So I should be headed to work right now, but I figured I'd check Realjock.
I was just reading through some forums with a few guys that were HIV+ responding and telling their status in the midst of their comment, but I was wondering for those guys who have tested positive, what were your initial thoughts/feelings when you learned you had HIV? I hate to make uneducated assumptions as to how you really felt during that time, so I rather just ask.
My reasoning because I learned that an ex of mine tested positive 2 years ago (we dated like 5 years ago) so after I made sure that I was safe, I called him up and after all these years our talk lead to us even being better friends than we were before. But all the while that he assured me that I had nothing to worry about, that he knows exactly who he got it from, etc, I could help but to wonder how the heck he was feeling. I didn't want to be rude and just ask "so now that you've tested positive, how are you feeling emotionally." So I guess I'll be rude and ask you guys how you felt when you learned your positive status and how has your emotional health been since learning? Thanks gentlemen!
"so now that you've tested positive, how are you feeling emotionally."
That's not rude [in my opinion]...so long as you are ready for whatever answer pops out of his mouth...
First few weeks of being positive: I woke up and thought F*CK!
After about the first few months: I calmed down, read up on my diagnosis. Was scared about half the things I read and was hopeful about the other half.
Now: I barely think about it. It's not fun or easy to bring up in conversations when dating, but all in all, I can actually see quite a bit of good that came from my life from being positive. I don't see it as a negative in my life.
I went into deep shock because I was not expecting the news. I had always practiced safer sex. To this day I do not know who gave it to me or when I got it. I was very ill in 1995 with thrush, night sweats, and hepatitis, so I suspect I was infected a few years earlier because my CD4 counts were below 200 (therefore I officially had "AIDS" for awhile).
I can't say I have gone a day without thinking about it since I take drugs every day. I think though it has had some unexpected constructive aspects. I am more self-disciplined, less prone to selfishness, and better able to cope with the ups and downs of life. Another words more mature!
Today I am happily "married" (almost 11 years), have a good job, my health is excellent and I am thinking about retirement in less than 10 years. The only downside has been the side effects from the drugs.
