Dream job vs sexuality... Advice please :)

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2012 6:28 PM GMT
    I know this is a long post, but advice is much appretiated hehe....

    So just recently I started my new job in a brokerage firm, and my work is to go meet clients to build an investment portafolio and manage it. Thing is that I kinda feel intimidated by them since they're really powerfull people and recently I don't know why I've been having problems again with me being gay (which is crazy, since I already came out and I actually felt good about it).
    I don't know if it has something to do with the fact that apparently working in this field seems to be a testorone festival. I mean they're good people (bit cocky) but they're all the time talking about strip clubs and tits and women and stuff like that. Obviously I haven't tell anyone I'm gay (I kept from laughing in my interview when they asked me if i had a girlfriend) but I really feel uncomfortable that I constantly have to play the role of straight.
    Fortunately (for this case, cos it shouldn't matter), I'm pretty "straight acting" which in other words mean I don't usually fell into the stereotype. So nobody in my work suspects about this.
    Problem is that i don't want to pretend something I'm not and I know for sure that later on it's pretty usual to take clients to a strip club or to have a dinner with your wife (not now that I'm young but later on) or having to hook up with a girl whenever I go out with my job mates.
    Just sticking to my work is not an option since 50% of my job is interacting with people, having contacts and stuff...
    So do you think I should quit and go back to my old job which was more corporate finance and it's not that big of a "testorone, I'm a big "macho"" environmet? even though my dream job is investment banking [and aside from this I am reaaaaally happy with what I'm doing].... Or should I keep playing the straight role? or what?

    Advice or similar experiences is much appreciated... Thanks in advance for reading this guys (: .
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2012 6:42 PM GMT
    What kind of interview asks if you have a girlfriend?
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    Sep 19, 2012 6:51 PM GMT
    S34n05 saidWhat kind of interview asks if you have a girlfriend?


    I don't know, maybe it's relevant for some sort of psychological profile? Don't know to be honest... but in all my jobs they've asked me the same question...
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    Sep 19, 2012 7:02 PM GMT
    Tell'm you'd rather go to a strip club with guys instead of girls. Then leave it at that.

    You'll probably get scolded for NOT being the stereotype gay, but it'll all be in fun with no offense intended by them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2012 7:07 PM GMT
    There's no either or you can have both, be yourself and who you are and pursue your dream job.

    S34n05 saidWhat kind of interview asks if you have a girlfriend?


    Apparently an interview in Mexico.

  • Import

    Posts: 7190

    Sep 19, 2012 7:09 PM GMT
    mocktwinkie saidThere's no either or you can have both, be yourself and who you are and pursue your dream job.

    S34n05 saidWhat kind of interview asks if you have a girlfriend?


    Apparently an interview in Mexico.



    fyi - there was a thread about racism directed toward you the other day.
    Hope u enjoyed it!
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    Sep 19, 2012 7:47 PM GMT
    mocktwinkie said

    S34n05 saidWhat kind of interview asks if you have a girlfriend?


    Apparently an interview in Mexico.



    There are several studies around the correlation between job performance and other variables like marital status or even your looks.

    ----------------
    http://www.dtic.mil/dtic/tr/fulltext/u2/a403510.pdf
    http://www.amazon.com/Analysis-Relationship-Between-Structure-Productivity/dp/1423510003
    ----------------


    That's not the issue tho....
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    Sep 19, 2012 7:58 PM GMT
    I deal with financial services types, including investment bankers, all the time. I have never had an outright bad reaction, though I do think it hindered my career in earlier years. The fact is, you just won't have this in common with them, no matter what you do. You can hide, and feel the constant hit to your self-worth. Or you can just be low key about it and not lie, which doesn't preclude your going along to the occasional strip club, and certainly not debating the merits of the best scotch or smoking an occasional cigar. That's what I'd recommend.
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    Sep 19, 2012 8:22 PM GMT
    oh this is easy to deal with.

    Powerful people are just people.

    Air of absolute professionalism. It makes people snap into line fast.

    Acceptable topics are anything to do with the job and the reason you are there.

    Unacceptable topics is anything outside of those parameters.

    If topics come up that are unacceptable you steer the conversation back to work. If they try to force it the simple line of "we have much work to do, let us stay on topic" has never failed for me.

    I used to do a lot of work for this cocky little arsehole who had a lot of money, most of it was his dads but he made a lot of his own working for his dad. He'd always be talking about some girl he'd banged and how hot she was and shit like that. But he quickly learnt that I wasn't a man to mess around with. I was there to work and I did not appreciate his antics or his bullshit conversations. I put him in his place a few times.

    Within a few weeks all I had to do was walk into the room and he'd shut up and remain focused on work and work only. That poor thing had no idea that I had made him subordinate to me. I ran into him a few times outside of work and he couldn't help but behave around me hahaha it was always funny when he was out with some girl and his whole personality would change from cocky arsehole to someone respectable.

    Draw the line in the sand and make sure people don't cross it (and don't cross it your self)
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Sep 19, 2012 8:28 PM GMT
    Maybe he asked if you had gf because he was hitting on you. You are pretty hot. icon_idea.gificon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2012 9:28 PM GMT
    The thing is that your sexuality doesn't define how you are professionally.

    Even if you are heavily interacting with clients, you can always defer the topics you rather not talk about. If anything tell them that you let out steam through other recreation/leisure activities. If they really prod you on why you don't involve yourself about tits and bangs, just tell them the truth. This with a straight face , no apologies. After that you can resume talks about business.

    Remember there are now plenty of same sex guys who in suits and wildly successful. Just play your cards right and you'll be one of them.


    Edit. I just realized that you're in Mexico so I'd take precautions in divulging personal business to clients. Building trusting client/adviser relationship should be done first.
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    Sep 19, 2012 10:17 PM GMT
    Is it your dream job or dream money?

    I've watched men marry their jobs. It's okay if you can find a partner that likes threesomes, but if not it tends to get lonely.

    One in particular haunts me: A friend went into marketing then met his partner. The partner cheated and so did he. Things were just complacent until his partner died from AIDS in the 90s.

    He continued to work. Retired on a enormous pension and lost his chance to ever find love again. That's not to say he's not happy today, but he still carries the guilt.

    Go figure.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 19, 2012 10:24 PM GMT
    your job is what you do
    your sexuality is part of who you are
    now tell me which one of these things is *most* important?
    stop 'em in their tracks if they get too personal - politely decline to answer citing separation of personal and professional lives.
  • synestheticxs...

    Posts: 137

    Sep 20, 2012 12:14 AM GMT
    A_X91 saidI know this is a long post, but advice is much appretiated hehe....

    So just recently I started my new job in a brokerage firm, and my work is to go meet clients to build an investment portafolio and manage it. Thing is that I kinda feel intimidated by them since they're really powerfull people and recently I don't know why I've been having problems again with me being gay (which is crazy, since I already came out and I actually felt good about it).
    I don't know if it has something to do with the fact that apparently working in this field seems to be a testorone festival. I mean they're good people (bit cocky) but they're all the time talking about strip clubs and tits and women and stuff like that. Obviously I haven't tell anyone I'm gay (I kept from laughing in my interview when they asked me if i had a girlfriend) but I really feel uncomfortable that I constantly have to play the role of straight.
    Fortunately (for this case, cos it shouldn't matter), I'm pretty "straight acting" which in other words mean I don't usually fell into the stereotype. So nobody in my work suspects about this.
    Problem is that i don't want to pretend something I'm not and I know for sure that later on it's pretty usual to take clients to a strip club or to have a dinner with your wife (not now that I'm young but later on) or having to hook up with a girl whenever I go out with my job mates.
    Just sticking to my work is not an option since 50% of my job is interacting with people, having contacts and stuff...
    So do you think I should quit and go back to my old job which was more corporate finance and it's not that big of a "testorone, I'm a big "macho"" environmet? even though my dream job is investment banking [and aside from this I am reaaaaally happy with what I'm doing].... Or should I keep playing the straight role? or what?

    Advice or similar experiences is much appreciated... Thanks in advance for reading this guys (: .


    Just come out. Stop being afraid of who you are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 20, 2012 12:19 AM GMT
    Lol. I tend to out myself, like this:
    Get hired, come off first as a neutral non-biased person, then mention support like a gay friendly person nonchalantly like, then spend a lot of time talking about how I don't want to date and be vague, all the while eyeing guys, then at some point be a little obvious about what I like... over the course of a few months that is. Noone really cares, but I find I keep most of acquaintances at work this way, and don't alienate anyone... it's really worth it, in the end. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 20, 2012 12:35 AM GMT
    No need to quit. Make sure to do a really good job first and foremost. When entertaining clients focus on what you have in common and downplay, but don't lie about your sexual orientation. Go to strip clubs with them if your comfortable with that - it can be fun watching the straights interact with the strippers! icon_cool.gif If you do a great job for them and are at least somewhat decent with social interaction, you'll probably do just fine.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 20, 2012 3:01 AM GMT
    Thanks for the advices guys (:, I guess it´s also a matter like my best friend told me to stay there for a while and if I make money for the company then they will have to deal with it since the clients will be mine given that I'm the contact.... Sooo for the moment I'll just have to suck it up lol... Thanks again (((:
    And I like JR_RJ strategy hahaha....