_rolleyes.gif
    Point is, I know what its like to always be angry and sad, crying for no reason, and throwing temper tantrums. (I doubt you do that last one) Personally, during my darkest times is when I work best. I learned to take all my pain and express it. I wrote poetry and stories, and I found a great love for literature.
    I also have a love for music that can take away my darkest depressions. Just try getting up and dancing or singing to distract yourself.
    In my opinion, you have two options, you can distract yourself from thinking about your ex until the time comes when your finally ready to move on or you can confront your feelings. Personally I've tried both, and even when all is said and done neither work very well. You can rationalize all you want but sometimes life just sucks.
    I can try every feel-better-phrase in the book to make you feel better:
    If he doesn't realize what a mistake he made he wasn't worth it.
    He's just a bad person, you deserve better
    You are a handsome young man, and you seem like an amazing guy. If someone can't see that then they don't deserve you. (Which is true btwicon_biggrin.gif)
    But I know love doesn't work that way
    Love is a two way street. If your the only one in love, all you can do is accept it and move on and find someone who loves you just as much as you love him
    One of the things I've learned from one the worst relationships in my life is that you shouldn't give someone the world unless they will give is right back to you and add the moon, and the stars with it. Even if they say they will give you the world, it means nothing until they actually give it to you. Never forget that
    I hope you feel better icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 11, 2012 2:21 AM GMT
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    Sep 11, 2012 5:38 AM GMT
    ChestArmMusclelover saidHey AleksandrD,
    I am sorry for your loss, I truely am.icon_sad.gif I've never loved anyone (other than family) but I know what its like to be depressed. During my early childhood I suffered severe depression, like told my teacher I was going to commit suicide depression (of course I was just venting, but then she told my mom, and then came the therapy, yadda, yadda icon_rolleyes.gif
    Point is, I know what its like to always be angry and sad, crying for no reason, and throwing temper tantrums. (I doubt you do that last one) Personally, during my darkest times is when I work best. I learned to take all my pain and express it. I wrote poetry and stories, and I found a great love for literature.
    I also have a love for music that can take away my darkest depressions. Just try getting up and dancing or singing to distract yourself.
    In my opinion, you have two options, you can distract yourself from thinking about your ex until the time comes when your finally ready to move on or you can confront your feelings. Personally I've tried both, and even when all is said and done neither work very well. You can rationalize all you want but sometimes life just sucks.
    I can try every feel-better-phrase in the book to make you feel better:
    If he doesn't realize what a mistake he made he wasn't worth it.
    He's just a bad person, you deserve better
    You are a handsome young man, and you seem like an amazing guy. If someone can't see that then they don't deserve you. (Which is true btwicon_biggrin.gif)
    But I know love doesn't work that way
    Love is a two way street. If your the only one in love, all you can do is accept it and move on and find someone who loves you just as much as you love him
    One of the things I've learned from one the worst relationships in my life is that you shouldn't give someone the world unless they will give is right back to you and add the moon, and the stars with it. Even if they say they will give you the world, it means nothing until they actually give it to you. Never forget that
    I hope you feel better icon_smile.gif



    Thanks, I really do appreciate it and I know... I made the biggest mistake of my life! I made him my priority while he made me his option. What sucks even more was, I lost my job on the same day so I was basically bombarded by drama and bad news all week. I am getting a little bit stronger as days go by, even if they are minuscule.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 10:20 AM GMT
    Yes, you are learning that time heals all wounds. Hang in there, and you'll see that you're coming out of this shit a lot stronger!!
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    Sep 11, 2012 11:27 AM GMT
    AleksandrD said
    ChestArmMusclelover said
    Thanks, I really do appreciate it and I know... I made the biggest mistake of my life! I made him my priority while he made me his option. What sucks even more was, I lost my job on the same day so I was basically bombarded by drama and bad news all week. I am getting a little bit stronger as days go by, even if they are minuscule.


    Dude the bigger mistake of your life is that you are living in a other continent!
    Anyway, take care, time is your best friend!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 11:52 AM GMT
    It isn't a pretty feeling. While your walking through your day you have this pain in your stomach and you see all the happy people around you.

    #1 your not ready to date if he is still on your mind constantly, which is okay time will mend this and you will be able to enjoy a date in the future.

    #2 Don't expect because he is already looking that he is entirely over you. Maybe he reacts to ending it differently. You already were looking recently as well and your still NOT over him.

    My advice: Just hang with friends, enjoy being in school, be spontaneous, and most importantly realize the good times you had with him and learn from the mistakes that were made.
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    Sep 11, 2012 12:14 PM GMT
    AleksandrD said he was already over me or was never into me at all. The break up email confirmed that.
    Any advice would be helpful!

    Breakup email?
    Breaking up by email means you're right, he was never into you. If he cared he'd say it in person. Painful to contemplate after the fact, but you are better off without someone like this.
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    Sep 11, 2012 12:31 PM GMT
    AleksandrD saidI know I've posted about my recent break up and how heartbroken it's left me. I feel like I'm going crazy tho... I fucken loved this guy and would have given anything to make him happy and satisfied; in other words, I would have given him the world! I hate that I haven't been able to eat in 2 weeks (I try, but then I vomit right after), I've only gotten 2-3 hours of sleep the past 2 weeks, and I can't stop crying (I wake up crying). I am really hurt and want it to stop.

    I went out on a date this weekend. He is such a great guy, attractive, lives on his own, really good job and set for life (only 24 years old), I mean, how many guys at that age are already set. Shit, my ex was living off disability from his motorcycle accident and is a fabricator. For some reason tho, I couldn't get my ex out of my head the entire date. I felt really bad because this guy was really into me and we actually had a good time, at the end of the night, he leaned in to kiss me and I pulled away. He apologized for being too forward and asked me out on a second date. I told him I'd let him know.

    I want to be like my ex on how he had no feelings afterwards. How he's managed to get over me so quickly and started dating (a4a, okcupid)... and yes, I realize if 2 days after the break up he was already looking, then that means he was already over me or was never into me at all. The break up email confirmed that.

    I really am trying with all my might to forget him, but a part of me still wants him back and pray/hopes he comes back... that he'll realize what a big mistake he did and will come back running. This isn't a movie tho and that will NEVER happen.

    I just want him out of my head and heart.. I'm sorry if I sound annoying or childish, but I'm sure many if not all of you have gone through a really bad break up where it left you heartbroken..

    Any advice would be helpful!


    I think you should just focus on yourself rather than looking to date again. You should take a break from dating until your ex leaves your mind. On the other hand you and your ex might get back together but don't expect it to definately happen. Just prefer being on your own until you get used to it and hang out with your friends, go to the movies with them.
  • DanOmatic

    Posts: 1155

    Sep 11, 2012 12:48 PM GMT
    ParkerDLamb saidI don't have much experience with breakups, but I do know that regardless, it'll be a long process of development and transformation.

    Breaking up and going along with change in any form is difficult.
    We're haunted by nostalgia, memories, social media connections, mutual friends, etc.. It's nearly impossible to say "out of sight, out of mind."

    In my case, sometimes even the smell of Loreal after shave brings me back to a bitter sweet time in my life when I was 17, deeply troubled, and head over heels in love with a guy. Back then, everything in my life and mind revolved around him. Then a year later, everything ended overnight.

    I know I was young, but I really loved him, and when everything ended overnight, everything in my life changed rapidly. The first few months were filled with waking up in cold sweats, nightmares, constant Facebook stalkings, thoughts about him that went in circles, etc.
    Then slowly but surely I began to establish a relationship with myself again. I developed new hobbies by myself, and with different people that took me out of my previous comfort zone, and allowed my to physically change the setting of my life, even if emotionally I still struggled to move on.
    Then I began to make peace with the struggle. I knew that what I was feeling was real, and I allowed myself to feel it. Don't stress and panic about how you're still in love and your life is turning in a scary direction, or how you're unhappy, newly lonely, etc., etc.. Embrace the temporary discomfort and allow yourself to cry, feel the pain, grieve, and process what's happening.
    Slowly start to live your life for YOU. Find a new interest, try a new recipe, learn a new language, take a trip, etc., ANYTHING that is a physical representation of growth and development.

    It's not easy and there's no way to sugar coat it. Two and a half years later and I still find myself listening to songs that remind me of who I once had close to me, having an occasional dream about him, etc.
    Once a love terminates, it can remain a ghost in your life.
    But with time, patience, and persistence, the ghost becomes less and less bothersome.

    Everything will be okay, and you are definitely not alone!



    Thumbs up, ParkerDLamb. There is something indescribable about embracing deep sadness and actually witnessing growth and wisdom on the other side. It does take a long time, and a lot of introspection. I would suggest that the OP not make the mistake that many men make and just sweep the emotions under the rug and get caught up in the cycle of hookups or rebound relationships. Doing that might numb the pain, but it will probably just land you back in the same spot down the road. Good luck!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 2:19 PM GMT

    "I want to be like my ex on how he had no feelings afterwards. How he's managed to get over me so quickly and started dating (a4a, okcupid)... and yes, I realize if 2 days after the break up he was already looking, then that means he was already over me or was never into me at all. The break up email confirmed that."

    But why would you want to be like the person who hurt you so badly, when you have a handsome and powerful heart that feels this ache so keenly, which is an indicator of how lucky someone will be in the future to have your love and will truly appreciate it and reciprocate in kind? icon_wink.gif

    Here's a hug, which is I know, small comfort in your sorrow, but all I can offer.

    *HUG*
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    Sep 11, 2012 2:34 PM GMT
    ParkerDLamb saidI don't have much experience with breakups, but I do know that regardless, it'll be a long process of development and transformation.

    Breaking up and going along with change in any form is difficult.
    We're haunted by nostalgia, memories, social media connections, mutual friends, etc.. It's nearly impossible to say "out of sight, out of mind."

    In my case, sometimes even the smell of Loreal after shave brings me back to a bitter sweet time in my life when I was 17, deeply troubled, and head over heels in love with a guy. Back then, everything in my life and mind revolved around him. Then a year later, everything ended overnight.

    I know I was young, but I really loved him, and when everything ended overnight, everything in my life changed rapidly. The first few months were filled with waking up in cold sweats, nightmares, constant Facebook stalkings, thoughts about him that went in circles, etc.
    Then slowly but surely I began to establish a relationship with myself again. I developed new hobbies by myself, and with different people that took me out of my previous comfort zone, and allowed my to physically change the setting of my life, even if emotionally I still struggled to move on.
    Then I began to make peace with the struggle. I knew that what I was feeling was real, and I allowed myself to feel it. Don't stress and panic about how you're still in love and your life is turning in a scary direction, or how you're unhappy, newly lonely, etc., etc.. Embrace the temporary discomfort and allow yourself to cry, feel the pain, grieve, and process what's happening.
    Slowly start to live your life for YOU. Find a new interest, try a new recipe, learn a new language, take a trip, etc., ANYTHING that is a physical representation of growth and development.

    It's not easy and there's no way to sugar coat it. Two and a half years later and I still find myself listening to songs that remind me of who I once had close to me, having an occasional dream about him, etc.
    Once a love terminates, it can remain a ghost in your life.
    But with time, patience, and persistence, the ghost becomes less and less bothersome.

    Everything will be okay, and you are definitely not alone!

    ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^
    THIS x 1000
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 2:54 PM GMT
    Relocating, building new bridges, and letting bygones by and gone.

    Don't get worked up about someone who doesn't give you the time of day or disses you in front of people important to them.

    Most of don't become like the person who hurt you.
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    Sep 11, 2012 3:52 PM GMT
    Caslon20000 said


    You're awesome for posting this!
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    Sep 11, 2012 3:52 PM GMT
    dude, i feel bad for the guy who went on a date with you. he is probably one of those guys will think. damn, why mean. what is the hell the matter with me. when in reality it was you. dude, you have no business trying to date anyone right now. i think you need to wait until you have gotten over your ex. why not just seek therapy or better yet just go out and have sex with a few guys to help you to get over him. ha ha ha
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 3:58 PM GMT
    You wont forget him till you find someone else who will replace and fill that empty spot.
    Sorry to hear youre going thru that.
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    Sep 11, 2012 4:10 PM GMT
    You are living in the past, the what-was. And you are living in the what-might-have-been. Every time you find yourself drifting towards those destructive directions, you need to pull yourself back to the here and now. What do you have going for you NOW? (It isn't your ex, byw.) Meanwhile at THIS MOMENT a hot wonderful young man is really into YOU! So where will you focus your attention?
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    Sep 11, 2012 9:29 PM GMT
    HFrenchM said
    AleksandrD said
    ChestArmMusclelover said
    Thanks, I really do appreciate it and I know... I made the biggest mistake of my life! I made him my priority while he made me his option. What sucks even more was, I lost my job on the same day so I was basically bombarded by drama and bad news all week. I am getting a little bit stronger as days go by, even if they are minuscule.


    Dude the bigger mistake of your life is that you are living in a other continent!
    Anyway, take care, time is your best friend!



    Hahahaha I know, I was actually thinking of moving back to France and get away from all of this bullshit!