Dating is so complicated

  • DerangedMind

    Posts: 47

    Sep 21, 2012 1:58 AM GMT
    blah i'm so frustrated with everything, dating is just so hard. i need to rant, so bear with me, and give me advice please

    just so you know, i'm a socially awkward, reclusive, and introverted guy. i live in a highly conservative area of Texas, too. i have no idea how to approach a guy, no idea how to identify whether a guy is interested or not, no idea how the whole thing works. blah i'm also a fashion disaster, i have no idea what to do with myself when it comes to clothes and appearance that i'm underwhelming in the physical department.

    since i'm more introverted and such, i have trouble approaching anyone in any form, especially potential dates. like, i feel like vomiting and the fight-or-flight response goes full gear type of trouble. this also contributes to my hate of clubs and such, which i tend to avoid like the plague, since i just find them incredibly stressful places and I find no enjoyment in them. add that to my nearly nonexistent gay acquaintances, and you can see my potential dating pool is slim.

    i've had one relationship, although it was entirely a fluke how i came about it, and was more due to the fact that the guy approached me than anything i did on my part. not that it lasted long anyways, since after a couple of months the guy is still severely closeted and was essentially living a double life, and i wasn't going to be hiding in order to have him continue his charade.

    i've tried online dating sites and junk, since i tend to communicate better in writing than in person. but the "dating" part of the name should be in quotations, since they're basically glorified hook-up sites for the most part. i want something more substantial than a hook-up.

    so i just don't know what to do anymore. icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 21, 2012 5:24 AM GMT
    Where have you been all my life!!! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 21, 2012 5:30 AM GMT
    Chuckles777 saidWhere have you been all my life!!! icon_biggrin.gif


  • camfer

    Posts: 892

    Sep 21, 2012 5:52 AM GMT
    Well hmm, I guess step 1 is to make an out gay friend. You need someone in your life right there in Odessa whom you can tell everything. Maybe together you can figure a few things out.

    Step 2 is to keep putting yourself out there as best you can. Go places where you have some hope that there are gay people. If you see someone you' re attracted to, go up and start any sort of conversation. Don't worry if you get rejected. If you do, move on. Eventually you will find yourself talking to someone you're attracted to, and he will likewise find you attractive. It is really that simple.

    Have faith and courage.


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    Sep 21, 2012 5:56 AM GMT
    Op...You described a slew of overlapping issues that will require you to make some major changes!

    ..The only way to figure out how guys work is to get out and socialize more. I’m not saying you have to be the bell of the ball when you do…but sometimes seeing how people interact with each other can open your eyes.

    ..A fashion disaster? You are 22, 5’9...125 lbs...Dark hair and brown eyes… Start paying attention to hot stylish guys that have the same features...See what they are wearing and do a little experimenting on your own… Get out...Go to the mall and see what the latest trends are...Dude it’s 2012...you are slim...I’m almost sure you’ll look great wearing a nice t-shirt and a cool pair of jeans just for starters…

    It is time to fess up to the fact that being reclusive is not working for you. The things you want are ...”Out There”.. you have to get up and go get them!
    Dating sites? Do you actually know what you’re looking for and what to do if you found it (Mr. Right) considering all the issues you explained in your opening post..??

    Get out there...find yourself...learn to like and love yourself...lighten up...stop being such a hard ass...
    And..Good luck.
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    Sep 21, 2012 6:08 AM GMT
    DerangedMind saidblah i'm so frustrated with everything, dating is just so hard. i need to rant, so bear with me, and give me advice please

    just so you know, i'm a socially awkward, reclusive, and introverted guy. i live in a highly conservative area of Texas, too. i have no idea how to approach a guy, no idea how to identify whether a guy is interested or not, no idea how the whole thing works. blah i'm also a fashion disaster, i have no idea what to do with myself when it comes to clothes and appearance that i'm underwhelming in the physical department.

    since i'm more introverted and such, i have trouble approaching anyone in any form, especially potential dates. like, i feel like vomiting and the fight-or-flight response goes full gear type of trouble. this also contributes to my hate of clubs and such, which i tend to avoid like the plague, since i just find them incredibly stressful places and I find no enjoyment in them. add that to my nearly nonexistent gay acquaintances, and you can see my potential dating pool is slim.

    i've had one relationship, although it was entirely a fluke how i came about it, and was more due to the fact that the guy approached me than anything i did on my part. not that it lasted long anyways, since after a couple of months the guy is still severely closeted and was essentially living a double life, and i wasn't going to be hiding in order to have him continue his charade.

    i've tried online dating sites and junk, since i tend to communicate better in writing than in person. but the "dating" part of the name should be in quotations, since they're basically glorified hook-up sites for the most part. i want something more substantial than a hook-up.

    so i just don't know what to do anymore. icon_sad.gif


    Well, shit, if I didn't know you better, I'd say you're me. icon_biggrin.gif But that's impossible, of course.

    big-eye-onion-head-emoticon.gif?12928624

    Same features, same personality, same concerns. I think, maybe, most Texans don't like the way you and I look-- we're darker complected types with features that aren't exactly the norm. icon_smile.gif

    I hate clubs too (though I love dancing) mostly because of the crowds they draw in. While what others do shouldn't have any bearing on what I wish to do, I find certain clubs to be intolerable simply because of the filthy attitudes they drag in. People like ourselves sink to the bottom fast when it comes to these idiots. I don't find them to be enjoyable either mostly because of the people who are there and how they act towards you.

    Like you, I am 5"9', a fairly small dude (i.e.128lbs as of today bitches!), and also have dealt with a fluke-- or in my case, many! icon_biggrin.gif

    Online dating sure does tend to be junky since it's, as you said, skirted up with only to have the semblance of "dating" but actually is concerned about sex-- which would be fine but certainly not purely of itself (e.g. hook ups).

    We want more but where to find it? Hmnn... not here, apparently! Then again, I'm really stuck at home and cannot go out anywhere. icon_neutral.gif You don't have that though. Find people! Explore! Join things! Be a part of a social gathering of some kind! It's like I learned yesterday from someone who I call "Big sis", "Carve your way into the world because no one isn't going to make a spot for you." You gotta be determined to be involved or reside within obscurity.

    I'm more of an introvert too and have all kinds of mad issues approaching others. I can't seem to. +D I get stuck in my social anxieties and such which make me shy away sheepishly. However, I know that if I want something done, I won't let my fears get in the way. You must, too, have a similar determination to get yourself out and bad.

    Start researching and looking around, my advice. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Sep 21, 2012 6:31 AM GMT
    You brought up several issues. Which do you want to tackle first?

    You seem like you're looking for a fairy godfather help you without look.

    You're socially awkward. For the time being focus on things your passion. If you can gear your date around your passion (like music) or steer the conversational that direction, you won't feel as awkward. Plus you'll be more appealing to your date when you're passionate about something.

    You like chatting online but you think the websites are all hookup sites. It is what you make of it.
    There are guys here who have met on hookup sites. I met the guy I'm dating on a so-called "hookup" app.

    If you really have a hard time approaching guys, at least take good care of yourself. You want to make yourself look hot and approachable so the guys will come up to you.