"The Gay Community"

  • getripped

    Posts: 8

    Aug 24, 2008 7:20 AM GMT
    Does it exist? Is it really this one big thing that stands united? My opinion is no. Being gay is only one part of what defines me. The sexual part.

    Sometimes, when I feel like I'm having trouble meeting guys, I imagine the "Gay community" as something foreign. Something that is preventing me from being happy. I'll think, the reason I'm not meeting someone, is because the "gay community" where I am dating is flawed. This simply isn't the case.

    A "Gay Community" only has one thing in common, and that is the desire to have gay sex. Outside of that, connections made have more to do with shared interests and similar ways of thinking.

    I think that part of my removal from the "gay community" has more to do with my sexualization of men than anything else. I find it more difficult to have a conversation with someone when I want to have sex with them.

    I am hopefully outgrowing this.
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    Aug 24, 2008 5:48 PM GMT

    If you seek a gay community, look around you.

    Yes, the lowest common denominator is sex, but we share other life experiences from growing up in the closet to dating and boyfriend issues.

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    Aug 24, 2008 6:13 PM GMT
    And don't forget the fight for equality. Which is why I find it amazingly hypocritical when masculine gay men turn around and make fun of fems. There is no community per se, as in a group of happy gay men who get along with all gay men wherever he is (and yeah cats fart rainbows), but there is a common bond in life experiences whether we like it or not that separates us from the rest of the world.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Aug 24, 2008 6:14 PM GMT
    I would agree, but there are more things that transcend the "community", that being things like financial & estate planning, politics, legal issues as well as the important medical ones.

    The term "community" is rather vague, but there are many "communities"...
    the "theatre community", your neighborhood "community", the fitness "community", the medical establishment or "community".
    I think the gay one meets the same description as many.
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 24, 2008 6:31 PM GMT
    It is kind of a misnomer because it's so vast and spread out
    I think years ago when gay men in particular were so separated from the mainstream
    Now we have so many other choices
    we can mingle with str8's if we want or any number of TYPES of gay men

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2008 6:31 PM GMT
    Let's just say we are all part of the Gay Ecosystem.icon_cool.gif
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    Aug 24, 2008 6:41 PM GMT
    G0ys are in another biosphere. icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Aug 24, 2008 8:11 PM GMT
    And the One is the only fag in the village icon_cool.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Aug 24, 2008 8:23 PM GMT
    bill007 saidLet's just say we are all part of the Gay Ecosystem.icon_cool.gif


    LOL.... the care and feeding of Gay Men in the Wild

    ... A field study Journal icon_cool.gif
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    Aug 24, 2008 9:31 PM GMT
    In large cities like Toronto, Vancouver, San Francisco and New York City, there is more likely to be a gay community, albeit very loosely knit. The large cities have gay doctors, lawyers, sports leagues, social organizations, volunteer groups. I went to a branch of my bank in the gay neighbourhood today that specifically caters to gay people (little rainbow flags on the counter, a twinky with attitude behind the counter).

    In smaller communities there will be little in the way of organizations, maybe a bar or two.

    Some gay people have a negative reaction to the "gay community". I guess they are disappointed that it does not always feel welcoming. I can understand that, and have felt the same isolation in the past. But overall I would rather be interacting with gay people who accept me for who I am, then around straight people who accept that I am gay, but are not necessarily comfortable to be reminded of the fact.
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    Aug 24, 2008 10:18 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidI went to a branch of my bank in the gay neighbourhood today that specifically caters to gay people (little rainbow flags on the counter, a twinky with attitude behind the counter).


    The twinky with attitude goes a long way to make other gay people comfortable. I pull him out from storage along with the nice silverware when I have gay friends coming over.


    Ok... I lied. I don't have nice silverware. I only have paper plates I stole from the campus cafeteria.
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    May 02, 2013 8:32 PM GMT
    getripped saidDoes it exist? Is it really this one big thing that stands united? My opinion is no. Being gay is only one part of what defines me. The sexual part.

    Sometimes, when I feel like I'm having trouble meeting guys, I imagine the "Gay community" as something foreign. Something that is preventing me from being happy. I'll think, the reason I'm not meeting someone, is because the "gay community" where I am dating is flawed. This simply isn't the case.

    A "Gay Community" only has one thing in common, and that is the desire to have gay sex. Outside of that, connections made have more to do with shared interests and similar ways of thinking.

    I think that part of my removal from the "gay community" has more to do with my sexualization of men than anything else. I find it more difficult to have a conversation with someone when I want to have sex with them.

    I am hopefully outgrowing this.


    To me, there is no such thing as a gay community as a whole. They're a bunch of separate gay communi(ties)/gatherings that make up a gay world. Each community is segregated based on either hurt, preferences or those who feel alienated from the general society in some way. Even within ONE so-called community, there's individualism and separation.

    Another example: When America is at war or have a terrorist attack, Americans will come together, waving their American flags around, singing patriotic songs at the time but when it's all over, a lot of them go back being the same people they were before. We may be the united states but we're really not that "united". It's no different in the gay world.

    Lot of gay men/lesbians may come together when there's a need to protest, participate in events like gay pride or when it's a "Gay rights" issue but at the end of the day, they all go their separate ways like they never knew each other. Bound together when it's important but remain separate by preferences. Sad to say but you're better off seeking support from close friends and families if accessible. There's your community.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 02, 2013 8:35 PM GMT
    There is a gay community in the exact same way there is a straight community.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    May 02, 2013 8:36 PM GMT
    yourname2000 saidWow. A 5 year necro. Bravo. icon_lol.gif

    Now what's it going to be ... don't make new threads if a thread already exists or don't open old thread? .... you're stressing me out man icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2013 9:07 PM GMT
    There is no gay community any more, if there ever was.
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    May 02, 2013 9:08 PM GMT
    seekonk saidThere is no gay community any more, if there ever was.


    so true. it's literally a battlefield with dudes trying to be divas and shit damn well knowing they can't fight.
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    May 02, 2013 9:09 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidThere is a gay community in the exact same way there is a straight community.


    Bingo. icon_wink.gif
  • thegaymessiah

    Posts: 214

    May 02, 2013 9:10 PM GMT
    You don't fear that you won't connect with another gay man because he's gay.

    You fear it because you're both men.


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    May 02, 2013 9:24 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    meninlove said
    AMoonHawk saidThere is a gay community in the exact same way there is a straight community.


    Bingo. icon_wink.gif

    Exactly. Anyone thinking that because we're homos that we're a homogenous group doesn't understand how large and diverse a group we are.

    Besides, to me true equality is being part of your own (mixed) community, not trying to parse all of us into a segregated group based on who we stick our dicks into.


    You made a funny! icon_lol.gif
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    May 02, 2013 9:47 PM GMT
    if there's ONE thing i gotta vent about that annoys me in general about gay men is the lack of respect folks have for each other. to me, it's silly for another gay guy to think he's BETTER than the next gay man when him and that dude he's disrespecting are still being discriminated against for being gay. at the end of the day, we're going to still be fighting the establishment that refuses to serve us or deny us entry because we're gay. some gay dudes are acting like they're being embraced by the society when they're being laughed at and looked at as the scum of the earth.

    so i laugh @ whenever i hear gay men acting like they're all that, looking for qualities to make themselves look like they are special such as having an attractive face, having money, act masculine, have a sense of style and a whole lot of bullshit as if it's supposed to change anything. you really gotta be lame to take out your anger and self hatred on the next gay guy when you can't stand up to the people that are denying our natural rights. save your energy for where it matters. the idea of calling ourselves a "gay community" is more of us saying fuck you to society for rejecting us. it was like saying if we can't fit into society like how straight people can, then we'll build our own society and have our own norms. however, as you see, folks are really feeling the rejection from society which is why you'll see a gay guy ready to fight the next gay man over self hatred issues and then turn around and eat a chic-fil-a sandwich. sad. i may not get along with you or you may piss me off but i'm not going to belittle you and act like i'm better than you when we're in the same damn boat.
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    May 02, 2013 10:01 PM GMT
    yourname2000 said
    pazzy saidif there's ONE thing i gotta vent about that annoys me in general about gay men is the lack of respect folks have for each other. to me, it's silly for another gay guy to think he's BETTER than the next gay man when him and that dude he's disrespecting are still being discriminated against for being gay. at the end of the day, we're going to still be fighting the establishment that refuses to serve us or deny us entry because we're gay. some gay dudes are acting like they're being embraced by the society when they're being laughed at and looked at as the scum of the earth.

    so i laugh @ whenever i hear gay men acting like they're all that, looking for qualities to make themselves look like they are special such as having an attractive face, having money, act masculine, have a sense of style and a whole lot of bullshit as if it's supposed to change anything. you really gotta be lame to take out your anger and self hatred on the next gay guy when you can't stand up to the people that are denying our natural rights. save your energy for where it matters. the idea of calling ourselves a "gay community" is more of us saying fuck you to society for rejecting us. it was like saying if we can't fit into society like how straight people can, then we'll build our own society and have our own norms. however, as you see, folks are really feeling the rejection from society which is why you'll see a gay guy ready to fight the next gay man over self hatred issues and then turn around and eat a chic-fil-a sandwich. sad. i may not get along with you or you may piss me off but i'm not going to belittle you and act like i'm better than you when we're in the same damn boat.

    Are you gonna eat that chip? icon_biggrin.gif

    a-chip-on-your-image.jpg


    naw, chips are nasty. if it were a warm french fry and i was really hungry, i'd eat that and the shoulder that it's on. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    May 02, 2013 11:16 PM GMT
    Pazzy, I agree. There is an attitude among many (some here too) that "We are different (i.e., superior) to those sissies/queens/drag queens/hippies/flamers, so don't confuse us with them."

    Not a good attitude. We would all have gone into the same ovens in WWII.
  • tuffguyndc

    Posts: 4437

    May 02, 2013 11:45 PM GMT
    Jtuy said
    getripped saidDoes it exist? Is it really this one big thing that stands united? My opinion is no. Being gay is only one part of what defines me. The sexual part.

    Sometimes, when I feel like I'm having trouble meeting guys, I imagine the "Gay community" as something foreign. Something that is preventing me from being happy. I'll think, the reason I'm not meeting someone, is because the "gay community" where I am dating is flawed. This simply isn't the case.

    A "Gay Community" only has one thing in common, and that is the desire to have gay sex. Outside of that, connections made have more to do with shared interests and similar ways of thinking.

    I think that part of my removal from the "gay community" has more to do with my sexualization of men than anything else. I find it more difficult to have a conversation with someone when I want to have sex with them.

    I am hopefully outgrowing this.


    To me, there is no such thing as a gay community as a whole. They're a bunch of separate gay communi(ties)/gatherings that make up a gay world. Each community is segregated based on either hurt, preferences or those who feel alienated from the general society in some way. Even within ONE so-called community, there's individualism and separation.

    Another example: When America is at war or have a terrorist attack, Americans will come together, waving their American flags around, singing patriotic songs at the time but when it's all over, a lot of them go back being the same people they were before. We may be the united states but we're really not that "united". It's no different in the gay world.

    Lot of gay men/lesbians may come together when there's a need to protest, participate in events like gay pride or when it's a "Gay rights" issue but at the end of the day, they all go their separate ways like they never knew each other. Bound together when it's important but remain separate by preferences. Sad to say but you're better off seeking support from close friends and families if accessible. There's your community.

    wow, i couldn't have stated this any better than you did buddy. i totally agree with you 150%
  • spemat

    Posts: 44

    May 06, 2013 6:50 PM GMT
    I am gay and I don't consider myself part of that community. I am treated like crap before I have a chance... they bully out of suggestions, treat you like crap if you are not one of the clones (the justin bieber hair from a few years back)... I also didn't like how they'd exploit Matthew Shepard's death in some films about hate crimes. The film suggested that dirty looks are a hate crime at the end.
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    May 06, 2013 7:00 PM GMT
    Hello, you in 2018! Yes, you! So, did the Cubs win it all yet? icon_lol.gif