How do you know he's the one?

  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Sep 23, 2012 12:33 PM GMT
    I was dating a good man for a while. He came into my life suddenly. Things were hot in the beginning (We are both latin and he's an amazing bottom) and he's very caring and affectionate. I definitely liked him. But, I wasn't sure that I loved him. We're both in our thirties. For him, things developed very quickly.. and he wanted a relationship right away. He needs physical displays of affection and phone calls every day. I kept looking for others unbeknownst to him (sheer hornyness, but didn't stray) and became distant due to my life situation. I just risked it all to move to NYC and reboot my life, barely found work and a place to live. I want to make big movies in the Big Apple in the long run. But, me and him, it ended last night. It lasted one month. He got fed up and has already started sleeping with others. He wants to stay friends.

    I'm the loner type, and have had my heart broken a few times. I'll be honest--I don't trust the vast majority of gay men. The last guy that broke my heart almost killed me and it's taken me a very long time to recover, at least a couple of years. On top of that, I'm not one to do PDAs or 'claim a man in public'. I'm just a non-descript bi (mostly gay) dude. He's a 'tough cookie'--I guess typical NYC attitude--and moves quickly when things don't work out.

    So I find myself waking up this morning, thinking about him. I dreamt that I saw him on a street, walking away with some guy, and I chased after him calling his name. He didn't hear me. I ended up jerking off to him.

    I still don't know what I want, but I've a growing feeling that it's him. I don't know what to do. We're now friends, and he has stated he rarely 'rolls back' on a friendship once he's moved on. Do I let him go? My life situation continues to be tough--I need to find a new place to live in a week. I'm just left with that sinking feeling he was the one. And now I'm stuck..wanting someone I didn't know I loved in the first place.
  • calibro

    Posts: 8888

    Sep 23, 2012 1:55 PM GMT
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Sep 23, 2012 2:05 PM GMT
    Thanks for posting that video. It's so random. Been a long while since I heard that song. It cheered me up.

    I think things with my dude are over. I need to start getting on the process of accepting it. At least we are friends (though in this gay life, that typically means all interaction is over and you must move on) I don't even know if I want to stay in NYC at the moment. Guess I need to answer that question first and pretty damn soon 'cause otherwise I'll be on the street in a week.
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    Sep 23, 2012 2:25 PM GMT
    You know it when you can't wait to share it with people you care about... But be sure it's mutual... icon_wink.gif
    Remember, you can have several ones in your life. The trick is making it last.
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    Sep 23, 2012 2:25 PM GMT
    JR_RJ saidYou know it when you can't wait to share it with people you care about... But be sure it's mutual... icon_wink.gif
    Remember, you can have several ones in your life. The trick is making it last.


    My motto is he is the one if I am ready to introduce him to my Mom and Dad. Which as of right now that is NOT happening anytime soon.
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    Sep 23, 2012 2:30 PM GMT
    msuNtx said
    JR_RJ saidYou know it when you can't wait to share it with people you care about... But be sure it's mutual... icon_wink.gif
    Remember, you can have several ones in your life. The trick is making it last.


    My motto is he is the one if I am ready to introduce him to my Mom and Dad. Which as of right now that is NOT happening anytime soon.

    No rush, lifes a journey, enjoy it. There are many sites to behold on the way, men to know and lessons to be learned. You'll know when its right.
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    Sep 23, 2012 2:36 PM GMT
    PR_GMR saidI was dating a good man for a while. He came into my life suddenly. Things were hot in the beginning (We are both latin and he's an amazing bottom) and he's very caring and affectionate. I definitely liked him. But, I wasn't sure that I loved him.


    You say you weren't sure that you loved him. If he is the one, you would have had no need to question it.
  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Sep 23, 2012 2:49 PM GMT
    PaulNKS said
    PR_GMR saidI was dating a good man for a while. He came into my life suddenly. Things were hot in the beginning (We are both latin and he's an amazing bottom) and he's very caring and affectionate. I definitely liked him. But, I wasn't sure that I loved him.


    You say you weren't sure that you loved him. If he is the one, you would have had no need to question it.


    True.

    I think I'm getting hit with a major case of 'You Don't Know What You Got Until It's Gone'. He friend-zoned me hardcore last night. Of course, I'm now left wanting him.

    Want to clarify--It jus wasn't the sex that was great. He was also great company. We got along great. There was stuff there to build a relationship upon. Why did the timing had to be so terrible? I wasn't ready to get serious with anyone so soon after arriving in NYC.

    This one's a bitter pill to swallow. I'm gonna have to be tough and just swallow it.
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    Sep 23, 2012 3:43 PM GMT
    PR, Love has no schedule. icon_wink.gif

    This, I think, is very important for you to think about.
    " He needs physical displays of affection and phone calls every day. I kept looking for others unbeknownst to him (sheer hornyness, but didn't stray) and became distant due to my life situation."

    It suggests to me an inner fear of letting caution go, and taking that magnificent risk of falling for someone and getting hurt.

    I'd like you to consider this as well:
    " The last guy that broke my heart almost killed me and it's taken me a very long time to recover, at least a couple of years."

    You wouldn't have died. Try remember it differently, like this: Your recovery time and how much it hurt is validation of your capacity to love, well and deeply.

    very warmly with a couple of hugs,

    -Doug of meninlove





  • PR_GMR

    Posts: 3831

    Sep 23, 2012 5:31 PM GMT
    meninlove said PR, Love has no schedule. icon_wink.gif

    This, I think, is very important for you to think about.
    " He needs physical displays of affection and phone calls every day. I kept looking for others unbeknownst to him (sheer hornyness, but didn't stray) and became distant due to my life situation."

    It suggests to me an inner fear of letting caution go, and taking that magnificent risk of falling for someone and getting hurt.

    I'd like you to consider this as well:
    " The last guy that broke my heart almost killed me and it's taken me a very long time to recover, at least a couple of years."

    You wouldn't have died. Try remember it differently, like this: Your recovery time and how much it hurt is validation of your capacity to love, well and deeply.

    very warmly with a couple of hugs,

    -Doug of meninlove







    Thanks for your observations. I agree with all of them. Me and him exchanged some texts this morning. Looks like the friendship will be real, and for that Im glad.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2012 5:41 PM GMT
    "I'll Know" song lyrics from Guys and Dolls musical*

    I'll know when my love comes along
    I won't take a change
    I'll know he'll be just what I need
    Not some fly-by-night Broadway romance
    And you'll know at a glance by the two pair of pants**
    I'll know by the calm steady voice

    Those feet on the ground
    I'll know as I run to his arms
    That at last I've come home safe and sound
    Until then, I shall wait
    Until then, I'll be strong
    Oh, I'll know, when my love comes along

    Suddenly I'll know when my love comes along
    I'll know then and there
    I'll know at the sight of his face
    How I care, how I care, how I care
    And I'll stop and I'll stare

    And I'll know long before we can speak
    I'll know in my heart
    I'll know and I won't ever ask
    Am I right, am I wise, am I smart?
    And I'll stop. And I'll stare

    At that face, in the throng
    Yes, I'll know when my love comes along
    I'll know
    When my love comes along


    * Edited from original version to delete spoken parts
    ** "Two pants" refers to when more expensive men's suits were sold with 2 pairs of trousers. Implies a man with money, in step with the current fashion in 1950.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2012 5:54 PM GMT
    PR_GMR said[...]
    I still don't know what I want, [...] I don't know what to do.
    [...] My life situation continues to be tough-- [...]. And now I'm stuck..wanting someone I didn't know I loved in the first place.


    Figure out what your priorities are, on specific issues and in life in general.

    No matter what the situation, people often tend to think that they're in a tough life situation. If someone feels that way then they are. Just learn how to navigate through to a more relaxed situation and learn from those experiences.
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    Sep 23, 2012 11:33 PM GMT
    It usually helps that he gives you some kind of positive, unknown and/or complete feeling too.
    When I'm dating someone, that is how I know they may be the one.

    If I'm not dating anyone... how are they supposed to be the one?
  • Breeman

    Posts: 339

    Sep 23, 2012 11:46 PM GMT
    I think you should wait it out a bit longer until those feeling settle down a bit.

    Get yourself settled first.

    I know what you mean about not trusting gay men. Some guys I meet and I smell their bull shit about not having someone else on the side. I'd honestly rather be single.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Sep 23, 2012 11:47 PM GMT
    YOU KNOW HE IS THE ONE IF HE CAN BEAT THIS GUY!

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