What's wrong with me, Why am I like this.

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    Sep 13, 2012 5:21 AM GMT
    I am one of those overly sensitive people. It bothers me when people talk about me and say negative things and when people do bad things. I recently had a blowup and quit my job because of drama. I couldnt take the negative things people were saying. It really hurts my feelings and my heart, as well as break my spirit. I have enough going on in my life, I dont want to deal with mean people.


    Everyone says I should get use to negativity in the world whether in the workplace or anywhere else, but I just hate it. I know theres nothing I can do about it, but I let it get to me so badly. I care alot. Not just what people think of me but I want everyone to get along and be nice and happy.

    I hate disliking people, I hate having bad feelings for others. I hate when people think badly of me.

    I just want to be a good person and I want everyone around me to be good people as well but when it doesnt go that way I take it to heart.

    I blame myself when people dont like me.

    I just feel like...no matter what I do when someone has something bad to say, I take it as something being wrong with me.

    I already expressed being bullied by my family and its like everything negative that is said to me I take it to heart and feel like I should change. I let what people say get to me, and when you feel like that couple with a zero self esteem...I just hate myself.

    I want to be someone else.

    I want to break free...what can I do?
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    Sep 13, 2012 5:33 AM GMT
    You are a kindred spirit and a kind soul. icon_smile.gif There isn't a thing wrong about you. Such compassion and sincerity can be a curse but I'd like to also see it as a blessing. I can relate to you in many parts, especially when feeling bad about oneself when others talk about me and say such belligerent/childish things.

    Kindness and Unkindness are things which one must deal within in life. You cannot escape from it, Jamie. Perhaps you should ask yourself "For what reason am I being bothered by this?" I often ask myself these questions and go down a train of other queries such as, "Should I really be worried if a person didn't appreciate what I had to say? Was it provoked by something he/she stated or was I being belligerent?"

    You basically survey and assess the situation and try to seek out the cause for the provocation. Basically, your objective should be to find balance or harmony in your actions and theirs-- after all, we're all connected through causality. If someone should do you wrong Jamie, you should not tolerate it. You should stand up for yourself and not allow yourself to be torn apart by their words and actions-- especially because they are human, just like you! While they may be too busy bullying you from their pulplit trying to stroke their own egoes and bathe in your insecurity while writhing in their own, you must learn now to channel their aggression and remain assertive, calm, and collected.

    Honey bunny, it's not your fault if you cannot make everyone happy. icon_smile.gif You were not born to become everyone's go-to man, to be the person that everyone loves, or to play everyone's martyr. You are you. Celebrate that rather than allowing others to trample all over it and make short work of your existence.

    Remember, NO human being has the right to decide whether you are "good enough, worthy, inferior".

    Learn to love yourself, be patient and kind to yourself, and know you too are a beautiful man regardless of what ugliness and filth others spill out. icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 13, 2012 6:05 AM GMT
    You really are amazing and I value what you have to say I meant to tell you that awhile ago but forgot,


    However,

    it's like when I hear certain things said about me, alot of times I believe. I am easily torn apart because I feel like if it wasnt true then why would people say it. Being a black gay in Alabama has been a curse, and apart of me just wants to fit in and be "just like everyone else" and "liked".

    I would never treat anyone else badly because I know how bad it feels, but I thought I would be over this by now, but it seems like I am still that little boy who was crying in the bathroom stall because no one liked him.

    Apart of me truly despises being different. Diversity is beautiful but it doesnt seem as so when you are berated, disrespected and beat because of it.

    Just like at work, it's hard enough for a black gay man to make "guy" friends and alabama, and my co workers told a guy I liked him...when I never said anything of the sort, they talked about me all the time, and it made our friendship suffer, and its alrdy hard to make friends with straight guys where I am from.


    and when I said it bothered me, they said I was just being to sensitive.

    I feel like the guy who is always made fun of and disreguarded. SOmetimes it bothers me being nice, and sensistive. I something wish I didn;t care, but I pride myself in being a good person and a good character that it makes me feel bad and cry when people say otherwise.

    I am not the cute, hot, handsome one.
    I am not rich
    I am not cool
    I am not that smart
    I am not anything really...

    so I feel like my kindness and sensesistivity, trustworthiness, self respect,DIGNITY, compassion etc are all I have...and when people try to take that away for me...

    i feel like I am being devalued in a sense...
    I wish it didnt hurt me so badly but it does.

    I love people so hard, and treat everyone with so much respect...
    so why...why can't I seem to find one person that treats me like that.

    Theres not one person in this entire world that I feel comfortable around 100 percent. I trying not to cry just typing this...but why can't I find someone who will just...i dont know.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Sep 13, 2012 6:14 AM GMT
    you are a tortured artist ... you need to find what sort of art you are good at and immerse yourself in your work, whether it be painting, sculpture or writing, etc.
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    Sep 13, 2012 6:24 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidyou are a tortured artist ... you need to find what sort of art you are good at and immerse yourself in your work, whether it be painting, sculpture or writing, etc.


    I'm already a published author.

    Gay romances.
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    Sep 13, 2012 6:29 AM GMT
    Then let me remind you once again, as I did before. Save this message, print it out, and post it somewhere in the wall so you may see it when you wake up:

    You're worth it.

    You always are and always have been. I've heard much myself, slanders so profane and thick, make not only my ears bleed but my soul weep. Being "gay" and "black" is a curse but so too can be "bi" and "Muslim" or "bi" and "Persian/Arab" in Texas. We try to fit in but we're constantly pushed out and pulled in by the undertow created by the void of disparity.

    It can be a curse, if you remind yourself of only the bad-- or-- it can be a blessing that you can't see yet because your eyes are heavy and clouded by the prejudice that surrounds you.

    The trash that is in DFW preferentially selects men of the like, in my opinion. I cannot be the strongest man, my body is not build like the member Cash on RJ. I will never be Cash but I never will accept that I will be "ugly" because people don't like what I offer. I am not worthless because I am not white, blue/green eyed, with blonde/dirty blonde hair. The standard which they believe is "beauty" is not me but it doesn't have to be-- even if I may consider to be attractive.

    I'd date a man and count my blessings if he was compassionate than a man who was insincere.

    You are compassionate, you are gentle, and you are tender. There is no reason to blame yourself for being these things for the world would NOT be a better place if you were jaded, angry, vindicative, and hateful. The world marches on and leaves you behind in your anguish with a care.

    If a person kicks you and you fall, you pick yourself and tell yourself you're worth it; to not to let it happen again because you deserve better in your life. It isn't hot air, it isn't fluff. It is giving yourself mercy, to be patient, to be kind, and respectful to your own heart and love yourself for both your strengths and your weaknesses. icon_smile.gif

    You don't have to be "cute", "hot", "handsome". You just have to be you-- which is beautiful. icon_smile.gif

    You don't have to be "rich." You just have to be happy with what you got or strive to change it because you want to. icon_smile.gif

    You don't have to be "cool" because we're no longer in high school. icon_smile.gif

    You don't have to be "smart" and know everything in order to be intelligent. You are blessed with a mind and can think for yourself. It is a gift. Savor it. icon_smile.gif

    You don't have to be anything really... anything really but just yourself. icon_biggrin.gif


    So, go ahead, love yourself not because I'm telling you to or someone else. Love yourself because you deserve that love. icon_smile.gif
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    Sep 13, 2012 11:36 AM GMT
    What others think of me is none of my business. This is something I live by.

    If you are dependent on what others think of you, you are codependent. It's the worst addiction of all.

    Criticizing yourself is nothing more than arrogance. Not only is it saying you are not good enough; it's also saying everyone around you is no good either. It is a function of the ego, that fragile fantasy of ourselves where happiness can never be found.

    One day you may find yourself in enough pain to finally let go of that.
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    Sep 13, 2012 11:49 AM GMT
    How about not giving a fuck about those who don't matter? Works for me.

    Ps I know it's easier said than done but it's a process.
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    Sep 14, 2012 3:30 AM GMT
    Jamie...You and I are "Social Sponges"...We have the ability to absorb every single vibration in our environment...

    ..The problem you are having is...You absorb everything negative to the point where you are applying all of it to yourself...(I was guilty of this also)

    ..Now being a "Social Sponge" is really a gift... You have the ability to choose what to absorb..! How long to retain it..and when to ."Squeeze"..or purge yourself...!

    Stay with me!

    ...At this point in your life you seem to be absorbing everything negative!
    But I’m sorry to tell you this is your choice!

    ...The next time you find yourself in ANY environment..take a long look around and identify all the positive things you see about it..and embrace it!..
    ...Make this a daily practice.... and see what it does to you!!!

    BTW.. I have been following your posts..This is what you and I have in common.. We absorb..and absorb..we become over saturated and then we lose it?..We take the oversaturation and we start drowning in it.. Am I right??

    ..Now.. I have a few years on you.. and I have become better at handling it..But there are 2 days every month where i do not leave my bedroom.. I actually refuse to deal with the world.. After those 2 days "The Squeeze" i am out about and the process starts all over again!..

    No Jamie.. You cannot control All the negativity in the world..and you shouldn't let it control you! I say this because it is completely warping you..and your self esteem!!...Start looking really hard for all the positives?... If you tell me there are non..You’re not looking hard enough!

    ..For starters you have your health ..strength..and strangers across the globe that are posting here right now..wishing they could give you a Giant Hug... icon_biggrin.gif


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    Sep 14, 2012 4:19 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidJamie...You and I are "Social Sponges"...We have the ability to absorb every single vibration in our environment...

    ..The problem you are having is...You absorb everything negative to the point where you are applying all of it to yourself...(I was guilty of this also)

    ..Now being a "Social Sponge" is really a gift... You have the ability to choose what to absorb..! How long to retain it..and when to ."Squeeze"..or purge yourself...!

    Stay with me!

    ...At this point in your life you seem to be absorbing everything negative!
    But I’m sorry to tell you this is your choice!

    ...The next time you find yourself in ANY environment..take a long look around and identify all the positive things you see about it..and embrace it!..
    ...Make this a daily practice.... and see what it does to you!!!

    BTW.. I have been following your posts..This is what you and I have in common.. We absorb..and absorb..we become over saturated and then we lose it?..We take the oversaturation and we start drowning in it.. Am I right??

    ..Now.. I have a few years on you.. and I have become better at handling it..But there are 2 days every month where i do not leave my bedroom.. I actually refuse to deal with the world.. After those 2 days "The Squeeze" i am out about and the process starts all over again!..

    No Jamie.. You cannot control All the negativity in the world..and you shouldn't let it control you! I say this because it is completely warping you..and your self esteem!!...Start looking really hard for all the positives?... If you tell me there are non..You’re not looking hard enough!

    ..For starters you have your health ..strength..and strangers across the globe that are posting here right now..wishing they could give you a Giant Hug... icon_biggrin.gif


    *looks at this post in awe*

    -Doug
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    Sep 14, 2012 5:37 AM GMT
    meninlove said
    Anocxu saidJamie...You and I are "Social Sponges"...We have the ability to absorb every single vibration in our environment...

    ..The problem you are having is...You absorb everything negative to the point where you are applying all of it to yourself...(I was guilty of this also)

    ..Now being a "Social Sponge" is really a gift... You have the ability to choose what to absorb..! How long to retain it..and when to ."Squeeze"..or purge yourself...!

    Stay with me!

    ...At this point in your life you seem to be absorbing everything negative!
    But I’m sorry to tell you this is your choice!

    ...The next time you find yourself in ANY environment..take a long look around and identify all the positive things you see about it..and embrace it!..
    ...Make this a daily practice.... and see what it does to you!!!

    BTW.. I have been following your posts..This is what you and I have in common.. We absorb..and absorb..we become over saturated and then we lose it?..We take the oversaturation and we start drowning in it.. Am I right??

    ..Now.. I have a few years on you.. and I have become better at handling it..But there are 2 days every month where i do not leave my bedroom.. I actually refuse to deal with the world.. After those 2 days "The Squeeze" i am out about and the process starts all over again!..

    No Jamie.. You cannot control All the negativity in the world..and you shouldn't let it control you! I say this because it is completely warping you..and your self esteem!!...Start looking really hard for all the positives?... If you tell me there are non..You’re not looking hard enough!

    ..For starters you have your health ..strength..and strangers across the globe that are posting here right now..wishing they could give you a Giant Hug... icon_biggrin.gif


    *looks at this post in awe*

    -Doug

    That is some perspective he's got there... what a guy. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 14, 2012 11:29 PM GMT
    How is Jamie doing?