Having to let a friend go...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2012 9:06 AM GMT
    ... is one of the hardest things to do, especially when you care about them. I feel sadness for doing this to someone who I called friend, but I know, it was for the better. I keep on telling myself that it was for the good of each other.

    It still hurts though, it still hurts. icon_cry.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2012 1:57 PM GMT
    Especially when your friend is toxic or you guys keep butting heads.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2012 2:33 PM GMT
    friend divorce is hard but sometimes necessary.

    I was just talking with another friend about this the other day... sometimes friendships are harder than relationships... because at least when something goes wrong with a relationship, you have "love" to catch you as a safety net. when friends upset you, it's a lot harder to justify why you shouldn't cut them loose.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2012 2:40 PM GMT
    homastj saidfriend divorce is hard but sometimes necessary.

    I was just talking with another friend about this the other day... sometimes friendships are harder than relationships... because at least when something goes wrong with a relationship, you have "love" to catch you as a safety net. when friends upset you, it's a lot harder to justify why you shouldn't cut them loose.


    But isn't love what defines the difference between a true friend and say an acquaintance.

    BTW - sorry you are having to go thru that ParadiseLost
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2012 2:45 PM GMT
    yeah, but I don't think I will ever love a friend as strongly as someone in a relationship. friendships just have that inherent kind of "block" that keeps it from getting that far.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2012 2:47 PM GMT
    Yeah. I guess you are right about that. But I still consider it a safety net to overcome things that may quickly end any other type of relationship.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2012 2:48 PM GMT
    Sometimes it's for the best..!
    I've had a few friends Completely drag me down!..
    Some people are just not worth the risk!..

    Paradise..you are young..quite mature..So look at it this way!..
    Your friend has some growing to do.. At this point in your lives..you cannot grow together..you have to do it separately!

    ..You are doing this because you care..not out of spite or jealousy!

    ..Maybe later in life there is always the possibility of a reunion!?

    Btw.. i think you are a Real Jock Gem.. You give so much more to this site than i Know you get..!
    Hugz icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2012 3:11 PM GMT
    People come and go in our lives and we have to learn that this is normal. I've lost friends when I moved, or changed states, or through career changes. Sometimes straight friends get married and their time is now spent primarily with their wives. In each of the above cases you can try to maintain a friendship - - with mixed success. The few times I've had to "divorce" a "friend" had to do with my coming out. Sometimes these are "fair weather friends" which means guys who wanted the friendship only because they were getting something good out of it. "Gravy trainers" is another term I used when thinking of two particular ex friends. As long as I was lining up chicks, picking up tabs, providing vacations, transportation - even sets of skis - all was good. The minute my news came out and I started getting lectures about my sexuality.......the gravy train stopped. A couple of "friends" got booted off the train - so to speak. It is just part of life to want to surround ourselves with people who bring us happiness.........and let any others go.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2012 3:45 PM GMT
    Good friends are hard to come by.

    I tend to stay away from toxic people.

    I've always worked with people this way: I'm dealing with an adult and hence expect responsible adult behavior. Anything less isn't acceptable.

    I don't have a lot of friends but I don't have drama and nonsense in my life either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2012 5:59 PM GMT
    Thank you everyone for your insights. icon_smile.gif

    @IamDestr0n: Yes, without going into too much details, I told him this. We are too different as beings and what we want and strive for in a relationship is philosophically the same but differs in its execution. His needs make me unhappy. My needs make him unhappy. It just cannot be if it is not 100%.

    @Homastj: I did love him and I knew he loved me. He cried when I told him these things. I am not really a crier. My heart froze a long time ago so... I don't feel as easy. It does hurt though.

    @Gr8tswim: Thank you. icon_smile.gif I feel better.

    @Anocxu: Hehe, and here I thought you were ignoring me coz I may have been annoying you with my frequent posts. icon_smile.gif Thank you for your kind words and such. I appreciate the kindness. icon_biggrin.gif *Hugs* Yes I know it is out of the right intention, I just hate hurting others and making people cry. It's the one thing in life I seem to be REALLY good at.

    @Jockbod84: Yes, I know. I gave him this speech. People are transient, like the leaves of a season-- here one moment, gone the next. Not everyone is a permanent feature in my life and I knew that his relationship with me would not be as such. He and I are too different to be the same. We are of similar essences but of different vibrations. He is the Light and I am the Dark, if that personifies us somewhat. He was a great person, he really was, but... we simply could not be with each other without stifling what the other was at heart. Neither one of us wants to surrender to being sublimated by face-value interactions. We want it all or not at all.

    @TellMeMoar: Forsooth. Friends are difficult for me. I am not like many, or like any I seem to meet, really-- save for one. It was not that he was 'toxic' per se. It was that we were too different to be together. He would say things I did not care to hear. I was too isolating and distant for his tastes. I'm a Lone Wolf at heart. He's the Golden Retriever who will lick everyone's face. We understood each other but we can never be as such.

    Thank you all once again. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2012 6:34 PM GMT
    @Anocxu: Hehe, and here I thought you were ignoring me coz I may have been annoying you with my frequent posts. Thank you for your kind words and such. I appreciate the kindness. *Hugs* Yes I know it is out of the right intention, I just hate hurting others and making people cry. It's the one thing in life I seem to be REALLY good at.

    Ignoring you?..Why would i do that??..Annoying me?.. i left you a nice comment in the Aries thread last night!..

    Are you a little emotional today?..Next time ..babe..you send me an e-mail..
    like.." Bitch!".."you have a problem withe me???" ,,cool?

    Hugs again

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 14, 2012 7:16 PM GMT
    Sorry you're struggling. Some of life hardest decisions are made with people we love, they aren't always popular and they hurt but sometimes the pain is what strengthens us to move forward. We learn from our experiences, good and bad. I hope you have learned and that you can move forward with confidence leaving a trail of fond memories that eventually replace the hurt.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 15, 2012 4:09 AM GMT
    So Paradise where are you with this issue?..
    How are you feeling!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 15, 2012 7:33 AM GMT
    Anocxu saidSo Paradise where are you with this issue?..
    How are you feeling!


    Sorry, I had gone to sleep. I hadn't gotten ANY rest yesterday and had been up for a while. After sleeping, my head seems mostly on my shoulders now. I feel a lot better. Thanks everyone for the support. You guys are so sweet. icon_cry.gif

    I'll send you an email to ya Anocxu. icon_smile.gif