Am I seeing a trend in how US society accepts gays?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 15, 2012 5:01 PM GMT
    On the one hand we have increasing hysterical homophobia from Christian fundamentalists and political Right Wingers. On the other hand there's this:

    Our cleaning lady just gave us some presents yesterday, all gift wrapped and with a balloon. It's odd enough for your cleaning lady to do that at all, but among the presents were 3 pairs of Joe Boxer sleep/lounge pants, imprinted with things like -

    "I (heart) you and I"
    "Hugs and Kisses"
    "I (heart) you"
    "I (heart) Winky" (???)

    And of course she knows we sleep together, she makes our bed. And my partner keeps forgetting to put away his Tom of Finland action figures when she comes. We were actually kinda embarrassed to think that SHE thinks we'll be wearing those Joe Boxers together (actually we sleep naked, better she doesn't know that). icon_redface.gif

    And then a couple months ago his sister gave us a pair of potholders, with hunky, bare-chested cowboys on them. We must assume she figured that's what we like to see (and they are in fact hanging from our refrigerator right now).

    Would this have happened a few years ago? I don't believe so. A small sample, true, but it does make me wonder. Any of you seeing a similar change, a shift to more accepting attitudes regarding gays by the rest of society?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 15, 2012 5:16 PM GMT
    Yes, I have. And I think it has little to do with politicians. I think it has to do with a shift in culture. Ellen is America's favorite talk show host. It's hip to be gay and gay friendly. It feels good to love your neighbors, and we've shown ourselves to be good neighbors.icon_smile.gif

  • Sep 15, 2012 9:01 PM GMT
    Possibly there is a trend towards a more accepting society for gay people, but also a disturbing trend that gays aren't accepting or tolerant of each other. Personally I find that more dangerous. I see gay people who no longer bother coming out or going to once-busy gay places, because they make the mistake of hanging out online in chat rooms too long before coming out or getting to know real, live gay people first. They think that they will be rejected for not being affluent, overly-educated, for not wearing $1000 sunglasses, or not owning a $2 million downtown condo. We have expectations of each other so unrealistic that even straight people - who have 90% more to choose from - aren't this ridiculous when it comes to what they seek in a partner or friend. We put it in turbo mode, and expect each other to be perfect, despite the number of us who've dropped out of high school and never went back, have PTSD because of bullying, don't have enough money to live in the highly populated gay cities, and have no support system among other gay men. We do little, if anything, to support other men in our own communities - unless we find them sexually attractive. Otherwise, we keep walking and pretend we don't see each other. Some community we've got!

    So now, the coffee shops, the dances, the hangouts that used to be busy all the time with gay men are often empty or even closed. Nobody will go unless 'they see what the other guys look like first' so they don't waste their precious time (since it's all about them). I guess that's the thing that I've tried to convey to a lot of people lately...you can pass gay marriage rights all you want, but if this is how so many of us go about our adult lives, we're never going to find anyone. We date like 8th grade girls. Over the past decade or so, online porn has transferred into our expectations in real life, and we expect all of our sexual encounters to look like the straight, 20-year-old college rugby players on nude gay websites. Our expectations and fantasies are so warped that when we see the reality of what being gay is, we either end up so devastated that we go back to being isolated online, or nobody's good enough and we reject people left and right. Since we have no gay leadership, and since the gay media is the main culprit for encouraging us to be all about appearances, I don't see it changing anytime soon.
  • nefficles

    Posts: 511

    Sep 15, 2012 9:03 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidYes, I have. And I think it has little to do with politicians. I think it has to do with a shift in culture. Ellen is America's favorite talk show host. It's hip to be gay and gay friendly. It feels good to love your neighbors, and we've shown ourselves to be good neighbors.icon_smile.gif


    this all over
  • ohioguy12

    Posts: 2024

    Sep 15, 2012 9:06 PM GMT
    I think she just wanted a good tip or raise
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 15, 2012 9:09 PM GMT
    A Gay is the new "must have" accessory for the hip and the cool
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 15, 2012 11:05 PM GMT
    I came out to friends and family 10 years ago, and I was SHOCKED at the acceptance I got, each time it happened. There were only two relatives and two friends who rejected me, everyone else was fine with my partner and myself. I'm sure some had their suspicions over the years, too. But people accepted us because they knew us and loved us for who we are, and that is what has changed over the years. As straight people beome more aware of gay people leading regular lives, and see that we are people too, the acceptance grows. Sure, there's plenty of people who don't like it and will be full of projected anger and hate, that will always be true. But in my experience it's a lot better than years ago. By the way, I am NOT out at work, but I'm pretty sure I can tell that most people couldn't care less. It's the plenty of remaining schmucks that keep me from telling anyone. I think the younger generations have less and less of that. Those of you who were brave enough to come out years ago, when it was very dangerous, I salute you for your courage.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 15, 2012 11:13 PM GMT
    Madhatter2009 saidA Gay is the new "must have" accessory for the hip and the cool

    I must get me one of my own! Where do I acquire such an elusive lucrative commodity?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 15, 2012 11:17 PM GMT
    I think it's a generational thing.

    I think the younger up and coming generations have been raised to be more tolerant and are not as phobic of differences as my generation and the ones before.

    So to answer the OP - yes.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 16, 2012 12:33 AM GMT
    I'm sure she basically just likes you guys and wants you to know you're OK in her book . . . BUT

    maybe she's angling for a raise, a great Christmas present or planning to leave you for a new job and wants a great letter of recommendation (LOL, JK!!)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 16, 2012 12:35 AM GMT
    Or maybe she KNOWS you guys sleep naked and wants to present an alternative for your consideration?!?!? icon_wink.gificon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Sep 16, 2012 1:56 AM GMT
    mileshelvetica saidOr maybe she KNOWS you guys sleep naked and wants to present an alternative for your consideration?!?!? icon_wink.gificon_wink.gif

    Well, a funny thought. But no, she would have no idea how we sleep. Except that we sleep together, because the other bedroom is never used, unless we have a guest visiting. And both sides of our king bed are obviously slept on.

    And now that I think of it, we'll reference "our" bed when telling her which bedsheets we'd like her to use, or say "our" bedroom for other instructions. We have no reticence about being known as gay partners, and if she had a problem with that then tell us, or decline to work for us.

    But as I said, I myself get a little upset when we forget to remove my partner's Tom of Finland figures, which are GI Joe size. They sprout exaggerated boners, and I find them a bit tacky myself, and even less suitable for a straight female to be dusting. He doesn't think it's a problem, but I find myself in the rare role of being the prude. I can be as raunchy as the next guy, but I don't presume I can expose everyone else to raunchiness.