negative thoughts.. i will never find love..

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 22, 2008 1:56 AM GMT
    well im sorta just finding out who i am but at the same time its hard and for some reason i just feel as if i will never find the man who could love me for me..is this normal
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 22, 2008 2:59 AM GMT
    Well its normal to have doubts, but I don't think you should have the idea at this stage that you won't find a guy that will understand who you are. I'd try to develop a sense of optimism, otherwise you are preordained for defeat.
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    Aug 22, 2008 3:13 AM GMT
    Well, there's two guys, HndsmKansan and muchmorethanmuscle with really great advice, young guy! You're bound to have a few doubts about yourself and the future - it's only natural as you're making big steps to find out about you.

    There's a whole lotta nice guys here, so get aquainted with a few and make a few friends. Life can be like that, you figure it out as you go!
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    Aug 22, 2008 6:15 AM GMT
    darkphoenix89 saidwell im sorta just finding out who i am but at the same time its hard and for some reason i just feel as if i will never find the man who could love me for me..is this normal
    I used to have really bad problems with depression and self esteem. Thinking I wasn't good enough for anyone, and that I'd never find anyone who'd love me for me.


    and boom! One day; it just happened.

    You've got to hang tight, be tough, and just keep your head above water; because if you give up now, you're going to miss that chance when it comes.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 22, 2008 10:42 AM GMT
    Why the bummer of negativity?
    Yeah everybody has some doubts about everything from are you going to wake up ontime to get to work on monday
    to am I going to be diagnosed with acute NonHodgkin's Lymphoma the next time I go to the Doctor

    ... but you don't dwell on them
    I'd suggest a game
    everytime you get these negative thoughts you go and do something that you really like
    workout
    go to a good movie
    eat some pizza
    who knows - but try to get those thoughts out of your head as soon as possible
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 22, 2008 10:56 AM GMT
    Just go out and have fun. Dont think so much about getting in a relationship. When your gaurd is down, you will find the man you are looking for....or he will find you. Dont stress over it too much.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 22, 2008 11:33 AM GMT
    Well I think much of what has been said here is important to consider (other than a girlish figure..LOL)..

    I would approach it as an exploration process, know whats important to you, watch your guard, but take the time to explore, to have fun, to learn about yourself.. and be positive! I'm always amazed at what can present itself and what you can learn...
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    Aug 22, 2008 11:41 AM GMT
    Don't worry, keep the hopes up, you'll find your love when you least expected



    and


    muchmorethanmuscle said
    GQjock said
    eat some pizza



    Eat a pizza?! Speak for yourself! I have to work to maintain my girlish figure!





    Are you gonna eat those fries?



    ROFL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 22, 2008 12:21 PM GMT
    Yes all the time, especially when I was younger. Getting away from family helped, but it took years to get over recurring issues of low self-esteem, depression and pessimism (my Dad was a die-hard pessimist).

    I know this sounds weird, and it is not support for becoming HIV+, but testing positive for HIV focused my emotional, mental and spiritual energy. From that point on I tried to limit my interaction with negative or pessimistic people, and avoided bitter people like the plague.

    I find that people you interact with can have a tremendous impact on your thought patterns.
  • CAtoFL

    Posts: 834

    Aug 22, 2008 2:29 PM GMT
    Oh, Phoenix, you'll find love. And then your problems will REALLY begin. icon_lol.gif
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    Aug 22, 2008 2:35 PM GMT
    If I find myself wallowing in boredom or negativity for even one minute, I blast out of it by thinking of something fun I'm going to do later that day or night. It works for me - like a shot of "cheer" and it makes me smile and acts as a "pick up".

    We make our own happiness. Go for it!
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Aug 22, 2008 2:38 PM GMT
    i've given up on "love".

    but "lust" twice a week is acceptable. icon_cool.gif
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    Aug 22, 2008 2:54 PM GMT
    Feeling the way you do - Normal
    Another post about "love" - Normal AND annoying

    Don't worry about trying to find someone ASAP. Get out there, enjoy life and who you are. You still have much growing up to do. Live life and be happy. He'll come around soon enough you'll see.
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    Aug 22, 2008 3:37 PM GMT
    Good advice so far. Here's my 2 cents:

    You're still young. Now is the time to focus on self-development. MAKE YOUR EDUCATION YOUR TOP PRIORITY. If you're not in college, work towards that. The men will be there--in college and when you graduate.
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    Aug 22, 2008 3:41 PM GMT
    Don't ever worry about anyone else loving you in that non-family/relative way.

    Make sure instead that you love yourself.
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    Aug 22, 2008 4:32 PM GMT
    muchmorethanmuscle said
    GQjock said
    eat some pizza



    Eat a pizza?! Speak for yourself! I have to work to maintain my girlish figure!





    Are you gonna eat those fries?



    jeez cindy i thought you were trying to lose weight!
    4595628_cropped145x80.jpg
    LAY OFF ME I'M STARVING!!!!
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    Aug 22, 2008 6:36 PM GMT
    darkphoenix89 saidwell im sorta just finding out who i am but at the same time its hard and for some reason i just feel as if i will never find the man who could love me for me..is this normal


    hey man, I've been goin thru the same exact thing, but I have accepted the fact that I have to give it time. Hey I live in North Dakota and I haven't given up hope (believe me there is like one gay person in all of North Dakota, and that would be me!) I know it's depressing to want something you don't have, especially love, but it will eventually come even if you don't think it will now. As long as you're open to meeting people and being true to yourself, someone will come along.

    I have to tell myself that everyday just to be able to get through!
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    Aug 23, 2008 1:37 AM GMT
    If you are just finding out who you are then you can also start really think about what you want. That takes more time than any of us would like to admit. You can date, marry, have kids, even grandkids, before you really know what you want and what will open your heart. Learning about your heart is the hardest thing that I know of.


    "Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day."
    Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet (4th Letter)
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Aug 23, 2008 1:39 AM GMT
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    Aug 23, 2008 1:44 AM GMT
    RunintheCity saidDon't ever worry about anyone else loving you in that non-family/relative way.

    Make sure instead that you love yourself.

    Best post yet!!!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 23, 2008 1:50 AM GMT
    Good things come to those who wait.