To jerk or not to jerk...

  • jmr2298

    Posts: 5

    Sep 11, 2012 4:38 AM GMT
    Background: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week. Recently, a buddy of mine texted me asking if I'd be down to jerk off with him because he's over jerking it by himself and would have more fun if someone was doing it with him. He lives less than 10 minutes from me, and we have jerked off a few times in the past (before my boyfriend was in the picture), simply as two horny friends that didn't feel like rubbing on out alone. He knows I have since gotten a boyfriend and said that if we do anything, it's all on my terms, whether it's just watching porn/each other stroking, a little touching, helping each other out, etc.

    Problem: I kinda think it would be fun to have a buddy that lives closer to me to just jerk off with when we get horny. The issue is I don't really know if it would be right for me to do that since I have a long-term boyfriend, even if he does live 30 minutes away and we only see each other a few times a week, and even if it's just jerking it. I don't think it would hurt anyone since no one would really ever find out, but I also feel like it would be pretty dishonest if would try to hide it. I would never want to cheat on my boyfriend, and I feel like this situation kinda falls into a slight gray area in the realm of cheating; but I also feel like gray areas are the areas where people tend to get themselves into trouble. I told my friend that I need some time to think about it a little since I was kinda caught off guard by his question, but that he's not supposed to hold his breath about us getting together under these auspices.

    I kinda think I might already have my mind made up and know what you all might say, but I'd appreciate any suggestions/advice on the situation and how to proceed from here, regardless of your opinion. Thanks a lot.

    EDIT: This is my first relationship ever. Not just with a dude...ever, so I'm not exactly sure about some of the fine details. We just made things official in August. This other guy has been one of my close friends for a while, and we've jerked off together a bunch of times before, just as bros...nothing more than that. I didn't know if just watching porn with an old buddy and stroking your own dick was out of line. However I figured that since it isn't something I'd really want to tell my boyfriend about, it probably isn't something I should be doing. Just wanted to see if what the consensus was.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 4:59 AM GMT
    Don't do it.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 11, 2012 8:51 AM GMT
    All I can say is that's a very slippery slope you'd be on. Maybe it's not the world's biggest sin to merely jerk off in the presence of another guy, but it's easy to start getting handsy from there. Regardless, keeping secrets from your boyfriend in general is always a shitty road to go down.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 11:18 AM GMT
    How does this fall in the grey area of cheating? You intend to lie to your boyfriend while you jerk off another guy. It is cheating. It's lying. You're old enough to know better.

    edit: And your profile says single and looking for hook ups. Break up with your boyfriend. He deserves not to have his time wasted by dishonest cheaters.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 11:34 AM GMT
    It's not kind of dishonest, it is dishonest.

    You should have a discussion with your bf about what commitment means to the two of you before you even consider this. Perhaps he will be ok with jacking off only. Or if not, maybe camming, or sending sexy messages to other guys. Or perhaps not. But you'll never know unless you talk about it. And if you can't talk about it, don't do it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 11:46 AM GMT
    Doing a sexual act with another male when having a boyfriend and hiding it.
    If that isn't cheating I don't know what is.

    You've made up your mind, don't do it. If you hadn't made up your mind you might have asked him but you know what his response will be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 11:47 AM GMT
    FuriousGeorge saidAll I can say is that's a very slippery slope you'd be on. Maybe it's not the world's biggest sin to merely jerk off in the presence of another guy, but it's easy to start getting handsy from there. Regardless, keeping secrets from your boyfriend in general is always a shitty road to go down.


    preach
  • FireDoor211

    Posts: 1030

    Sep 11, 2012 11:54 AM GMT
    Is run it past the boyfriend first, and see if he's cool with it. If he finds out the hard way (and he will find out) its going to make things that much harder for u. See if he's cool with it and if you respect him honor his reaction.
  • Koaa2

    Posts: 1556

    Sep 11, 2012 12:00 PM GMT
    Cheating is such a loaded, ambiguous over used term in our society. How did cumming with another person become such a big deal, religion of course, which fucks with so many people.

    You and your BF will need to discuss this and set some ground rules for yourselves, no one but the 2 of you should decide what is the best for your relationship. If you both decide you want to jack or whatever, with others, it should be perfectly fine for the 2 of you.

    Enjoy
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 12:01 PM GMT
    Its pretty much as simple as what FireDoor and some others above have said. You obviously feel the need to hide it from him, so you clearly know that its not something he'd approve of. Whether you call it cheating or not, you're doing something that you already know you shouldn't be by even asking the question.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 12:03 PM GMT
    If you don't feel like you could tell your boyfriend about it, I wouldn't do it.


    -AND-

    JprichvaI'm just curious to know how such invitations are issued.

    "Mr. John Smith requests the presence of your penis for a small, informal gathering.

    Light refreshments will be served.

    RSVP, and please note whether you will be using your left or right hand."


    LMAO....It's been my experience that the invitations happen between tops more often than bottoms. I have a small group of "friends" that when anal isn't an option, jerking with a friend or two is the next best thing.

    After this understanding is reached, the invite itself is usually something along the lines of:

    You horny? Me too. I have this porn you might like...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 12:09 PM GMT
    Koaa2 saidCheating is such a loaded, ambiguous over used term in our society. How did cumming with another person become such a big deal, religion of course, which fucks with so many people.

    You and your BF will need to discuss this and set some ground rules for yourselves, no one but the 2 of you should decide what is the best for your relationship. If you both decide you want to jack or whatever, with others, it should be perfectly fine for the 2 of you.

    Enjoy



    cumming with another person did not become a big deal because of religion .... rather emotion. Everybody wants to feel special and loved... cumming with another person doesn't really give a good sign of respect in that area. However open relationships may work if people decide they want to have sex with other people.

    I'd rather keep the most intimate part of my life private between my boyfriend and I.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 12:10 PM GMT
    I would discuss this with the BF first and set ground rules. But if you do it and hide it, it's cheating and being dishonest.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 12:10 PM GMT
    I can't figure out a way to justify it without doing some serious mental gymnastics. That combined with the fact that it's not something you are asking your bf about should indicate the answer is a resounding no.
  • sloughwest

    Posts: 210

    Sep 11, 2012 12:12 PM GMT
    Koaa2 saidCheating is such a loaded, ambiguous over used term in our society. How did cumming with another person become such a big deal, religion of course, which fucks with so many people.

    You and your BF will need to discuss this and set some ground rules for yourselves, no one but the 2 of you should decide what is the best for your relationship. If you both decide you want to jack or whatever, with others, it should be perfectly fine for the 2 of you.

    Enjoy


    +1
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 11, 2012 12:18 PM GMT
    Some of the things we discuss on this site can really give me a chuckle.

    If you are seriously dating someone or in a committed relationship, don't be a "jerk" and "jerk off" with someone else. Not calling the OP a jerk, but I do think you need to seriously consider what is being said..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 12:20 PM GMT
    Koaa2 saidCheating is such a loaded, ambiguous over used term in our society. How did cumming with another person become such a big deal, religion of course, which fucks with so many people.

    You and your BF will need to discuss this and set some ground rules for yourselves, no one but the 2 of you should decide what is the best for your relationship. If you both decide you want to jack or whatever, with others, it should be perfectly fine for the 2 of you.

    Enjoy



    Shocking. Guys with open relationships think the term cheating is overused. Your relationship works for you. Let those of us that want honest, monogamous relationships do our thing too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 12:26 PM GMT
    uoft23 saidHow does this fall in the grey area of cheating? You intend to lie to your boyfriend while you jerk off another guy. It is cheating. It's lying. You're old enough to know better.

    edit: And your profile says single and looking for hook ups. Break up with your boyfriend. He deserves not to have his time wasted by dishonest cheaters.


    This.

    Or... if you really feel like this is something you want to pursue, man up and talk to your boyfriend about it. If you can't be honest with him about things like that, you shouldn't be together.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 12:30 PM GMT
    Don't ask us..ask your boyfriend..see what he says!
    OP with all due respect...I think you are an extremely poor example of integrity and virtue!..

    I think you are attempting to use this forum to level with your greed and your fickle conscience..

    If you can’t see that what you are attempting is wrong… You might have WAY more issues than you realize!

    Let me help you to do something you are clearly not good at doing! THINKING!

    Your future jerk off buddy has ABSOLTELY No Respect for you...or your boyfriend!...and neither do you! And why should he?
    The fact that you are entertaining this idea makes you..well..WEAK!

    Let me help you along… I say DO IT!!!...I think you should !!!
    Sabotage your relationship early..so it can end early …so your boyfriend can find someone loyal, someone better and for starters…. someone with a conscience!..

    A 30 minute drive is the baseline for conflict?...Really???... I drove 1hour 15 minutes each way.. five days a week… for two years,.. to a job I absolutely hated !...

    I’m sorry my post was harsh… Come on dude???..this is a no brainer..FUCK NO… DON’T DO IT !!!



  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 12:42 PM GMT
    Jerking with someone else might not exactly be cheating .. but why cross that fine line anyway just for a few minutes.. don't do it.
  • Twenty_Someth...

    Posts: 1388

    Sep 11, 2012 12:53 PM GMT
    If you feel bad about it you probably shouldn't be doing it... Trust your guts, not your nuts!icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 1:00 PM GMT
    Shell saidJerking with someone else might not exactly be cheating .. but why cross that fine line anyway just for a few minutes.. don't do it.


    facepalm111.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 1:06 PM GMT
    if you find yourself justifying.... then you know what the answer is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 1:10 PM GMT
    jmr2298 saidBackground: I currently have a boyfriend of one year. Things are going extremely well and I'm extremely happy with our relationship. Love him a lot. We live about 30 minutes apart right now and see each other 2-3 times a week.[...]


    Thirty minutes is like nothing. It's maybe a short to average commute by train in the City.
    If the guy's your BF, get together with him more often and realize your priorities. ... or break up with him and set distance restrictions to be your BF.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 11, 2012 1:15 PM GMT
    The only way to know for sure is if you discuss it with your boyfriend first. If you're going to hide jerking off with your friend, it seems like you know that you're doing something wrong.