NEED SOME ADVICE

  • DLatino

    Posts: 6

    Sep 19, 2012 1:13 AM GMT
    so i was confused about my sexuality for a while and finally understood and accepted the fact that i'm gay.
    Before i accepted it i dated girls and always avoided my true feelings but now that i have finally accepted it i'm facing another situation.
    i have not had any luck with guys. every guy i have met so far just wanted sex or a hookup. i have never being in a relationship with a guy but i really want to give it a try and see how everything goes, but it seems like no body cares to have that special person anymore.
    i did not think that it was going to be this hard finding that special someone but so far it seems impossible. im usually attracted to older people (28-35) but older people usually tell me im too young for them. but i don't care about the age. i like a person that knows who he is and knows what he wants.
    im getting tired and im bout to give up on this but i just though i might write something here and see other people's opinions and hopefully get some helpful advice.



    thanks a lot.
  • robevans912

    Posts: 87

    Sep 19, 2012 1:21 AM GMT
    Well, let's see here.

    You're just now getting into gay dating... so, imagine this if you can, but consider yourself 14 fucking years old and at some awkward prom called gay life.

    Your best bet is to keep trying to meet good guys - perhaps use meetup.com to find some events and get more comfortable with your sexuality.

    There's no easy fix to it - except to perhaps assuage your anxieties by telling you that most of us here have gone through the same thing. Suffer through it and be tenacious about searching. You're going to be bombarded by guys who only care for sex... that could be for some big reasons:

    1. They are extremely horny and just want to fuck, and they're not interested in a monogamous relationship for whatever reason.

    2. They are extremely horny and just want to fuck, but they don't see any qualities in you which they consider long-term. That's where the introspective part of you asks yourself if you're displaying long-term type qualities. Do you have a secure job? Do you have a vision about your life? Are you educated?

    There are so many factors, but some of those are big ones that I look at. Otherwise, you're just for fun and/or an acquaintance.

    Good luck in the shark tank.

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    Sep 19, 2012 1:23 AM GMT
    What's wrong with just sex or a hookup?
  • DLatino

    Posts: 6

    Sep 19, 2012 1:28 AM GMT
    im not saying there is anything wrong with hooking up but that is just not my thing....im more of a relationship kind of person. i like having that special person.
  • DLatino

    Posts: 6

    Sep 19, 2012 1:30 AM GMT
    robevans912 saidWell, let's see here.

    You're just now getting into gay dating... so, imagine this if you can, but consider yourself 14 fucking years old and at some awkward prom called gay life.

    Your best bet is to keep trying to meet good guys - perhaps use meetup.com to find some events and get more comfortable with your sexuality.

    There's no easy fix to it - except to perhaps assuage your anxieties by telling you that most of us here have gone through the same thing. Suffer through it and be tenacious about searching. You're going to be bombarded by guys who only care for sex... that could be for some big reasons:

    1. They are extremely horny and just want to fuck, and they're not interested in a monogamous relationship for whatever reason.

    2. They are extremely horny and just want to fuck, but they don't see any qualities in you which they consider long-term. That's where the introspective part of you asks yourself if you're displaying long-term type qualities. Do you have a secure job? Do you have a vision about your life? Are you educated?

    There are so many factors, but some of those are big ones that I look at. Otherwise, you're just for fun and/or an acquaintance.

    Good luck in the shark tank.


    yeah i guess you're right..i just didn't think it was going to be that hard. i haven't been in a relationship for a while because i took some time to think bout what i really wanted to do, but now that i think I'm ready to date i have not been able to find anyone.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2012 1:33 AM GMT
    DLatino saidim not saying there is anything wrong with hooking up but that is just not my thing....im more of a relationship kind of person. i like having that special person.
    I have a special person now (not living together, so I still claim 'single' on profiles).

    We met as a hookup one year ago...at the bar...sexed in the parking garage...met up for dinner a few days later and have been dating ever since.
  • robevans912

    Posts: 87

    Sep 19, 2012 1:44 AM GMT
    DLatino said
    robevans912 saidWell, let's see here.

    You're just now getting into gay dating... so, imagine this if you can, but consider yourself 14 fucking years old and at some awkward prom called gay life.

    Your best bet is to keep trying to meet good guys - perhaps use meetup.com to find some events and get more comfortable with your sexuality.

    There's no easy fix to it - except to perhaps assuage your anxieties by telling you that most of us here have gone through the same thing. Suffer through it and be tenacious about searching. You're going to be bombarded by guys who only care for sex... that could be for some big reasons:

    1. They are extremely horny and just want to fuck, and they're not interested in a monogamous relationship for whatever reason.

    2. They are extremely horny and just want to fuck, but they don't see any qualities in you which they consider long-term. That's where the introspective part of you asks yourself if you're displaying long-term type qualities. Do you have a secure job? Do you have a vision about your life? Are you educated?

    There are so many factors, but some of those are big ones that I look at. Otherwise, you're just for fun and/or an acquaintance.

    Good luck in the shark tank.


    yeah i guess you're right..i just didn't think it was going to be that hard. i haven't been in a relationship for a while because i took some time to think bout what i really wanted to do, but now that i think I'm ready to date i have not been able to find anyone.




    Gays (and straights) get caught up in some idealized world of how things should be, and they're unable to deviate from this vision. You're going to make it very difficult on yourself if you idealize others and have unmanageable expectations.

    No one is going to come to you and rescue you - you're on your own to figure things out, and no one is certainly going to come running to you with open arms, that's not how it works.

    Gays have a very limited pool. Further constrain that to the gays who are only interested in certain races, certain heights, certain dick sizes, certain education, certain everything else, and your pool is further limited.

    Make the best of your situation and highlight all your positive and strong traits. You're going to get rejected, a lot, based on small superficial things and you can't let that bother you. You might even do the same thing to other guys. It's just how we are, and it's "not fair" and "unjust" etc etc, but that's the way it will be. Forever.

    Lastly, you're going to have to go out and/or be friends with a larger gay pool in order to find compatible mates. Sometimes you get lucky and find someone - the old love at first sight... but that's much harder.

    For most of us, it gets a little bit better as we're older, because by then we're slightly smarter, have more money, and we're not as susceptible to the games we were once part of. Makes dating a bit easier, I suppose.

    Again, good luck, keep your chin held up very high - no one likes to hang around someone with a weak personality and a weak, moping attitude.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2012 2:03 AM GMT
    OP...Stick to your guns... Do not compromise your values.

    robevans912 hit all the right points.

    One issue you are having is you are at an age where most gay men enjoy and experiment with their sexual freedom... So technically you are a bit of an oddball.
    ..With that said realize... The path you have chosen will be more difficult and you'll just have to ..."roll with the punches".

    ..Do not limit your quest to just dating sites...Get out there...Be safe...and happy hunting!.. icon_biggrin.gif