Being Into Your Buddies

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 3:34 PM GMT
    All of my good male friends are straight, and coincidentally the majority of them (for years) have fit into "my type." That's not by design--it has more to do with the grounds on which I meet them (gym-atmosphere, bodybuilders and athletes). We have a lot in common, which is how our friendships start.

    I've spent years trying to obey a strict, "DO NOT LOOK AT YOUR FRIENDS 'LIKE THAT'" policy. It always seemed to me to be a level of disrespect and a violation of trust. Even aware of the fact that I'm gay, all of my closest friends (who are variations on the alpha-male theme) have always gotten to a point where they've let their guard down and allowed themselves to be a close friend without allowing the fact that I'm gay to put walls up between us. I feel lucky for that, and to look at them otherwise has always seemed to be a violation.

    Obviously, I'm human. I'm into big dudes. My friends are all huge dudes, with hearts of gold, who care about me a lot. I'd have to be a eunuch to not get some warm fuzzies from time to time, and even on a much more basic level, to think, "Damn, he's hot..."

    I personally strongly disagree with the idea, 'If it feels good, do it," as well as the mantra, "If you don't like it, fuck off." There are certain ideals of respect and consideration that need to come into play that put a leash on the ID. Forming meaningful friendships with men I have things in common with (who happen to be straight) is far more important than filing something away to beat off to later.

    Once in a blue moon I'll find myself with feelings for a buddy, something I'm grown-up enough to accept as an impossibility and not allow it to ruin the friendship.

    Anyone else have any thoughts on this? Is checking out a friend the end of the world as I've always felt it is?
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    Sep 11, 2012 4:00 PM GMT
    Entertaining the occasional fantasy about and/or feeling the odd pang of attraction about friends, particularly unavailable ones, is probably normal. It's not as if friends are family, mantra notwithstanding.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 11, 2012 5:05 PM GMT
    I have a chronic problem with this. My social circle is loaded with my ideal dating type (except for the fact that ... they're not gay icon_rolleyes.gif ). As far as looking, I feel no guilt about that. I don't LEER at them, but hey, I'll admire. Other than that, I just make myself available for any fleeting feelings of bi-curiosity on their part, haha. But you're right, it's more important to keep the friendship, so museum rules apply: look but don't touch.
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    Sep 11, 2012 8:41 PM GMT
    The frustration can be overwhelming at times, but I just can't seem to make ugly friends, so I just keep biting my tongue and refusing to get drunk with them.
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    Sep 11, 2012 8:56 PM GMT
    It works in phases for me. It could end in either be friends or boyfriends in the end. Fwb, isn't good enough passed a one night thing.
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    Sep 11, 2012 9:09 PM GMT
    Yeah its kinda hard to get used to it. Then again a lot of people who get friendzoned probably suffer the same kind of fate. I'm still having a trouble figuring out if some of them really are straight tho. As far as I can see, its pretty easy to stay under the radar.
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    Sep 11, 2012 11:02 PM GMT
    It can get awkward..well if you let it!..
    OP sounds like you are doing just fine..!
    ..It seems you are a respectful, empathetic guy.. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 11:08 PM GMT
    I don't have any straight friends or plenty of female friends. Everyone I know, with perhaps the exception of one person, is someone that I could not be with because I have no attraction to them that way. I'm usually the one that is 'chased after' and have to put my foot down and say, "No. I don't want this of us."