Going to a party...alone? Eek.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 11, 2012 11:22 PM GMT
    I'm curious to hear anyone elses stories and how they managed to get through these types of events.

    So I'm kind of dating someone at the moment - nothing serious. We haven't even touched each other. Anyways, he's been massively busy at work this week and this past weekend so we haven't been able to see each other. On top of that, I go to Atlantic City this Sunday through Monday.

    It's his birthday this Tuesday and he's having a party at his house this Saturday. I have no idea how many friends. Though he admits by the time he asked me to come, he's already going to be drunk (admittedly, I'm nervous about that as well since I want everything to work out and go smoothly, not too fast and at the same time I don't want to seem like a prude or stand offish in my sober state) anyway...I have never met any of these people. I have no idea what to expect. A total unknown going to this party.

    Oh and should I bring something? I've only been talking to him for almost three weeks.

    Help. icon_neutral.gif
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    Sep 11, 2012 11:32 PM GMT
    If your fear is going alone, then bring a friend to accompany you.
    But ask the host if it's okay to bring a plus one.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 11, 2012 11:32 PM GMT
    Bring alcohol.
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    Sep 12, 2012 12:33 AM GMT
    Neight saidIf your fear is going alone, then bring a friend to accompany you.
    But ask the host if it's okay to bring a plus one.

    Yeeeah. Not happening. I have to rip the people I know a new for them to come to a party they were invited to (aka my sisters wedding...in a year).

    But yeah. Alcohol. Thats what I was thinking. He has a fondness for Sangria though.
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    Sep 12, 2012 12:39 AM GMT
    IceBucket saidI'm curious to hear anyone elses stories and how they managed to get through these types of events.

    So I'm kind of dating someone at the moment - nothing serious. We haven't even touched each other. Anyways, he's been massively busy at work this week and this past weekend so we haven't been able to see each other. On top of that, I go to Atlantic City this Sunday through Monday.

    It's his birthday this Tuesday and he's having a party at his house this Saturday. I have no idea how many friends. Though he admits by the time he asked me to come, he's already going to be drunk (admittedly, I'm nervous about that as well since I want everything to work out and go smoothly, not too fast and at the same time I don't want to seem like a prude or stand offish in my sober state) anyway...I have never met any of these people. I have no idea what to expect. A total unknown going to this party.



    Hate to break it to you but it heavily sounds like he doesn't see you as someone he's dating or on the road to a relationship with.
  • Vaughn

    Posts: 1880

    Sep 12, 2012 12:51 AM GMT
    IceBucket saidI'm curious to hear anyone elses stories and how they managed to get through these types of events.

    So I'm kind of dating someone at the moment - nothing serious. We haven't even touched each other. Anyways, he's been massively busy at work this week and this past weekend so we haven't been able to see each other. On top of that, I go to Atlantic City this Sunday through Monday.

    It's his birthday this Tuesday and he's having a party at his house this Saturday. I have no idea how many friends. Though he admits by the time he asked me to come, he's already going to be drunk (admittedly, I'm nervous about that as well since I want everything to work out and go smoothly, not too fast and at the same time I don't want to seem like a prude or stand offish in my sober state) anyway...I have never met any of these people. I have no idea what to expect. A total unknown going to this party.

    Oh and should I bring something? I've only been talking to him for almost three weeks.

    Help. icon_neutral.gif


    When I first move to a new place I go out to the bars alone. It forces you to meet new people and encourages people to approach you.
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    Sep 12, 2012 1:07 AM GMT
    Ariodante said
    IceBucket saidI'm curious to hear anyone elses stories and how they managed to get through these types of events.

    So I'm kind of dating someone at the moment - nothing serious. We haven't even touched each other. Anyways, he's been massively busy at work this week and this past weekend so we haven't been able to see each other. On top of that, I go to Atlantic City this Sunday through Monday.

    It's his birthday this Tuesday and he's having a party at his house this Saturday. I have no idea how many friends. Though he admits by the time he asked me to come, he's already going to be drunk (admittedly, I'm nervous about that as well since I want everything to work out and go smoothly, not too fast and at the same time I don't want to seem like a prude or stand offish in my sober state) anyway...I have never met any of these people. I have no idea what to expect. A total unknown going to this party.



    Hate to break it to you but it heavily sounds like he doesn't see you as someone he's dating or on the road to a relationship with.

    I believe otherwise due to the content of our conversations...but regardless...yes, I know. Actions speak louder then words. But it's not like he was lying about being busy...usually he'll send me some sort of photographic evidence of whats going on...for some reason. Again, regardless. If my hopes are dashed then thats another thread for another time. icon_cool.gif

    VaughnWhen I first move to a new place I go out to the bars alone. It forces you to meet new people and encourages people to approach you.

    I've managed to go into a foreign place by myself and returned with...very little success in the socializing and meeting new people department. Hence the thread.
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    Sep 12, 2012 2:19 AM GMT
    IceBucket said... He has a fondness for Sangria though.


    Ahhh, Sangria! I remember when I was in college. There was this straight guy in the dorm who used to hang out with several of us. He was amazingly hot with a strong jaw, black wavy hair and the most stunning deep blue eyes. He said once that he loved sangria.

    I made sure I kept some in my dorm fridge. It was my own special blend. 1 part sweet red wine, 1 part fruit, 1 part Everclear. It was so tasty and so effective.

    We fucked.

    Bring sangria, OP. Bring sangria.
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    Sep 12, 2012 2:58 AM GMT
    OP how about a short stay at his party..and have a Belated B-day lunch/ dinner with him Sunday??

    ..You can make a short stop at this party..and then hang with him Sunday when he is sober..greeting him with a non alchoholic gift!?
  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Sep 12, 2012 3:01 AM GMT
    bring a 5th of vodka and have fun, boo!
    Life is meant to be lived!

    Do yo thang. Be frendly, funny, etc...

    this will be a test....to see if u can mingle with his friends and also to see if his friends like you. Just relax and have fun baby
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    Sep 12, 2012 4:09 AM GMT
    If you go through your life knowing exactly what to expect at any given moment, I feel sorry for you.

    At the very least, bring a card.
    And yourself (meaning go to the party!)
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    Sep 12, 2012 4:17 AM GMT
    Kinda sounds like a recipe for disaster.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Sep 12, 2012 4:21 AM GMT
    I wouldn't have any issues with it, but I'm not involved with the guy, it would be more out of curiosity. I think even if I were dating him, I'd try and keep a laid back view of it all and go with the flow. If things become uncomfortable, you can always depart so long as you have put in an appearance.

    Remember this... you get to see this guy you've been dating in his natural habitat.. friends, drinking... you want to see what he's about ... just watch...
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    Sep 12, 2012 4:25 AM GMT
    Bring a mutual friend and some drinks.

    Have fun.
  • FuriousGeorge

    Posts: 181

    Sep 12, 2012 5:15 AM GMT
    With the last guy I was dating, it wasn't long after we started seeing each other that I found myself at his friend's birthday party -- 30+ of his friends, and I knew no one. What's worse, HE was in charge of running the show, so he was busy all night, and I was on my own. At that point I had a choice: I could either slink in the shadows and engage in timid conversation, or I could just go balls-to-the-wall and treat everyone like they were my best friends. Obviously it's more difficult, but I chose the latter, and everyone was surprised at how well I assimilated.

    Sometimes the easiest way through an ocean wave is to dive headlong into it before it breaks.

  • Sep 12, 2012 8:24 AM GMT
    Oh honey show up have a drink to calm your nerves and remember if you think you're trying too hard whether it be in conversation or looking relaxed or fitting into the situation you probably are. Take a deep breath relax and just go with it the reality is he's your friend too and the other friends don't need to know the full extent of your relationship so you're there as a friend to celebrate a birthday. Take a breath be yourself and just walk in like you are supposed to be there. Introduce yourself to some people mingle get him alone for just a moment whatever you need to but you're there for him and no one else...
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    Sep 12, 2012 3:34 PM GMT
    The trick here is to simply out do him. When you show up, you need to be more drunk than him. Now I mean blacked out, shit faced drunk to the point where people won't remember the night for his birthday. Rather, they'll remember the naked unknown guy who climbed on top of the roof and roared like he was king kong on thr empire state building. Oh, and if he has pet fish, be sure to serve them up like sushi, or to flush them down the toilet and claim that youre saving Nemo.
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    Sep 14, 2012 1:58 PM GMT
    Ariodante said
    IceBucket saidI'm curious to hear anyone elses stories and how they managed to get through these types of events.

    So I'm kind of dating someone at the moment - nothing serious. We haven't even touched each other. Anyways, he's been massively busy at work this week and this past weekend so we haven't been able to see each other. On top of that, I go to Atlantic City this Sunday through Monday.

    It's his birthday this Tuesday and he's having a party at his house this Saturday. I have no idea how many friends. Though he admits by the time he asked me to come, he's already going to be drunk (admittedly, I'm nervous about that as well since I want everything to work out and go smoothly, not too fast and at the same time I don't want to seem like a prude or stand offish in my sober state) anyway...I have never met any of these people. I have no idea what to expect. A total unknown going to this party.



    Hate to break it to you but it heavily sounds like he doesn't see you as someone he's dating or on the road to a relationship with.

    ....hate to say it but I was wrong. And I think you were right. Not just relationship wise but friendship wise as well. icon_sad.gif

    No communication whatsoever since Monday night. Only a "Night ;)" after a day without convo and a "Hey" the next morning followed by a "Read a t 10:41 AM" receipt for my reply.

    I'm...confused. It's like he went to bed Monday and woke up Tuesday a different person.
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    Sep 14, 2012 2:01 PM GMT
    ^ I'm really sorry to hear that, but the grand majority of men display the exact same signs and behavior when they really don't care about you and only see you as a half option.
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    Sep 14, 2012 2:16 PM GMT
    Still don't understand what changed between Monday night and Tuesday morning. icon_neutral.gif
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    Sep 14, 2012 2:25 PM GMT
    IceBucket saidStill don't understand what changed between Monday night and Tuesday morning. icon_neutral.gif


    you'd be surprised how many gay men can do a total 180 with no explanation.

    he doesn't sound that stable (not speaking mentally, just more broadly where he's at in life). I don't know if I'd want a relationship with someone like that
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Sep 14, 2012 2:29 PM GMT
    IceBucket saidStill don't understand what changed between Monday night and Tuesday morning. icon_neutral.gif


    Call him? Or is that too old-school?
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Sep 14, 2012 2:47 PM GMT
    this guy has seen amazing qualities in you...so much so he asked you to his party to show ya off...with all this...why would ya doubt yourself?????
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    Sep 14, 2012 2:50 PM GMT
    homastj said
    IceBucket saidStill don't understand what changed between Monday night and Tuesday morning. icon_neutral.gif


    you'd be surprised how many gay men can do a total 180 with no explanation.

    he doesn't sound that stable (not speaking mentally, just more broadly where he's at in life). I don't know if I'd want a relationship with someone like that

    No, he's stable. Great job at the hospital. Just also that fire department and class shit.

    ohioguy12Call him? Or is that too old-school?

    I'm going to call him tonight. There stil a tiny sliver of hope that I'm just being paranoid and this is just a misunderstanding. But I am going to first off say that I don't think it would be wise to attend his birthday party since it's too soon to meet his drunk self and friends and that I want to get to know HIM better before embarking on meeting his people and with that ask if it's all right with him for us to get to know each other better.

    Thereby, it gives him a chance to back out and be square with me. I'd rather be rejected flat out then brushed aside - give me that much dignity at least. And also makes me look less needy by saying take it slower.
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    Sep 14, 2012 8:49 PM GMT
    IceBucket said
    Thereby, it gives him a chance to back out and be square with me. I'd rather be rejected flat out then brushed aside - give me that much dignity at least.


    Don't hold your breath on that. 99.9% of guys would rather rip their own eyeball out thand confront someone and honestly tell them they're not into them and don't want to proceed further. Seriously they will move land and earth to avoid this.